4 Chapter - 4
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Chapter - 4 -R18 and Gacha
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[Interior of the Colosseum]
[Third Person]
"Ugh," she grunted with obvious embarrassment, a familiar redhead being carried by the rope tied around her wrists, held in our protagonist's hands at that moment.
"Hey—" Yuuto turned around, hearing someone call out to him. He noticed a small blonde leaning against a pillar with a mischievous smile adorning her face. "Congratulations on acquiring your slave, and it was indeed a brilliant first victory, Hanma. In the end, not even my knife helped win the battle against her."
"I should be the one to thank you instead..." he couldn't help but say. "After all, it was because of your information that it was an absolute victory for me; otherwise, things could have gone very badly."
"Son of a bitch...!" Snarled Mary with ferocity that clearly did not bode well. "Fixed artillery, you helped him defeat me!"
Zulu simply patted Yuuto on the shoulder in a friendly manner while showing an innocent expression. Out of the corner of her eye, she looked at Mary with obvious bad intentions.
"Hey, congratulations on your first defeat. You can also thank me for it, Mary-Chan." The slave's only response was to show a stunned and indignant expression at her words that made no sense to her.
"You wanted a stronger man than you to take your virginity, didn't you? Then you should be grateful, since he will always win from now on. And the strongest man there is, and you will have the honor of being his first woman."
But Mary did not seem to take this news very well as she showed an expression, "Don't fuck with me....! I will absolutely kill you and this man for this humiliation. As soon as this boy loses, I will enjoy your faces as they raise you and destroy your minds to be good slaves- Ugh!" But she could not even finish speaking as the rope around her wrists was pulled hard, throwing her to the ground as if she were insignificant.
"Shut up..." Yuuto simply said in a cold and indifferent tone that gave a feeling of danger, immediately silencing her. "Will you be quiet for a moment, slave?" He spoke with clear contempt in his voice that was not hidden.
"UUH!!!" Mary showed a frightened expression as her body clearly shook, remembering the treatment she received in the arena.
It seemed that this show pleased Zulu very much as she gave a thumbs up to her new partner, "Oh, also you should go towards the secretary; you will find something you will like very much."
"Something I will like?" Yuuto could only tilt his head cutely, trying to understand the meaning of her words.
[Interlude]
[Secretariat Reception Desk]
"So, about the room key and the secret drug," she affirmed with a professional air. A woman with sleek black hair pinned in a bun and glasses exuding a captivating sense of professionalism. "Winner to Yuuto Hanma, Losser to Mary Landorott."
"As the victor is male, there won't be any gender reassignment or endowment of male genitalia," I explained matter-of-factly. "Now, here are your room keys and the confidential substance."
[Picture --->Colosseum Secretariat]
Yuuto reached out with palpable curiosity, seizing the key that bore a striking resemblance to a modern magnetic card.
"This key possesses a unique skill, making duplication practically impossible," she clarified, noting his inquisitive expression. "You have one week until the next bout, and the room comes with a week's stay, along with meals provided"
Observing his lack of further queries, she proceeded. "And lastly, here's the 'secret' drug, a potent aphrodisiac. As you're aware, the 'reward' for the winner involves engaging with the loser. Simultaneously, it becomes the duty of the defeated party. This is a strict rule of the Coliseum."
"But, alas, there are also losers who try to escape this by using things like money or power. To prevent this from happening, the 'rooms' and the secret drug are offered. On the first day, you will both take this drug and go to the room, and we will close the room with no access for the next 24 hours."
But honestly, he was not very interested in all this; after all, sex was not the most important thing for him. "I have a question, during this week of stalling from further fighting. When you leave your room, how far can you go?"
"This is the fortress city Dangou. Slaves are given a 'limited movement' ability that prevents them from 'outside' the city, but they can move anywhere inside the city," the woman answered promptly, with a few words that said all they needed to have a clear line on this point.
Yuuto couldn't help but think whether his adaptability skill could have helped him overcome this limitation, and at a later time, he might be able to escape this place. "Thank you for the information and various clarifications."
The woman simply nodded as she brought the two aphrodisiac potions to the table in front of her, "Alright, if there are no more questions, then both of you please drink it."
He could only observe the aphrodisiac potion with some doubt; clearly, he was still not quite convinced about the whole thing. But finally, he mustered up his courage and took the potion, swallowing it all in one gulp.
