No people cares

So if you have not guessed, I kinda have both. In my parents conservative eyes it makes me defective. Since I am not a boy I am.

My bone structure is more like a girl would have and my face and skin resembles to a female too. Though still, I have it and since I am a teen, 5 minutes of every morning is still in bed. Smoking makes my voice less girly, but my movements could give me away too.

Of course I have military training and stuff, but everyone would understand, that in a situstion like this, i am a little confused. How should I proceed? I am always carrying out the orders, not making them. Also now I am walking to the biggest night of a teenagers life and I even made a skirt for myself.

Walking there, I was thinking about shooting myself, this ruins my whole life and it is not even that far. 20 meter and I am there, where I only know 2 people's name, who has mine and for the record I spoke with them like twice.

Oooof course, they saw me, walked to me and said hi. It was like normal. I AM WEARING WOMENS CLOTHES. COME ON. I DID THE BIGGEST THING OF MY LIFE. AND YOU ARE DRUNK AND CAN NOT EVEN SEE.

Yeah, if a teen guy and girl sees alcohol, they forget everything. Party first. Also, they will not even remember, if they are this drunk. Oh maaan... I just go home, I give up.

As we walked in to the loud music slash kids throwing up on me party, I started to feel bad. Like I know all about this. I just do not have the gears that are turning on and off, because some tramps. I can have it when I grow up, just less complicated, with more fun.

Going inside, since, my best buddies asked me with unarticulated words and gestures an alcoholic would not have were at least smooth. Smoking instead of drinking made it easier. It is just 2 hours. What half of it passed.

Yeah, so standing on the side was OK, if someone comes to me, we speak, I just have to let them come to me.

Last 10 minutes came... Yeah... Calculating the odds, I may had my hopes too high. An actual guy came to me.

-Guy: Who are you? I mean, do you have an ID? I am the student council president and I have not seen a girl like you before. Naaaah joking, just come with me, have fun.

OH COME ON, THIS??? NO WAY I DEFINETLY WILL LOSE MY WEAPONS LICENCE IF HE GETS ME INTO SOMETHING NASTY.

-Me: Sorry, I have no intention of this.

-Guy: And I have zero intention to let them know, you have a gun.

I have realized it. Until it has a hole and there is an odd, no people cares until these two factors are there. Yeah, no people cares, but to be frank, the guy thought, that this is airsoft, not the real deal, also, he did not knew, that I am really not intending in any business of his and I have not got the mind of the 14 year old weirdo whore he takes me for. Actually, poor him.