Ep. 97 - Killing Some Pests, Wish

Ep. 97 - Killing Some Pests, Wish

After about an hour or so, I said: "Ready for a strategy meeting? You should at least start defining your targets and the order in which you will tackle them."

"Sure. Since you said that Caster is dangerous if given enough time, we should start with her. Bazett is a human, so she can't find us in all of Tokyo, we can keep her on the backburner. I would then go for Rider and Lancer. We can separate and have two Servants deal with Lancer while one goes for Rider. When those three are out of the game, we can all search and deal with Berserker. Like that, we can keep as much firepower as we can for the 'final boss'." said Rin. It's a good plan, but she underestimates Bazett. Well, if they work quickly and cleanly, she won't have much to base her investigation off of and won't find the three kids until it's too late.

"Wouldn't it be better to deal with Berserker first?" asked Shirou.

"No, the battle will surely attack the other Masters' attention. We don't need that, or else we will find ourselves fighting against four Servants and four Masters. That wouldn't be good for us." said Yukino. She got the hang of it quickly, I must admit.

"Oh, you could potentially call Charles to help."

"Charles? As in Charles Kent?" said Yukino. I nodded. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing. He should probably be the strongest being in the world with the exception of me, the gang, and Shiki. Obviously not a God, but he can surely help you. No, actually he should still be below Alaya, Gaia, Great Red, Ophis, and Trihexa, but he's getting there. What a pity that his Divinity will form only after several millennia..."

"Nah, you must have gotten the wrong person. I know the guy and he would probably never hurt a fly." said Shirou.

I summoned Charles here. He looked around and got the gist of what was happening after noticing the Command Seals. "Holy Grail War? Do I need to help, Tula?"

"Don't ask me, look at them. Tea?"

"Obviously I need to ask them, smartass. As for the tea, yes, please. So, what Servants did you girls get? Shirou obviously got Saber, but you two?" he asked

"We will have a long, long chat about your secrets when we are done here. I got Archer, Emiya." said Yukino

"And I have Assassin, Shiki." added Rin.

Charles nodded then looked at me. "Did you interfere with something? Shouldn't Rin have gotten Archer?"

"Hell no! I'm not leaving her with such a weak Servant! I personally modified Shiki's Saint Graph, so she's much stronger now."

"Wait, what's this about me summoning Archer?" asked Rin

"Oh, if you didn't end up in my bar that day almost five years ago, you would have summoned Archer. Kirei would have killed Bazett and taken Lancer, Gilgamesh would interfere and screw around, and a couple more unnecessary details."

"So meeting you has changed my entire life? Hm… Yeah, I can see that happening." said Rin with a smile. I had the sudden urge to pinch her cheeks, so I did.

"I didn't change your life too much. You did everything yourself. Well, almost everything."

"Way to ruin the mood, dude. And what's with this place? The concentration of energy is off the charts!" said Charles

"Obviously, this building is connected to my personal domain. I passively emit trillions of times this amount of energy every single moment, but I usually keep them restrained in my body, so you don't die. Same with the others."

"Riight, mind including us in this conversation? And why do you two talk about all this complicated stuff as if nothing was happening?!" said Shirou.

"Oh, normal magi can't sense the type of energy I am using. The Devils and other supernatural races can though. Basically, this place has enough energy to destroy the universe several times and rebuild it seamlessly. As for Charles, well, he is a little… 'Particular', so to speak. It is not my place to tell you-" I didn't finish the sentence since Rias, Sona, and their peerages entered the bar.

"Good evening, Headmaster! There's a lot of movement among the human mages… Oh, I see that you are involved…" said Sona

"And these guys?" asked Yukino

"Devils, in charge of Tokyo instead of their older siblings."

"Uncle! You can't just go blabbering stuff to everyone!" shouted Rias.

"Hah?! You brat, come here and say that again! I dare you, I double dare you!" I said with fake anger. I then smiled and sighed. "Anyway, you have your strategy for the Grail War. I will only help if it's a matter of life or death, otherwise, it's your battlefield now."

