Hiruzen- The Clown

Tenshi looked at him and still didn't like him. Like a gut instinct that this guy was bad news… Mostly because he wanted to snatch his mother away! Damn dirty old fart… He smiled gently, "Hokage-sama, how may I help you today?"

Hiruzen stroked his beard and smiled like a kind grandpa, he looked around at all the customers, who were looking at him silently. Kakashi stood up, saluting "Hokage-sama." everyone else stood up and saluted, "Hokage-sama!"

Hiruzen chuckled kindly, waving at them as he said "Don't be so formal, the old man is only a customer today." he turned to Tenshi and looked at Hibari on the wall, sighing "Sorry, little Tenshi." Tenshi smiled gently, "It's alright. Would you like an explanation?"

The female Anbu walked over and whispered to Hiruzen, explaining all the coffee types. Hiruzen touched his chin and hummed, "I'll have a Half and Half then." Tenshi smiled and nodded, going to make the coffee.

Hiruzen walked with him, watching curiously, asking "Tenshi-kun, this process is how it's made?" Tenshi smiled and nodded, explaining "I blend the beans into a special Hibari Blend before grinding them in a mortar."

He showed Hiruzen and went on, "The grinds need to be slightly coarse and not that fine, if it's a powder, your coffee will be filled with sludge and not taste good." Hiruzen nodded and Tenshi put the grinds into a Cezve, explaining "This is called a Cezve, you pour water into it along with the grinds, as the water boils, the coffee grinds create coffee."

He dug the cezve into the hot sand, explaining patiently "The hot sand will gradually heat the water, turning it into coffee." Hiruzen asked, "And where do these beans come from?" Tenshi pointed at the plant by the window, "This plant is a coffee plant. Those white flowers on it will turn into green fruits before turning red and ripening. Then I'll harvest the ripe fruits and take the seeds out of them, clean and dry them, before finally roasting them until they turn a dark brown color like the beans you saw before."

He tilted his head and said "Each fruit has two beans that can be planted into new coffee plants. Right now, I have about 10 of these plants. They have a growth cycle of around 8 months." Hiruzen asked strangely, "And you just leave them out?" Tenshi was startled and replied in confusion, "Yes? Is someone going to steal a plant? It's not valuable, right?"

He looked at Kakashi with a face full of confusion. Kakashi shrugged and didn't get it either…

Hiruzen was stunned… Something was wrong here… He turned to the Anbu ninja and waved her over, asking "Do you know about this process?" The Female Anbu nodded and replied "Yes. He prepares it like this in front of everyone. Everyday." Hiruzen was dumbfounded, such a precious resource was used like this?!

Wasn't he afraid of being robbed?!

The female Anbu was confused as she looked at Hiruzen, not understanding at all. Were the rumors true? Was this old fart really losing it? She asked, "Hokage-sama… Are you alright?" Hiruzen waved and nodded, "Yeah…"

The Female Anbu turned to Kakashi, who spread his hands, not understanding the Third Hokage at all… He only came here for coffee, why were there so many questions?

Just drink and shut up! He was trying to read here…

Hiruzen saw everyone looking at him in confusion and was confused himself! Was this not a miracle?! Why was he the only one freaking out!?

Tenshi served his coffee saying "Hokage-sama, please enjoy." before taking his hand back at lightning speed. He was fine with touching now, but he still didn't really want to.

He was fine because Yuzuriha's ninja skill came into play! She would cover her body with a thin film of slime to cover up all her scars, he read Hell's Paradise in one night a while back. It was really good! He liked Yuzuriha the most, Yui was very cute but Yuzuriha was mischievous and Tenshi really liked that a lot.

Anyway, he covered his body with a thin film of coffee, the side-effect was smelling like coffee all the time, but the result was he could touch people without touching them. It was great. The perk was that he could also boil it and produce a steam like Gabimaru, heating his attacks to extremely high temperatures.

Because he was igniting the oils on his body in addition to the coffee, the steam produced was extra hot, around 1500c

He showed Kakashi this and Kakashi was surprised before emulating it to great success.

Ascetic Blaze successfully reproduced.

Hiruzen took the coffee and Tenshi waved to the pastries, smiling gently, "Hokage-sama, maybe you would like a pastry? They're from Falling Leaf Bakery near the East side of the Village. Only 400 Ryo each." Hiruzen looked at the pastries and bought a doughnut.

Tenshi looked at him and Hiruzen stared back before Tenshi slowly said "That'll be 900 Ryo." Hiruzen was stunned, he had to pay??? Tenshi just smiled gently with his eyes cracked open only a little bit to see. Hiruzen was silent for a few moments, saying softly "I didn't bring my wallet…"

The Female Anbu paid for him and smiled, "Hokage-sama, not to worry, I will pay for you. Come sit down, please. Watch your step, there you go." Tenshi took the money and smiled to himself.

Meanwhile, Kakashi looked at the female Anbu with confusion, why did it feel like she was taking care of a nursing home resident…

Hiruzen sat down and the female Anbu smiled, "Hokage-sama, you can use your chakra to swirl the coffee. Apparently, Shisui used this method… however, he would also say that if even a single drop is spilled, it would be wasted!"

Hiruzen was startled and focused, swirling the coffee with his chakra.

Kakashi sipped his coffee, focusing on his book. He seemed to have made a big deal… Originally, he was just playing around with Shisui so that he wouldn't make a mess since Tenshi was a severe germaphobe… But now, it became a method to drink!

Kakashi didn't know what to say, it was an honor to order around the Hokage indirectly…

Hiruzen drank the coffee and smacked his lips happily, "This is much better than tea!" the Female Anbu nodded gently with an expression that said 'Sure is, buddy' under her mask. She added happily, "There's even the purging after effect that cleans up your Chakra, Hokage-sama."

Hiruzen was interested in this… but she knew? He looked at her in confusion as she explained patiently, "Apparently, Coffee Beans have natural laxative properties that will expel waste from your body like Prunes. The difference is that the Coffee plant sucks in Chakra and stores it in the seeds which become the beans. So the effect is enhanced and purifies your Chakra the first time when you go to the bathroom. The second time is alright, the third is not so great, and after that, it's barely noticeable."

She waved her finger and smiled happily, "But it's very tasty." Hiruzen froze and stared at her saying in disbelief, "T-T-T-That's true?!" The female Anbu ninja was startled and nodded, replying respectfully "Of course, I've had 5 experiences. I didn't notice anything after the second time, just felt a bit better."

Hiruzen laid in the chair, a dumbfounded expression on his face. No wonder… No wonder everyone looked at him strangely. No wonder Tenshi just left everything out in the open… He had nothing to hide because there WAS nothing to hide! He was just selling a new drink that has some laxative properties!

He had been waiting 5 years to experience this immortal medicine in his mind…

Turns out, the clown was himself this whole time!

This was a dark day in Konoha indeed…