Chapter 15: Family Dinner

    Living with Nathan is everything I could have ever hoped for and more. His love for me is so strong and I love him for that, the problem is I can't seem to tell  him I love him. Three very easy words to say. Three words I mean but can't say. 'I love you'. 

Why can't I say it? I don't know, but I've been trying for weeks. One time I tried saying it and instead of 'I love you' said 'I love your hair.' What the hell is wrong with me?

"Hey love." Nathan said from behind me. I turned around, "Hey. Are we making dinner together tonight?" I asked. "Yes, but what do you want for dinner?" I thought about it for a minute. "Ham?" I suggested. "That's fine, but what are we gonna do with the rest of it?" he asked. "What if we bring the whole thing to my family so they can have ham too?"  He frowned, "Your family doesn't like me." I rolled my eyes, "The adults don't, but my siblings do. Besides, my Dad loves ham." He stared at me in silence for a minute, "Ok fine, we'll make ham for them too." 

I checked the time, "I got to get to work before I'm late." I said in a hurried voice. "I grabbed my truck keys and my book. I gave Nathan a quick kiss and patted Bullet's head. On my way out the door I heard Nathan say, "I love you, have a good day." I tried saying it back but once again, "I love your jacket." He laughed at me and I quickly ran out to my truck and sped all the way to Starbucks.

I barely made it to work on time. "Hey Morgan." I said when I walked through the door. "Hey." she was at the cash register next to mine. "So, I'm an idiot." I said. "Oh jeez. What happened?" she asked. I took a deep breath and spoke really fucking fast like usuual when I'm ranting or talking about a problem, "I can't tell Nathan I love him. I've tried but I just end up saying I love your hair or this morning I said I love your jacket. I feel so bad because I do love him but I just can't tell him. I'm trying so hard and he knows I'm trying. He doesn't expect me to say it back but I should and I want to but I can't." 

She is used to me talking fast. "So keep trying you'll  get there eventually." she said. "That's what I told myself."  I laughed, "Our minds are-" I started. "NSYNC. Ahaha" we finished together.

That day at work was long as I continued to think of a way I could tell Nathan I love him. When I got home he was sitting on the couch reading Messenger of Fear by Michael Grant. "Hello my thief." I said. He looked up at me and cocked an eyebrow, "Did you just call me your thief?" he asked. "Yes." 

He closed his book and lunged at me capturing me in his arms. I laughed and then he kissed me. "Only you can call me by a special name." he said before kissing me again. I pulled away, "We have to go buy stuff for dinner." He sighed, "You're right." 

We headed outside and he started towards his motorcycle. I was so used to my truck that I forgot about his motorcycle. I got on behind him and wrapped my arms around him like I used to. "I miss this." I said on our way to the store. "Me too. Riding my motorcycle isn't as fun anymore unless your arms are wrapped around me." he said. 

I wrapped my arms tighter around him as we turned, I always feel like I'm gonna fall off when we turn. "I miss your unnecessary little fears on my motorcycle too. The ones that make you squeeze tighter." he laughed. I punched his shoulder for teasing me.

We found everything we needed in the store and headed back home. When we got home he started on the rolls while I started on the glaze for the ham. I stirred together brown sugar and honey until they were blended all the way. Then I added a jar of maraschino cherries to the glaze. Next I stirred in pineapple tidbits and the pineapple juice. 

"Thief of mine." I said. Nathan turned to me, I held out a spoon of the glaze. "Try this please." I fed him the glaze and he thought for a minute, "It needs a tad more brown sugar and cherry juice." I nodded, "Thank you." I added more brown sugar and cherry juice and made him try it again. "Mmm, perfect." he said. "Almost perfect, perfect isn't a thing." I corrected. He rolled his eyes and put the rolls in the oven. 

I poured the glaze over the ham and placed pineapple rings on the ham with cherries in the middle of each ring. When I was done with the ham I set it aside and started working on gluten free rolls for my Nana. 