The next night, Archer and Shiki found Caster. They engaged in a pretty sneaky assassination. which was fairly easy. Archer waited until she was passing by the kitchen in her Master's apartment, then fired a modified Noble Phantasm with his bow. The building kinda exploded, but I saved the civilians. As for Caster's Master… I couldn't care less.

The two Servants reported back to the bar.

"Master, Caster is out of the game. Should we get to Lancer and Rider?" asked Archer boi.

"Sure. You and Saber will deal with Lancer while Assassin will take care of Rider. Try not to get caught by Bazett though. Rin's familiar shows that Lancer is Koenji. There will be many civilians, so you can either take him out in one hit or draw him to a remote area. There should a park on the West side, that would be ideal. Take some fireworks: if you cause some explosions, light them up when you are done. It will look like some kind of faulty charge." said Yukino.

"Saber, we will be watching through Rin's familiars, so I can boost you with a Command Seal if needed." said Shirou.

"I am so proud of you!" I said, faking some tears. Such planning! Rin and Yukino would make the ultimate evil plan if needed. I feel like Hachiman would have been a nice addition to the mix.

"You know, I have no idea why I fell for you…" said Rin

Then, Ruby came by. "Oh, you know why! Tula is just so charming and adorable and kind! And cool! You have no idea, but when he sleeps, he starts mumbling how much he loves us."

"Wait, I do what in my sleep?!" I never knew that! What the hell!

"Pfft! You are surprisingly not Godly at all, He-ad-ma-s-ter." Rin said with a playful tone.

"Would you prefer a stuck up old man who has lived for several millions of millions of years? I would prefer dying, if that's even possible for me!" I said while changing my appearance into that of an old man, similar to Gandalf.

"Turn back. Anyway, let's finish up the next targets. Shiki, could you get rid of Medusa? Maybe bring her Master, my… Sister, back as well? Oh, kill old man Matou as well, since you will visit the Matou estate."

"Of course, Master. Consider it done."

"Saber, you should go and deal with Lancer." said Shirou

"And you, Archer, should provide some support or possibly sniping the guy from long-range." commanded Yukino. She's getting in her 'war general' persona.

"I'll see what I can do."

The Servants were very swift in their missions. Lancer was pissed that he couldn't have a fair duel with Saber, but who gives a fuck. Scathàch would have killed him herself if she knew about his stupid desire.

Of course, the first one to finish was Shiki. She ran all the way to the Matou manor and found Sakura's bedroom. Before she could even fully open the room, a stake connected to a chain was thrown. Rider wanted to impale her, that's for sure. Shiki, however, easily deflected the weapon and appeared behind the woman. She grabbed Medusa's head and beheaded her with a single, swift motion.

Sakura probably felt her connection to Rider get severed since she shot up from her bed.

"Sakura Matou, my Master has requested your presence. Do not resist, or I will have to break your little, fragile body." said Shiki, which caused the schoolgirl to pale visibly and nod furiously.

Shiki told her to wait there and not to say anything about her, then disappeared to kill old man Matou. She found him in his private study, writing notes on potential uses of his worms and the Black Grail… Didn't I take the UBW universe? How is he still trying to make the Black Grail? No, wait! I… Forgot to check on Sakura… I am a failure of a God. I teleported to his office just as Shiki was about to reveal herself.

"Zouken Matou aka Makiri Zolgen aka Zouken Makiri. I am disgusted by your very existence. Die for me." I said and eliminated his very existence from this world. "Shiki, take Sakura back to the bar."

"Yes, Master Tula."

