Chapter : 10 : Gacha! Gods!

Gudako POV:

How...

???: Master, please get that women who seems to be infatuated with you to stop asking me about matters of love as if I can magically solve her love life. I don't much like this job... why did you have to tell her?

*Bang*

???2: ▂▂▃▃▅▅ーーー!!

*Clink*

???3: Please stop destroying the environment. I will have to continue restraining you otherwise. Also please stop tugging on them so hard, it is technically my own body.

*Clang*

???4: Senpai! I think Lancer is dead! He's not waking up!

*Stab*

???5: Oh no... mommy... I think the dog is really dead now...

*Slam*

???6: Stand your ground! Do not let the city fall into destruction! Molon Labe!

...

How did I get here?

...

Ah... I remember now. It all started with that horrible mistake...

-----

60 rolls it is! Hit it system! I can't wait to see what this much is gonna get me!

[ Confirmed. ]

[ Gacha initiated... ]

[ Rolling... ]

[ Congratulations! You've won a servant! ]

[ Congratulati- ]

Ah! Stop! Too many! The room is running out of space!

-----

That has brought me to where I am now. Maybe 60 rolls at once... wasn't the best idea I've ever had in my life. I mean I didn't know I would get this lucky! Well, it could also be counted as unlucky, not too sure there. I didn't realize this wasn't just a gacha game, it isn't nearly as easy as just shoving characters in an inventory and using them when needed, it's well... whatever this is.

Mordred: Oi! What the fuck is the child trying to stab me for?! Hey! Hey! Stop that!

???: Ehehehe! But you're fun to play with!

I turn to see Mordred trying to shake our new assassin off her leg. Well it looks pretty wholesome until you realize she isn't just hugging her leg, she's trying to cut it off. That's our resident serial killer from London, Jack... Jack the Ripper.

Gudako: Jack, cut it out. No dismembering, killing, or making someone have no more blood in their bodies, alright?

Jack: Aww... okay...

I see the small murder child sulk in the corner, I feel bad, but I also feel like a mom having to scold her child now. Speaking of child... this so-called love god is acting awfully like one, isn't she?

Kama: Master... why do I have to go and work for money? Can't I just rest here? Surely my presence is already livening up this place, I am sure I don't need to do anything more than lie about it. I'll even let you bask in my presence and enjoy yourself to your heart's content with me~ So... how about it?

Gudako: Tempting as that is, I'll have to refuse. Because as of now we are about as organized and stable as this poor room right now, which means we're on the verge of collapsing over here!

That took all of my willpower and resistance, but I did it. I refused Kama and made sure she didn't become a free-loading shut-in like I once was. But now that I'm thinking about it, just what Kama is she? I mean she looks like her standard assassin class form, in the 2nd ascension if I remember right. But I can never be too sure with this system, since it said it did get the best version.

Gudako: Well I have been curious, what Kama are you?

Kama: What sort of question is that? I'm me, obviously. Master... have you perhaps gone and done too much work as well? Come on, I'll permit you to rest on my thighs.

Harem Protagonist EX, you're not helping me right now. I need to resist! Resist the tits! Resist the hot women in the area! I am Gudako! I am strong! I am a believer in purity! I will not falter-

Gudako: Hmm... they are rather soft and comfy. Thanks for this Kama.

Kama: Mhm, it's no problem at all, Master~, but... I'll only let you do this with me if you permit me to do less work if at any at all, deal?

No, I can't allow this. I rolled her and as my servant, she is gonna damn earn for her existence that I paid for with my rolls! I build up my courage and prepare to get off this comfortable pillow to confront her on her bribery and laziness. I shall do it, I will not repeat the mistakes of my past(1 minute ago), since I have changed-

Kama: Is that not enough? I'll be your pillow at night if you want~

Gudako: Deal.

Since I have changed very little if at all! It's fine, I can use the servant who is probably one of the strongest here as only my exclusive pillow. I'm sure that's a good use of my time, resources, and money! Yes, I am in agreement with myself, this is definitely the most optimal usage of manpower in my makeshift Chaldea.

