Chapter 44

Silence followed. It took a while for everyone present to realize that Alex finished speaking. Dana's face shows how much she just wants to hug the young man. She knew he was more cautious than her brother and a lot more fearful about his sexuality but she didn't know it was to this extent and what led to it. She was furious at all those people in his past that made him retreat in his shell further and further with just some careless remarks probably without even knowing how much they hurt one of their friends.

Daniel isn't that surprised. He came across multiple gay people in the past and each and everyone of them handled it differently. There were some like him who just made it moderate, but nonetheless dated openly. But there were often also ones like Alex who were so afraid of coming out, loosing their friends and enstranging their family that they stay closeted for years. Until this day he still wouldn't dare say that there exists this one right way. Everyone of them made good and bad experiences with the choices they made. In the end everyone has to decide for themselves what they are comfortable with. Alex chose to stay closeted for a long time. But Daniel is glad he finally knows what exactly is holding his lover back. Now he can adjust more to his fears and they can deal with them together.

But what is Christian's reaction? He has none. He justs sits there with a pensive face. He is still in the process of assessing what his brother told him. But Alex isn't perturbed by this. He knows his brother who is so much like his father. He listened and now he would decide - based on the new information - how to proceed and evaluate the content. The habits of a lawyer.

"Okay." Christian finally speaks. He looks Alex straight in the eyes. "Now I understand better where the problem lies and I think there is a misunderstanding between us."

Alex looks at him puzzled but Christian just speaks on. "To make this clear: I accept you for who you are as a person. You are my brother." He pauses a moment, lets his statement linger between them. "But I admit I have issues with you being gay. Not because I find it gross or anything. It is just something I am not familiar with. I am not gay and I have never met a gay person - to my knowing - in my circle. It is something new for me and I first have to get accustomed to a man talking about a 'boyfriend' instead of a 'girlfriend'." He smiles at Alex showing determination. "But I don't like us being strangers. You are my brother. So maybe you can teach me and let me get accustomed to it."

Alex smiles relieved and is just about to answer when suddenly something akin to panic clouds Christian's face. "But I have to get one thing straight: I am really not comfortable with you two openly showing affection towards each other." He holds up his hand in a pacifying motion as he sees the angered faces of Dana and Daniel. "Don't misunderstand. That has nothing to do with you being gay, well maybe a little." He takes a deep breath and looks at Alex for help. "In our family affection was always something that had to be hidden from the public eye. It was something you do in private. Our parents didn't even kiss in front of us. So to this day I am uncomfortable with publicly shown affection, no matter the gender-pairing. But I admit since most hetero-couples are nowadays very openly flirting in the streets I am more numbed against it since I am forced to watch it on a daily basis. And since same-sex-relationships are seldomly seen in public I was never forced to get accustomed to it. That's why I would ask you to act not too openly in front of me."

Alex is dumbfounded by his brother's reasoning. It hits home. Their family really is like that. He starts to feel giddy with the relieve, happy beyond measure to have this talk with his brother, finally finding some ground to start from together.

He giggles as he teases "Or maybe we just have to throw everything we got in your face like a baby bird being thrown out of the nest."

Christian visibly flinches, really not comfortable with the idea. "Please..." He pleads in a small voice. It is a reaction so much out of character for his brother that Alex starts to laugh.

The others look at him surprised but he still laughs on not being able to reign it in. They look at each other. They feel the tension draining out of them and Dana is the first to giggle along. Christian joins in with nervous laughter and finally also Daniel can't control his amusement.

They laugh, loud, full-heartedly and long. So long that Alex' laugh starts to sound hysteric until he finally starts to cry, big ugly tears of relieve.

"I am so glad." He sobs looking at his brother.

"Alexander, don't cry. I am sorry for not understanding for so long." Faced with his brother's tears Christian finally apologized, also something out of character for him.

"Hey Christian, look away a moment.", Daniel warns. But Christian being surprised by being called so familiarly and not understanding why he should look away is met with a sight he didn't know how to evaluate.

Daniel leans in hugging his brother close to his chest and Alexander lunging into the embrace, clinging tightly to the man who is his boyfriend. Christian can't look away. He feels his heart warm for his brother who has found someone he can turn to in times of sadness. The sight itself is so innocent even as that boyfriend starts to plant kisses on his brother's hair and to whisper endearments. While a part of his mind says how shameless they are, the voice is very low at the back of his head. Much louder is his heart, filling with warmth at the picture painted before him. Not really sure how to figure out his own convictions and feelings, he finally turns his head away as asked.

But Dana watches him closely reacting to the two men embracing. She is glad to see him show a smile even after turning away his head.