I waited a couple of minutes, to make sure they would be out of the manor, then moved towards Shinji. I was thinking back to my obvious blunder. How could I forget to check on Sakura? The Fourth Holy Grail did happen, I enjoyed watching it with the gang and some popcorn, but I somehow completely forgot about the girl…

While thinking about the reasons for my blunder, I arrived at Shinji's door. Before entering, I checked with Omniscience whether he had raped his adopted sister or anything. And holy shit was I disgusted. This sick fuck basically was hate-fucking Sakura because of his crush on Rin… I am seriously disgusted. I entered his room and saw him sleeping soundly… This pisses me off, badly, for some reason.

I decided to put him in an illusion where a couple (read as 'a whole platoon') of Mil-tan's rape him repeatedly for a couple million years. When he woke up with his now dead eyes, he looked at me.

"Shinji… You are a waste of air. Why did you have to fuck everything up? And your obsession with Rin is really disturbing. It's better for everyone if you just die. I will let you choose whether it will be painful or painless." He didn't answer, still incapable of rational thought after a couple million years of continued rape. "Painful it is. Maybe this will wake you up."

I tortured the guy for almost an hour, but I couldn't get a reaction out of him, so I burned him along with the entire Matou manor.

Teleporting back to the bar, I saw that Shiki was guarding Sakura in one of the privés, while Archer and Saber were reporting on their mission. Sakura was shocked to see me. Well, she had never seen the bar, so she wouldn't know that I am involved.

Rin turned back to me and waved her hand.

"We did it! We just need to deal with Berserker now. Possibly an angry Bazett, but who cares about her?"

"Yeah, we should deal with the big boy tomorrow though. We still have classes and it's already 3 A.M…" said Yukino.

I really didn't care too much about their decisions about sleeping or not, so I went towards Sakura.

"H-headmaster! Why are you here?!" she asked.

I went next to her and patted her head. I also removed all her traumatic memories and healed her body and psyche. Still, I left her resentment for Zouken, Tokiomi, and Rin. I want her to deal with those. "Sorry, Sakura. I am a little more than a Headmaster. You should probably talk a little with Rin. She's still your sister and you might be in for a surprise."

That night, Rin and Sakura stayed up all night reconciling. When I said that I removed the traumatic memories, I should have been more specific. I made it so they wouldn't be traumatic anymore, like watching a movie. I removed the trauma associated with the memories, not the memories themselves. I think that this would help her be a little more determined and start being a little more… Herself…

The two girls were in the privé, while I was sitting on a stool at the bar. I sent them some hot chocolate and cookies every once in a while, which also replenished their stamina, so the two didn't need to sleep. Weiss and Shizuka came down to the bar at some point and sat next to me. We drank a couple of glasses before Shizuka started speaking.

"In these few years I've known you, you've hardly been this serious or concerned. What happened?"

"Tula, tell us. We can at least try and help you." said Weiss.

"Hm… No, it's more of a strange feeling I can't shake off. Remember the Fourth Holy Grail War? I knew perfectly what would happen to Sakura, yet I did nothing. It isn't like me… I can't understand why I didn't change what happened… Oh well, there's nothing I can do now, so let's go back to sleep."

"What sleep? In the last couple of days you have been awfully concentrated on this stupid war among mortals… You even forgot about us." said Weiss.

"I would never forget you, you know it. Let's go, I'll make it up to you with some exercise, how about it?"

"Deal!" they both said together.

In the morning, Rin and Sakura seemed to have made up. Of course, you can't expect the resentment from 11 years or so to disappear in a few hours, but it's a good start. Sakura got immediately attached to Shirou, so I guess that everybody will have a good ending. Marvelous. She was sad that Rider died, but eh, I'll just bring her back after the Grail War.

In the evening, Sakura got to know the Devils so she finally got some friends. Oh, on that note, the Devils apparently don't care enough to participate in the Grail War, though Rias and Sona wanted to learn more about it. I just gave them a rundown about all the stuff involving the Holy Grail, and they were not so impressed. Sure, a magical artifact that can fulfill any one wish is nice and all, but Devils are just a different kind of society.

