36 Chapter 35

Author's note:

                Please play Take a chance on me by Marion Aunor while reading this chapter.

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I was in the middle of the meeting when Cassiopeia's brother, called me.

I need to excuse myself because it seems so urgent, he already had 6 missed calls.

"Sorry to interrupt the meeting but, I need to excuse myself to answer an important call. You may proceed." I politely said to my employers.

Then I went outside to answer the Call.

"Hello bro? Why are you calling? Is everything's alright?"

"Rigel w-wala na si Kc, wala na ang kapatid ko." His voice broke and I can hear his sobs.

"W-what do you mean? I can't understand you." I was so confused.

"Patay na si Kc, Rigel. Nawalan ng preno 'yung bus na kasalubong niya sa Magnetic Hill sa Tanay kaya sumalpok sa kotse niya."

"No! No! No! That's not true! I was with her yesterday, she texted me also before she went to Laguna." My tears started to fall, I felt so weak and I couldn't walk.

"Cassiopeia is currently at the hospital nearest the crash site. Nasa Army Station Hospital siya sa Camp General Mateo Capinpin. Dinala siya doon ng mga nakasaksi sa aksidente. The doctor tried to revived her, pero walang response. Rigel wala na si Kc, wala na ang kapatid ko, wala na ang p-prinsesa ko." He cried so loud, I can sense the pain that he's feeling right now, because just like him I'm also tormented.

My knees get weak after I ended the call.

"Sir are you okay?" My employer asked.

"Do I look like fucking okay to you?" I raised my voice.

"No Sir, I'm sorry if I asked you." nahihiyang paumanhin niya.

I just ignored him, then I walked through the parking lot.

I can feel my knees getting weaker while I'm walking through the parking lot.

When I reached my car, I get inside then I checked my phone immediately.

From Cassiopeia:

I'm leaving now, I love you so much Rigel.

To Cassiopeia:

Take care Cass, I love you so much more. Text me when you get home safely.

From Cassiopeia:

I will, see you later.

If I only knew that you'll die today, I will never be satisfied with the last conversation that we had.

All my life, I will regret this day. The day that the love of my life has been taken away by an accident. If I just come along with her on the way to Laguna, maybe it wouldn't happened to her.

You know what's really hurts me the most? When she said that she will back safely, but she never did.

If I only knew that night is our last night together, I will give her the tightest and warmest hug, and I will never let her go.

I drive as fast as I could, because I want to see Cassiopeia, I wanted to see her alive, but she's already gone.

When I finally arrived at the Army Station Hospital. I didn't go inside, because I don't have enough strength to see the love of my life laying on the hospital bed and not breathing anymore.

I was just walking around, wondering why all of this things are happening to me. Now I only have myself, I don't have my parents anymore and Cassiopeia leave me so soon.

Mica suddenly showed up.

"Rigel tara na sa loob, inaantay na tayo ni Kc." She bit her lower lip to stop her tears from falling.

"I don't want to see her, I don't want to see her like that." My tears fall down.

"Let's go, she needs us." She held my hand, then forced me to go inside.

I saw Cassiopeia lying on the bed. Her clothes was full of blood but her face still looks beautiful. We walk towards her.

Her family are crying so hard and I can't help but to cry too.

I held his beautiful face and my tears started streaming down on my face.

"Cassiopeia! Wake up! I need you, please wake up! This is not true! I'm only dreaming right?" I freaked out, "Wake up Cass, you said a while ago that you'll be home safely. Wake up! Wake up! Why do you have to leave me so soon? Why do you have to go? Who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do now? I can't live again without you in my life Cassiopeia." I cried so hard until my eyes became swollen, "We have many dreams to fulfill, I want to marry you, I want to build my own family with you. How can I supposed to do that now? if you're not here anymore. You leaved me once Cass, and now you're leaving me again? You leave me without even saying goodbye."

I hug her cold body, "You're so unfair! Why do keep on hurting me? Why? I love you so much Cass, why did you left me? Sana sinama mo nalang ako! How can I live now? You're the only reason why I keep on living. I love you so much Cass, I love you more than anything." I kissed her cold lips for the last time.

I don't want to leave her, but she needs to go inside the morgue.

"Bro, be strong we need to be strong for her. Kc will not like it, if she will see you like that." Migs said.

"Yeah, thanks. I need to go now." I said while walking away, hoping that he will not going to follow me.

I need to breath, I need to think. In a days like this, I always prefer to be alone because if I'm alone. No one can hurt me, I can only hurt myself. I need to deal with this, on my own.

I stop at the convenience store to buy a hard liqour, Because this is what I need right now. I can't escape the sadness that Cassiopeia brought into my life.

I drive as fast as I can, hoping to get into an accident.

I finally arrived at the overlooking view at Antipolo, the place where I and Cassiopeia go. We have beautiful memories here.

I drink the alcohol that I bought until I became intoxicated.

I started crying again.

"I didn't let you in my life just for you to leave me again. I didn't make my self whole, just for you to break me again."

"CASSIOPEIA!" I shouted, while my tears are keep on falling.

I was tormented and unable to see my way, through my current life storm.

"Cass I don't know where to start!

You borrowed my heart and now my heart has been blue.

Maybe I deserved someone else Cass, but I've always wanted you in my life! I don't want anyone else but you." I cried while drinking, because this is the only way I know to lessen the pain that I feel, "You let me inside your life again just to break me like a promise."

"Please take away all the pain that I feel, I can't take it anymore! I want to die! How can I live every single day without you?"

I stayed there for whole night. I slept inside my car, because I'm so wasted, I can't even drive.

