Roller Coaster

Nathaniel just couldn't believe it. Throughout his life, he had learned that wonders did not exist. He was first ignored, then hated, abandoned, and finally send to die in a war when he was barely twelve. Sure, there were some good memories, but wonders... they were things from myths. He didn't believe in them, much less expect them to happen to him, whose fate seemed to end with death on the battlefield.

Somewhere inside him, that was what he always expected to happen, despite his efforts to defy this fate. He would fight and fight until one day someone defeated him. Maybe a traitor would shoot his back, maybe his mother would succeed in poisoning him, or he fell in a fair duel with an enemy - though most likely not the latter. It was not even pessimism speaking from the thought, just the realistic calculations of possibility. Wonders were things that happened to his enemies if anyone at all.

Then, Katherine appeared. And this one person brought so many wonders to his life that he sometimes thought that it could only be a dream. Such as right now. Despite her words, despite the tears that slid down her face, and the soldiers clamoring around them - hell, most likely because of all this ruckus - he felt as if a veil had fallen between him and the world. It restrained him, distanced him from everyone else.

Sure, he was happy. It was wonderful. One more wonder happened in his life. He would be a Dad... father of a tiny being born of him and his dearest wife. But hadn't he received too much lately? Where was the drawback? Where the realism?

Pensive, he rubbed over her tummy with his thumb. It was still flat and soft like always. Katherine glanced down at him with wet eyes and he did his best to form a smile. She smiled back, brilliantly.

His heart gave a heavy thump and his mouth ran dry. What should he say to her? He felt clumsy and helpless like never before in his life. Never did he expect that he could fall even more for her. Yet, this was the case right now. Anything for her smile, any unreasonable request he would fulfill if only she asked. She carried his child, his hope, his heart. If only this fragile dream could last...

Suddenly, he knew that it could not. So many good things could not happen in a row. When the moment came to pay the price, what would it take from him? Anxiety crept onto him and he gripped Katherine's waist tightly.

"Nathaniel?" Her violet eyes sparkled, still moist but also so happy. How could he protect this happiness? How could he protect her and their child when war was about to break loose or even worse when he reclaimed the throne? His high ambitions, the drive that he always thought would bring him satisfaction, now threatened the real happiness he had already found. In a split second, he made a decision.

"We need to run." Sitting up, he pulled Katherine against his chest as if he could hide her there.

"Huh?" Her voice oozed confusion when he lifted her in his arms as if she did not weigh more than a saddle bag. His hands, though, were gentle like handling fragile glass. She lightly slapped his arm when his long legs took strides toward his tent. "Hey! What do you mean, run?"

"Run away, leave." He did not hesitate a beat when he put her down on the thin mattress and began to throw things into a bag. The tent's flap hid his actions from the outside world. Vaguely, they heard Lady Brandon quietening the soldiers down outside but neither of them cared.

"Leave?" Katherine's face was a sight to behold. "Now? What about your men and - hey, wait a minute!"

He was about to lift her again, the bag slung over his shoulder. This time, however, she struggled. "Set me down! Come on, explain it - hey! Hey - Ouch!"

At her painful cry, Nathaniel stilled instantly, panic flashing in his eyes. Hastily, he set her back on the mattress and crouched down next to her. "Did I hurt you? The baby - ?"

As if on instinct, his hands moved to her tummy but she pushed them away, her face twisted into a scowl. "Stop! Wait a bit! Damn!"

She took a trembling breath and with growing dread, he saw perspiration glittering above her brows. Her skin shimmered with the slight glow of her power as if he had agitated her to the extreme. Or as if he had hurt her.

His gloved hands balled into fists uselessly on his tighs. It took all his afford to keep the self-loathing out of his voice as he asked for a second time. "Did I... hurt you?"

"No", she almost hissed and send him a glare that did not help clear his confusion. "Just shut up for a second!"

Despite her words, she rubbed her stomach in a circular motion as if she was in pain and mumbled something. He slightly leaned in to catch her words. "It's okay, sweetheart, mommy was just a bit upset. I'm sorry. I'm tuning the magic down now. Please relax, okay? It will get better now... mommy will be more careful, so just stay there nice and cozy..."

Nathaniel's white brows locked together. So he had hurt them after all. Hurt his child by agitating the mother, to be exact. He swallowed dryly. The apology was stuck in his throat, obstructing other words from forming. He knew she didn't want to hear it but it just stuck there like slimy goo. In the end, he stayed silent, watching her and listening to her soft cooing.

After what felt like hours, Katherine looked up. Her smile was crooked, unconvincing. "Now back to you, my love."

Gently, she cupped Nathaniel's face in her hands and tried to smoothen the lines on his forehead. It didn't work and he remained silent, brooding. She could feel the stiffness of his shoulders and the gloomy red of his eyes that fixed on her. His skin was cold to the touch, so she started kissing it. First his forehead, then his cheekbones, jaw, and nose.

Finally, he turned his face sideways into her palm to avoid the attack and caught her wrist in a gentle grip. "Tell me what happened."

The calmness of his statement nearly brought tears to her eyes. The impatience and restlessness from before were gone and the husband who always knew an answer had returned to her. Or at least, almost. Below the layer of calm, she could still somehow feel his anxiety. It squeezed her heart in a tight grip.

"Why did you want to leave?", she asked instead of an answer.

His mouth twitched but it was not from a smile. Of the many answers in his head, there was only one that she might accept. "This is not a place for a baby."

"There are still many months before its birth though", she objected as if she had prepared the arguments beforehand. "Look, it is not even showing yet. I can still do anything I did before. Well... except magic."

She grew quieter at the end, making him almost miss the last sentence. His eyes narrowed to slits. "Except what?"

Unwilling, she pressed the hands to her mouth. But by replaying the last moments in his mind, he found the answer himself. It was one he really disliked since it was either the baby or him. And he knew which he would choose. "Is it hurting the baby when you use your magic?"

Hesitantly, she nodded. In reaction, his eyes flared with a cold fury that was also reflected in his tone. "You know that my magic is not completely stable and yours reacts to it. Then why the hell are you still touching me?"