At any rate, the students at school were quite shocked to see the coolest kids all hanging out together, plus Shirou. I mean, Rias, Sona, their peerages, Yukino, Charles, Rin, and Sakura are all really cool to high school brats, plus Shirou is universally recognized as a good guy. Let's just say that going to school en masse wasn't the best idea they could have. Well, it did make me and the gang crack up, so it's fine.

At any rate, the school day started and it was quite normal. I just dealt with some paperwork at record speed, then went walking around the campus to see if there was anything interesting to do. I did find a couple of hidden Gates, which I cleared at a slow pace, so that I could just waste time. I even checked the equipment for all labs and extracurricular activities, to make sure they were in tip-top shape. I didn't fail to notice the little girl staring through the school gates. I had the sudden impulse to mess around with her and Shirou, so I went to the secondary gate and sneaked behind her.

"Hello! What's a cute little girl doing here all alone? Shouldn't you be in school right now?" I said, knowing fully well that she should be almost 18 by now.

She looked at me and had wide eyes. Oh, I guess that she did cloak herself with a spell, so it is strange for me to talk to her.

"Who are you, Mister? I'm warning you: if you have any strange ideas, I'll call the police!"

"Girly, what strange ideas' could I ever get, hm?" I asked. She went red and started overheating. "I'm the Headmaster at this school, how could I have those 'strange ideas' you are thinking about? So, why are you staring inside the school grounds? Want to apply here for middle school?"

"Ye-No! No, my… Stepbrother studies here…"

"Oh? Do you want to meet him?" she nodded absentmindedly, probably not even realizing what she just did, so I picked her up on my shoulders. "Ok, let's go! By the way, I am Tula. You can call me 'Uncle Tula' or 'Headmaster', as you prefer."

"Ah, I am Illya von Einzbern. My stepbrother is Shirou Emiya."

"Yes, I am familiar with him."

I brought the adorable loli to meet her step-sibling, who was in the middle of lunch.

"Oi, Shirou! You have a visit! Try not to tear each other apart…" I said, attracting his attention, then YEET'ed Illya towards him. Ah, little girls screaming are a miracle… That sounded incredibly creepy and pedo. Nope, just pure thoughts, pure thoughts…

Anyway, Shirou caught the girl and understood the situation, though he was still a little stunned.

"The hell! Headmaster, don't throw people around! In particular not my stepsister!" he shouted from the other side of the class. Heh, now we have a confused class, a confused loli, and a smirking Headmaster. Shirou took Illya and swiftly made his way out of the class. I returned to my office and used Omniscience to know what was going on.

The two went to the rooftop and started talking.

"Why do you know about me?!" asked Illya, ready to attack Shirou.

"The Headmaster. That guy is trying to mess with me! Anyway… We should probably introduce ourselves… I am Emiya Shirou, nice to meet you."

"Illyasviel von Einzbern. Emiya Kiritsugu was my father, so I guess that we are, indeed, step-siblings."

Shirou nodded, then asked: "Wait, if he was your father… Are you older than me?"

"Yup, just a little, apparently."

Then there was silence. Awkward silence.

"Ahem! And… What brings you here?" he asked.

"Well, I wanted to see the competition and my brother. After all, my father abandoned me for you…"

"Wait, what?! Kiritsugu always visited his family. At least, that's what he used to tell me. During the Winter, he sometimes came back covered in snow from head to toe… He didn't meet you?"

"No, that's the first time I heard of his visits."

"Uhm, Illya, it's not like I perfectly understood everything about Kiritsugu, but I could tell that he was sad whenever he came back from his visits… Maybe he wasn't allowed to see you or something?"

'Hoh, good job figuring that out, kiddo! Emiya Kiritsugu was indeed visiting the Einzbern estate, but was never able to meet with Illya. There was a bounded field that didn't allow him to enter. He always stayed far in the distance and tried catching a glimpse of his daughter, though.' I said to both of them telepathically.

And Illya started crying. 'Oi, stupid brat! Hug her, do something!' I shouted at Shirou, then stopped observing. My job here is done, even if I only sent a couple of messages and nothing else.

