More Days Without… 5

A month passed with the new addition to his routine of hardly leaving his room. Two days a week of therapy he wasn't the least interested in. Nothing was easier. Still he closed himself off from his friends. His biweekly outing along with all the other random days got him to thinking maybe he should do more than stay in. But first, his phone came back on, he ignored every message that poured in and went straight to his brother's name. "Hi" he said when his brother picked up.

Tom didn't say anything.

"I know I left and I didn't call or text. Dad said you called a few times."

"That was a month ago."

"I'm sorry. Did he tell you I was fine."

"He said you weren't fine."

He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, I'm not. Are you?"

Almost thirty seconds passed before, "I'm trying to be." Was it a lie or the truth?

"How's school?" He set his glasses on his desk.

"Fine." Tom sighed. "I'm actually about to head out with Tate and the guys."

"Oh cool, say hi for me."

"Just talk to him."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Oh I-"

"Sawyer! What's up? You went off the grid huh mate?" Tate, his brother's best friend since forever, sounded rather excited... too much excitement for Sawyer.

"Kinda."

"Welcome back then."

"Is Tom okay? All alone in there." He had to ask.

"He's okay. I guess. My mom sends food over, and your aunt comes by sometimes, we're here. Parent free house and all. He goes out. Abby comes over. He's upset with you for being out of touch for so long but he's okay."

"What about you?" Tom was telling the truth... he hoped.

"Great." He chuckled. "We gotta go. Don't be stranger. Call more."

"I'll try." That ended that. He abandoned his phone again.

The next day, he got ready for class and was out first thing in the morning. By night time, he made his way to Otto's room. "Hey man." Otto said when he saw him then let him in.

"Hi."

"I'm glad you're here." Dare he mention what Noelle told him? "Wanna play a game?" Much safer.

"Sure." The silence between them was abnormal. "I'm sorry." Sawyer started. "I shouldn't have shut you out." He sat on Otto's desk chair

Otto smiled. "I understand. When you're ready." He nodded.

"I was mean to Elle."

"She told me. She was just worried about you. We both were... are. But trust her to tell you."

Good progress for two days. Tomorrow, Noelle and possibly Laura? Could he handle telling her? Step by step, he consoled his rising panic with that. Noelle first.

Lucky for him, he had a class with her the next day. He spent the rest of the night with Otto before going back to his room at midnight. All through till morning and even in his sleep, he thought of the best was to apologize to Noelle. She'd been trying to be his friend as always and he had been nothing but. All the scenarios he came up with somehow ended up not making sense past 'I'm sorry' which he took to mean there was nothing better.

A wave of shock surged through Noelle at the sight of Sawyer in class. Sitting in his usual seat with a look that was all too familiar. Chin up, eyes on the professor and his finger silently tapping his table. It was funny how despite the look that screamed 'paying attention', he sometimes wasn't. Otto had told her Sawyer was in his room the night before. She'd expected some sort of visit but this... seeing him here did not occur to her. She was not ready to face him. Somehow the look on his face and the things he'd said, were still very fresh. Probably because this is the first time she's seeing him since then.

It had been a struggle to convince himself to get out of bed this morning. Once again he found himself wondering if he'd feel better. If everything will feel better. He thought of Peggy. For one thing, no more school, she'll definitely like that. A small smile came to his lips. But all the things she wanted to do. Hell... wanted. He sighed and rubbed the side of his face. That damned room. He forced himself to pay attention. One thing he could say, he was less angry at the world for moving on without her. The anger, still there, reduced each time he left his room.

After the class, he made his way to Noelle and caught up with her by the door. Still no definite apology. "Hi." He said, stuffing his hand in his trouser pockets.

She stopped and turned to him.

He stopped as well. Moving closer to her to make way for others to pass. "I'm sorry." He said, searching her expressionless face. He remembered when he asked her out. "I really am. I was- I was-" she'd said she preferred to just be around hot guys like him and Otto. "I wasn't-" Nothing beyond the two words it would seem... still.

"You were mean, and scary looking. But I get what was and what wasn't." Sometimes she wondered why she said no. The guy was... is good looking and acts like he doesn't know it.

"I shouldn't have said that. I really shouldn't." Whatever he felt then when he asked her out was gone. It rarely crossed his mind that he asked her out. After all... she is always with him.

"It's okay Wade." She smiled. "Apology accepted." She touched his arm. "And I'm glad you came to class today."

He smirked. A genuine one much to his surprise. There was hope for him yet it would seem. Step by step. And that got him thinking... How many people would he have to talk to to get a months worth of missed class notes? His heart skipped a beat.

After abandoning his phone for two days, Laura was next on his list. One date and he vanished for nearly three months. The thought of having to explain things to her made him nervous. Made his chest feel tight. He knew very well he was yet to say the words out loud. How will he tell Laura?

Sawyer let out a puff of air and picked up his phone from his desk. His heart was pounding . Yes he knew they were gone. He wasn't... there's a word for it. But to just say it out loud. Not to mention say it so someone. He let out another breath, scrolling down his contact list. He could easily type it out in search. But that felt too quick a move. It would have taken two seconds. But with his scrolling, it took him twenty second. He found it and stared at it blankly for almost a minute. His thumb hovered over the name. Without really thinking, he typed in 'dad' in search and called.

There was nothing to really talk about. "Hey dad." It occurred to him that his father wouldn't normally pick up. Too gosh darn busy.

"Sawyer. Hi."

"I'm surprised you picked up."

"Lucky minute I suppose. It's nice to hear from you. How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you eating? How is school and therapy?"

The words... but his mother's voice somehow. "Yeah I am. School's fine. Therapy too."

"That's great to know. Great." Silence.

"You must be busy as usual."

"As usual." Travis scoffed. More silence. "I'm glad you called Sawyer. Have you called Tom?"

"Yeah. Last night. He's upset. With good reason."

"Keep in touch with him will you? Try? He's got his friends and all but..." He trailed off.

"I will."

"Do you plan on using your phone from now on?"

"I'll try to. It's not like you'll pick up."

"I'll try to. We both will."

Sawyer nodded, forgetting his father isn't in front of him. "Good night dad." What else is there to talk about?

"Good night Sawyer."

The call ended four minutes after it began and he switched off his phone again. Some other time... Laura.