Side Story: Difficulties of a Woman (IV)

Peng Lingxi finished climbing several sets of stairs and arrived at a familiar doorway. Of all the places in the Tower of Swords, this was the most familiar as it was her childhood home. She had her own cultivation courtyard that she stayed in most of the time. She seldom got a chance to visit as her master put a great deal of hope in her cultivation but having recently broken through to the lesser realm of Spiritual Growth provided an adequate excuse.

She arrived and stood in front of the door for a short moment. Her heart fluttered and she felt a pang of nostalgia. This was the only place that she didn't have to pretend to be a man, to be Peng Xiling. She was used to it now but human nature was difficult to hide forever.

She let out a sigh and knocked, "Mother, mother. It's me, Lingxi."

There was some shuffling from the inside. A figure illuminated by lamplight shifted across the side window. The door opened and a wrinkled, thin face peeked out. It belonged to her mother, Peng Suixi.

They were about the same height. Peng Suixi was much older than Peng Lingxi but the similarity between mother and daughter was still discernable. It was clear to anyone that Peng Suixi was a great beauty in her youth.

"Oh… it's Lingxi." Peng Suixi said, not quite as excited as Peng Lingxi had hoped, "I wasn't expecting you, come in. Come in. I'll make dinner."

The door opened wider and Peng Lingxi stepped inside. As the door closed behind her, she handed her mother a package wrapped in paper.

"What's this?"

"I got you several spiritual chickens with my contribution points and also some ginseng and other medicines you like." Peng Lingxi answered.

Her mother nodded, took the package, and headed for the kitchen. She followed, asking how her mother was these days.

Peng Suixi gave vague answers but Peng Lingxi could see and discern with her spiritual sense that her mother's health had continued to worsen with age. It was an uncomfortable truth but an inevitability.

They worked together to make a simple dinner. There were some awkward conversations before the inevitable question came.

"Lingxi," Peng Suixi said, "You came back alone again. When are you going to bring home a man?"

"Mother…"

Her mother continued, "Look at you, you are already thirty-two. You aren't getting any younger. If you don't want a husband, you can just come back home with a big stomach. I won't mind."

"Mother, you know I can't do that."

Her mother clicked her tongue and shook her head. Expressions of disappointment and long-held frustrations flashed across her face. It wasn't that she was disappointed with her daughter's cultivation talent but of her complete disregard for her duties as a woman.

"Unfilial daughter! You still know to visit your mother but if you just want to anger me to death, then you might as well don't come!"

Peng Lingxi was stunned by her mother's outburst and couldn't find the words to respond. This was an old argument between them. There was nothing to be gained and her mother's opinion couldn't be changed.

They eventually sat down to eat. It was a small affair with a medicinal spiritual chicken soup, two plates of green vegetables, tofu, and bowls of rice. They ate mostly in silence, with Peng Lingxi making sure that her mother had most of the chicken. This much was adequate for the mother and daughter pair, two women who did not prefer large amounts of meats or wine.

"Lingxi, you are my only child. You are the only one left that can carry on this family." Her mother said between bites.

Peng Lingxi nodded along silently, acting as the obedient daughter. She didn't know how many more opportunities she would have to do so.

"Your father died when you were young. Maybe you blame me for not remarrying. I was worried for your sake as a step-father won't ever be the same as your real father. Seeing your current state, it fills me with regret…"

"Mother," Peng Lingxi interrupted, "I don't know if you've heard. I broke through to the lesser realm of Spiritual Growth last week. Master said that this is a good sign and that my time in the Immortal Gentle Lotus' Dream Array is finally coming into effect. I should be able to reach another lesser realm in a year or two."

Peng Suixi eyed her daughter for a while and let out another disappointed sigh, "What lesser realm, can it give you a child? You say a year or two. In the blink of an eye, it becomes five years, and then ten years. What happens then?"

Peng Lingxi was finally annoyed. She had hung on to the tiny hope that her mother would be happy for her but that hope had been shattered.

"Having a child has nothing to do with the Dao of the sword!" She snapped back.

"You! You…" Her mother's voice quivered, "Unreasonable daughter! Do you want me to die of danger? Do you want me to die without a descendant?"

"…"

"Do you intend for our family line to end like this? How will I be able to answer your father after I pass? How will I face our ancestors? Aiya!"

It was the same old argument again and Peng Lingxi didn't respond. There was nothing she could say that would change anything. Her master's command was absolute and no disciple dared to disobey. Even her fellow core disciples could only admire her from afar. Finding a husband was impossible, having a child was even more impossible.

Dinner finished and Peng Lingxi bid her goodbyes. She gave her mother all the spare gold taels she could. She only hoped that her mother could live a comfortable life as she could not take care of her or be by her side.

Peng Lingxi leaped away, heading back towards the main sword tower under the starlight. The night was cold and silent and a cloud of loneliness consumed her. The path of the sword was truly lonely. For a woman, it was the loneliest of them all. She could only disappoint her mother and cast away her duties as a woman in order to pursue her own selfish desires.

In the past, such arguments would make her depressed for many days and even make her cry. Now, they no longer stirred her heart. She was the Lonely Hero, studying the path of the Lonely Sword Wanderer. The path to the immortal realms was still ahead of her. It was uncertain if she could reach it or if she would fall along the way but her sword heart wouldn't waver. She wouldn't give up on her desire to become an immortal and wander the world with her sword.

"I'm sorry, mother." She said to the heavens.

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