Chapter 2: The Dursleys

Harry woke up halfway through the city. "Hey," he cried from his position on Deadpool's shoulder. All he saw was the back of that weird red and black one-piece suit. "Put me down, or I'm going to barf," he said, putting his hand over his mouth to prevent just that.

Deadpool hopped to the next roof and dumped the boy immediately on the floor. "No spewing on the suit," the man said, pointing to Harry.

"Where are we?" Harry asked, not sure what was happening, but knowing he needed to get home soon. The sun was getting low, and he needed to cook dinner. Though he wasn't sure the Dursleys would be home, he didn't want to take the chance. That and he was starving. He didn't know why but he was very hungry. It felt like he could eat a whole cow.

"London," the masked man said, looking around to get the general idea where they were. He didn't know London as well as he knew New York, but he had studied the map of the city before he decided to kidnap the kid. You know, just in case he needed it.

"That doesn't tell me anything," complained the child. "I need to get home," he said instead, looking at his trunk still tucked under Deadpool's arm. "Thanks, for bringing my trunk," he said politely. If nothing else the Dursleys did beat manners into him.

"Sure, no problem, kid. Tell me where you live and I'll get you home," he promised. Staring at the child, though Harry could only guess where his eyes were, and contemplating how he was going to train the kid.

"Privet Drive, Surrey," Harry said, looking at the man strangely. He still didn't know what the man had done to him, and really hoped what he said was true and that he was going to be a superhero. "Will I really be like Captain America?" he finally asked, standing up and wiping the dirt off his trousers.

"With a bit of training," Deadpool promised, picking him up like he was a baby, not sure if he wanted the kid in a fireman's carry again. He then shifted him, so he was in a piggyback position. "Hang on," he called and then jumped again. He landed on the street near a bus stop. He then looked at the map to get an idea which way he needed to go. Upon seeing where it was, he jumped back on the building, making those around him point and stare.

"Woah," Harry said, enjoying the ride. "This is wicked," he shouted in the man's ear.

"Just hang on," Wade said, getting to the part of the city where the buildings were lower and harder to jump. They were soon at the edge of London, and Deadpool stopped and dropped back to the street. "We'll take the train from here," he said, pulling some money from somewhere.

"Where did you get money?" Harry asked, not seeing anywhere the man could be carrying a wallet.

"Here and there," Deadpool said, counting his stolen funds. He had been pickpocketing the entire time he'd been in this timeline.

"Oh," was all the boy could say to that.

They went into the Underground and caught the correct train and were soon in Surrey. The other passengers on the train, pointed and whispered at the strange duo. More so the man than the boy. They got off near Privet Drive and started walking.

"My relatives are going to hate you," Harry commented, not sure if that was a good thing or bad.

"I could care less," Wade said, hefting the trunk into a more comfortable position.

"They don't like anything not normal," the kid explained, leading the way to #4 Privet Drive. "They are really mean about it," he warned.

"I'm super strong, kid. And I'm one scary motherfucker," he said, flexing his muscles on his unoccupied arm.

"Woah," Harry said, hoping that this man would put the Dursleys in their place. He would be happy to see them taken down a peg or two. "Just don't kill them, please," he stated, giving Wade his puppy-dog eyes.

"Why the hell not? I can tell they're abusers," Wade asked, not liking that he couldn't unalive anyone.

"They are the only family I have left," Harry said, pulling his too large shirt a bit. "I mean, yeah they are mean, but they did take me in," he added, then smirked. "You can scare them though."

"Well, I am good at scaring people," Deadpool said, then looked off to the side like he was reading something only he could see. "The author says that they need to live for some reason," he whined, not liking that everyone was telling him to behave.

"Maybe they are important to the story," Harry said, not sure what the man was talking about but deciding to play along.

"I like you, kid," Deadpool said, waving to the people staring at them from behind curtains. "Hello," he called to one neighbor, who was watering their lawn. "Don't you know there's a water shortage, asshole?" he said in an angry manner. "That means no watering lawns, dumbass," he added, going up the side of the house and turning off the hose, then breaking the knob so it wouldn't turn back on. "Dickweed," he said as he jumped to where Harry was watching with his mouth hanging open.

