Her Comfort

A long time after Lady Ardaine left, Venna came to see me. She seemed to be limping a bit, and with every step she kept groaning and wincing. If she wasn't in pain, then she was good at pretending. I asked about it but all I got in response was 'Don't ever agree to a spar with my dad when he's angry.'

I hope she doesn't mind spending time here despite her injuries, as Healer Yuri had told me that I needed to have a light snack in the afternoons, so I wanted to invite her to sit and have some tea with me. I asked her if she wanted anything specific and her response was cute, to say the least.

"Do you have any cakes or pies? I've heard that sweets from the Kingdom of Lestryal are some of the sweetest and most delicious on the continent. I've wanted to try them, but mom keeps telling me I need to behave myself. It's not like I'm going to eat an entire pantry of sweets."

"I wouldn't know as I don't eat a lot of sweets, but Lestryal is pretty large and has some diverse areas in it. Here in the Duchy of Arkesh, where we're far away from the capital and situated to the northwest, our climate isn't as warm all year round, which isn't good for growing sugarcane. Sugarcane is used to produce the sugar used in the cakes and pies that I'm sure you'd like. Because of that I can't guarantee they'll taste as good as those in the capital.

"Sometimes I think you're just a walking encyclopedia Mari."

I gave her the most deadpan expression I could muster given the circumstances. What does she even think of me? The image of an encyclopedia with legs was also amusing to me, but really?

"Ah ha! I got a reaction this time! That's great, though I'd rather you not look at me like I'm a child talking about an imaginary friend." She seemed to sulk a bit at the end, but she was still gloating over her perceived victory. At least she had the courtesy to admit she was being a little rude.

"I have to read a lot about the regional and local specialties as part of my studies. That was just common knowledge amongst anyone who has to look at trade, both local and across borders. Sometimes I wonder what you're required to study as your knowledge is… spotty at best."

I finally seem to have gotten her to look sad. With the way she pouts, she looks like that drawing of a puppy I saw in one of my textbooks when I was a child. I don't want to keep her looking like that though, because now I'm starting to feel bad.

"You have a lot of knowledge of things where I'm lacking though, for example with regards to how Elven culture works…"

"I'm Elven, Mari."

"… Or what the forests in Feyris are like…"

"I live there, Mari."

"… Or what certain animals look like! I've not seen a lot of animals as I've not been out much…"

"You're not making me feel better, Mari, and now I'm starting to feel worse because I made you think about that."

She lowered her head, and now I'm feeling terrible about what I just said. It was like I was scrambling to appease a child.

That was until I caught a peek of the corner of her mouth when her hair shifted, and I saw her sly smile.

"You don't have to go that far to get a rise out of me, Venna."

Her head shot up and her smile was from ear to ear now. She looked so delighted with herself. And I was delighted to be able to enjoy her smile. Wait, delighted to enjoy her smile? That was almost as slimy as that line I heard while we danced. Why doesn't it feel any less true though?

"Well, it's sometimes hard to get more than just a textbook answer from you, so when I can see something new, I just can't help but want to explore it and then observe you."

Did she word it that way on purpose? I can feel myself getting flustered, I need to maintain my calm here. I've said it before, but this girl's smile and her smooth words have to be dangerous to other people who are interacting with her. It also bears mentioning that I'm sure anyone who has to bargain with her in her Kingdom when she gets older will be on the losing side with just her smile.

I was thankfully spared from having to force myself to shift my eyes away unnaturally by being given a natural reason to do so, as the snacks and cakes had arrived.

I took a small scone and broke it apart with my fork. I really can't eat much still. Food just… doesn't look good to me anymore. I find I have trouble bringing myself to eat anything really, but I'm doing it because I know I need to recover. A lot of people are caring for me, and I don't want to disappoint them… again.

I'd much rather watch Venna eat, as her smile when she takes a bite of one of the cakes with strawberries on top is adorable. Her graceful movements when she gently breaks a small piece off and slowly brings it up would put even the Queen to shame really. And her delicate fingers, gently holding the fork, look soft and beautiful. I wonder if I'd be able to hold her hand again without the excuse of me being bedridden.

