Ch 8 of kisses and spoiled porrage

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As Lily somewhat expected, most of Gryffindor failed to drink with any sort of moderation, leading to half of the house getting hangovers the following day.

McGonagall had been absolutely furious, especially at Lily; Lupin of course had mostly gotten off the hook because everybody knew that he couldn't stand up to his friends under any circumstances. She had gotten detention for a week and Gryffindor had lost nearly a hundred points from the fiasco.

Still, that had been but a minor problem when she considered the other things that had been going wrong ever since that night:

Firstly, Severus hadn't spoken to her for a full week, carefully avoiding her so thoroughly that Lily barely saw him during any of the classes they shared, and never during the rest of the day. Whenever she managed to get a peek of him though, before he was either whisked away or vanished on his own-she never could tell which it was- Severus would give her this hopeless, tired sort of look. It was much like the same one he had been wearing ever since the holidays, but far more pronounced and pained-seeming.

Of course, Lily would have immediately tried to cheer him up and see if she could help him with his melancholy...if it weren't plainly obvious that Severus had no intention of speaking with her of his own free will. 'Sometimes I wonder how he gets so...weird about the oddest things. Why would a stupid, drunken kiss bother him so?'

And that led to the second problem: the infernal blush-and-stutter routine she was getting around James Potter ever since their kiss...a problem that was exacerbated by how everyone was discussing it, either to warn Lily off or congratulate her for finally getting on the happy train to perfect couple-dom that everyone could see in their future.

'I mean, it's not like I'd go singing his praises for a single, drunken kiss...even if it had tongue...and wasn't as err...awful as I'd expect from Potter.' thought Lily to herself with another irksome flushing of the cheeks as remembered Potter waving cheekily at her, an embarrassed grin on his face.

Lily tried to distract herself from thoughts of either of the two young men by thinking of the letter she had written to Perseus, even as she laid in wait for Severus in the Potions Classroom. She had exhausted most of her other ideas in trying to talk to him...although ambushing him in the loo was starting to become awfully tempting...

Dear Perseus,

For your INFORMATION, me and my friend are doing just fine; we talked things over and agreed to a compromise, where he gave up some stuff and I forgave him. He's been being a bit silly for the past week, ever since a mild incident involving Fred, but once he gets past that we should be good.

And I do NOT have a stick up my bum; in fact, it is quite bouncy and stick-free, and I have no intention of changing that! Just for your INFORMATION!

In regards to your points about SoM... It sounds nice, but what's the REAL difference between Defense Against the Dark Arts and actually studying the Dark Arts if you have no intention of using Dark Magic to begin with? I mean, if you don't want to use the Dark Arts, then why isn't DADA sufficient to protect oneself from them?

If there is no difference, then why do you need to know them other than to use them (and there are other spells for self-defence, before you go that route, oh arrogant one)?

I'm sure that you have a reason, but ask yourself: is it actually a good one?

As for your friend situation...it depends on what you don't want to talk to them about, but it's HIGHLY unlikely that it would be better to hide whatever it is from them rather than simply telling them why. Those sort of secrets can cause all kinds of damage to friendships, believe me. I mean, the resentment of not being trusted with that sort of thing alone...

Still, just to be sure, you can send me a letter telling me about it. If it truly is one of those things that are best left unrevealed, which I admittedly doubt, it's not like I'd be able to reveal it anyway. So, why not?

Unless you just don't like getting advice from silly, annoying chits.

And yes, the idea of doing a public service such as preventing your nervous breakdown is music to my ears. You know exactly the way to a girl's heart, don't you.

Fred...let's just say that the situation with him is complicated, and probably something you have no real interest in. He's still a bully, but he's stopped bullying MOST people, which is of course still not good enough.

Regardless, I wish you luck in dealing with your friend situation, and wonder how your Potions studying is going-people like you and me don't just stop when we're done competing, do we?

Your friend,

Medusa

Conveniently, the very moment she had finished her recollection of the letter, the door to the Potions Classroom opened. Severus slipped into the room. The same sad look laid upon his face as he went over to the cauldron he had apparently been using and started to work.

She barely suppressed a gasp as she saw him; Severus looked even more horrible than she had anticipated, vaguely resembled a zombie, having no light in his eyes nor energy in his movements. For once, his hollowed cheeks seemed to match his mood perfectly and his straggly hair seemed even more dirty and disheveled than usual. He was a wreck.

Quietly slipping from her position behind the door, Lily locked it before turning to Severus. She had abandoned her ideas for the confrontation she had been planning as she didn't have the heart, "Sev? Are you alright?"

He stopped almost in mid-motion, and a sudden thunk of wood crashing against stone made itself heard as the stirring spoon in Severus' hands fell from unmoving fingers. Lily couldn't see his face as he didn't turn, but a feeling of mute horror filled her chest as he spoke, "Hello, Lily, did you have some plans for Potions-work too? I can leave now, so I won't disturb you."

