Touchdown

I came to a few minutes later, I was still bleeding. Fuck. My suit was covered in scratches, rips and tears. That was without talking about my skin, I was covered in bruises that seemed to be steadily healing. A throb of pain reminded me of the bullet still stuck in my FUCKING SHOULDER! GOD DAMN IT HURTS! Curse you again Spider-God, can't believe you didn't give me the ability to tank bullets.

I slowly pushed myself up, using my other arm to not aggravate the wound, still staring at it and noticing how it had thankfully stopped bleeding for now. My healing factor must be at work, damn. I winced in pain feeling my ribs, they were definitely broken. I made my way back to the front of the house, spotting Miles and Prowler gesturing wildly before spotting me.

I wave with my non-shot arm, "Yo! Guess who just qualified for a, 'I got shot and all I got was this T-Shirt' shirt!" Miles looked mildly concerned so I just waved my arm, flinching as the motion aggravates my injury, "Miles, page 6969 of the manual, how to get shot and not cry like a bitch. Think about how humiliating it would be. But yeah can someone pull out the bullet? It hurt worse than this one time I got into a fight with a giant lizard. It wasn't Godzilla though." 

The massive Spider robot steps up to me, grabbing my arm with a surprising degree of speed, and before I can crack another joke it's hand transforms into a pair of medical tweezers, digging into my wound and then pulling out with a bloody bullet held in it. I bite my tongue to keep from screaming from the pain, man how do people who get shot multiple times not cry from this stuff? Oh wait they drink alcohol, after the bullet's removed I hold out my good hand, "Can I keep that? Need a souvenir." 

The bot drops the bullet into my hand and I shove it into a pocket in my suit. Hanz could probably use his nerd powers to triangulate how to dimension hop, or something. Aunt May walks out of the house, baseball bat in one hand as she applies a generous spritz of perfume onto my injury before bandaging it. I hiss in pain and she hits my chest, "Stop being a baby. Peter could handle this so you can too."

I bite my cheeks and take a look around, noticing all the damages we caused, "Oh shit, sorry about your house. I uh, don't exactly have any cash on hand but uh if I figure out dimension travel I'll give you a check?" May just sighs, "I've got more than enough money. Spider-Man merchandise is a real money-maker. And a lot of people donated after Pete died."

I just nod, cool, guess Hanz won't need to pay for me causing damages. Seriously, why did he have money set aside in case I blow up the city? I'm not that reckless! I think. Sure, I might hang upside down on the Brooklyn Bridge in my free time but that's not reckless!

I head inside the trashed house, letting out a whistle when I see the damage. At least the TV and the couch weren't broken. I test my arm a little, feeling only a little bit of pain. Should be just fine. I turn to the rest of the team, "So… Kingpin's probably gonna turn on the collider and blow up the world. So uh let's go stop him?" 

The rest of the team looks at one another before Miles speaks, "Dude you're kind of… you know, not in good shape right now." I look down at myself and scoff, I'm clearly only sweating because of the heat! And my deep breaths are to relax? Anyways, these nerds are delusional, "I heal fast. Blah blah keep yapping." I ignore their concerns and leap out the window, "Catch me if ya can!" 

I fire a web, before realizing I'm in the suburbs and this won't give me the speed I need. So I flip mid-air, grab onto a light pole and leap off it onto the next, all the while the rest of the team chases me, Peni yelling at me, "Go to a hospital!" Her mech even makes a sad face. Too bad I hate the UwU thing! I fire a web at her face and cackle before flipping onto a house and spotting an apartment complex.

My web latches onto it and I begin getting some serious air-time, doing backwards mid-air and even flipping off Prowler when he tries to grab me, spider-sense for the win! When we finally get to the collider my wound seems to have been fully healed, the skin's still sore though. I stop and turn around, "See! I'm in tip-top shape."

Peter just grins smugly at Miles, "See? Spider–healing at its finest!" I high-five the old coot and grin at Miles, "Now Miles, do you know not to disrespect a master of Spider-ing?" Miles just sighs and throws Peter five bucks. I snatch it out of the air though and stuff it in my pocket and grin smugly, "Hey, I feel I'm owed 5 bucks for all my pain and trauma. Now Prowler, sick name by the way, where in this mouth-breathing, ice cream loving, capitalist fantasy is that collider?"

Prowler looks vaguely concerned, I think. Can't tell with the mask. "Just follow me." He growls and I shrug, you'd think he'd like me more nice considering I took a bullet for him. Eh, it is what it is. We passed through a bunch of rooms, none of the guards bothering us since we had Prowler with us.

We stepped into an elevator, it was pretty spacious. Heh, probably because Kingpin was so fat he probably had the doors made extra wide. We stepped out and came across a bunch of armored guards. One of them tapped a button on their armor, "Spider-Men and Prowler are here sir… Engage!" He ordered the others as they began shooting at us.

I quickly fired a web into one's eyes while Peni basically sweeped three of them into the floor and Noir, Gwen and Prowler combo-ed the last guy. Poor Miles and Peter B., I threw my guy at them for them to do a double kick. Truly I am the best at helping people bond.

