I need time

Gu Liwei stared at his phone, his eyebrows furrowed. He had been trying to reach Sun He since yesterday and still has not heard back from him. Usually, even if Sun He was busy, he would not take longer than 8 hours before returning Gu Liwei's phone calls or messages. Gu Liwei hesitated on Auntie Wang's name and wondered for the 10th time if he was making a big deal out of nothing. Sun He's smiling face flashed through his mind, and then he pressed the call button.

"Good morning, Auntie Wang" he said the moment the phone was answered. "Xiao Gu, good morning, how are you? Ah He told me you were in country A?"

"I am good. I am actually back in country C, and just got off the plane."

"Oh yeah? Welcome back! Ah He will be happy to know that"

"That's the thing, Auntie Wang. I have been trying to reach Sun He but he has not been answering my calls. Have you heard from him lately?"

"Ah, you have not? He called me two days ago. He did say that he was going to be very busy in the next few days and will not have time to contact me. Could that be why?"

"Oh, thank you, Auntie Wang! I will stop by then to check on him. I am sorry if I bothered you."

"No worries. I am still waiting on you to come over for dinner."

"I will talk to Sun He and set up a date. Thank you again, Auntie Wang."

Gu Liwei hung up and the smile on his face was gone. He was now even more worried about Sun He. He grabbed his luggage and took a taxi to Sun He's apartment. Gu Liwei was never one to overthink but Sun He had been acting weird over the last couple of days. From refusing his video calls, to now completely ignoring his calls, Sun He seemed to be avoiding him. Gu Liwei was not sure why but he needed to talk to Sun He before he started drawing his own conclusions.

Sun He listened to the ring of the doorbell, hesitating to answer. His mother had just called him to let him know about Gu Liwei's call. Sun He stared at the door wondering why Gu Liwei did not just come in since he already had a key. He looked at the mirror near the front door and the first thing he saw was a big bruise on his face. He is going to freak out, he thought. Sun He had woken up in the hospital to the sound of Tang Jing crying. Tang Jing had been blaming himself for antagonizing Fang Cai leading to Sun He being punched. Sun He had reassured him that it was not his fault. Sun He also had not suffered too much so there was no need for Tang Jing to feel bad. Besides the pain in his cheek and the big bruise he would have for a few days, Sun he had not broken anything. The doctor had told him that he fainted out of shock. Sun He had blushed when he heard that. He had truly been shocked. He had never thought that Fang Cai would ever resort to violence towards him or his friend. The doctor had prescribed him some pain medicine and some anti-inflammatory medication and recommended applied cold compresses on the area for 20 minutes at a time. Sun He had called his workplace the next morning to request a week off. Thankfully, he had just finished a project and had not been assigned to a new one yet, which made things easier.

The insistent sound of the doorbell interrupted Sun He's thoughts. Sun He sighed before opening the door. The moment he saw who it was, he tried to close it.

"Wait, Sunsun! Sun He! Just ten minutes! Give me ten minutes!" Fang Cai screamed blocking the closing door with his legs. Sun He ignored him and tried to close the door. However, Fang Cai would not move his legs or hands.

"I promised you will never see me again after. I just need 10 minutes." Fang Cai said.

Sun He questioned how Fang Cai knew his address but thinking of Fang Cai's resourcefulness, it was not that surprising. Sun He hesitated before opening the door. Fang Cai was always stubborn and Sun He was scared that he would stay outside his door the whole day if he did not let him in. Given that Gu Liwei was on his way, Sun He thought the faster Fang Cai was gone, the less likely he would encounter Gu Liwei.

"Five minutes and you are gone." Sun He walked towards the living room and sat down. Fang Cai sat across from him then looked around. Sun He had decorated his apartment the same way he had as his old apartment that he had before moving in with Fang Cai. The same furniture, the same color scheme. Fang Cai felt complicated looking around. He felt as if he was back to seven years ago when everything was simpler. When Sun He loved him and only him. The only difference to Sun He's new apartment, besides the address, was the addition of a camera on the side table near Sun He. Fang Cai stared at the novel object and wondered if Sun He had picked up a new hobby. He looked at Sun He and realized with a relief sigh that Sun He also had not changed at all. The last two and a half years did not leave any mark on his face.

"Four minutes!" Sun He said looking at his phone. "You better start talking."

