Chapter 23

Chapter 23 : Love Signs

"Let's go."

Hinila ko si Caden palabas ng ICU. Mabilis ko rin siyang binitawan ng maalala ang sugat nito.

"Why did we leave?." kalmado niyang tanong kahit iba ang nakikita ko.

"Para kang papatay ng tao."

He chuckles.

"He's taking advantage to what happened to Troy. He's clearly using it to get you back."

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad binabalewala ang sinasabi niya.

"And you're letting him."

Doon ako napatigil sa paglalakad at nilingon siya. He's crossing his arm , eyebrows arched at me.

"You said? I'm letting him? Of course not! Its not like that to me. He's a friend to Troy too. He has the right to support him this time."

"And hugging you was his way to support him? If I was Troy. I'll wake up and shot him right in his head. He's a stupid idiot! Kailan pa nagkakapagpagaling ang yakap?."

Ito ba ang epekto ng pagkakabaril niya.

"Whatever you say. Let's get you back to your room. You shouldn't be here. You're supposed to be in your bed , resting."

"How could I probably rest while my wife was flirting with another guy?."

Napairap ako sa mga sinasabi niya.

"Really? Your giving issues to simple things. Kanina galit ka kay Troy kasi niyakap niya ako and now you're saying I'm flirting with another guy. Gosh , Caden! Stop making things up. I'm already a mess right now."

Umamba ang kaniyang labi na may sasabihin pero sa huli ay nanatili siyang tahimik. Matapos ang ilang segundong pakikipagtitigan sa akin ay nagpatuloy siya sa paglalakad. Nilampasan lang ako at halos banggain na niya.

What's is wrong with him right now? Sumunod ako sa kaniyang kwarto. Naroon rin sina Zarah at Zach na kaniya kaniyang trabaho sa mga kaharap na papeles at laptop. Hindi namalayan ng dalawa ang pagpasok ko. Nasa kama si Caden , nakaupo at nakasuot ng earpod.

Naupo ako sa gilid ng kaniyang kama. Saglit niya akong sinulyapan bago bumalik sa pagkakapikit.

"How are you?." Hinintay ko ang sagot nito. Alam kong walang music sa earpod niya. He's just making it as an excuse.

Nang hindi parin niya ako inimikan ay tinanggal ko ang isang earpod nito. Hindi parin niya ako pinagtuunan ng pansin.

I started to think to pinch his wound para lang mapansin niya.

"Don't dare." Hindi ko natuloy ang iniisip nang magmulat ito.

"Wala naman akong binabalak." I lied.

"How are you?." pag-iiba ko.

"It hurt." napatingin ako sa parte ng kaniyang dibdib na natamaan. Mabuti at hindi natamaan ang puso nito.

"I thought you're not someone who will get hurt easily."

Kinunutan niya ako ng noo.

*"Kaya ba hindi mo nakikitang nasasaktan na ako?."*

"Ha?."

I wasn't able to hear what he just said. Narinig ko kasing mahinang nagtatawanan si Zarah at Zach sa likod kaya napalingon ako.

"Nothing." aniya at umiling.

Sigurado naman akong may sinabi siya ,  hindi ko lang talaga malinaw na narinig.

We were all dead silent. Maging ang dalawang kasama namin ay halos hindi na rin gumagawa ng ingay. I suddenly felt awkward. I'm not comfortable at this so I decided to open up a conversation.

"Last night.." Nilunok ko ang takot sa nangyari kagabi. "I was really scared."

Sa tingin ko mas lalo lang nadadagdagan ang ilang sa amin dahil ako lang ang nagsasalita at parang lahat sila ay nasa sa akin ang tuon at nakikinig sa mga sinasabi ko. Hindi ko kayang tumingin kau Caden kaya mas pinili kong titigan ang bed sheet ng kaniyang kama.

"It's my first time seeing someone get shot and the worse it's because of me—

"It wasn't because of you." putol niya sa akin. Mapakla akong ngumiti at muling tumitig sa kung saan huwag lang sa kaniyang mukha.

"Kung hindi ka sumunod sakin. Hindi ka sana mababaril."

"Still , If I stayed in the condo. Paano ka nakakasigurong walang mangyayaring masama sakin. What if a fire broke and I was trapped inside or a thief rather."

"Tama nga naman." dinig kong sabat ni Zach. Sinapak siya ni Zarah at hinila patayo.

"Hindi pa pala kami kumakain. Babalik kami mamaya." paalam nito at iniwan kami.

"Nakakasiguro ka bang hindi ako mababaril kung hindi ako sumunod sayo?. At least , risking my life to save you would make my death worth it."

I glared at him.

"But you're not responsible to keep me safe. And I don't want you to risk your life saving me. Hindi ko kayang bayaran ang ganiyang kalaking utang."

"It's been my responsibility since we've meet Scarlette."

Tumindig ang balahibo ko sa tawag niya sa akin.

I sigh defeated."Kaya mo naman siguro akong bantayan habang nasisigurong hindi ka rin napapahamak?."

Sinagot niya lang ako ng blankong titig.

Bumaba ang titig ko sa kaniyang kamay. Sa kaniyang daliri na naroon ang wedding ring na suot niya. I guess he'll always be responsible for my safety as long as he wears it.