That night, Yukino, Rin, Sakura, Shirou, and Illya mysteriously fell asleep when they entered the bar.

They found themselves in what could best be described as a paradise. Obviously, it wasn't, but what would they know. The five of them were all facing the same direction and could only see the ocean, along with some inverted waterfalls on the horizon. They also caught sight of some strange creature in the water, similar to a dragon-serpent hybrid. Then, they saw a massive fleet of ships in the water.

"Where are we?" asked Yukino, unable to stand the suspense.

"No idea." said Shirou

"Nope." followed up Illya

"Don't look at me." said Rin.

Sakura just shook her head. Looking around and not just ahead of them, they noticed that they were on some sort of island and a massive black tower was in the middle of it. There were several golden engravings and it exuded an aura of 'Godliness'. There were several different symbols at the top of the tower.

Rin started walking towards the center of the island, followed by the four other students. The flowers, the plants, everything was quite idyllic. They didn't fail to notice a cat, a dragon, and an owl lazing around under a giant tree off to the side.

"That's a dragon… Sleeping next to a cat… Sleeping next to an owl… Where the hell are we?" said Rin absentmindedly.

'Enter the Tower… Enter, and you will find answers… Enter, and you will have your wishes granted… Enter, enter, enter!' They all started hearing this creepy voice in their minds.

"Stranger danger!" shouted Illya

"Yeah, but where do we go? I don't think the water is much safer than the island, and those warships in the distance don't exactly look friendly. Their weapons have been aiming at us for a while now." said Shirou, using Reinforcement on his eyes. I taught him that, yesterday. Oh, such a good teacher I am!

They continued walking towards the Tower, but something strange happened: they started getting separated. Rin was ahead of everyone else, followed by Shirou, Yukino, Sakura, and finally Illya. The only thing that actually differed between them, was the conviction they held to their deepest wish. That affected the relative distance between them and the Tower. Pretty nifty addition, I must say.

Rin was the first to arrive, obviously, and started circling around the Tower until she heard: 'Concentrate… Walk with confidence. You will enter the Tower.'

She took a deep breath, looked at the wall, and walked through it. She found herself on the bottom-most floor of a massive library, which was occupied mainly by copies of the same person, me.

"Tula, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"What am I doing here… An interesting question when you think of it from a philosophical point of view. To answer your question, I am not exactly 'here' or 'there'. Are you familiar with the concept of Omnipresence? Well, I am Omnipresent, so I am everywhere, when I want to. The question should be: why are you here? What is it that led you to arrive first in my Tower?"

"First?" she asked, then looked behind her and saw that no one else was with her. "I don't know why I am here before the others, but I just felt like I needed to come here."

"Very well, it's fine for now. Take a seat, Shirou is about to arrive." I said and materialized a comfy seat for her. Soon Shirou entered the Tower as well. He looked around and saw all of my clones, then 'me'.

"Headmaster! What is with this place? It took me hours to reach this tower!"

"Well, that means that your conviction to have your wish granted only amounts to that much. Still better than the others, I see. Tell me, did you have a particular reason to reach this place?"

"Wha- No, I was just following the others. It's crazy out there: dragons, cats, owl, strange aquatic dragons, warships, giant trees…"

"Not a very good answer, but it doesn't matter. I wanted you to reflect, but I don't really need a good reason. Take a seat and wait for the rest of you."

One by one, the others arrived. The last, Illya, arrived only after several days. When she entered, she was panting and crying. Poor thing, but this is a test.

"Illya, you did well arriving here. Calm down now and tell me: why did you come here?"

"Headmaster… I-I just followed everyone, then I saw them disappear in the tower, and I was scared… I just wanted to get back to my brother…"

I nodded and made a seat for her aka Shirou's lap.

"So… I guess it's time for me to explain some things, right?" The five students all nodded. "Excellent. Where should I start?"

