Chapter 11: Fun with Spiders

They went into the scary trees, Harry very cautiously. Deadpool like he was strolling in Central Park, which most people would be cautious in. Not Deadpool though, he enjoyed strolling there at midnight, just to keep his hand in fighting. Though why those muggers that hung out there thought they could beat a costumed man, Wade didn't know. It was obvious that he was stronger than them. Still, if Sister Margaret's was dead, he went there.

"What do you think is out here?" Harry asked, thinking of all the supernatural things he could think of, which wasn't much since he was never allowed to read about them. Or see them on the telly. He had read his first year's defense book, but there weren't many creatures in it. Mostly simple spells, like the knockback jinx.

"I don't know, werewolves maybe," Wade answered, looking for anything that would spark his interest. So far all he'd seen were the centaurs. They didn't seem hostile, so he let them be for now.

"Dragons?" Harry asked, he too noting the centaurs. He was more concerned about them than Wade, but he trusted Deadpool to know when someone was dangerous. He, Harry, had little practice at that. He had trusted people growing up, and nothing good came of it.

"Nah, the whole place would have burned by now. I'm sure there are unicorns, but we can't fight them. That's bad luck," he said, still looking around for something to fight. "Frank would hate it here," he added as an afterthought.

They heard the centaurs snort at that admission.

"Why don't we spar, maybe that'll attract something?" Harry said, looking for a clearing to spar in. He was more than ready to show Deadpool how much he'd improved. The fights with the goblins had taught him a lot.

"Okay, let's, but remember I'm still stronger than you are, so I will take it easy on you," Deadpool said, pointing to a clearing. They went there and stopped to spar.

They met in the middle of a clearing and exchanged blows for about five minutes, to which Deadpool was impressed with Harry's progress, when a giant spider came to see what was going on. They looked at one another and changed to fighting the spider. Deadpool took the body, while Harry took the legs. It was only a matter of minutes when the spider was down.

"Do you reckon there's more?" Harry asked, pulling the legs off the dead one in front of them. They were still twitching. He wondered if they had magical properties. For potions and such. He didn't know for sure, but he'd look it up when he could. He'd already read his first year's book, but he didn't recall giant spider parts in there.

"Probably. Any idea what it is? I've never seen a spider this big, and I lived in New York," Wade said, pulling the head off just to make sure it didn't get back up. The spider's body curled up, letting them know it was dead.

"There are a colony of them," came a voice from their right.

"A colony consisting of how many?" Deadpool asked, looking at the dark-haired centaur. His coat and hair were both black as night. The one next to him paled in color.

"I am Magorian. I am the leader of the centaur colony. The stars did not foretell of hunters joining our fight against the Acromantula," he intoned in an airy yet deep voice, like he was speaking to someone else not there.

"Oh, we're not hunters, per se, we're just having fun," Deadpool said, throwing the severed head away and jumping back down to the ground. He walked over to the centaurs not a bit afraid. He didn't know if they were fighters, but he knew they couldn't kill him.

"Wait, the stars talk?" Harry asked, never having heard of such. Unless you count horoscopes. He too got up from his decimation of the spider.

"If you know how to listen," Magorian stated, leveling a look to the young boy. "Mars is bright for you, young Potter." He looked to the sky as if to make sure what he said was true. It was, so he nodded.

"What does that mean?" Harry asked, not knowing the symbolism.

"That your fight is not over," was the vague answer.

"Oh, you mean the Dork Lord?" Harry said, tilting his head a bit.

"You know he is alive?" was the shocked response.

"Sure, Wade told me," he said, pointing to his friend.

"How do you know this?" the centaur asked, looking over the costumed man and finding him lacking.

"A sorcerer told me," Wade answered, with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Ah," was all the answer they got for that.

"You never did answer my question," Deadpool said, walking closer to the horseman. "A colony of how many?"

"Thousands," was the reply.

"Well, shit, that's not good," the costumed man said, sitting down in a thinking pose. "Can you believe this shit?" he asked no one, turning to his right. "Thousands. Even I can't fight that many." He then turned forward and asked Harry, "Any ideas?"

"Maybe we can lure a few at a time away and get them then?" Harry suggested, in a questioning voice.

"Not a bad idea, but how?" was the response. Wade did some more thinking.

"Well, our spar brought one, we can do that," Harry stated, going up to his friend and sitting next to him.

"That might be a good idea," Deadpool said, getting up from the ground and clapping his hands in a 'let's do it' gesture.

So the two sparred, while the centaurs moved back to the woods. When the spiders showed, they would fight them and win. Once three showed at once, and Deadpool hopped on one and rode it like a horse.

"Yippee ki-yay, motherfuckers!" he yelled, as he slashed the one next to the one he was riding. He was also twirling a lasso and wore a cowboy hat. There were boots on his feet as well. Where he got them, no one knows. He threw the lasso and roped the one he had just slashed.

"Can't you be serious?" Harry asked as he dead punched one in the face. The spider was one of the larger ones, so it only stumbled back a few paces. He looked at his fist like it had failed him and walked up to the spider and punched it again. That time it fell. He ripped off the head and threw it away. He then watched Deadpool in action.

