Chapter 7 - The musings and truth of Miss. D

Miss. D wasn't happy with the way things were turning out between her and Rohit. She wanted everything to be good, trustworthy and happy between them, and she never wanted to hurt him or see him dejected. She wanted to do everything to make the relationship to flow smoothly.

But Rohit wasn't so obliged in doing everything needed to make their relationship work. He was too rigid, too unrelenting and masochistic. He wanted everything to be done in a way he liked. That didn't go down well with Miss. D who felt herself being suffocated against her will. Yet, she put up with it because he kept telling her how much he liked her. She wanted to give him a chance to be with her.

As days passed, things got worse. Miss. D often wondered how right it was for her to continue in a relationship where she had no say in whatsoever. There were times when she considered breaking up with Rohit but stopped herself on the count of not taking a hasty decision.

"You know, once we take a U-turn, we can never look back or realize what we have left behind. Be that a relationship or any road we take," she wrote in her journal.

After a few days, things turned a little better as Rohit realized that he was about to lose her.

"Who would lose a gem like me?" Miss. D wrote in her diary. "Anyone would be an absolute idiot to get away from me. Ha Ha..!!"

As he read her entries, Arjun smiled at the confidence Miss. D had on herself.

But one day, things took a wrong way.

Rohit was very possessive, controlling and had a penchant for dictating who his girlfriend should speak to and who she should stay away from. When he noticed Miss. D being friendly with one of her college mates, he got worked up. The fight that ensued between him and Miss. D only proved to her how aggressive and even violent he could be. Not that he had raised his hand on her, but there were red flags everywhere.

That evening, Rohit persistently badgered her till she went out with to the beach at late night so they could patch up their fight. Miss. D refused at first but had to give in at last to stop Rohit from pressuring her. She had to lie to her parents that she would be at her friend's place. And she never lied. Truthfulness was her inbuilt nature. So obviously, she had hated lying to her parents.

They spent an hour at the beach trying to talk through their differences. Miss. D made it clear to Rohit that she was done with his toxic nature. Rohit didn't agree with her. When Miss. D tried to leave, he stopped her, getting physical with her. She froze at first, but somehow wrenched herself away from his grasp and ran. She ran like crazy, followed by Rohit on her heels, till she reached a group of passers-by walking along the beach and infiltrated among them. Rohit wasn't able to act out in public, and Miss. D made her escape from there.

She went straight home. Though she didn't get into her house, she jumped over the wall into her courtyard, sat near the porch, hidden in the shadows and wept her heart out, thinking about everything that had happened.

She broke up with him cleanly the next day, threatening him not to stalk or harass her if he wanted to avoid legal trouble.

Arjun could feel anger, the worst kind he had ever felt, rise in him over the way Miss. D had been treated by Rohit. He knew if he ever came face to face with Rohit, he would definitely not let him go unharmed. He couldn't help but wonder why Miss. D had tried so hard for a dirt bag like that. And he found the answers in her words.

Miss. D had lots of complaints about Rohit's behaviour and attitude but she never let them come in between because relationship to her meant adjustment and compromise. She knew she wasn't in love with him, but when Rohit had asked her out, she had imagined she could build their relationship organically, that love would eventually grow between them. In hopes of that, she had tried to salvage their relationship, give Rohit a chance in case he genuinely liked her. When she realized it was doomed for failure and that Rohit wasn't the right man, she decided to let it all go.

As days passed, she realized that getting over Rohit was easy than her assessment. It wasn't anything real for her any longer. She felt really stupid to have taken something unreal and an emotionless relationship as an equal of something strong as love.

She started staying alone for a longer time, trying to decide her mindset. And she realized that it was freedom, fun, trust, friendship, understanding and honesty which she valued most. She wanted to hunt for them. But she subsided that idea of hers by thinking that what is truly hers will reach her somehow. She won't have to go looking for it herself.

And then she found what she really wanted. The attitude which Mr. J had.

The first day she had met him, she wrote,

"Hey A, guess who this guy is? Sitting beside me and asking me to try and be safe!!! When was the last time I heard someone other than my parents ask me to be safe? I don't remember anyone else as such. Funny why a stranger should worry about me. Wait, does he know me?"

Arjun remembered the suspicious glance she had given him. He assumed she wrote the answer after looking at him carefully.

"No I suppose. He doesn't look like someone who knows me. Who in his right mind would talk to someone boring like me? Ha ha... He looks more like someone who has come from abroad. Anyways, why should I care so much?"