It wasn't that Severus' words were cruel, malicious or even angry. They weren't filled with hurt or pain...and yet Lily desperately wished that they were; instead, his words were perfectly calm, polite...and emotionless, just like in those dark days before they reunited over holidays.

It was as if Severus wanted to pretend that everything that made up their friendship had never happened, that it all meant nothing to him...that she meant nothing to him. For a moment, Lily felt like she had on that awful day he had called her a Mudblood, that day when he had shown that he'd rather be alone, suffering at the hands of the Marauders than have her help. For that moment, Lily felt once more as if she couldn't breath, stabbed in the back by someone she called friend and who clearly didn't care what damage he had caused her.

The moment passed. Lily remembered the desperate apology Severus had given to her that night, begging for her forgiveness. She remembered how he had shown himself willing to give up everything for the sake of their friendship when she had asked him to do so. She didn't know why he was acting the way he was now...but it certainly wasn't because their friendship meant nothing to him.

It didn't mean that the way he was acting didn't hurt though. Her voice pleading for him to listen to her and tell her what was wrong, Lily whispered, "Severus...don't act like this, please; I don't know what's the matter, but could you please tell me what's wrong?" She paused, seeing his back go rigid, then asked tentatively, "Is it...Potter? Because if it is, trust me when I say that I only kissed him because I was drunk."

Severus finally turned to look at her, and Lily had to suppress the urge to flinch as she saw the empty, frozen look in his dark eyes. It brought to mind the lake outside, frozen over and obscuring anything beneath it. His voice the same way as before, he spoke, his face blank, "Don't worry, Lily, I'm just fine."

"Sev-"

Severus didn't even seem to noice her interruption, his words washing over her own as if they didn't exist. "Really, it's not as if you have anything to be ashamed of with that kiss..." His face seemed to spasm for a moment, but then he continued. "Potter is handsome, wealthy and popular... Why wouldn't you want to go out with him? I don't mind really; I expected this to happen sooner or later..." He trailed off, his eyes seeming to stare into nothingness. "The timing just surprised me is all..."

Lily swallowed, feeling a terrible sense of guilt as she looked into Severus' empty eyes. Her own eyes started to water, and she walked closer to him, putting a hand on each of his wrists and holding them gently. "Severus...listen to me; I was just drunk. The kiss didn't mean anything. Besides..." She tried to lighten the conversation, saying in a teasing voice, "...do you really think that I'd go out with anyone who hurts my friends like that? What kind of girl do you think I am?"

Severus looked down at his arms, seeming almost surprised to see her hands placed where they were, then slowly pushed them away as he spoke. Although quiet, his words cut like knives through the teenage girl. "Just go date him and leave me alone, Lily. I don't need you...and you don't need me, not if you have him." He then laughed, a bitter, humorless laugh. "If you love somebody enough, you don't need anyone else, after all."

"Love him?" Lily was about to respond to the rest of his words, but that phrase jumped out, refusing to let her go without countering the misconceptions in it. A barking laugh escaped her as she stared straight into Severus' strange eyes. "Sev, aren't you listening? I only kissed the prat because I was bloody drunk! That's not love, that's a stupid mistake! Ideally, one which we could all forget about...but a mistake nonetheless!"

"Lily...I know you; you said...you promised to save your first kiss for someone you love...the same promise that I made..." replied Severus in in a quiet tone of voice, his hands held limply at his sides as he stared blankly at his feet. "Why would you let it go to someone you don't even care about for just a little bit of alcohol?"

"Severus!" Lily replied with a gasp, shocked at Severus' naivety. With a giggle on her lips, she shook her head in disbelief. "That's what this is about? A silly promise I made eight years ago, back when I thought that Walt Disney was God's word on romance! Merlin, Severus, do you really think that people wait until they're in love with someone before they have their first kiss? I mean, seriously..."

Ignoring Severus as he stared at her, mouth agape, she continued, "Besides, it's not like the act in itself means anything special, not unless the people involved make it so. I mean, it was just a stupid..." An image of Potter's lips sensuously caressing her own invaded her mind, causing her to pause, blushing momentarily. "...drunken kiss. Trust me, it meant nothing."

"I...suppose you might be right." Severus replied reluctantly, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. At least he had stopped with the 'nothing bothers me' act.

"Of course I am," said Lily briskly. A thought coming to her, Lily grinned at the boy in front of her. There was a simple way that she could do him a big favor and prove her point. As Severus looked at her in a confused manner, Lily poked him in the ribs, saying winsomely, "I've got an idea Sev. How would you like to kiss me?"

Perhaps it was just too weird for him, given that she was probably like the sister he had never had, but Severus' mouth fell open anew. His face turning a rather unattractive shade of red, he stuttered out, "You w-want to kiss m-me?"

"Sure, why not?" replied Lily with a shrug. "It'll be fun! Besides, it's not like it'll mean anything."

Severus gave her a strange look, seeming to consider her words. Finally, he swallowed and said in a very small tone of voice, "Alright, I'll do it."

However, he didn't move, merely staring at Lily while biting his lip.