Fang Cai sighed before saying "I wanted to apologize about last week. I really did not mean to hit you. I am sorry both about hitting you and about everything else."

Sun He looked at Fang Cai and cruelly said "No need to apologize. I barely remembered you existed until I saw you last week."

"Sun He… Why do you always…" Fang Cai sighed cutting himself off. "You never gave me a chance to explain myself. You were so cruel when you left which makes me wonder… Did you ever really love me?"

Sun He's eyes widened and he looked at Fang Cai incredulously. How did he not realize that Fang Cai was so shameless? Sun He wondered if there was something wrong with Fang Cai's brain and blurted the question out. "Are you sick in the head? Give you a chance to explain what? Fang Cai, must I remind you that you cheated on me? What good explanation do you have for that?"

"I was not myself that day. I was drunk…" Fang Cai started. Sun He rolled his eyes. "Three more minutes".

"Sure enough, you never change. You always dismiss me and never listen or support me. I was always the one there for you. When were you ever there for me? That habit of yours of dismissing anything unrelated to you is the reason why you are still single two years later." Fang Cai felt betrayed. He had missed Sun He terribly. Sure he had enjoyed being single, however he had missed coming home to a warm dinner. When he had seen how much he still affected Sun He last time when Sun He had walked in on him and one of his lovers, He had thought that Sun He still loved him. Fang Cai had thought about it for a while and he had convinced himself that meeting Sun He twice within six months when they had never encountered each other in two years was a sign that he needed to get Sun He back. Fang Cai thought that Sun He would forgive him and they could go back to the past. He missed Sun He, and yes, he cheated, but who has not cheated once or twice. Who can really remain monogamous for their entire life? Heterosexual couples do not, and it is even harder for them, homosexuals.

Hearing the things that were coming out of Fang Cai's mouth, Sun He exploded. "I never supported you? I always dismissed you? Fang Cai, are you confusing me with someone else? I was there for you when all your father's illegitimate children were coming to your door and bullying you. I supported you when you started your business. I was running around with you even almost at the cost of losing my job in order to help you find clients. I used Tang Jing's connections to get you your first project. All the time I devoted to you and what did I get in return? You cheated on me and you tried to hit my friend. The only friend who even though thought you were a jerk, still helped you when you needed it!"

"I was there for you too." Fang Cai screamed. "I supported you in everything, didn't I? I was there for you too. When your father died, whom was it taking care of you? It certainly was not Tang Jing. Tang Jing was thousands of miles away. I was there! Yes, Tang Jing helped me but so what? He still took you away from me. You always took his side on everything! You pushed me away! Why do you think I cheated? If you had not betrayed me first, why would I ever do that?"

Sun He was baffled. He knew that Tang Jing and Fang Cai did not get along. Tang Jing always thought that Fang Cai did not deserve Sun He and never hid his dislike of Fang Cai. Tang Jing was Sun He's best friend and had been since they were both little. They grew up wearing the same pants and Sun He might be biased towards him, but never had he during the entirety of his and Fang Cai's relationship preferred one over the other. He only asked them to be cordial and that was it. Never did Sun He ever think that Fang Cai would perceive Sun He's neutrality as "taking Tang Jing's side". Sun He was tired. He was confused as to why they were even having this conversation. This conversation was more than two years too late.

"Fang Cai, why are you here? Why, after two and a half years, you would think that we needed to have this conversation?" Sun He rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was getting a headache and only wanted this conversation to end.

"I miss you." Fang Cai said. "We were good together, weren't we? Why can't you just forgive me? Sun He, let's start anew!" Fang Cai pleaded. Sun He was baffled. Was Fang Cai crazy? Not even two minutes ago, he was blaming Sun He for the failure of their relationship and now he wanted to get back together?

Fang Cai got up from the sofa and started advancing towards Sun He who was looking at him as if he had grown two heads. He only needed a little of coaxing, he thought. Before Fang Cai could reach Sun He, they both heard the sound of the door closing.

Gu Liwei walked in and looked at the scene in front of him. Lord knows how panicked he was when he saw Sun He's door half-opened. When he was about to rush in, he heard Sun He's conversation with Fang Cai and could not stop himself from eavesdropping. Sun He jumped off the sofa the moment that he saw Gu Liwei. He looked back and forth between Gu Liwei and Fang Cai and his face was livid.

