CHAPTER 16

IVAN:

"So Brown eyes, tell me about your self " I asked hoping to get to know her.

"Nothing interesting about me" she took a deep breath and I sensed fear.

What could she be scared of about her life? "You don't have to tell me something you don't want to. Just tell me what you're ok with" I assured her.

"It might sound hollow" she gave me a pls-don't-question -my story-because-it-scares-the-shit-outta-me look "you'll accept it?"

"Tell me what you're comfortable with" I prompted and topped my wine.

"I'm the second child in my family"

Number of children? Hollow 1.

"My name is Rufina Rose Brown, I was born in Accra and I lived there until i was about to clock fifteen with my parents"

questionable Hallow 2

"Something...i can't tell you, at least not now happen and i landed in Nigeria and I live with my family...You know where "she finished with a pls-don't-ask-me-any-question-about-that.

Something I can't tell you Hallow 3

"I" landed in Nigeria? Too confusing to analyse.

Well she warned me. I just hope to earn her trust enough for her to fill those gaps and let me into her life.

" K Rose Brown! Tell me what film you love best" The relieve in her expression was obvious.

"Titanic of course no other film beats that"

"I second that"

"Though I wished they had an "happily ever after".

"Not, all love story ends with an "happily ever after". At least not In  my world.

"My time to question you Ivan, why don't you love Mexican soaps"

I'd expected that question "Mexican soaps talk about a world that doesn't exist"

"As in?"

"Romance, love, trust, friendship blah blah"

She looked at me with worry and question in her eyes "You don't believe all that exist?"

"It doesn't Rufi" Just now im begining to wonder, maybe it does.

"This might sound strange Ivan but let me assure you that love, friendship romance and trust does exist "she looked convincing "My life is a prove that those things exists. I know romance does exists too 'cus I've seen it firsthand"

Maybe for her but if there any of these thing that I believed in it had to be friendship, others were just not real .

Now, Maybe love. Trust too.

*******************

RUFI:

As we ate dessert I kept catching Ivan looking at me with this strange look on his face. It was like him trying to make sure something about me is real, I don't know what it was but it gave me this tingling feeling, no one has ever looked at me that way.

"Is there something wrong" I finally asked.

"hmm-oh-no it's nothing" he stutters "It's nothing" the repeated sounding as if he was trying to convince himself.

I like Ivan, I really do but the idea that this could be more than a dinner with a friend scares me. I never had any fear with victor since I know he had eyes only for Maria but Ivan is sending me vibes I pray to God is nothing more than friendship.

I don't know how he did it but he has made me develop this feeling I can't place a name on for him.

It could not be love, I know I'm not capable of love, the idea of intimacy scares me more than death.

Ivan is special, special enough for a dirty person like me to see. As much as I want to believe Maria that I am not dirty, I know I am.

If I am not dirty that guy wouldn't have raped me, my older brother definitely wouldn't have avoided to show me to his friends and my father wouldn't have sent me packing.

Maria knows I'm dirty she just loves me with my dirtiness just like my Nana. Or maybe my dirtiness doesn't show to the female gender, only males can see it and soon enough Ivan would and he'll leave me.

Why Victor hasn't stop talking to me I don't know.

"What time do you start work tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is my day off" why would he want to know "Why?"

"There's a movie I'd like you to watch it airing in the cinema this night 10-12 i was thinking we should go see it" His eyes sparkled with expectation

"Isn't twelve too late a time to go home? My sister is not back from Ibadan and Ana-Blaire would have to stay at Mrs Wellington's till then" even though I'm sure Mrs Wellington wouldn't mind.

"hmm! Alright, I could download the movie and we'll watch it together tomorrow" he was so excited about it I couldn't say no plus I want to create all the memories I can now that he hasn't seen the dirt in me.

"Tomorrow then" I told him and his face broke into a grin. His lips were red? pink? I can't say it looks lost between red and pink and it was so smooth and lovely,  what it would be like to kiss those lips and feel his breath on my cheek. If only I wasn't so dirty.

"A penny of your thought"

I locked my hand together and looked down to hide my embarrassment. Thank God blacks don't blush.

"Now she won't look me in the eye" i heard the smile in his voice which only made me more embarrassed.

"You got me embarrassed" I voiced

"Duex Mio!" He laughed "That's an achievement on my part"

I didn't say anything, not that I know what to say anyways.