Gudako: But back on that question, what Kama are you? As in the class or if you're a divine spirit or not, that sort of thing.

Kama: Ah, I see what you mean now. Well if I were to say... I feel as if my personality is that of my assassin form, yet my body is that of an odd mix between my beast and goddess self.

I feel my soul leave my body. I got a body pillow- I mean a servant that good?! Amazing! I'm set for life! I can live in peace and harmony from now on! No more quests with goblins in them! Well though I still do need money for that life and I haven't really gone on many quests myself though... I think the Kama laziness aura is rubbing off on me.

Gudako: I understand, so you're essentially super sexy and powerful. I got it, you're a very good addition to the team.

Kama: I- what?! I am simply here because of a contract, or whatever really did bring me here anyways. Do not think flattery or hollow compliments will get me to work, Master. There are other servants for that unless you are oddly obsessed with dreadful things like me, are you?

Gudako: But you're not dreadful? In fact, you're the opposite, you're beautiful!

Kama: *Broken Kama noises*

I think I broke her, she turned red and then just stopped working. For a love goddess she sure is easily flustered, isn't she? That or it may just be my skill that is apparently really powerful doing its magic again, and if so, thanks! You are somehow allowing my dumbass to get girls like there is no tomorrow! Arigato! Harem Protagonist EX sensei! Anyways as Kama is still processing...

Mash: Lancer! Cu Chulainn! Cu! Wake up! Don't go to the light!

Cu: I see it... the light... father... Ireland's child of light is returning home...

Mash: Cu! Cu! Don't die!

I adjust my head from the pillow I'm resting on to see a tragic sight. Lancer... has died...

Jalter: Hey you weakling, wake up already. You don't die this easily. Get up.

Jalter then brutally kicks Cu in the... down there... oooohhh... now I think Lancer really is dead... but besides the normal occurrence that is Cu dying, Mash is now here. Since the tutorial world restrictions are now released the system gave me her for free, hooray! I can also now finally use the mystic code's abilities, so that's helpful too, but back to that tragedy now.

Mash: Lancer is dead! You're not human!

Nice one, Mash!

Jalter: Eh, he'll live... probably. He only got stabbed 28 times, his legend is all about his guts and hardiness, right? If he can't live through this much... well, talk about a disappointment.

Though I really hope he isn't dead... turns out that with the tutorial world restrictions, dead servants would be revived for free. Now I need to pay a terrifying 50-100 platinum depending on how dead they are. Whatever that means, the system refused to elaborate when I asked how one can be more dead than another dead person. But it seems Cu is not dead enough, as he gets back up screaming.

Cu: Gahh! That hurts! Aghhhhhhh! The stab wounds I could take, but this?! I wish I was dead!

Jalter: See? Perfectly fine, just look at the liveliness from that mutt.

Well at least his spirit is alive, I'm not too sure about his body.

Mash: I'm not too sure if I would call that liveliness... senpai, what should we do?

Gudako: Uhh... give me a second!

I quickly scroll through the inventory I now have thanks to once again, no more tutorial world restrictions. I sort through the random stuff I got from rolling the gacha so much and come across a minor healing potion. Eh, I'm sure this is a good use of the item, I don't want my first servant to die like this. So I take it out and it materializes in my hand, and then I dump it on the most damaged part, his chest full of stab wounds and his eviscerated lower half.

Cu: Ahh... I feel as if I've died and come back. Master, why did you do this?

Gudako: Well I didn't know that it would summon all of these people! Or that the child would immediately go to stab you like it was her life's mission!

Cu: I'm just going to go rest now, I'll be resting outside, where it's safer.

I see him walk outside the door, and eventually, he leaves the inn and makes it outside, only to be hit by a massive speeding object. Oh, that must be Berserker. Following after him and the now-flying Cu are Ushi and Hassan. In addition to that is our new team member as well, a mystery gender piece of clay.

Gudako: Hey Enkidu! How is getting him under control going?!