"Mari, your eyes are unfocused, are you thinking of something?"

Gods damn it Mari, what are you thinking. This friendship thing is more difficult than I realized. Do friends normally just ask to hold each other's hands?

"I was thinking that it would be nice to hold your hand again, like when you were caring for me."

This time it was Venna who reacted, but it wasn't as calm as my own, and she was choking on food instead of chastising me. I could see her face turning red as she tapped her chest to try to help herself. Then she took a big drink from her teacup, finishing it off in one go. She coughed for a moment more before she regained her bearings.

"You have to know how damaging a statement like that is when you say it with that deadpan expression."

"I can't say I understand, but I can see from your reaction that it wasn't a good thing to ask. I don't know if I was overstepping my bounds, and I'm sorry if I did."

I keep fumbling through this whole thing. I wish there were books that covered the standards of friendship in either of our cultures. I'm not sure it would be allowed in my curriculum even if they did exist, though.

"No, no. Wait, Mari, don't mistake my reaction, it's alright. It's just not something you normally have to ask. If your relationship is close enough then holding hands is fine and will happen naturally, but I can see how it might be hard to judge our distance. Because of that, let me formally answer you: Yes, you may hold my hand if you wish."

With that, she held out her hand on the table, with her palm facing up, gently wiggling her fingers. I was still a little worried about how she'd react to my request, but the movement of her hand and her facial expression showed she might actually be happy with it. So, I reached my hand out and placed it softly on hers.

There were calluses on her hand, on the fingers and the rises of her palm, probably from holding some kind of blade while practicing. It was rougher than the soft outer part of her hand had led me to believe. But her touch was still delicate, and she was careful with my own, gently enveloping my hand with hers, then lightly rubbing her thumb across the top. I felt a tingle every time her thumb moved across the skin of my hand. It travelled up my arm and settled in my chest, causing a warmth to spread from there. Her action was if she was comforting me, and I didn't want her to stop.

"Mari, are you feeling okay today?" She had worry tinged in the tone of her voice, just like she always does.

I'm grateful for her concern, and I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing her ask me that.

"Yes, today is good. I kept my food down and succeeded in completing all my stretches and exercises. Healer Yumi says I'll be able to go back to a normal schedule within the month."

Her glabella wrinkled up as she scrunched her eyebrows together in concentration. "No, I mean… Well, are you feeling emotionally okay?"

That's… not a question I've ever heard asked. I have no idea how to answer that. I could tell her the truth and say that her presence makes every day easier and because of that I'm happy. I don't think that'd go over well with my father when he hears about it though. I'm taking a bit long, so I'll have to come up with something that's at least close to the truth.

"I'm doing a lot better. I know that I scared everyone these past few days, but I'm recovering well and I want to work hard to keep doing so."

I hope the comments about 'wanting to work hard' are enough for her to grasp my meaning.

Judging by her relaxed expression, I'd say I managed to convey at least a little bit of my intentions.

"That's good. I leave the day after tomorrow, and I was wondering if you'd be able to walk around the garden with me. Of course, I'll talk to Healer Yumi first to make sure you're physically up to it."

I don't think I can keep a smile off my face this time. I'm sure there's something there, but I've angled my body a bit away from the maid Rebecca so maybe she won't catch a glimpse of it.

"Of course, I'd gladly accept an invitation to walk in the garden."

I had brought my eyes back down to our connected hands on the table. I haven't touched my food as I didn't want to let go, and it seems that Venna was thinking the same. She was still gently brushing the back of my hand with her thumb, and it was positively the most comfortable feeling I've ever felt.

I must have gone silent for a bit, as Venna gently poked me on the cheek using her other hand.

"You're really unfocused today. Thinking about how beautiful I am?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you lack humility?"

"My mother, all the time."

"I can see why."

I let out a feigned sigh. I should be able to get away with this much emotion in front of the maid, plus it's a negative response, so my father might not hold it against me later.

"I'm sorry Mari, but I have to go for today, my dad wants to train a bit more and I think mom wanted to talk to me. We'll meet again early tomorrow, and I'll bring up a walk in the garden with Healer Yumi on my way out."

"Thank you Venna, I'll ask for permission as well."