She waited for nearly a minute, before saying, trying valiantly to keep from smirking, "Err...Sev, you gonna do something?"

His face turning an even brighter red, he snapped, "It's not like I've ever done it before. Give me a minute!" Taking a deep breath, he walked forward and pressed his lips to hers, closing his eyes as he did so.

'Hmm...not too bad for a first time I suppose...' evaluated Lily mentally, unable to stop herself. 'But his lips are really chapped, and he has no bloody idea of what to do with them. Still, he's doing it ardently enough that it makes up for it, at least to an extent. Still, pretty poor showing, all in all.' Nonetheless, Lily had to admit that Severus' lips felt pretty nice against her, even if his kissing skills were absolute crud. 'Still, he'll probably get much better with practice. And it does have a nice warm feeling to it I'll admit, kind of like being in a bubblebath in the Prefect's bathroom.'

Withdrawing after about twenty seconds, Lily smiled at Severus, who was looking rather dazed, his lips quirked into a small grin. "See? Nothing at all. No feelings of romance whatsoever, just a little bit of fun. And you got your first kiss, too! See why you're worrying too much about that prat, Potter?"

Taking a moment to collect himself, Severus' face returned to its normal (as of late), somewhat-grim state, but he nodded nonetheless. "Yeah...that was pretty fun..."

"In fact...How about we go celebrate next Hogsmeade weekend, just the two of us?" beamed Lily brightly, putting her arm around Severus' shoulder. "It's in a couple of weeks, and it would be nice for the two of us to go together for once, you know?"

"Err...celebrate?"

"Yup! You just had your first kiss, Sev. And it wasn't in some silly broom closet either!" replied the redhead with a chuckle and a wink. "If that's not worth celebrating, nothing is!"

"Broom closet!" shouted Severus, eyes wide with shock.

Lily frowned, remembering a particularly embarrassing incident involving a dunderhead a couple of years back, where the moron had elbowed her halfway through the liplock, causing her to nearly ralph on the guy. "Let's just say that there are lots better examples of romantic first kisses. " Giving her friend a small nudge, Lily winked again. "Hell, even kissing your best friend in the Potions classroom probably beats it, eh Sev?"

Severus' face flushed bright red, but he muttered, "It wasn't that bad...and I really wouldn't mind celebrating with you..."

"Great!" Lily felt like she wanted to whistle as she and Severus strode out of the classroom, since Severus seemed...well, not upbeat, but happier than he had been since before that disastrous O.W.L.s week. However, when she checked her wristwatch, she sighed, "Err, Sev, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to let you go for now. I dunno about you, but I've got class in ten minutes."

He nodded, still red, but gave her a small wave as she turned away and walked off.

And for the rest of the week, Severus seemed to have cheered up significantly, although for whatever reason he still seemed somewhat melancholy. Lily was starting to wonder if she had done something to hurt him...apart from that silly (if brilliant) kiss from Potter, but he had been acting weird even before that.

Still, all thoughts of Severus were temporarily put aside when she received Perseus' letter later that week, his owl having taken the opportunity to poop in her porridge as it dropped its letter in her lap. With everyone at the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables staring at and commenting on the poob-bombing bird (even Severus, she supposed idly) Lily flushed and began to read.

Medusa,

I'm glad to hear that your rank foolishness hasn't bitten you in your 'bouncy behind'. Still, I suggest you watch it if you're dealing with such a Judas as you describe, that's all I'm saying.

Good to hear that you're using your brain for thinking, rather than the mere spouting of silly slogans like most of the people who act like you. The REAL reason is that the Dark Arts change quickly, far faster than most DADA texts can keep up, making it foolish to base your defences on what you hear in school.

Besides, in addition to simple self-defence, if one is shown to be dark and dangerous, it is possible to avoid some battles before they begin by the simple fact that one's opponents are too scared to fight. It doesn't work all the time, but would a warrior rather strike an armed warrior or a defenceless peon?

Perhaps you are right, but the secret won't harm my friend if it's kept to myself, and I'd hate to burden them with unnecessary pain. Especially since we've just been through a couple of rough patches before this...

Still, it's not like I'm going to have to keep sending letters to you much longer if things go pear-shaped, so it probably can't hurt... The secret is that my mother killed herself the day before school let out for the holidays. I don't want to bother my friend with this, as I think that I'm doing a fairly good job of handling it myself, but it would still be nice if they stopped mentioning their parents all the time. It's rather painful to hear about their happy parents, when mine chose to kill herself rather than continue on...

So, thoughts?

In regards to Potions, of course I am still working on them! What kind of dunderhead do you think I am, annoying chit! In fact, I should have some really good ones for you the next time I reply!

Hope you're making Fred's life hell. People never change, remember that.

Sincerely,

Perseus

After reading that letter, first-kiss celebrations and pooping avians were the last thing on Lily's mind. A single tear trailing down her face, she whispered quietly, hugging herself tightly, "Perseus, poor, poor Perseus...I hope that you're alright...whoever you are..."