I call out to them and they stop in their tracks to look up at the window I'm shouting out of. Ushi and Hassan continue the chase, and Cu is still going up in the sky. Damn, that E-rank luck really does hit hard.

Enkidu: Master, he still seems to be going after everything gold for some odd reason... I can't quite figure out why. Do you have any idea?

Gudako: I think I might have an idea...

It seems this Herc unfortunately seems to come with... some baggage. It seems the system decided to not be nice and simple like with Kojiro and Jalter, and instead thought it would be a great idea to summon a Herc that would cause drama because of past memories like with Hassan and Cu. I really doubt the so-called "optimal summon" that the system claims it does...

Gudako: Well it doesn't matter right now, just make sure you catch him!

Enkidu: Understood Master. I'll be going now, I can't allow him to wreak more havoc.

I see them dash off in a blur, it seems I've gotten yet another really strong servant. Oh yeah, what happened to Guild Girl-

*Bang*

Oh, there she is. I see her panting at the doorway holding papers as she always seems to do. I wonder what this time is for though?

Guild Girl: Guda... that thing out there is your party member, right?

Ah... so the rampaging giant man breaking stuff outside is what this time is about, got it.

Gudako: Uhm... yeah?

Guild: Well can you tell it to stop? The guild is this close to designating it for subjugation!

Gudako: Got it! Leave it to me! Just try to delay the guild from doing that for a bit for me, please?

Guild Girl: Understood, I'll do my best on that front as well. See you later!

She rushes back out, I feel sorry for my trouble-causing servants to wreak this much havoc and constantly causing uproars with what they do. Anyway, I have a plan, I see Herc running rampant in the distance, smacking a gold statue then kicking a bag full of coins all over the street before stomping it all into dust. I look under him as he runs and prepares my trick. I gotcha!

Gudako: Take this! Mystic Eyes of Distortion!

I look confused as to why nothing is happening. Until I notice a poor stall selling what I assume are cabbages being twisted into oblivion, the man who is the owner then screams out in despair. Sorry... a random cabbage guy... but besides that, I also managed to get these new eye powers. It did leave me blind for 10 minutes as it was "Installing" and that was terrifying, but it's so cool!

Gudako: Though it's not really working all too well... ah! I'm a genius!

I turn to look at the sulking child in the corner of the room, sorry Jack! But I need you to abuse a weakness!

Gudako: Jack! I have a job for you!

Jack: Oh! What is it, mommy?

I feel like that might cause misunderstandings, but that's for later! I pull out a set of purple enough-looking clothes and white hair extensions I got from the gacha. I thought they were useless but it seems luck is favoring me yet again! Now then, I go and shove them on Jack, so now for the final touch!

Gudako: Jack, can you make Mommy proud and make your eyes go red for a bit?

Jack: OK? I can do that, but... it usually scares people.

Gudako: Don't worry, it won't. Just do it and go chase that big scary man running around until he stops, understand?

I see her eyes turn red, it's glowing slightly more than just normal red eyes, but it's close enough. What is it close enough to? It's my D.I.Y Illya of course! It's the ultimate plan to calm down Herc!

Jack: Alright, I'll go play with the big man! Hehehe, off we go! Off we go!

I see her happily jump and backflip out the window, then skip at speeds I thought people could not skip at to reach Herc. Well... at least she seems happy about doing this job, so that's good I guess. Luckily I don't need to worry about her stabbing Herc to death and hopefully vice versa, so they should actually make pretty good playmates, if you could call it that.

Gudako: Alright... that's hopefully solved. Now what to do...

I look around, Cu is doing better I think, at least he looks less dead than before. Mash is simply trying to fix the room from the state of the mess it now finds itself in, and Kama is still... processing. Oddly enough it seems the system also stopped doing it's processing thing, so I guess it either improved itself or offset it to poor Kama over there. Oh, Mash is walking over now, since it seems most of the chaos is settling down.

Mash: Senpai... I've been meaning to ask this... but you aren't actually my Senpai, right? But by that logic... am I not actually your Kouhai?

Gudako: Wha- uh... I mean that is true, but...