I smack Miles on the back as we enter the collider room and see Kingpin, Doctor Octopus, Scorpion and Tombstone. Kingpin keeps his back to us. "Kill them." He orders and Ock, Scorpion and Tombstone run at us. Miles jumps in front of everyone and surprises me when he hits her with an electric blast sending her flying backwards and short-circuiting her tentacles. I grab Scorpion and throw him out of the room into the hallway. He gets back up and makes a cutting gesture with his tail as I crack my knuckles.

"You're on the wrong side of the wall buddy." I pause for a second, "That wasn't racist by the way. I love Mexicans and Mexican women. Say if you could get me a Mexican girlfriend I'd be more than happy to-" His tail slams forward and I hop out of the way, "No? Dang, there goes my chances at getting a goth girl latina."

Scorpion growls, ''I'm going to turn you into a a nice fur carpet, cabrón!'' I kick him backwards and snicker, "I don't have enough hair for that! Unlike real spiders, I don't stick by way of hair on my body. I stick through this electric current thing that-" I dodge his attack and grab his tail before slamming him into the wall, "You probably don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I'm either surrounded by geniuses or idiots. Can't I get a guy of average intelligence who I can talk to about comics?"

I lament out loud as Scorpion gets back. I look in a nearby mirror and finger-gun myself, "The guy in the mirror telling me to constantly throw kids off buildings doesn't count. He does know a lot about DC though." I comment, ducking under the tail before kicking Scorpion in the chin. "You know, you're kinda lame Scorpion. I mean, do you have any plans for the future?" 

"Skinning you alive!" He snarls, as I land on his tail and somersault forward and kick him in the back. "That's the present you dumbass! Did you fail english?" I question as I land a flurry of blows on his chest. He roared as he charged at me, ''Te voy a destripar como a un maldito pez, cabrón!'' I duck under his legs and snicker, "I don't have google translate on hand right now!" I snark before he smashes me into the wall. "Oof, that hurt. Kidding! You still suck, Scorpy!"

I fire a web at his face as the building trembles for a second, throwing me off as he rocks me in the jaw. "Fuck! Clean right hook man!" I grin before I hit him with my fist, knocking out his teeth, "How was mine? Rate it outta 10! 10 being the highest- Oh wait lemme say it in spanish. Uh unos, dos, tres, cuadro! That's all the Spanish numbers I know." I shrug.

Scorpion roars, blood flowing from his mouth as he charges at me like a bull, I flip over his head, slapping him as I do. "Come on man. You gotta quip back to me. It'll make you go from my 6th best villain to my number one. Mostly because my number one is a lizard who used to be my friend who's really obsessed with- Doesn't matter." I wave my hand.

Scorpion spits out some blood at me. It lands at my feet. "Uh, you missed buddy." He glares at me, ''Voy a romper cada hueso de tu cuerpo. Entonces me gustaría verte queriendo que te responda." I just shrug, "El chupacabra!" I call out before kicking him through a wall. "Anyways, I'm gonna stop fucking around with you. Get ready for ass-whooping!"

I grab him by the neck before I punch him thrice, dodging out of his tail's attack and grabbing it. I dig my claws into it, before with a grunt of force, ripped it off his back and threw it to the side, he looked at me shocked before he furrowed his eyebrows. "Now you're not a scorpion. You're just a dude with metal legs. Call yourself Legman!" I grab his fist and smirk, "Come on man, where's the rage? The fire?! The spice?"

I crack a grin and duck under his fist before kicking him upwards, causing him to get stuck in the wall. "Damn, the not so mighty Scorpion, beaten by a wall. Eh, I'm gonna go see if the others are done." I fire a few webs to make sure he can't come out of the wall and head back into the collider control room.

Dr. Octopus is tied up, her arms seize every once in a while. Tombstone's stuck upside down and covered in webs. "Damn, you guys really got your asses whooped," I joke as I walk past them all and see the Kingpin. I'm ready to jump him but Miles raises his hand.

"Go, you guys. Kingpin's mine to fight. I gotta step up, show everyone I can be Spider-Man." I shrug at that and smack Miles on the back, "Sure thing, champ! Also, here." I throw a book at him, the title reading, 'The Spider-Guide.' Miles looks at me in disbelief and I hug the kid, "I'll be coming for the money you owe by the way for this thing. You can pick between cash or credit!" I call as I flip into my portal, enjoying how the colours turn red with black and grey parts.

I then fall out of the portal and into a swamp. "God damnit! Now I'm wet and in a swamp! Curse you Miles! You owe me twice the money now!" I snarl as I get up and fire my web, latching on to a tree and after a few minutes of swinging my way through the swamp forest, I find a road nearby. I look at both directions, shrug, before I go left and follow that until I stop at a Carnival place. I look at a giant sign nearby which shows a dude with a fishbowl head, wait isn't that?

'Welcome to The Cursed Carnival of Mysterio!'

I fall to my knees and shout at the sky, "Curse you Miles! YOU'RE GONNA PAY ME THREE TIMES THE MONEY FOR THIS!" My shout scaring the birds around me.