He could not show weakness in this coliseum, as Zulu had told him; otherwise, he would be the one taken as a slave and used until he was broken both physically and mentally.
"What are you looking at?" asked Yuuto, addressing his new slave, who was motionless, staring at the aphrodisiac with clearly no intention of consuming it. "Drink it now."
"Y-Yes," she mumbled before downing the entire potion with little desire to do so. "Drink it."
"Do you like the taste?" Yuuto could only ask, not feeling much change in his body.
"as if I do!" Mary refuted and trembled noticeably. Her face turned red again, and she gasped deeply from the aphrodisiac potion. "Only...Only a shameless harlot would like such a thing!"
"And where is your proof? Those stupid rags?" Yuuto raised an eyebrow at her, "It doesn't mean anything to me besides hiding a small part of your body, and even then I can say that you definitely have the body of a prostitute who wants it all."
He paused with a small smile clearly visible on his face, "You know, if that's really what you like, I don't mind, I'll take you into the room right now," the teenager admitted, "But I'll take you on my cock all the way."
Mary froze, "... You are exactly vile, aren't you?" Stammered the voluptuous redhead, swallowing heavily, "Trying to induce a noblewoman like me into debauchery, then you can go on daydreaming!"
He did not hear a no. And he said as such. "I'm not hearing a denial from you. Are you really just a slutty knight?" Yuuto raised an eyebrow at her.
Mary shuddered as he stared directly at her, but she did not refuse. The aphrodisiac was having its effect, and she now could no longer think clearly as her body went completely into heat like an animal wanting to mate.
"All right, then," a huge smile spread across Yuuto's face, and his hand reached out, slapping the beautiful redhead on her big ass. "You can be my slutty knight from here on out." he laughed, with joy filling him even as his pants began to tense with thick hardness.
A startled groan left Mary at his words and actions, and he looked at her with a big smile. His cock was throbbing very, very hard. He wanted to push her down and take her right here and now.
Eh, so all he had to do was wait for them to come to him? "That's good to know," Yuuto nodded, before grabbing Mary by the arm and pulling her with him as he made his way to his assigned room.
"...You are too rough and demanding!" Mary moaned gutturally, and he felt her arm tremble a little in his grip.
Yuuto blinked, "... Absolutely not," he denied the first thought that came to his mind, but...it sort of fit, '...Does she like being treated like that?" Was she a fucking masochist! She couldn't be, right?
They entered the room, was adorned with dim lights, giving it a more intimate atmosphere which contained a spacious double bed and a bathroom with a shower.
The bed was neatly made with soft, inviting sheets, and the bathroom was surprisingly clean and modern. It seemed to have gone to the next level for the time being, but it was certainly much better than the prison
"... Despite your appearance, you are indeed a brute and a savage," Mary said, drawing his gaze to her, clearly not very surprised by the room, given all her past experiences.
"I'm Hanma Yuuto, and I'm as wild and barbaric as I look," he smiled back at her, staring her straight in the eyes, "It's the strong, dominant guys like me who have enough desire to take care of women like you, while other men want someone sweeter."
"... Oh!" Mary trembled, a groan escaped her words, "You... A nobleman like me who inherited the 'Purgatory Flame' skill being conquered by a man of your caliber with garbage skills!" And her eyes immediately widened as she realized what she was saying.
As the woman tried to stammer an excuse, Yuuto huffed, feeling the blood rush to his cock once again, "And you, on the other hand, are just the woman I hoped you would be."
This stopped the redhead for a moment, "What?" Mary gasped, looking at him shocked.
Honestly, with how easy it was to win against her, it was a miracle she had not already been caught. How pathetic were the men of this world? Well, whatever, their loss was his lucky gain.
"You heard me," Yuuto narrowed his eyes at her, and she gasped, "Now, I'm thinking of having some fun, so start showing me your cow boobs." he ordered.
"E-eh?" Mary stared at him open-mouthed, but for a moment her pretty pink lips twitched into a huge, wide smile and a moment later she was choked up, "Right...can't we talk about this, I promise I won't kill you after you set me free?" she swallowed.
"Did I stutter?" huffed the teenager, then gestured toward her chest, "Hurry up, I want to see if you have a nice pair of fat tits like Zayd's."
