Chapter 85

"Any chance you can, I dunno, prove it? Maybe?" Milo asked hopefully.

"I d-d-don't think so, but you have to believe me... I'm so sorry..."

Eh, so much for that idea.

"What the Hells is happening?" he asked.

"Dunno... it's like I could hear this voice, giving me these suggestions... and they seemed like such a good idea at the time and it made me so happy to follow them..." she shuddered. "I'm so sorry, I tried to kill you." She started crying.

"What? No you didn't," Milo said. "That's absurd. You were possessed, obviously. Otherwise, Protection from Evil wouldn't have helped."

"Wh-what?" she asked.

"Just trust me on this one. I'd bet you didn't even know how to cast those curses you were sending at me, right?"

"N-no..."

"There you have it. We're safe, caloo calay," Milo collapsed back to the ground. He hadn't even noticed when it had happened, but at some point during the staring contest he'd gone to a crouching position (standing up would be all but impossible in the confines of Milo's crude shelter).

"A-are you alright?" Hannah asked. "You look kind of... drenched in blood."

"You should see the other guy," Milo muttered, his eyes closed.

"But seriously," she said, her voice starting to come back to her. "You need help at least as much as I do... what are we going to do?" she asked, panic evidently rising.

Milo laughed.

"Me? I'll be fine. I can just sleep off anything short of death, trust me. Which is more than I can say for that Redcap outside."

"There's a — wait, what was it you said earlier? I wasn't really... all there. There was something about a Red Cap."

"Uh. Yeah, I think it smelled your blood... erm. Sorry about that, by the way, I didn't know it was you."

"The Red Cap," Hannah pressed, "did you... I mean, is it... did you kill it?"

"Uh. Yeah, I made pretty sure of that."

"And it's right outside?"

"Yeah, but trust me, it's not going anywhere."

"Bury it!"

"Oh, come on, it's just some random monster —"

"Don't you ever listen in Defence? They're attracted by spilled blood!"

"Yeah, I know that. But I don't see... oh."

"Get out there and bury it before it attracts more!"

"Don't have to tell me twice... er, three times," Milo said, getting to his feet with a wince, and crawled out of the improvised tent.

He stumbled over to the dead Redcap, grabbing his fallen quarterstaff on the way. He groaned, using it as an improvised shovel.

"This is the worst," he muttered to the Redcap. "The absolute worst. I mean, you're dead, but you've got it lucky," he said between jabs with his staff to loosen up the snow. "It's like, practically Frostfell conditions out here, and I decided to make my bloody robes resistant to bloody heat. And now I've got to dig a great, bloody big hole in the ground for you, and believe me, the less time I spend around you the better." After every good dig with his staff, he reached down and pulled out handfuls of snow.

"And you know what the worst part is?" he asked the corpse. "No, I guess you don't, 'cause you're dead. The absolute worst part is that, right now, you know what would actually help? The damn bucket." Milo scooped another handful of the freezing snow out of the quickly-growing pit. "Been carrying it around in my pocket for three years and when, for once, I actually need it, it's in bloody Chateau Canvas keeping someone else warm while I'm out here digging a big hole in the ground, and did I mention how cold it is?"

Fortunately, the ex-Redcap wasn't very large, and snow is much easier to dig in than dirt. It took him about an hour to finish, but when he had, Milo unceremoniously pushed the little monstrosity into the pit face-first. As an afterthought, he threw the thing's weird little sword in after it, then piled in several feet of snow.

"And good riddance, too," he muttered. "Ain't nobody gets to lick me and walk away from it." With that, he trudged back into the (what could charitably be called a) tent.

Milo stumbled back inside again, and fell face down, immediately drifting off into sleep.

He wasn't quite sure how long he was out for, but when he woke up, the fire had burned low and the sun had gone down. At some point, someone had either Animated his Winter Blanket, or Hannah had put it on him.

"Happy Christmas, Hannah," he said wearily.

"Happy Christmas, Milo," Hannah replied, sounding just as tired. Her stomach rumbled. "Hey, I don't suppose you still have any of those Everlasting Rations?"

"Nah, they ran out weeks ago," Milo responded automatically.

"What, really?"

Milo sighed and passed the blue bag over to her, trying very hard not to roll his eyes.

Hannah took a bite.

"It's... completely tasteless," she said. "That's so weird."

"It's all I've got," he confessed. "Unless you want five pounds of garlic powder."

Milo frowned. Something Ron had said was coming back to him.

"What's Christmas Dinner?" he asked curiously, stoking the fire in an unsuccessful attempt to get it to pick up a bit.

Hannah explained in great detail, lovingly describing the wonders of roast beef, mashed potatoes thickly covered in gravy with carrots and peas on the side and a salad for dad, 'cause of his Cholesterol. Her eyes glazed over somewhat, and Milo was briefly worried that she'd again come, again, under the effects of the Possessor.

"Pass that back for a second," Milo said, gesturing at the Everlasting Rations.

Hannah, looking surprised, complied.

Milo has, in the past, gone on at length about the uses and abuses of Prestidigitation, which, despite the fact that it's used by novice arcanists for practice, he firmly believed ought to be renamed 'Least Wish.' Among its many uses, which have saved Our Hero's hide a number of times, are the ability to soil or clean a large area (which comes in very handy during Milo's many detentions spent cleaning the thousands of Hogwarts statues and armour), move about a pound of material, recolour objects (or, of course, potions), create flimsy little objects — or change something's taste for up to one hour.

"Prestidigitation," Milo cast. It was his last, best spell.

He passed the Rations back to Hannah, who looked confused.

"Try it now," he urged.

Hannah took a bite of the granola-like rations, and her eyes widened.

"It tastes just like..." she paused mid-sentence to take another bite. "Like..." Hannah said again, but seemed at a loss for words.

"Christmas Dinner?" Milo suggested.

"Exactly," Hannah voiced her agreement.

"Beautiful. Now pass some here, I'm starving."

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