"Is there really a water shortage?" the boy asked as they continued down the road.

"Yes, there is only a set amount of water for the whole world, and we're getting short on drinkable water," Wade answered, hefting the trunk on to his shoulder. "Are we there yet?" he asked, tired of wandering around this cookie-cutter neighborhood. Damn, but he hated the suburbs.

"Yeah, it's right there," Harry said, pointing to the house he grew up in. He looked at the sky to get the general idea what time it was, and he knew the yelling would start as soon as he was in the door. He did have to wonder how they got home from the island, since Hagrid had taken the boat, but decided it was unimportant.

With dragging feet, he led the way to #4. He didn't bother knocking, since he lived there, he just opened the door. Deadpool right behind him. "I'm back," he called to the house.

"Freak," a loud male voice came from the left. They heard some grunting and groaning as someone tried to get out of the chair they were sitting in. Deadpool figured out right quick the person was fat and out of shape. There was no way a healthy person made that much noise getting up.

"Fat huh?" he asked Harry, who only nodded, but had a wicked grin on his face.

"Freak," the loud bellow came again, this time accompanied by loud footsteps. "You'd better have a good reason for being this late," the fat man said as he rounded the corner.

"Shut it, fatso," Deadpool said, putting the trunk on the floor and meeting the fat man halfway.

"Who the hell are you? Another Freak?" Dursley said, getting in the man's face. He was used to people backing off from his bulk.

Deadpool didn't even bother to answer, he just punched the guy straight in the gut. His fist buried to halfway up his forearm, the guy was that fat.

Vernon Dursley had never been punched before. It hurt. Badly. He doubled over in pain and there were tears in his eyes. But that didn't matter, because the masked man that had punched his stomach was now punching his face. He landed on his arse and sat there crying at the pain.

The woman, who had come to watch her nephew be yelled at, started screaming. So Deadpool punched her in the face too. She landed next to her husband, completely stunned.

The child, who would one day be as big as his father, waddled up the stairs as fast as his fat legs would let him.

"Wicked," Harry said, smiling at his family's predicament. While he didn't want them dead, they did deserve a bit of justice handed out to them.

"A bit of training, and you'll be able to do the same," Wade said, picking up the trunk and stepping on Vernon's already aching stomach, then face, and going to the stairs. "Which room is yours, kid?" he asked, waiting for Harry to skirt around his relatives.

"The smallest one at the top of the stairs," he said, moving as quickly as he could around his uncle. He didn't want to get grabbed. However, the man seemed to be lost in his pain. His aunt was in shock.

"Who's the fat kid?" Deadpool asked, looking at the door the other child had ran through.

"That's my cousin Dudley," Harry answered, a look of revulsion on his face. "He's not a nice person," he added, grabbing the knob to the door of his room. "This is where I sleep now," he said, proudly. It was loads better than the cupboard.

"Now?" Wade asked, catching that word right away. "Where did you sleep before?" he asked, looking around the sparce room. There was a rickety bed and an old desk. That was it. there was a closet, which he assumed the kid put his clothes in. He went to open the door but was stopped by a hand on his wrist.

"I wouldn't," Harry said, releasing the man's wrist. "I had to shove a load of stuff in there," he explained.

"Where's all of your stuff?" the masked man asked, putting the trunk on the bed.

"I don't really have that much," Harry confessed in a soft voice. He plucked his shirt again, and added, "Most of my stuff was Dudley's."

"I see," was all Deadpool said as he wandered to the door. "You never did answer my question. Where did you sleep before?"

"Under the stairs," Harry whispered, not really wanting to tell the man, but he didn't want to lie to him either.

"I see," Wade said again, this time opening the door. He looked down the stairs to see the woman had woken up from her stupor and was headed for the phone. Well, he couldn't let that happen, so he jumped off the landing and landed right in front of her, making her scream in terror.

"Ah, ah, ah, no calling the cops," he said, wagging a finger at her.

She jumped back to where her husband was still groaning on the floor. "Vernon, do something," she said, yanking on his arm to get him moving.