The next morning, she wrote,

"A, should you wait to see that guy like this? You are thinking too much about a stranger."

"But he was the only stranger who ever told me to "Be safe.""

"Alright, I agree. But he is just a passing stranger. You already have had your share of disappointments and failures with boys. So, don't ever think of another guy unless mom or dad want you to."

"Hey, he came again and is siting beside me. Wait, why is he so suddenly coming over to sit here? He was correct yesterday. Days are changing. Should I suspect him of something? Boys are after all a bunch of idiots."

"Great, he is now asking me why I always stay alone. What would he do with my personal details?"

"But he doesn't look like the scandalous type. Sure, Rohit even never seemed as such. Still we failed at being together. I know this stranger doesn't seem like him. I can sense his truthfulness and honesty."

"Okay, I told him I preferred to be alone and he was surprised. Let me guess, he must have been surprised because I spoke out at last."

Arjun couldn't help appreciating her assessment. The next few days, she would start her diary entries stating how she had felt the night before and that morning, about her energy levels that day and when he came jogging, she would write:

"Hey, he came just now. In time, of course. He is so punctual. That's why I think he may not have been brought up here. Someone else would have been bored to sit here in silence, without any progress with an unknown girl. But he is kind of different. I wish I could know more about him."

"No, A! Stop right there. You are not going to think about any guy. You won't tell him your name or ask his name. Please A, don't invite troubles again for yourself."

The day Arjun had asked her her name, she had pulled herself out strongly and did what her right conscience had ordered her to do. And she had enjoyed talking out all her weird thoughts and ideas to him.

"It is so fun to talk to him," she had written in her journal.

After many gloomy days of broken relations and feelings, she finally began seeing a strong relationship which, she was sure, would last long. She loved the time she spent with Mr. J, the way they talked to each other.

"Hey A, sorry, Miss. D... Ha ha, funny how Mr. J and I embarked on our new names. I am Miss. D now..."

Everyday she would write about what they were talking or discussing about, Mr. J's expressions, his confusion, his tenacity, how he observed her, almost everything. She implicitly thought of him the whole day. There were times when she would write in the middle of the night wondering how the next morning would be.

"Here I am, writing in the midnight, thinking about him. Should I do this? You know, this morning, I showed him everything I had on my mind about what life is. I don't if what I told him is correct or not but he seemed to comprehend the reality. I have never told any of my dreamy ideas to anyone till now. He is the only one. The way he looked at me, I could see so much emotion, such strong affection. I wish it were something that would never break."

The passing days strengthened her feelings for him. She wrote,

"Hey A, are my thoughts correct? Am I really exaggerating my feelings or are they genuine? I never have been with anyone before like I am now with Mr. J. He is so good-willed, kind-hearted, fun-loving guy. Mostly, he is so understanding. I can talk to him anything that I want to, I don't have to be afraid of his reactions, I can trust him and the way he trusts me is unbelievable. I can be so free and natural with him, just like how I am for myself. Best of all, I don't have to change for him or pretend to be someone else..."

"Right now, I am writing about him, sitting near him but he doesn't try to read my diary (though he keeps observing me) and neither do I try to block the contents of my writing from his view. That shows how much we trust each other."

"He likes me for what I am and makes me feel special and happy. I don't think anyone else can make me feel like that. There has never been a day when I didn't wait for him earnestly in the morning, sitting here. The way my heart races on seeing him, its not at all explainable."

"A, A, you are thinking too much now, exaggerating everything."

"No, I don't think so. After all these days I am able to figure out what is happening with me."

"But A, you are a disaster with relationships. Name just one relationship except your family and best friends which you have been able to keep intact?"

"Well, aren't those relationships enough to say that I am good at them? I can keep alive and strengthen the bonds which I have with my loved ones. Just because I broke up with one wrong person who never had anything even remotely close to real affection for me doesn't frame me into a 'Relationship disaster' girl. I am strong."

The next couple of entries reflected a struggle between the two faces of her conscience, whether she could hold onto herself, whether her feelings were true or not, how exactly she felt in Mr. J's company and so on. Arjun was more absorbed and surprised to read how she had thought and struggled to get to the right choice.

And then, he read the entry which froze his mind totally.

"A, that's enough. State what you want to tell exactly."

"Okay, you should stop and listen first. I like Mr. J. So much that I can't exactly tell you how deep my love is..."

"Wait wait, love???"

(Maybe there was a pause)

"Well, I think that is it. I do love him..."

"I am in love with him... Oh my God...!!!!"