"Where are we?" asked Yukino

"This is my Island of Knowledge, more precisely in the Tower of Knowledge. This is a part of my realm, in a certain sense. This tower is the collection of all knowledge in the Omniverse, past, present, and future. All in the form of a never-ending library." She was confused. "You are in a different dimension, not on Earth anymore." And she started panicking. "Chill! This place is mine, I can send you back, when I think it is appropriate."

"Why did you bring us here?" asked Rin.

"Ah, an intelligent question, very good. You know how the Grail is supposed to make a single wish come true? Well, that would entail putting the four remaining Masters one against the other, which I won't do. In particular because you would need to sacrifice Illya to summon the Grail. Anyway, I didn't like it, so I fucked around a little with the universe and 'ended' the Fifth Holy Grail War with five winners, you.

Now, I brought you here to satisfy one wish each."

"Right… And how can you grant wishes again?" asked Illya.

"I think I already told you, but I am a God. Not exactly correct, I am more than a God, but who cares. I am Omnipotent, so what makes you think I wouldn't be able to satisfy your wish, mortal girl?"

"Why did we arrive at different times? We were all walking together…" asked Shirou

"That's because arriving at the Tower was a test for you. The more 'convinced' you are that you want a certain wish granted, the faster you will arrive."

"But I don't have a specific wish?" said Rin.

"It works on a subconscious level. You have a wish that even you don't know about."

"Which would be?"

"Becoming older. You want your body to be in your early twenties so that you can be 'legal'. Such a flattering wish, thank you." I said with a smirk, causing her to go red and steam to come out of her ears. Literally, I can make it happen in the Tower. Or anywhere, as a matter of fact.

"So we are getting wishes?" asked Sakura.

"Yes. Actually, we should get the show rolling, so that you can finally go back to the bar. Rin, you can start first. Should I grant your subconscious wish, or do you want to make another one?"

"N-no… Grant my wish." she said, so I snapped my fingers and made her slightly older, and also improved everything about her physique and mental capacity, just a little extra.

"Shirou."

"Hm… I want to save people, like a superhero or a Hero of Justice…"

"That's a rather nonspecific wish, even though you have the conviction… Do you want power? Or maybe just Humanity's salvation? Think about it a little, then tell me when you are ready. Yukino, your turn."

"I just want to be free to do what I want and that people acknowledge my efforts."

"Can be done, just a little bit of tinkering with the Concepts, then you'll be as free as a bird and as acknowledged as your achievements count. Disclaimer: since you are just a high schooler, you might not be acknowledged immediately since, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't that important. Next! Sakura."

"Resurrect Rider."

"Done. Illya, your turn." I said as Rider materialized behind Sakura.

"Hm… I want… To be normal. A normal magus, not a Homunculus."

"Why does everyone want to be a human? Being inorganic rocks! You don't have to eat, you don't have to drink, you don't have to shower, theoretically at least, you can't exactly die as long as your body is repaired or you have a backup hidden somewhere… Anyway, sure. Bidibi-bodibi, you are now a human." I said, did a few gestures with my hand, just to mess with her, and made Illya a perfectly normal, 18 years old, human female.

"Hea- Tula, I have thought about my wish." said Shirou, completely forgetting about the gorgeous beauty he held on his lap at the moment. Basically, Illya became a slightly less mature version of Irisviel.

"Go ahead, you dense harem protagonist."

"I want potential. I want to be able to help humanity, but I can't do it as I am now, and probably training won't help me that much. Why not have humanity save itself then? So, I want you to increase humanity's potential in all areas. Make us smarter, make us more long-lived, make us more 'energy-efficient', more adaptable."

"Nice, I like this. A wish that benefits all of humanity, quite heroic, Shirou. Now that everything is done, you are free to wander around, if you want. This place doesn't have the concept of time, or rather it's a different 'time' compared to Earth, so don't worry about food, sleep, or anything like that. When you are ready, go through that door." I said and materialized a door. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to my research. I think that I almost got a hint to my next evolution."