Her hands seemed to move automatically toward the rags she wore as clothes on his order, and a moment later, the rag she had on around her chest was pulled down showing a beautiful sight.
A whistle escaped his lips and he looked at her chest, "Beautiful." He praised her honestly, as he had his gaze fixed on her prize, and she was really stacked, with a pair of fat tits as big as her head.
He was only one part away from seeing the whole prize, "Turn around." Yuuto ordered, his eyes beginning to fill with animalistic lust.
"Yes, yes." Mary took a deep breath that made her fat tits sway deliciously and slowly turned around, submissively uncovering her slender but toned ass toward him.
And the fat ass, with brightly hued round cheeks jutting out toward him, when Mary turned around, she noticed something. A heady, heavy smell in the air and a wet spot forming on the tiny piece of cloth above her crotch.
This masochistic slut was dripping wet against him and rampant on her, clearly she could no longer control her body, and was trying to hide her reactions.
"An obscene body for an obscene slut," he bared his teeth at her, "I hope you're ready, when I'm done with you, I'm going to tattoo my name on that fat, slutty ass of yours to let everyone know who you belong to."
And to emphasize his statement, he grabbed his pants at the base and pulled them, together with the silk boxers he wore, down to his knees in a fluid motion, allowing his big cock to slap hard against her stomach with a meaty sound as his bonds were released.
"... Oh Goddess-sama!" Mary moaned for her "weapon," her eyes widened so much that they looked as if they had been waiting for such a moment. One hand went to her chest to squeeze one of her large breasts, while the other went down to her crotch and blatantly began poking at her pussy.
"I-I will not give in to you! I will definitely kill you! This will be the peak of your life, so try to enjoy it when you can!" Although she said so, not that she ever tried to fight him; in fact, her body seemed to like it much more than it should.
Grabbing his big cock around the base, Yuuto was surprised for a moment. He was... bigger? He had always had a damn big cock. Still, it must have grown at least a couple of inches in length and a finger or more thick....
Maybe because he was now a Hanma? The odds were very high; after all, it was the pinnacle of the perfect human body that no one could ever achieve with just training.
'Whatever, it doesn't matter right now,' He huffed, chasing away the thought and standing up, stroking his cock and pointing it at Mary like a weapon, making the bodacious redhead shudder with barely suppressed desire.
He had an arrogant stacked redhead to fuck stupidly. He was tempted, oh so tempted to make her make a play for him. She twerking that fat ass for him and listening to her every word, the absolute dominance in making her do it sent a shiver down his spine.
But no, he didn't have the time, did he? He, too, was beginning to feel that the aphrodisiac was starting to have some effect on his body, and he could no longer resist it.
Yuuto let go of his cock, letting it slam hard against her stomach once more. Then he stormed in, and the fat cock made its way to her, its big, swollen balls dangling menacingly.
Mary meowed as he grabbed her by one of her huge breasts, sinking his hand into the soft supple flesh, and then screamed as he spun his hand around and grabbed the rags she was using as clothes, pulling them apart to destroy them.
The sound of tearing fabric echoed through the room, and he could watch her whole naked form as Mary's huge tits bounced freely, the hard pink little nipples hardening into pointed bumps.
"You ugly bastard!" Mary moaned, then squealed as he pinched one of the nipples that swayed in the air and tugged at it, before palming and squeezing her fat breasts once more, roughly, and obsessively.
"I'm worse than a bastard," he sneered lustfully, pressing against her, making her feel the heavy weight of his cock pressing hard against her pussy, "God look at these huge fucking tits, what are you, a cow?"
Mary trembled, "N-No, don't treat me like that.... " she stammered a denial.
He nodded, "Yes, because cows don't have fat like this!" he laughed, reaching around her to grab a handful greedily. Like her boobs, she was fat, round and so soft, but she was also very well toned, and she leapt back against his palm, "We both know what you are, don't we Mary?" the teenager asked her.
"I'm ... a slut," surrendered the curvy redhead, looking into his eyes for approval. He merely raised an eyebrow at her and she swallowed, "I'm your slut!"
"What kind of slut are you?" he then asked her, cupping her breasts and ass in his hands to give her a hint.
Mary was silent for a moment before she let out a shrill moan, "I'm your fat-assed, big-boobed stupid slut❤!
