Guilty

I was late for today lecture due to my so called supposed power nap indeed took long time than usual.As i went inside the class,the lecturer have already started session and she gave me one stern look when I entered the class while all the students was staring at me like I have two grown heads some sort.I kept my head low and took the only vacant seat at the corner of class.Suddenly,during mid of class,my phone started to ring... just when i thought this day was not really my day,and the lecturer couldn't bear with my scene anymore and chase me out of my class. Second time my phone began to ring,and it was my uncle. i just answered the call as he only called once in blue moon,in case of any emergency. I was quite nervous to answer the call,as i afraid there would be any bad news about my mum heart operation. The conversation that i had with him is quite short,as he said, 'Where are you? in class? or outside?wherever you are,you have to come visit your mum as soon as possible, as doctor said your mum condition was quite critical. Upon hearing his words, i had instinct that this is not going to end, how am I supposed to go fast if I'm 4 hours away from the hospital? Just as i wondered upon,my cousin brother called me and said he would bring me to visit mum as he just received call from his dad. During ride back, I recalled conversation i had with my mum before her heart operation, 'Baby,mummy really do not want to undergo this operation,i afraid if this operation doesn't success i would leave three of you orphan.You guys have already lost your dad,i dont want leave you guys yet. Can you come and visit me before the operation? I just replied her that, 'Mum, i have class here,I'm unable to visit yet,i would visit you during sem break okay? Please dont talk like this,i believe the surgeon there was competent, they would definitely able to pull through this kind operation. My mum was not convinced and she was kept asking me to visit her at least. But i was refuse her offer and told her that my brother will take good care of her in hospital and i will keep touch with her through phone. Today was second day after her operation and brother told me after yesterday operation she haven't opened her eyes yet and doctor said she is unstable. However, today morning when i called him,he told me doctor said she was stable. Then,why all of sudden my uncle told me to come?As i was immersed in my thoughts, 'thump!!', the car came to halt,as my cousin brother sudden break upon hearing whatever the other person talking in phone. He ended the call and told me that we're are going back home instead as mum was transferred back to local hospital near home, oh god...now i have to wait 8 hrs just to reach hometown. Thousands of thoughts running on my mind,what if something happens to mum? I should have visit her in hospital when she was begging me to visit her.. everything is my fault now..what shall i do if something happened to her..how am I supposed to do..how am I supposed to survive alone without her..all these thoughts was tormenting me along the journey....