I don't want to die

*Beep...Beep...Beep* The darkness slowly starts to fade and I start to see light. I slowly open my eyes but close them quickly. It's bright, so I try opening them again. My vision's a little blurry at first, but it clears up. I see a ceiling. Well, I am laying down. I don't try to sit up at first, I just woke up. But, what am I doing here again? Then I remember the crash.

"Laureen!" I say as I shoot up quickly despite telling myself not to. I stop myself from doing anything else. A part of me tells me I need to rest, but another tells me I need to find Laureen. I need to see if she's ok, she got into a terrible accident. One worse than mine. Yeah, I was there, but she t-boned. I need to see if she's ok.

"Grace, you need to calm down," I notice a nurse is starting to stop me from getting up from my bed. I didn't realize I was freaking out, it's almost like my body's acting without me knowing. "It's ok Grace, Laureen will be ok. Just calm down and lay back down, you need to rest."

I calm down as he reassures me. My breathing slows and I lay back. The nurse readjusts my bed and I'm sitting up now. It's...just him in the room. Mom and Dad aren't here. Well, Mom works today, she's probably busy. She wouldn't leave work for me. But Dad doesn't work today, where is he? Did they not let him in?

My question is answered as he enters the room. He runs up to me and hugs me. I hug him back, now I'm starting to cry. He's crying too. It almost feels like I tried to kill myself. I didn't, but I start to feel something, I'm not sure what.

"Grace," Dad's still hugging me, "you're awake! The doctor told us you were alive, but they're still trying to find out what's wrong with you. They know you were close to the crash, but they think there's more than just cuts and bruises. I'm just glad you're awake."

"Me too," I hug him harder, still crying, "I was just trying to find Laureen. Dad, she was hit badly. Is she going to be ok?"

"I'm not sure," The hug stops and he sits on my bed beside me, "I just got here. You haven't been here that long either. One of our neighbors called 911 when they were outside and saw it. They realized you were nearby and saw you on the ground. They thought you were hit, so they ran up to the crash and checked your vitals. They also pulled Laureen and the other person out of the crash and checked their vitals. They also called me, mentioning you were injured. I came as soon as I could. I tried calling your mother, but she didn't answer. I left her a voicemail."

"I just hope she's ok," I sigh, even though I'm still worried, "I don't know what to think of all this..."

"You're probably shocked and that's totally normal. Just rest and I'll see how Laureen is doing if you want."

"That'd be nice, but can you just stay with me for now? I could always find out and visiting hours aren't forever. I'd like to stay with you for a bit, just to know someone's here."

"I get that and I'm here. I will never leave you."

"Thanks," I say that and feel a little better, but there's something still on my mind. It's that feeling. That one feeling that makes me want to change something in my life. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but it's a good thing, I guess? I'm still not sure. All I know is that it feels like I've been hospitalized for a suicide attempt. I've tried killing myself before, but Mom refused to have me hospitalized. It feels like I'm in a mental hospital, but I don't like it. Then I realize what it is, the thing I'm feeling. I don't want to die.