Hearing it from the lips of such a beautiful woman lit a fire in him. Yuuto's hands slipped from her tits and ass and he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her forward in front of him, turning them both around and grabbing her by the hips.
Then he forced her to bend over the bed to get a better line of action so he could play with her prize. Besides, fucking a stacked bitch on a double bed, what was there not to love about establishing dominance the right way?
Mary moaned from the rough treatment and wiggled her hips invitingly, her plump ass cheeks rippling from the movement. Despite the incredible swaying ripple, however, her eyes were on the pretty pink slit practically oozing her desire.
Grabbing her by the seductive hips, Yuuto lined up. There was no lubricant on his cock, but fortunately for him, thanks to the aphrodisiac, he had no need for something like that. So without a second thought, he inserted his big cock at her entrance in a teasing way.
Mary gasped, the muscles in her back visibly stiffened, and she looked at him over her shoulder, her eyes heavy and her eyelids closed, "A proud knight like me, she would be bent so shamelessly and submissively before a mere boy..." She shuddered, trying to put on some semblance of the noble facade she had before.
It was all clearly about her vice though, the slut. "Don't worry, I'm sure you like her much better than I do, slut." Yuuto promised, playing with her kinks, involuntary pursing her lips a bit.
And then, without warning her, he tightened his grip on her hips and with one smooth motion, forced the long, fat length of his cock inside her, his hips slapping her big ass with enough force that a loud clapping sound resounded through the entire room.
And Mary screamed, "Goddess-SAMA!!!"
'Holy shit!" Yuuto moaned in pleasure as he felt her moist, warm depths tighten on him like a vice and spasmed wildly-it had been a really long time since he had felt this sensation, and now it seemed even better than before.
Mary was twitching and spasming just like the inside of her inviting slutty pussy, the high-pitched, sensual moan coming from her lips all but finished.
It took a good thirty seconds to calm down. The huge-breasted redhead slumped against the bed, her head resting softly against the pillow. Her head was tilted to the side and he could see her tongue lying limp from his mouth as she gasped weakly.
Holy shit, she came hard, and just for putting it in? How fucking repressed she was!? "So good... I want more." Mary mumbled when she finally recovered.
Yuuto took one hand off her hips and fisted it into her beautiful long red hair in a ponytail, then pulled her hair tightly like a leash; He had to admit that this world was not affecting him in the right way.
A high-pitched scream came out of her mouth when she was reminded of his presence, "Enjoy coming alone?" He showed his canines and had to admit that he was enjoying seeing her completely submissive to him.
"... Yes... It felt so good," she admitted with surprise as she was lost in total pleasure as if she was entering her own personal paradise and never wanting to go back.
"And what was it, you couldn't believe you were being forced into submission by a mere "boy" with a junk skill?" he snorted mockingly at her, giving her a little push and tearing a moan of pleasure.
"... I was wrong!" Mary let out a sensual moan, "There you go, there's nothing simple about a boy like you! You are amazing Yuuto-sama, the best! The only thing here is this slutty knight sow!"
His cock throbbed, "Good, that's what I liked to hear!" Yuuto laughed, with a sense of victory coursing through his bloodstream as he pulled out of her pussy to protrude the tip, before using his grip on her hair and hips to pull her back against him as he pushed in, hard.
Mary screamed and her pussy spasmed around him again, but this time he was a little more used to it and didn't stop, he quickly set up a brutal and fast past as he fucked her from behind, her ass cheeks moving like waves with each pass and her huge fat ass jiggling and bouncing obscenely underneath her, All the while her beautiful voice echoed through the room.
"Oh Goddess-sama, this guy cock is so deep inside me! It's good, good~!" a babble of quick dirty talk to her goddess came from Mary's lips.
His hand left her side for a moment and pressed hard against one of her fat asscheeks and she squealed, "Who does this belong to!" He asked, slamming even harder into her and slamming into her
"My fat slutty ass belongs to you!" She screamed as her head snapped up to reveal her tongue dangling limply and obscenely from her mouth, a trail of drool dripping from it.
He began to rage against her even louder, so loud that the sound of flesh against flesh, his hips against her asscheeks, was the only sound that could be heard from the room.
"That's FUCKING RIGHT!" Yuuto roared like a prehistoric beast, "That's how you should fuck a bitch until she submits to me completely".
"OH MY GOD, I'M COMING AGAIN, I'M COMING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL ON A BIG BOY'S COCK!" Mary screamed again as her pussy went crazy.
