Trying to remember

And then there was nothing again. Darkness. Complete darkness in my head. And all around me. Just the stars burning in the distance, like little lamps on a dark background.

Where was I?

I was just lying there. Dazed. Even my thoughts seemed to hang somehow. Numb. Or I lost them in the whirl of my head.

My head was heavy, I couldn't lift it. I just lay there. Heavy. Trying to remember. But my mind wouldn't move. As if it wanted to forget. I closed my eyes. Trying to remember. But only a gigantic void was sleeping in my head. And I stared into the dark emptiness. As if everything in my head had been erased. Empty. As if nothing had ever existed. As if I had never existed. Lived. I was gone. Gone. Into this nothing.

I couldn't say for sure.

Couldn't remember the person I once was. I was gone. Couldn't remember the beginning of this story. That moment that had robbed me of everything. I was gone.

My head ached.

But I was just lying there. Still... Silence. Maybe I didn't want to remember. Time rained down on me and I just lay there. Lonely. In this uncertainty. It was your fault. You had hurt me.

I was dead?

I didn't know how I came to think that.

But that word shot through my head like an arrow. I was sure. I knew it, I didn't even need proof. I just knew it.

Death.

I was gone.

The horror came with pictures. My memory. A truck. Crashed on me. Unstoppable. I couldn't avoid it. Too fast. Metal on metal. Loud. A scream. Pain.

Panting, I flinched. My head ached. I had an accident.

Then... then I was really dead. Passed away, just like that.

My thoughts whirled wildly through my head, overturning, like they were on a roller coaster. It was only now that I realized that at some point I had forgotten to breathe. I took a deep breath. Then once more. Until a rhythm emerged. I breathed? Breathed Death. Involuntarily, my hands jumped into my face, patting over it. It felt warm. Under my fingertips I felt smooth skin then rough again. Some areas hurt when my fingers ran over them.

Just as if I had injuries. Scraped skin?

Maybe, maybe it wasn't me...

The problem was that I could theoretically be dead. But only theoretically.

But before I could finish shaping the thought, I heard the creak of a door. Followed by soft footsteps. Gently, I turned my head to one side. Followed by sharp pain. I flinched. I opened my eyes. Light streamed into the dark room. Framing the silhouette of a man. Who was he? A male nurse? Only slowly did he come closer. Almost hesitantly, he crept towards me. His hair was gray, steel-gray. But everything else about him was dark. Dark as night. Dark eyes, like liquid chocolate. A dark suit. A dark shirt. Dark pants. Dark leather shoes. And yet he seemed strange. Like he didn't fit into my world.