Chapter 7: Hesitancy After a Makeout Session

I made dinner, took a shower, and went to bed; all while thinking about Maya, and the reaction she would have to me showing up randomly at her door like she had done to me. 

When I woke up next I had resolved myself. Today I'd randomly knock on Maya's door and see where things went. She could just as easily slam the door in my face as she could invite me in, but the possibility of things going either way held a bit of excitement that would keep things interesting. 

I lazed around the house until around noon, when finally I decided to make my way out of my apartment to visit my neighbor. 

When I knocked on the door I immediately heard rustling coming from inside, followed by the sound of bare feet on tile flooring before finally the door swung wide open.

「Finally! I'm so glad my delivery came I was starting to get hung…..ry?!」

She searched the floor in front of the door for a few moments before her gaze settled on my shoes, causing her to stiffen. Then, almost robotically she lifted her gaze up the length of my body until it reached my face, at which point she froze solid, mouth flapping open and closed as if she were trying to speak, though the only sound that came out was a series of strained squeaks. 

After a few seconds of desperate floundering, her entire demeanor seemed to change, as if she had come to some silent decision in her mind about the entire situation.

「I must be dreaming. That's it! I fell asleep waiting for my takeout delivery, this is just a dream!」

She muttered and straightened herself, an air of confidence overtaking her as she smiled at me in an almost flirty way. 

「Please, come in Isaac.」

She turned and sauntered into the apartment, swaying her hips as she went. I shrugged and followed her in closing the door behind me. I knew I should've corrected her about this being a dream, but honestly I was too stunned by her complete shift in temperament to say anything. 

She placed herself down on her sofa before patting the cushion next to her, where I obediently took a seat. It was at that moment I realized the pretense under which I found myself inside her apartment, and decided I could no longer keep quiet, lest the guilt eat me alive. 

「Uhh, Maya. I hate to be that guy, but this…. Well this isn't a dream.」

She chuckled wryly, almost as if to say "sure it isn't" before I reached over and very carefully pinched the outside of her bicep, just hard enough to cause a little pain. 

She stiffened again, her eyes going wide as saucers and her face growing as red as a ripe strawberry. Every trace of the confidence she had just exhibited washed away in an instant, panic taking its place. 

「I-I-It's not a dream?! But…」

She sat there, facing me as her breathing became heavy, coming out in short pained gasps nearing hyperventilation. I knew I had to do something quickly before things got any worse, so I placed my hand on her shoulder gently, locking my gaze with hers.

「Maya, take a deep breath. It's fine. There's no need to panic.」

Trying to be as reassuring as possible I spoke calmly and evenly, yet even then she seemed to be frozen in her own world, her bout of panic unrelenting. Beginning to panic myself I desperately tried to figure out a way to snap her out of her stupor, then I remembered something I had read on the internet about anxiety. In times of extreme panic like this, the easiest way to snap someone out of it is a harsh unexpected stimulus.

This left me with a couple options the easiest of which being to give her a quick sharp smack, though I found myself unwilling to do that, and racked my brain for another option.

Finally coming to a decision, I leaned in our faces mere inches apart, before I swept her up in a hard heated kiss. 

She flailed around for a few seconds, though never pulling away, before she was caught up in the heat of the situation and began to return my advance with a ferocity that could only be compared to a feral animal. 

Eventually we both fell into the rhythm of the situation, our lips parting to allow way for our tongues to intertwine and dance around one another. At some point, I wound up with my arms wrapped tightly around her waist, hers wrapped behind my neck like a koala clinging to a tree branch. 

We continued our passionate dance for a few moments before we separated, the gravity of what we were doing seeming to hit us both simultaneously. I backed off slightly to put a small amount of space between us.

「Better?」

I managed to speak, breathlessly. She could only nod at me, her breath still coming out heavy, only now tinged with a hint of passion and lust instead of panic. We just sat there staring at each other, neither of us electing to speak for the longest time, however eventually it was Maya that broke the silence; seeming to shrink in on herself in shyness as she spoke.

「That… was my first kiss..」

I chuckled lightly at her shyness. Just a few moments ago she was devouring me like I was a fresh cut of prime rib, completely unreserved; and now she had reverted to a shy conserved state.

「Yeah, mine too.」

She tilted her head at me questioningly, disbelief showing clearly in her expression.

「Really? I-I was…..your first kiss?」

「Well, yeah. I suppose you were. I'm sorry for kissing you suddenly like that though, it seemed like you had worked yourself into a pretty big panic attack, and it was the first thing I thought of to help snap you out of it.」

She giggled lightly, folding her hands into her lap as she straightened herself slightly.

「Well in that case, I suppose I'll have to panic in front of you more often. Best anti-anxiety ever.」

I couldn't help but burst out in laughter. Maya was starting to come out of her shell little by little in front of me. Just a few moments ago there was no way she would've cracked a joke like that, and now she felt comfortable enough to do so, which also served to stroke my ego a bit. 

Regaining my composure I locked my eyes with hers again, an air of absolute sincerity taking over my expression.

「You know, you don't have to panic around me right? Just be yourself.」

She looked down at her lap, a sad expression etched upon her face. Heaving a heavy sigh she shook her head.

「I… don't understand you. I show up on your doorstep, make a fool out of myself and then run away. Then you show up on my doorstep, again I make a fool out of myself, and somehow we wind up making out. And now here you are, being so nice to me. People like me, those of us who are considered too ugly to be loved, are shunned from birth. We're told that we'll never marry, we'll never find happiness, that we're meant to stay behind the scenes and away from the public eye because of our appearance. And then you come along, and for the first time in my life I see a light at the end of the tunnel. A sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe my lonely days are coming to an end, and I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll end up reading into your kindness toward me, and end up hurt. I'm scared, and that causes me to become anxious. For the first time in my life, I've met someone who doesn't look at me with disgust, but we don't even know each other, we just met yesterday, and I'm afraid to believe you're this kind, because I've been burned by kindness in the past. 」

Her eyes moistened with tears. I couldn't help but sympathize with her feelings, after all before I ended up in this world I was basically the same. 

I scooted over and wrapped her in a tight embrace, nestling her head against my chest as I gently rocked back and forth, much in the way you'd soothe a crying baby.

We sat like that for a while, as I let her cry into my chest. No words were needed, I felt her deep longing for happiness and to be accepted in my soul, she and I weren't all that different in that regard. 

I vowed to myself to do my very best to provide Maya with that happiness. As she said, we didn't really know each other, yet I had never felt closer to someone who was basically a stranger than I had in that moment.