I'll Come With You To Seoul

I'm halfway to finishing my coffee and Seokjin still keeps telling me what happened before in the hopes of reviving back the normal Sun Hee.

I, on the other hand who wants to know what really happened, keeps on urging him and asking him a lot of questions out of curiosity. Like what happened after he found out about the sickness. And how she got in Ilsan. In order to fill in the spaces between my memories and my dreams. Everything seems to be connected in one way or another.

"One of the trainees backed out and went here in Ilsan to audition at MBC Dream Center." Seokjin continues. "They were going to launch a kdrama soon and it will be filmed here," he says. "I told you about it and you went."

I try to imagine what happened back then, if I have dreams about it. But I can't remember anything. That must have been two weeks ago, I guess. And the note was just last week, and he had been waiting within that week for her to come back to him.

"Did you follow me... I mean, her.. here too?" I ask, wanting to know more of what really happened and still isn't used of addressing myself as Sun Hee.

"I did, at first. I wanted to audition too, but you held me back, said that you have a good feeling that acting didn't suit me and being an idol suit me better."

So she must have known already. Seokjin has to be an idol. That's his destiny.

Now everything makes sense. Sun Hee didn't get the chance she dreamed of even in Ilsan. So she lost hope and was so stressed that she fought with Seokjin and told him she was going to the Philippines for a vacation and that she didn't want to see him again.

That was last week. Seokjin put a note in her jacket pocket, hoping that she would change her mind.

"But you didn't follow her," I said, trying to remember the memories of someone else because there are glimpses in my dreams that must have been part of what really happened to her. Just a few days ago, I dreamed of me crying my eyes out for reasons I didn't know and it was strange because I was wading in clear water and there was the big full moon. But I didn't know what happened after that 'cos I woke up. Yet that dream just felt so real and I guess it must have happened to Sun Hee.

"I had to go back to Seoul." Seokjin says, sipping on his coffee one more time. "Namjoon said that Mr. Bang was going to debut a group soon. And besides, I saw how desperate and stressed you were, and I figured out that I should leave you alone because you always wanted to have some time with yourself, and that's probably why you didn't want to see me, because I was always bothering you. "

"But you came back here though."

"You didn't text me for two days. I was worried. You never went online. I came here as soon as I can. I even managed to ditch Namjoon and Mr. Bang. They can't put me in place and I don't care if I become an idol or not. That time, it doesn't matter anymore. You're all I think about. "

" Are you kidding me! "I yell at him, and a few people in the cafe turn their heads to us and I bow at them and lower my voice."Why did you leave? It's your chance to be an idol!"

Seokjin just smiles. "I know. You always tell me that. But it's not a big deal. Bighit is a small company anyway. If we get to debut, we'll never be able to be as famous as the other boy bands from those bigger companies."

"Who knows," I say. "The tides are always turning."

"Even then," he continues. "It's not my dream to be an idol anyway."

And with that I whack him in his shoulders because he's literally a pain in the butt for telling things he isn't even sure of. He yelps in surprise. "What was that for?"

"Listen here, Mr. World Wide Handsome," I hold his stare and say it to his face so that he will remember this moment. "You may or may not dream of becoming an idol, but it is your destiny. Trust me, you may not like it now, but many years later, you'll be enjoying your ass out while sitting in front of the world's famous superstars on a Billboard Show. So don't ever tell me it's not what you want, because we don't really know what we want until it happens to us. "

He pauses for a second, maybe trying to sink in all the words I uttered. And then he laughs again, the same laugh that he always does everytime I tell him things that he thinks are only jokes."Damn, sometimes I wonder if you really came from the future. How do you know so much about me?"

"I told you I'm from 2019, you idiot."

"Right," he scoffs, still not believing every word that comes out of my mouth. "And you're not even Sun Hee yet."

"I'm Sunny."

He nods. "Yeah, Sunny. Not Sun Hee." He clears his throat, trying to get used to being with me, the other version of the girl he loved. "Anyway, when are you planning to become Sun Hee again? I have a lot of things to tell her. I've been waiting here for three days already, and Namjoon's been looking for me everywhere."

"You should go back to Seoul, you know," I tell him, desperately. Because this is the most important time of his life. I don't know about how changing things in the past and altering events in the present work but if I'm causing things to change in his life, I won't ever forgive myself.

He's about to protest again but I silence him first. "I'll come with you to Seoul,"I say.

And he eyes me with curiosity.

"I can't be Sun Hee right now. "I add." I need to sleep so I could wake up in my own body again. "

If I am right, this moment will be just a dream for me. I'd wake up again and realize that my desires to be with this man in front of me will still be just a dream, as it always has. But now, I'm still asleep and this dream still feels so real and I wouldn't want to miss it for the world. I might as well cherish this moment, even if this moment is not even mine to begin with.

I'm so sorry Sun Hee. I'll be stealing your man for this day.

I sip the last amount of my coffee while Seokjin pays for our bills. Then we head outside and decide to go to my apartment first to pack my things in which he leads because I didn't even know I have an apartment here let alone knowing where it is in the first place.

And good thing it was just near the Lake Park and we didn't even bother to hail a cab. We just walk all the way through the road and after ten minutes we arrive at the spot. Once inside, the receptionist smile at us and i smile back, knowing that Sun Hee must have been friends with her during her stay her.

Seokjin leads me to my room. He stands in the doorway while I shuffle inside to start packing things that aren't even mine. I realize that Sun Hee only had a few things in her apartment so it doesn't take a while. Just a few clothes, and some shoes, and everything fit well in one baggage.

I look at Seokjin and smile. "You said you've been here for three days now," I tell him.

He nods, "Yeah"

"So where were you staying?" I ask.

"I stay wherever I want," he answers casually.

"What does that mean?"

He tries to avoid my stare and looks up at the ceiling. "I've been hoping you'd read the note, so I've been staying near the entrance of La Festa for days, just waiting for you all day and all night."

"Are you kidding me? What if she doesn't come" my voice comes out as a yell again.

He looks at me this time, his eyes hard.

"Yeah, tell me that I'm insane 'cos I am," he says. "I didn't wanna lose you. I've been crazy for you these days and I just hope you'll know that I'm waiting for you."

I feel guilty suddenly. "Don't tell me that. I'm not Sun Hee."

"Yeah right,"he says and the rest is silence. I pick up the handle of the baggage, but he hold me up and takes it instead. Then we head outside.

Once we're back in the sun again, I keep wondering how happy Sun Hee must have felt to have Seokjin beside her. I know I don't deserve this- stealing her body and all, but sometimes a little part of my brain tells me that I do deserve this. I've been loving this man for two years now without him even knowing about it, and I love him longer than Sun Hee ever does. And if this isn't the price for that, then I don't know what is.

I want to stay like this but somehow I'll wake up again, and everything will be normal again. Seokjin belongs to Sun Hee. He loves her, and she loves him. But what am I doing right now? Why am I getting entangled in their story? What is my part here? I know that this is just my dream and my head messing up reality again, but could it be a lot more?