"Liwei… You are here…" Sun He stammered guiltily. Gu Liwei looked at Sun He's bruised face and his hands clenched. He ignored Fang Cai and walked towards Sun He. He lifted Sun He's chin to inspect his face. The bruise looked a couple days old. No wonder he refused my video calls, he thought. "What happened to your face?" he asked.

Sun He blushed and lowered his gaze. "It's nothing serious… " he whispered. Gu Liwei stared at Sun He and his gaze fell on his fidgeting fingers and sighed. "Okay, we will talk later. Are you going to introduce me?"

Sun He looked up and glanced at Fang Cai who looked shocked. Fang Cai could not believe his eyes. He thought Sun He was single and that he had a chance of getting back together with him. However, the Sun He is front of him was very different from the Sun He that he knew. Sun He was being so cautious towards another man? Sun He was letting another man touch him in the presence of another person? This Sun He… Who was he?

Sun He took Gu Liwei's hand in his and turned to face Fang Cai. "Fang Cai, this is my boyfriend Gu Liwei. Liwei, this is Fang Cai. He was just leaving." Sun He glared at Fang Cai his voice firm. He was scared that Fang Cai would say something that he should not, and Fang Cai should have left a long time ago, they had nothing to say to each other. At least Sun He had nothing to say to him.

Fang Cai was hurt by Sun He's reaction. He smiled mockingly and could not help saying. "Yes, I was just leaving. You know where I live when he gets tired of you."

Gu Liwei clenched his fingers, his face cold. He could feel his nails digging in his palm but the pain was the only thing keeping him sober, preventing him from hitting Fang Cai. Once he heard the sound of the door closing, he let go of Sun He's hand and stepped back. Gu Liwei needed to calm down. He did not think he could calmly converse with Sun He right now. While he was gone, Sun He somehow got hurt. In order to hide his injury, he stopped answering his video calls, ignored his calls and his text messages were barely returned. Gu Liwei had been panicking and he rushed up his work just so that he could get on the earliest plane to make sure Sun He was okay. He rushed here just to hear Sun He's ex-boyfriend asking him to get back together with him. Gu Liwei thought that it was all very ridiculous and suddenly felt tired.

Sun He watched Gu Liwei's changing expression and paled even more. Gu Liwei stared at him without saying anything as if waiting for an explanation. Sun He did not know where to start and could not think of what to say. After a minute of them staring at each other, Gu Liwei sighed then turned around. Sun He panicked and grabbed Gu Liwei's hand to prevent him from leaving. "Liwei…" he whispered. "I… I just did not want you to worry about me… I figured we would talk about my injury when you came back." Sun He briefly explained to Gu Liwei, his and Tang Jing's encounter with Fang Cai.

Hearing Sun He's explanation, Gu Liwei felt like he was going to explode. Hearing that Fang Cai was the one who had hurt Sun He, Gu Liwei regretted that had not punched him like he had wanted to the moment he entered the apartment. "That still is not reason enough to ignore my calls. I thought something was wrong, Sun He. Do you know how panicked I felt, not being able to reach you, while I was thousands of miles away?"

"I know… I know…" Sun He blubbered. "I am sorry. I will not do it again. I just did not want to burden you, so please…" Gu Liwei understood where Sun He was coming from but he could not accept that reasoning. He looked at Sun He and could see the panic on his face. This made him soften his tone. "Let's talk tomorrow, okay?"

Gu Liwei was scared that he might say something or do something that hurt not only Sun He but also their relationship. He needed time. Time to sleep. Time to think.

Sun He nodded but still refused to let go of his hand. Gu Liwei stared at his trembling lips and sighed. He took Sun He in his arms and kissed the top of his head. "I'll stay in the guest room tonight", he said. "I promised that we will talk first thing in the morning. I need to cool down first. Can you give me this time, Baobei?"

Sun He let go of Gu Liwei's hand and watched him walk towards the guest room. The moment Gu Liwei disappeared inside the room. He stared at the hand with which he held Gu Liwei for a long time. His vision blurred and he felt like he was going to suffocate. His whole body was trembling. It took him a lot of effort to get back to his room. He closed the door and slowly sat down on the floor, his body shaking with his sobs.

I am going to lose him.