"FUCK!" He shouted to himself as he felt the pressure in his balls reach its end point and push forward to the point where his cock slammed into her belly, unleashing a thick, powerful cum inside her.
Her voice rang in his ears and for a while he was completely white, almost fainting from coming so hard. When he came down from the peak of his orgasm, he pulled out of her, letting go of her hair and staggering back a little.
Panting deeply, Yuuto admired his work with a proud smile on his face, "God, that was so much more fun than I expected. He couldn't help but admit it.
Mary had collapsed face down in bed, the only thing keeping her propped up were her fat tits squishing sensuously on the mattress, her full buttocks lifted high into the air.
And her face? It was a mess, covered in drool and sweat, her tongue hanging limply from under her lips and her eyes turned to the back of her head.
"That's how you should fuck." Yuuto chuckled to himself, already feeling his cock fading from all the powerful cum he had just shot into her, recovering and beginning to harden again.
Yuuto licked his lips greedily as he stared at the stupid, full-bodied red fuck. "I hope you don't think we're done..." It was a good thing that she claimed this masochistic redheaded pussy slut instead of parading her submissively in front of his desires to accentuate his arrogance even more.
Yuuto leaves Mary fucked in a stupor, ass up, face down, the evidence of his conquest dripping from her.
[Interlude]
[Yuuto Hanma Pov]
I did not know exactly how long it had been, but Mary was clearly only resting, but that did not mean her work was done. Instead, she was now more directly beneath me, with a now familiar weight pinning her down as she charged her with her first ritual of worship.
The gorgeous redhead. Then, to my slight surprise, she let go of my cock and slid down on her knees until my balls were resting completely on her face.
I could only smile at the spectacle as a sense of satisfaction grew. She took my cock by the base with her hand and lowered it until the column of flesh was resting on her face, starting from my balls. In fact, it was almost halfway up her head.
Was this the life of a winner? But I didn't mind, in fact it all looked so perfect, as if I was meant to be in this natural position.
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[Using three rolls]
[Result]:
[Krabbypatty] (Common)
Souce: SpongeBob
[The most popular burger sold at Krusty Krab. And made of a frozen burger with fresh lettuce, crispy onions and tomatoes with submarine cheese, pickles, mustard, ketchup, and with a special secret formula (a pinch of King Neptune dust)]
[Great Isz Chalice] (Rare]
Souce: Bloodborne
[The Great Chalice is a chalice that breaks a labyrinth seal. You can create this Dungeon and enter it wherever you are and at any time, upon completion of the various levels respective rewards will be given by the Gacha]
[Silent Magician] (Non Common]
Souce: Yu-Gi-Oh
[A simple card, hiding within it a powerful Duel Monster spirit]
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Krabbypatty...
Shit, I almost feel sorry for Plankton for having to go through hell to get it, while I got it so easily, and that can only make me smile.
Although honestly, I have to admit that I like sweet things more. Especially in this new life, since I burn so many calories using so much of my demon brain and muscles, and I certainly won't gain weight because of my eating habits.
As for the Great Isz Chalice, it's certainly useful. But I have to admit that I don't have the confidence that I can deal with all those Eldritch horrors with my current strength, especially Ebrietas, (Daughter of the Cosmos), who would practically kill me instantly.
So, first of all, I still have to gain some strength in the next coliseum fight to have some extra confidence to do something crazy like entering the first levels of the Dungeon, not to mention fighting against the Final Boss.
In fact, the last choice is making me question whether Gacha is really completely casual, since this was one of my favorite cards as a child. I remember playing this card in my Yuki Muto deck or even in the old Structure Deck: Lord of the Magician.
It's really a nice surprise, and now I can only wish for her to become my Ka, but I have some doubts since I'm really not a good person to have someone like her by my side...
It's really unfortunate that I don't know much about Yu-gi-oh's Lore, so that I can get an idea of her personality and try to do something about it.
Now I can only hope that she's not a card aligned toward justice, maybe more neutral than anything else, and be able to have a discussion with her or even something more.
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[Flaw Rolled]
[Result]:
[Power-Hungry]
[You're addicted to power]
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Well, knowing my luck, it could have been much worse. But I hope this trait won't be too noticeable, given my Hanma bloodline that's already giving me a lot of trouble.