"Hell no. I'm going to have as much fun as I can," the other man said, jumping off his mount, he hogtied the spider he had roped, and when the one he had been riding tried to eat him, he shot it.

"You could be quieter about it," Harry said, coming up to him.

"I thought we wanted to attract more," he said, taking a knife and cutting the heart out of the one he had tied up.

"We do, but not all at once," Harry said, then gagged when Wade sniffed the heart like it was a flower.

"Fine, cockblocker," Wade said, throwing the heart away and getting ready to spar again. The cowboy hat and boots disappeared without a trace. "Do you readers see what she does to me?" Deadpool asked. "Make her stop." He glared at the empty space, but alas got no reply.

They did this, three more times, taking on two or three spiders at a time, but soon it was time to go back, so they thanked the centaurs and said they'd be back.

"We thank you for your efforts," the leader said, then whirled around on his hindlegs and ran off into the forest.

"You're welcome," Harry called after him. "You'd think they'd be more grateful," he said to Wade.

"Maybe they're just assholes," the man said, kicking some of the spider debris out of his way.

"Maybe," Harry said, stepping over the stuff.

"We should come every night that you don't have astronomy," Deadpool said, leading the way back to the castle. He morphed back to his chibi form.

"I can do that. Perhaps we'll clear the forest before the end of the year," the preteen said, flexing his muscles to get the kinks out. It had been a good fight.

"If we don't, I'll come in one night and finish them off," Deadpool said, flicking the blood off his katanas, and pulling a cloth from… somewhere and cleaning them.

"Sounds like a plan," Harry agreed. He didn't have a weapon yet. "Hey, Deadpool, when are you going to teach me about swords and stuff?" he asked, keeping pace with the other man.

"Tomorrow night, if you want. I was just waiting for you to ask," the man said, sheathing his katanas on his back. "Guns too," he added, knowing that he'd have to supply them.

"No thanks. I can't use them here, so swords will be fine," the boy said, shaking his head.

"I'll teach you, but you don't have to use them. It might come in handy later," Deadpool stated, nodding his head sagely.

"Fine," Harry said, and they went quiet.

They didn't come across any more spiders, but they did see some skeletal horses with wings. But when they tried to greet them, the horses took off.

"How many different types of horses are there in the wizarding world?" Wade asked, looking at the ones flying away.

"How would I know, I just got here," Harry said, then he yawned and moved towards the castle.

"Let's get you to bed," Deadpool said, grabbing Harry's shoulder and running back. They made it in good time and met Luna in the halls on the way to the dorm.

"What are you doing out here?" Harry asked, suddenly wide awake.

"Professor Snape came in and wanted to know what I was doing in the common room. So, I told him I was looking for nargles. He told me to go back to bed, but I said I needed my nargles to sleep and left. I don't know what he did after that, but if he did a head count, I felt you needed to know," she explained, leaning against Deadpool, who put his arm around her to keep her up.

"Nah, I'll simply tell him it's none of his business," the costumed man said, meaning he would threaten him.

"Just don't kill anyone, yet. I don't want to be kicked out until I see the library," Luna said, thinking of all the good books she would miss out on.

"Right," the costumed man said, pouting. Why won't anyone let him kill people? It was what he did best.

They made their way to the common room without incident. Going to bed, they all slept well. Well, Deadpool didn't have a bed, since he wasn't a student, so he threw Malfoy out of his bed and took it.

The angry blond tried to get his bed back but was met with the business end of a katana for his troubles. The grumpy boy made his way to the common room and slept on the couch. He was not a happy camper.

The next morning, they all got up and showered. Soon it was time for breakfast. They trooped to the Great Hall with all the other first years. Though, they were given a wide berth. Draco mumbled the whole way, making threats to tell his father and Snape. The trio ignored him.

"Potter," came the bark from the left.

"Yes, Professor?" Harry said, already knowing where this was going.

"Why were you not in bed last night?" the Potions Master asked, glaring down at the child.

"Bathroom?" he asked/said.

"Is that a question?" Snape snarled.

"Well, I don't know what time you did the bed check so I can only guess," Harry said with a smirk.

"Be in your bed tonight, or feel my displeasure," the greasy-haired man snarled, making everyone think that was the only way he knew to express himself.

"Nope, he's coming with me," Deadpool stated, folding his arms as if to say 'argue with me'.

"He will be in his bed at curfew," the man said, standing tall over the chibi man.

"I am his bodyguard; I need to do things at night. He needs to come with me," Deadpool said, lowering his arms and walking up to the man. "I'm not scared of you. And, I would just kill you and be done with it, but Luna asked me not to. Harry is coming with me," he reiterated with his own snarl.

"I am not afraid of a child," Severus stated, leaning down to stare at the masked chibi. "Take that ridiculous mask off," he said, grabbing for said mask.

Deadpool reached behind him and pulled out a… tutu. He rammed it over Snape's head and pinned his arms to his side. "There, that's better," he said, whistling as he walked away.

The Potions Master screamed incoherently while the entire hall laughed at him. Even his snakes had to hide their mirth. Struggle as he might, he could not rip the vile thing off of him.

Luna walked by and said, "You shouldn't pick on the blimpersnouts." She then skipped to the table and sat between Harry and Wade.