What sort of question is this?! Is this system a sadist?! Why is it constantly placing me in hard situations like these?! Fate is already hard to understand but this just complicated it more! I was hoping it could pull off some magic and have Mash just be Mash! Not have a Mash with a Mashistential crisis! Ok... I can do this! My gacha addiction which also comes with lore obsession will not be in vain!

Mash: Senpai?

Gudako: Okay! I got it my lovely shield-wielding Kouhai!

I also don't know why we are using Japanese in there now, but don't question the translation decisions of the system! It said it's for the best! Though it also said that for the rest of the so-called features... so now I'm doubting it too...

Mash: You got what?

Gudako: Your answer! Well, basically I would say I'm sort of like a copy of your senpai but with a different soul. Like a pseudo-servant kind of deal. As for you, it's sort of like a heroic spirit. You're not the same Mash that was alive and living with the senpai of your memories, but more so a perfect copy with those memories intact.

I pulled all of that out of my ass! I'm just taking a guess here that sounds good enough!

Mash: ...

Gudako: Are you okay? Mash?

Mash: So you're telling me...

What's with the suspenseful silence and pauses, it's killing me.

Mash: I can be the best kouhai without the fear of being a bad one to my other senpai! Since that senpai has her own kouhai, then I'll be your kouhai! Thus all of the senpais will have a sufficient quantity of kouhais at all times! Thus everything is still in order! Senpai really is so cool!

Dang... emotional support kouhais are the best! I feel great!

Gudako: Hahaha! I know I am-

*Bang*

Ah, the door has been slammed open yet again, I sure hope I don't have to pay for that when the day comes when it inevitably shatters into pieces. I look to see the absolutely exhausted Hassan and Ushi, Enkidu looking completely fine with the same calm expression, as well as a Herc awkwardly crouching to fit into the room holding the D.I.Y Illya in his hand. Oh, and the missing party members seem to have come along as well, that being Sasaki Kojiro and Leonidas.

Leonidas: To think our training spar would be interrupted by a hulking mass of pure brute strength like that! Well, it ended well, now that I'm alive with a body like this stopping such a thing was great muscle training! It seems my shield still holds steady!

Sasaki: That sure was a surprise, although I had a weird feeling of nostalgia trying to stop... oh yes, Heracles was the name Master spoke of. Well, I suppose it is simply an odd coincidence, nothing more. But putting that aside, I always trained on my own, so it was fun to find someone else to practice my skills with.

Leonidas: Hahaha! Then feel free to ask me for more training like that! I'll make sure that the tenacity and strength of the Spartans are ingrained into every ounce of your body!

Sasaki: Then I'll be keeping that in mind, thank you for today as well.

Leonidas: Ah! Then let me thank you for showing me such exquisite swordsmanship! It was a great experience to test my shield against such attacks. Oh, Master! Do you wish to ingrain the harsh training of Sparta upon your soul, body, and mind?

Now that those training freaks' attention is on me, I'm scared. I hate work, I criticized Kama but she's just like me, maybe that's why we get along. I awkwardly look to said fellow follower of laziness, but it seems she decided the best course option after getting flustered was to take a nap, thanks for that one, Kama. Ok, I've just got to face this head-on!

Gudako: Hell no! I'm good with just quests for now!

Leonidas: Oh... well real fights are just as good if not better than constant harsh training! Although a balance would be best, if that is what you wish for Master, then you keep doing that. But keep in mind my training is open to anyone at any time!

Gudako: I'll keep that in mind then...

His training sounded scary in just description and text form, no way am I actually joining. Well with that done and Sasaki and Leonidas getting lost in training talk again, I go over to check on the Herc capturing team. Ushi and Hassan seem to still be done with everything, and Enkidu has gone over to play with Jack as Herc watches like a guard dog. At least he is attached to a child. That should calm him down hopefully.

Enkidu: Master, this child seems awfully intent on stabbing things. I've been trying to get her to stop, but since I can't guarantee it. I recommend you stay away. Me and Heracles are immune to such things, so we can handle her.