I woke up with a massive headache.

Her brother called me again just to informed me that Cassiopeia is finally at the Loyola Memorial Chapels. He also told me what really happened in the accident.

He said that Magnetic Hill is prone area known for it's gradual upward slope that creates an illusion of rolling up against gravity. While transport officials and the local disaster management council say that the bus is the main culprit of the crash because the bus lost it's break that caused the death of 15 people, an important factor may also have been the road condition, which could be dangerous for an inexperienced or careless driver.

Magnetic hill has a very sharp curves that result in blind spots, the lack of protective barriers, signal lights and road signs that do not meet universal visibility and luminescence standards.

While road signs prompt drivers to slow down in anticipation of blind curves, these are too small to be noticed. There is also no sign indicating a speed limit.

Danger warning signs shall be installed at a sufficient distance from obstructions to give drivers adequate warning.

I still can't believe that she's finally gone. I can't accept that she left me already, she left me, and she will never be back again in my arms. But I'll wait for her, no matter how long it takes.

For eight consecutive days, I didn't go at the chapel because I'm not yet ready to see her inside the coffin.

I'm always talking to the stars about her every night. Maybe she's finally one of them because she's Cassiopeia, a constellation in the night sky.

Every night im so despondent and lonely and the demons are screaming inside me and I just want Cassiopeia to hold me in my arms just like before.

I always look at her beautiful pictures, I'll watch her life in pictures like I used to watch her sleep and I used to feel her breathe, until I have emotional breakdown, my body will definitely shutdown and all I can do is to cry & cry. I feel so worthless, stupid and a fucking idiot. Grief are suddenly attacking me, overthinking is killing me and I can feel my body slowly giving up.

I always drink at night enable for me to sleep, because I had trouble sleeping at night since she left me. I feel that no one cares for me anymore, no one's here for me when my life becomes dark.

I felt so depressed, all I can feel is sadness, emptiness, anger, worn out and loneliness.

I can't escape the sadness that I feel. I'm living for nothing, deep inside I'm dying.

I don't want to lose her, but I didn't realize that I'm also losing myself.

My friends visits me at my house. They wanted me to go at Loyola Memorial Chapels to see Cassiopeia lying inside the coffin.

"What are you doing here?" I gave them a deadpan look, "I don't need anyone right now."

"You keep yourself away, you know, it's difficult to find people who understands you but we're always here for you bro." Clyde sincerely said.

"I'm totally fine, I can handle myself." I smiled at them.

"You're just smiling, for us to think that you're okay and totally fine, but deep inside your actually dying Rigel." Misty wiped her tears away, "I know it hurts a lot, don't deny the pain, don't say that you're okay even though you are not."

"It's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard bro." Nicolo said, while tapping my shoulders.

"It's so hard, It's fucking hard to lose someone you love the most. Cassiopeia is my everything and now I have nothing." My tears started to fall.

"You have to let her leave. No matter how much it kills you every single day. You need to let her leave peacefully. Accept the fact that she's finally gone." Nicolo said in a calmly voice.

I walk towards him and held his collar, "Don't fucking say that in front of me! You don't know the pain that I feel! You can't fucking understand what I'm going through."

Clyde and Misty walk toward us.

"Stop it!" Misty furiously said.

Nicolo walked away and Clyde chase him.

After a minute they go back inside, then Nicolo apologized to me.

They convinced me to go with them because this is Cassiopeia's last night with us.

When we arrived at the Loyola Chapels, I walk towards the coffin, Kieff is also there he looks so sad and he's getting slim maybe he didn't eat too. I became so weak while I'm getting near.

I hugged her coffin and cried so hard, I don't care about the people that keeps on staring at me.

"Cass I really missed you. I miss your smile, your eyes, your voice, your lips, your laugh, your hands, your humor, your weird faces, I really missed you, the whole you." I try to wipe my tears away but they keeps on falling. "I love you so much and that's the beginning and ending of us, but I will be forever grateful that I met you in just a short period of time. My love for you will be forever engraved in my heart, I will treasure all the memories that we shared with each other." I said whispering.

I cried & cried, I didn't leave her for the last time. They are having eulogy for her because this is her last night. I don't want to speak about us, so that I sing for her, just like I always do before.

"Good evening everyone, I just want to sing for Cassiopeia." My voice broke.

Breaking on the ground

Silence all around

Thinking to myself

Never ever wanna be found

Not now

But living everyday

Finding my way

What's the point in finding someone

If you know that

They will not stay

I was still looking out

For that some kind of wonderful

But you would not give up on me

You would not let go

Thought I wasn't cut out

For that some kind of wonderful

But you refused to believe

You said Baby I wish you could see

What I see

Coz lately I felt like your all I'd ever need

And baby there's nowhere else I'd rather be

So maybe you could take a chance on me

I'm still hoping that this is just a dream, I can't accept the fact that she's gone.

After I sing for her, I just sat on the chair with Kieff giving him body rubs. I want him to feel that I'm always here for him, I will never left him.

Im not saying it's going to be easy for me, it's really hard, it's a processed, a long one.

When we became desperate, we cry out in desperation. Desperate cries for help create divine deliverance and will push you through quitting times.

Cassiopeia's brother sat beside me, he's also crying.

"He is a big God, Rigel and he can provide comfort, hope and ultimate peace in the middle of our storm. When bad becomes unbearable, God will always there waiting for your eyes to lift off your circumstances and rest in his unfailing gaze." He smiled with the tears in his eyes.

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Take a chance by Maurion Aunor