Leaving everything behind

I left the hospital room in a hurry as my heart could not bare it any longer, the way Adrian was talking to me and the way he looked at me was exactly the same way he did five years ago. What could possibly have happened in the few hours that I was not with him for him to treat me the way he just did.

Why does he always do this to me, why does he keep toying with my heart. Yesterday he was talking about spending the rest of his life with me and today he is talking to me about marrying Natasha. How can he do this does he think that marriage is a joke or does he simply regard me as a joke. If he wanted to marry her from the beginning then why did he come to my house with the propasal.

I can't believe he looked at me like that again after five years, his distrust for was clearly very obvious. I can't believe that I was about to put my life on hold for him. It is true what they say that love is blind, I have been blinded by my love for him that I completely forgot about what happened between us in the past. How could I have forgotten how many times he hurt me.

He broke my heart repeatedly in the past and every time I forgave him just because I love him. The people of this city consider him to be some saint be those people do not know him like I do. How could I even think of putting my career on hold just to become a designer. I am indeed very stupid despite knowing the outcome of always trusting him I still do it over and over again.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again each time expecting a different outcome. And indeed I have lost my mind, I have insane in the name of love. I don't even recognize myself anymore, to what level am I willing to stoop for the sake of love. How many times am going to be insulted by him all in the name of love. How much pain will my heart be able to bare all for love.

How many times will my love get rejected by him before I let him go. Am I even capable of letting him go ? How many times will allow myself to be toyed with like this. For how long will I keep on hurting like this. Just the other day I made a promise to myself that I would fight for him but does one begin to fight for someone who clearly does not want them.

Why does say he loves when he doesn't trust me or think twice before hurting. What kind of love does he speak of, does he even know the meaning of the word or does he simply enjoy playing with me. Why was he sweet to me yesterday when he clearly does not want me around.

And the kiss, why did he kiss me when he clearly does not care for me. Have I been too available for him that I ended up losing my importance in his life. Was I ever even important to him.

The worst pain in life is knowing that they mean the world to you but you don't even matter to them. It hurts alot when the one you love so much with all of your heart and soul treats you like a stranger or a criminal who is guilty of this or that. Trust is important in love you can not love without it as in how do you give your heart someone you don't trust to take of it.

I trusted Adrian so much but he always seems to break my trust. I have given him so many chances but the outcome remains the same. I have given my best to him what more will it take, what more must I do for him to treat me properly.

I too have my limits after all I am only human, I am tired and my heart has had enough. I made it very clear that I would only leave him if he himself asks me to and from the conversation in the room just now its clear he doesn't want me in his life. I also will not force myself on him, if he wants me to leave then that is exactly what I am going to do.

For both our sakes it will be better if I just leave because God knows that I won't be able to stay here and watch him marry someone else. I go far away from this place and never come back. My heart has had enough pain for one lifetime, I need a break.

I clenched my hand into a fist on top of chest, my heart is in so much pain and it feels like the angel of death is trying to reap it out of my chest. I reach my car enter the car keys then I turned on the ignition before I drove off in the direction of the airport.

The image of what happened at the hospital kept replaying In mind and the more I thought about it the more pain I felt in my heart. The tears in my eyes kept flowing temporarily blinding me. I reached the airport and checked my purse and took out my credit card to pay for plane ticket.

A lot has happened since I returned and everything happened so fast that I was not able to unpack my purse so I still had my passport with me. I took my purse and walked into the airport. I went and booked the first ticket to London, the plane leaves in half an hour so I decided to head to the washroom to touch up my makeup.

I waiting patiently for them to announce for passengers to board the plane as I couldn't wait to leave this country and everything behind me. This time by hook or by crook I will move on with my and forget that someone named Adrian Andrada ever existed in my life.

I texted Cher to come for my car before boarding the plane. I came back to this only three days ago and here I am leaving once again, one thing I am sure if is that I will not be missing this country any time soon.

"Goodbye Adrian."