"You're ready to go home?" He asked changing the subject

Why won't your Lip's stop tempting me I almost asked "Yeah"

He paid the bill and drop a ridiculously large tip for the waitress.

He placed his hands on the small of my back as we walked out of the restaurant.

I had to concentrate on not tripping over my own legs as electricity surge through my body from his touch.

He opened the door for me but didn't step back so I tried passing as his hand kept firm on my back. The electricity intensified as i pushed my body between the car and him. Fear and thrill rushed through me and I shivered against the door. I looked up at him to say something, anything at all to break the connection but he looked down at me at the same moment, there was about an inch between our lips.

he was going to kiss me!

Fear sliced through me.

I can't do this.

I thought...I thought he wanted to be my friend. I can't do anything more than friendship! I'm dirty! It would kill me! I like him, I care more than I should but,  my memories, my past, it frightens me.

I've never kissed any person before. The last person who kissed me or better word bit my lips had raped me, he took my innocence, my dignity, my pride, my self worth, he destroyed me.

There's no way I'll kiss anyone without seeing his face, smelling the alcohol and cigarette in his breath.

Suddenly I was back to that night when I was raped, just like before I struggled with the monster who raped me. I choked as air was taking away. My supply of oxygen was off! I couldn't breathe, my lungs was gonna burst. Yet I kept struggling with the monster.

I'm dying! My breath! It's gone! My baby!

Who would take care of Ana-Blaire Alicia Brown

"Rufi breathe" A far away voice said.

I can't, I'm trying but it hurts.

This is really happening the monster is gonna kill me!

"Rufi please! Try to breathe" I heard again this time not so far away and it sounds like Ivan.

"I- I - I can't" I chocked out, then air rushed into my hurt lungs and it's excruciating

"Is it ok if I touch you" caution rang in his voice

Touch me! Open your eye's Rufina I told myself as I tried to block out the image of the monster touching me. My breath cut again.

I felt warm soft hands on me, not the monsters! His hands were cold and hard

"Breathe" Ivan prompted softly.

I began breathing again this time with ease. Everything began falling back to place.

I returned to planet earth and it immediately dawn on me that Ivan and I were on the floor in the parking lot of the restaurant.

I tried to stand up as I remembered what happened but was restrained.

"it's OK" Ivan soothed and I relaxed in his arm due to exhausting.

At least that's what I told myself.

"Rufi?"

I nodded if I talk I'll cry

"This is happening for the first time right"

He whispered against my ear.

No judgement in his voice? Not even a twinny Winny bit.

I nodded and smuggled deeper intro his arms. My safe zone. Pulling back a free lock of my hair he sighed and his chest muscles moved.

"Did I cause it?"

*********************

IVAN:

Holding my breath until she answered was the least I could do as my heart slammed against my chest heavily.

I couldn't have caused her to have a panic attack, I was just going to kiss her, I just wanted to find out if those lips were as soft as they look and here's what I've caused.

Was a kiss scary to her? Could I be her first kiss? Could you get a panic attack because of a kiss? Did something happen in her past related to a kiss?

"Not really" she replied in a small voice.

"hmm?" What did I ask her.

"You didn't cause it, it was a memory" she broke down.

Heck! Now I'm making her cry, i better go to a school that teaches how to treat a woman right

"Do you trust me?" Please say yes.

She took her time to answer "Yes"

I know I was treading on a Fray path "Do you trust me enough to let me into your past?" Please do I almost pleaded.

"I don't know Ivan" she sobbed heavily against my chest as a knife sliced right through my heart.

Whoever did whatever to Rufi was lifeless, this girl was a fragile piece and the person had broken her.

"Rufi" I pleaded

"It's bad Ivan, I'm dark" she sobbed violently

"No matter what happened to you back then Rufi, there ain't no thing dark about you. You are an Angel. My angel"

Now where did I get that from? I never call anyone My Angel. Yet Rufi has succeed at fitting into that role. She's given me a reason to get through my dark moments, since that day I almost ran her over my life had changed. She'd become my light, my hope and joy , one bright side to my world.

Whao! That's freaking poetic.

"I'm an Angel?" she looked up at me confused and I'll be damned if I don't want to kiss that confusion off her face.

This girl is just too beautiful to be true. Who could hurt her?

"Nae salang" I kissed her head as she relaxed.