Herc: ▂▂▃▃▅▅ーーー!!

Gudako: Oh that! Don't worry, I can handle her just fine. I have my own armor, see?

I manifest a portion of Lancelot's gauntlet to show off, before proceeding to materialize the rest. But besides that the system did say it prevents all harm coming to me from my own servants, but I'll still keep the armor on as a safety measure, I can't really trust it too much after what I've been through with it.

Jack: One stab! Two stabs! Three stabs! The maybe a mister keeps on reforming and big mister keeps on being knife proof! We find that so cool!

However, I am a bit worried about seeing Herc and Enkidu being stabbed repeatedly, even if they seem unaffected. But the D.I.Y Illya costume has long since been discarded, so it seems Herc is now content protecting Jack. That's good, it wouldn't be good to have him being berserk over Illya all the time, though I'm scared if anything does happen to Jack... well scared for whoever did it.

Jack: Big mister! Does this hurt? Does it?

Herc: ▂▂▃▃▅▅ーーー!!

Jack: Wow... so that means we can keep stabbing you and the playtime will never end?

Herc: ▂▂▃▃▅▅ーーー!!

Jack: Yay! Stabby stab!

Even if she is talking about such disturbing things, she is still so adorable when doing it. Truly, this must be the real power of this tiny serial killer. I was about to continue scrolling through what I got from the gacha now that everything has settled down since I want to see if there are any new dungeon keys or super rare items. But that was interrupted by the door being opened, yet again with a loud bang.

Guild Girl: Guda! Emergency!

Oh shit! An emergency?!

Gudako: This isn't about the repair fees is it?!

Guild Girl: Well that was an issue, but Lancer had spare funds prepared in advance from doing extra quest, don't worry!

Ah... good job Cu. But now I feel bad that all his hard work in keeping this ship afloat was rewarded with 28 stab wounds and a kick to the nuts... I'll have to give him a holy grail or a special item at some point if the system is ever generous enough to give me that. But what other emergency could it be besides a financial disaster to our Chaldea building funds?

Gudako: Then what's the emergency if not that?

I see her face darken and she looks down from the previous light-hearted mood, she is even sniffling a bit... oh... that can't be good...

Guild Girl: I'm sorry...

Gudako: Sorry? But you didn't do anything wrong?

Guild Girl: No, I did. You told me to tell you if Priestess ever went to go and get registered as an adventurer before allowing her to join, right? So that you could send someone to assist her, that's what you told me.

No... don't tell me...

Guild Girl: Yet... I was out at the time solving the whole disaster outside and I just heard she registered with one of my co-workers instead...

Is it because of me? I caused the mess that indirectly led to her going out without any help. No, maybe she did a different and simple quest like helping to pick flowers and herbs. Yes, she had to have after hearing my experiences. I try to hold onto that bit of hope, but I feel my fists clench, the atmosphere from the earlier chaotic but fun mess all but gone.

Gudako: What party?

Guild Girl: It was a party of four. Excluding her, it is a party consisting of a newly graduated female magician, a male swordsman, and a female fighter.

I feel the blackened armor of Lancelot begin to manifest unconsciously as I feel my anger build up, at myself and at those wretched creatures. I still try to keep the hope that maybe she convinced the group otherwise, but that hope is faint.

Gudako: ... What quest?

Guild Girl: ...

Gudako: I'm asking. What. Quest?

Guild Girl: A- ... A g-goblin subjugation quest...

Gudako: I knew it.

For the first time since I obtained the power of Lancelot, I feel the helmet manifest on my head, and all I can feel is rage. I don't need to talk anyways, not with those pieces of shit. The only thing I see is red, and all I can think of is one thought, one single thought that overpowers even my trauma in this moment...

.....

Kill. Every. Last. Goblin.

-----

New Servants:

Kama ( Bonus cat Kama included. ):

Mash ( Senpai lover #1. ):

Jack the Ripper:

Heracles ( Basaka. ):

Leonidas ( Shoulda been a shielder. ):

Enkidu ( Not Gay Clay but actually maybe Gay Clay. ):

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