- 6 -
"Old memories that bind us to the past
Large backdrops that gracefully fall
The innocent and pure still smile
Unaware of the darkness that lurks by
The wind whistles so softly
Leaves that rustle to its song
Birds sky high fly freely
While I wonder about the freedom I long."
I whispered the words to myself, briefly stopping at the last words to see if they rhymed, and they did.
"Freedom is never given, it is won." The girl beside me said with a melancholy smile as the light wind caressed her dark brown hair, blowing it off from her shoulders.
"True. But you haven't told me why you're here. What has my future got to do with my past?" I asked her with a raised eyebrow when she chuckled at me.
"That's such a stupid question, I expected something better from you. The past is what makes the future, silly." She said and flicked my nose playfully, earning a scowl from me.
"I still don't get what that has to do with you being here, no offense." I said and heard her turn towards me.
"None taken. I'm only here to remind you of who you were then, and how it affected you to be who you are now." She said when I nodded slowly, getting her point.
"Are you sure you're not the mature one?" I asked her when she shook her head and shrugged.
"Let's not dwell on the past, it doesn't last long and besides, 'you can't change the past, but-…"
"But you can learn from it'." I completed her sentence for her, mama's words ringing in my ears.
"That alone has got me through a lot." She said quietly and I swallowed the lump in my throat, knowing full well what she was talking about. The deafening silence was too much to bear before I decided to break it.
"How long has it been?" I whispered, refusing to meet her glossy eyes, which probably matched mine.
"It's April 1Oth." She whispered, her voice cracking in the end like a plea, a soft whisper, begging to be released.
"Two days." I whispered softly and saw her nod from the corner of my eye.
"It'll be two years for you." She told me when I pressed my lips in a thin line, unable to stop the shaking of my hands now.
"Why him?" She suddenly croaked out like a silent cry for help, a single, lone tear making its way down her pale skin.
"Why not me? Why not us?" She asked again but I had no answers for her just as I noticed the writing on her wrist. She followed my gaze and gave me a sad smile.
"A fitting name, don't you think?" She showed me her wrist, the thought made me smile.
Because you lov-… No.
As soon as my smile came, it disappeared, replacing my misty eyes with cold ones, just like they did anyone spoke about the sore subject.
I wasn't healed just yet, and I don't think I ever would.
"No." My words cut through the tense air like a knife, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
"Do not, for one second, doubt yourself. It wasn't your fault. It had to happen, one way or another, it had to. So it happened." I repeated the words from a few days ago that were somehow stuck in my head even though I wanted them gone, they didn't leave me a second.
"I know. But it hurts, so much I feel like I'm drowning, like I can't breathe." She said, her hand on her chest when I remembered something.
"'All my grief says the same thing. This isn't how it's supposed to be. And the world laughs, holds my hope by the throat, and says: but this is how it is'." I whispered the last part.
But this is how it is.
"'I used to cry in a genre no one read'." I heard the girl whisper, followed by a small sniffle before she shook her head to calm herself down.
"I'll be okay, at least I think so." She said with a slight frown when I gave her a small, reassuring smile.
"I won't tell you that it'll get better because it doesn't. It never will, and that's just the harsh truth of life. There was always be a hole in our heart, a void only he could fill. Except he's not here anymore, so it remains just like that: a void. Get used to it, because it'll hurt like hell." I said with a slight pained expression when she offered me a weak smile.
"I know, but thanks anyway." She said before both of looked outside.
But this is how it is.