I don't want to become another Yujiro Hanma; I still have clear limitations that I don't want to overcome in this new life. The first of all is not to hurt innocent people who've done nothing to me to get on my bad side.
The only thing I care about is that no one limits me; I just want to have my own freedom and won't allow anyone to take it away in any way, even if it means punching a creation god in the face.
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[Power of Falna (Customized) ] (Epic)
Source: Danmachi
[A simple and balanced fantasy-style system with a divine potential that makes ti grow based on its feats, helping to unlock one's potential slumbering within one's soul]
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Alright, so that changes everything. From what I remember about the power system in Danmachi, the Falna's level increase helps unlock potential, expanding one's vessel or soul.
Getting stats fills said pot until you can afford to expand it to the maximum and become a demigod.
It's kind of like a growth magic system because, well, it's a leveling system that polishes the soul and promotes abilities with both passive and active benefits.
From what I could easily analyze, it seemed more about soul conditioning or polishing, limiting other ways of acquiring magic but providing the ability to enhance skills based on the desires or needs of the user.
While abilities manifest through personality, self, or achievements, and magic can be learned without Falna, it's like a game skill where you just recite the magic, and the spell is activated.
All in all, it was perfect for someone who didn't want to be forced to choose a specific path...
Now, it's time for the last roll.
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[Impatient]
[You love leaping into battle at the earliest opportunity, and it frustrates you to wait for others to act]
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"Practically a Doom Slayer..." I could only mutter as a smile broke out on my face. After all, he was the best second example a man could follow in his life as far as I was concerned.
And besides, I had to honestly admit this disadvantage didn't particularly displease me. After all, Hanma was already at this level of violence, so I didn't think it would affect me all that much.
Hanma's blood was known to be the strongest in existence, and that could only make it so that I would always look for strong people with whom I could fight. It was almost like it had a life of its own in a way, and I had to be careful not to get totally consumed.
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[Moon Breathing] (Non Common)
Souce: Demon Slayer
[A simple derivative of the original breathing technique, which after 450 years of effort and with the right conditions was able to show its power to the world.]
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"Not really the best breathing technique thing that could have happened to me, but definitely the one I like best," I thought calmly and coolly as I analyzed the reward I received. "It's really a pity I'm not a demon and can't harness the full power of this technique, but maybe it's better this way..."
After all, the lunar breathing that the human will learn will be a normal, nerfed version. The blades and crescents won't come out, since I'm not yet a demon to exhibit these things, which are actually the BDA of Kokushibo.
But it wasn't really a problem for me. As long as I could learn the two most useful techniques of that specific universe: "Total Concentration Breathing" and especially the "Transparent World," my Hanma body could exhibit a strength that it wouldn't be exaggerated to call outside the human realm.
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"Mhm." Mary put on a sound of satisfaction, and then, to my surprise, looked up as she gave me a deep throat, while her eyes rolled back almost but not quite like a real ahegao, and she even stuck her tongue out and touched it on me cock.
She was basically worshiping my cock in three parts: rimming, sucking me balls, and finally giving me a blowjob. I was basically the position a king should be in from birth.
"Your throat is well trained, but you need to learn to measure yourself. You shouldn't try to drain me, you should worship me. This is the way you show yourself to me. When you worship me, you do it through my cock," I could only comment, in a gentle tone, as if I were talking to a pet.
"When I want you completely submissive to me, your nose must rest between my balls, and my cock on your face." Mary found no reason to protest my words, little that it would do her any good while she was stuck with my length length in her throat, but neither did she find the strength to do so.
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A/N: Very long chapter I hope you enjoy it!
Remember to leave a review!
Many of the Gacha objects, were chosen for Mc's growth since in this coliseum many Op abilities that manipulate time and space.
Then I saw your reactions for the survey and it is decided very clearly that Mc will not have a female form or something like that, so you can rest assured.
I am also glad, since this way I can introduce a certain girl in future chapters.
For as last thing tell me if there are any mistakes and I will correct them later since ChatGpt doesn't like this chapter very much lol.
Also, if anyone has interesting ideas for the random gatcha I will be glad to include those ideas if I like them. You can also recommend characters for the occasional "companion" card mc may pull from the gatcha.
Tell me what you think of the story with lots of comments to let me know what you think and what you want to see or even some improvements I can make.
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