When everything was ready I called Mom. "Hello." she said. "Hey Mom, have you guys had dinner yet?" I asked. "No. I was just about to tell Morgan to thaw some chicken." I laughed, "Forget that, we made ham and rolls and we can bring that over. I even made gluten free rolls for Nana." 

"Hell, hold on." It was quiet for a few minutes. "Bring it all over." she said. "Ok, we will." I said before hanging up. I turned to Nathan, "Ok, were all good to go. If they didn't like you before, they might now." He approached me, "I think everyone except your Dad will be ok with me as long as they don't know about this." He wrapped his arms and pulled me very close. Then his lips met mine. I tangled my hands in his hair and kissed him back. He pulled away after a minute, "We gotta get going." he said.

We grabbed the food and headed to my family's house. When we got there I let myself in and like usual the dogs started barking. Nathan and I put the food on the table. Everyone said thank you and started grabbing plates. Nathan helped serve food and I went to say hi to Barley.

I got down on his level, "Hey buddy." he wagged his tail and tried to lick my face. I pushed his head away playfully and ran at me. I grabbed his rope and we played tug-of-war for a minute. "Renée, come get food." I heard Mom say. I pet Barley once more and then stood up to get food. 

"Sorry guys I had to say hi to Barley. I may have my own dog now, but I still love Barley." I said. "Hey, Bullet's my puppy too you know." Nathan said in a playfully defensive way. "You have a puppy, I wanna see." Cora said. Nathan reached in his pocket for his phone. I hit him under the table. If he wants my family to like him, his phone can't be out during dinner. He got the hint, "I can show you after dinner if you'd like." he said to Cora. "Yes please." she said. She's in the 9th grade but she still sounds like a little girl.

"Who made the ham?" Dad asked. "We made it together Dad." I said. He nodded, "It's good." I smiled up at Nathan and gave him a 'told you so' look. He rolled his eyes. 

After dinner Mom wanted to talk to me alone. "Are you enjoying living with him?" she asked. "Yes, I love living with him." Sne nodded, "How's that work out? What's it like?" she asked. "Well, he sleeps on his bed and I currently sleep on the couch. We take turns cooking and sometimes cook together. We clean the apartment together. Whoever wakes up first makes the coffee. He tells me he loves me and calls me love. I love him too but I struggle to tell him. It always comes out as "I love your hair' or 'I love your jacket' or something like that." I said. She laughed, "You really are your father's daughter. Just keep trying you'll get there."

After dinner and my talk with Mom, we went home. I gave some of the leftover ham to Bullet and he ate it happily. I stood up from petting him and felt a pair of strong arms hug me from behind. I leaned back into Nathan's embrace.

"I love you." he said. "I love your tattoos." I said. Damn, I really tried that time. "I know. You love tattoos so much. Do you want one?" I sighed, "In truth, I want a sleeve of roses on my right arm and barbed wire around my right wrist but I'm terrified of needles." I admitted. "Love, I would be there with you the whole time. If you ever feel up to getting one, just tell me." 

I turned around in his arms, "Thank you." I gave him a quick kiss and we stood there for a minute hugging each other. "Do you wanna watch a movie?" he asked. Still in his arms I asked, "What movie?" He shrugged, "101 Dalmations?" I looked up at him, "Sure, I haven't seen that in a while."

We headed into his room to watch the movie. He ploped on his bed and gestured for me to sit next to him. I climbed on his bed and sat next to him. As we watched the movie, I ended up in Nathan's arms again.

I woke up next morning in Nathan's arms on his bed. "What the hell?" I said. He stirred, "What's wrong?" he asked. "I, um, wasn't expecting to be on your bed in your arms." I felt my face get warm. "Oh, well you didn't seem to mind it so I let you fall asleep in my arms." I yawned and stretched my arms above my head. "I actually slept all night, I haven't done that in years. Did I hit you?" I asked. "A few times, but I forgive you." He kissed my forehead and I got up to get ready for work.