Deadpool and Harry watched as the huge mass of fat tried to get off the floor.

"Do you need a hand?" Wade asked, tilting his head a bit as if contemplating on whether or not he could help. "Never mind, I'd need a crane to get that much up," he said, nodding his head decisively.

"Really?" Harry said in disbelief. He figured the guy was stronger than that. "I thought you were super strong," he added with an impish grin.

"No, not really, but I don't want to touch that if I don't have to," the masked man said, laughing at his own joke.

"Oh," Harry said, inching away from the obviously crazy man. It wasn't even funny.

"Tough room," Deadpool said, still watching Dursley try and fail to get off the floor, even with his wife helping him. Finally, they pulled a chair to the guy to use as leverage, and Vernon lumbered up. "Finally," he exclaimed, only to sucker punch the guy right back onto the floor.

Petunia screamed again and backed away. "Why are you doing this?" she screeched, putting her hand on her heart.

"I hate child abusers," was the answer from the masked man, who was nonchalantly leaning on the wall.

"I would never hurt my Dudley," the woman said as if that were the only child in the house.

"Just the fact that you didn't include Harry, makes me mad," Deadpool said, moving in her direction.

"Wait," she said, holding her hands up to ward him off. "I never touched the freak," she said, telling the truth. The frying pan might of, but her hands were clean.

"Ah, but you let it happen," Deadpool said, though he did stop advancing on her.

"They never really hit me hard," Harry said as he went to hold the man off from beating his aunt more.

"But they did hit you," Wade pointed out, glaring at Vernon, who was once more trying to get up. This time using the chair. He was making better progress. "And I can tell that they neglect you," he pointed out, gesturing to the way the boy was dressed and his broken glasses.

"They didn't have to take me in," Harry pointed out, standing in front of his aunt. He didn't care if the man hit his uncle again. That man deserved it.

"The freak is right," Petunia said, only to scream when Deadpool threw a knife at her head.

"Don't call him that," the masked man spit out, emphasizing each word with a hand gesture.

"He is a freak," Vernon said, pulling himself up to his full height. "If you understood that, you wouldn't be defending him." He stood tall, but far away from the man who had punched him. He inched his way to his wife, in hopes to protecting her.

For an answer Deadpool pulled off his mask. The distorted face stared at them, daring them to say something.

"Woah," Harry said, going up to the man to get a closer look. "Does it hurt?" he asked in a childlike manner. He reached up as if to touch the scars, but Deadpool stopped him.

"No, it did at the time, but now it just looks bad," Wade said, gently lowering the boy's arm.

"How did it happen?" the child asked, not the least bit intimidated by the man's face.

The Dursleys, on the other hand, were terrified.

"A secret organization was trying to make super soldiers, but they failed. That's how I got my face. I burned them to the ground," he explained in simple terms.

"Will my face do that?" Harry asked a bit worried. He was already a freak by being magical. He didn't want to scare people.

"No, you'll still be the handsome boy that you are now," Wade said, smiling at the child. "You, on the other hand, might not be so lucky," he said, pointing to Vernon.

"You have no right, freak," the fat man said, in an act of bravery.

"Right? What does that have to do with anything? I'm not the government. Your rights don't mean jackshit to me," Deadpool said, moving forward once again. Then he stopped, looked to the left and listened. "Damn it, Fairywm, quit ruining my fun," he shouted at nothing.

"What?" Harry asked, looking to where the man was and seeing nothing but a wall.

"Never mind," the man said, with a defeated look and posture. He then put his mask back on and pointed to the couch. "Sit," he told the Dursleys. "We're going to talk," he said, slumping in the recliner in the room. "Harry, go unpack your shit," he told the boy.

"No killing," Harry said, making his way slowly out of the room.

"The author won't let me," the man whined, putting his face in his hands.

"Alright then," Harry said, leaving the adults to talk.

"Listen up, and listen up good," Deadpool said, lifting his head when he knew that Harry was at the top of the stairs. "This is what's going to happen," he finished with menace in his voice.

The Dursleys cowered in their seats.