Cucumber Gag  

William leaned close to Brian's face at a red light. "Babe, what's wrong? If something's bothering you, talk to me. Don't want to go on the business trip? Want me to go instead? But I'm afraid I might mess it up."

Brian ignored him.

"Oh, come on, talk to me. What's got you so upset?"

"Playing the hero must feel good," Brian said, a cold smirk playing on his lips.

"You're the one who cracked a guy's head open and saved the damsel in distress. You tell me, how does it feel?"

While many people tried to play the hero, it was William who threw the first punch. But Brian was the ultimate hero, decisively saving the day. If anyone stole the show, it was Brian. His wine bottle move was the most impressive.

Brian didn't respond. He silently went home and straight into his study. He only needed to pack a set of underwear and a suit for his two-day trip, but he spent three hours packing his suitcase.

From his vantage point, Brian's anger had flared the moment William stepped in to help Miki. To prevent the cliché scene of the damsel falling for her hero, and to remind William that he was a married man who shouldn't be too friendly with women, Brian had grabbed a wine bottle, walked up behind the drunk, and cracked his head open. You could say that the drunk bore the brunt of 80% of Brian's anger.

Brian didn't want to be jealous. He knew that any man should step in when a woman is being harassed. William did nothing wrong; he was right to help.

Even though William had been eyeing this woman since she entered the club, even though he helped her and watched her until she turned the corner and disappeared, he hadn't done anything wrong. He had done a good deed. Brian's anger was somewhat unreasonable. He couldn't lash out at William or tell him not to look at any other women. What was this, high school? He wasn't some jealous teenager.

Feeling uncomfortable, he was just angry with himself, repeatedly telling himself that William was a soldier, a man, and it was his duty to help. He didn't step in just because the woman was beautiful.

But his pent-up anger made him irritable. Unable to sleep, he went to the balcony to smoke.

"Babe, why are you smoking here instead of sleeping? You have a trip tomorrow morning."

"Miki is quite attractive."

"Yeah, she's pretty."

Brian nodded and put out his cigarette.

So, you're complimenting another woman's looks in front of me? You're asking for it.

"Wash all the cucumbers in the fridge and bring them here."

"If you're hungry, I can make you a snack. Why eat cucumbers? You're not trying to lose weight. If you lose any more, you'll be skin and bones."

"Just do it."

Unable to argue with Brian, William went to wash the cucumbers. When did we buy so many? He usually only buys a few. Oh right, they hadn't eaten them. There must be ten, all spiky and prickly. He washed them all and brought them out, wondering why Brian would choose cucumbers over fruit.

Brian looked at the ten cucumbers and gestured at William. "Eat."

William was obedient. If you tell me to eat, I'll eat. He crunched on one like a rat.

"Keep going, eat them all."

"I'm full from dinner, I can't eat that much."

"Eat!"

Brian glared at him, and William, afraid of Brian's anger, quickly picked up another one and started munching. He was so full he started to burp. But Brian was watching him, so he picked up a third one. He wasn't as quick this time. He took a bite and held it in his mouth, not swallowing. He was so full that if he opened his mouth, you could see the food in his throat.

"Big bites!"

At Brian's command, William quickly stuffed half a cucumber into his mouth. He held it there, unable to eat anymore. He looked pitifully at Brian.

"Uh-uh-uh."

Brian laughed, forcefully pushing the cucumber further into William's mouth. William couldn't take it anymore and quickly took it out.

"It hit my throat, it's too big, too deep."

He spat out some saliva, completely unaware of how his words pleased Brian.

"Eating a cucumber like this is too weird. If you get me aroused, you'll accuse me of marital rape. And is there too much pesticide on this cucumber? Why does my stomach hurt?"

He clutched his stomach and rushed to the bathroom.

Just as he closed the bathroom door, Brian chuckled triumphantly.

"If you can't eat a cucumber properly, how will you serve me in the future?"

He could serve Brian just like he did with the cucumber, with that pitiful look on his face.