"Do you know what hurt most when someone leaves you?." nanatili ang titig ko roon.

"No. What?."

"The moment you realize that they will never come back , you will never touch them or see them again. The fact they're completely gone—

"Dead?."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya at marahang tumango.

"Sinasabi mo ba na wag kong hahayang mapahamak ang sarili ko habang nililigtas ka dahil ayaw mo akong mamatay?."

We stared at each others eyes for quite a second.

"No."

Kumunot ang kaniyang noo sa sinabi ko.

Umiwas ako ng tingin at huminga ng malalim.

"Gaya ng sabi ko kanina. If you'll be dead just because of saving me. I can't pay that debt."

Bahagya akong nagulat nang hablutin niya ang braso ko at inihirap sa kaniya. He's eyes are dead serious.

"Stop playing with me , Avery!. It's not funny? Didn't I told you already to make your fvcking words clear so I won't misunderstand them? Hindi ka ba nakakaintindi o pinaglalaruan mo talaga ako."

"Anong sinasabi mo?."

"You're giving me false hope."

"False hope?."

"And you keep on pretending it's nothing."

Halos magsalubong na ang kilay ko sa mga sinasabi niyang hindi ko naman naiintindihan.

"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo? Hindi na kita naiintindihan? Ayos ka lang ba? Nauntog ba ang ulo mo? Should I call the doctor?."

Nagbutunghininga siya at binitawan ako. Ginulo niya ang buhok at inis na pumikit. Ilang beses siyang nagbuga ng hangin bago tumayo. May kinuha ito mula sa mga tambak na papeles sa mesa bago muling lumapit sa akin.

"I already sign it."

Nagtataka man ay tinanggap ko ang kaniyang inabot.

"What is it?." Hindi niya ako sinagot at hinintay na lang na makita ang nilalaman ng envelope.

Noong unang bumungad sa akin ang papeles ay inakala kong nagkakamali ako ng nakita but as the words processed in my mind , my heart sank.

"A-annulment?." Nang tingnan ko siya ay umiwas siya ng tingin.

As I  go over the papers , he's signature is already affixed above his name.

"Don't worry. I'll ensure our business plans won't be affected at this change."

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto akong nakatitig roon but I can't lift a pen to sign it though my logical thinking are telling me to sign it already. I was the one who told him not to be responsible of me and signing these papers would grant me what exactly I want. Him not being harmed because of the responsibility of saving me. Pero..

"Paano kung ayoko?."

Huminga siya ng malalim.

"You're telling me not to be responsible to you—

"Okay. Fine! Binabawi ko na ang sinasabi ko! Be responsible no matter how much you want!."

Tumayo ako mula sa pagkaka-upo at padabog na iniwan sa kama ang papeles saka ito matapang na hinarap at dinuro.

"But remember this , kapag namatay ka..." My eyes soften as the next words lies at the end of my tongue.

"Susunod ako sayo.."

The sky is dim. Mukhang uulan mamaya. Nakatitig parin ako sa kalangitan ng makaramdam ng presensiya ng tao. Nang lumingon ako ay sumalubong sa akin si Zach. Ngumiti ito sa akin at tumabi sa pagkaka-akbay sa railings nitong rooftop ng hospital.

"Ayos ka lang?."

"Bakit? Do I look like I'm not?." nangalumbaba ako.

"Oo. Mukhang galing sa LQ." sinulyapan ko siya at may kaunting ngiti sa kaniyang labi. Napairap na lang ako.

"Do you love him?."

Muli akong napatingin sa kaniya. Nakatingin rin ito sa akin.

"Si C-Caden?!." I hilariously ask.

Naging blanko naman ang mukha ko ng ngumiti siya ng matamis.

"Bakit?."

Ang kaniyang ngiti ay nauwi sa tawa.

"May nakakatawa ba?."

I raise his hand to stop me for a minute. Weird din ang isang to. Matapos ang pagtawa ay humugot ito ng malalim na hininga.

"I didn't mention any name. Pero nang sinabi ko ang salitang iyon si Caden agad ang naisip mo. I was supposed to be pertaining to your ex."

Hindi ako nakapagsalita ng mapagtanto ang kaniyang sinabi. I just realize it. It is Caden I immediately thought of after hearing that word. Bakit siya? Bakit si Daniel?

"They say. You can't possibly unlove someone lalo na kapag totoo mo silang minahal. It's just that someone will come in your life that will make you feel more loved than what you felt in your past. Someone will came to teach your heart to love more than what you did at the past. Mahal mo parin si Daniel kahit ayaw mo ng aminin pero may dadating sa buhay mo na mas mamahalin mo and that could be..."

"Caden?." pagpapatuloy ko sa kaniyang sasabihin.

He didn't say any word and just tap my shoulder before leaving me alone. Bumalik ako sa pagtingala sa kawalan.

Since my heartbreak , I was doubtful of how love works. It's too complicated to understand. But I think I need to see through my inside to understand what's been happening to me. Walang malinaw sa akin maliban sa katotohanang , things aren't what they should suppose to be as planned.

At the edge of this bothering thing , I found myself scrolling down in my phone looking for an answer. Troy could give it to me but he's not in the condition to do so.

*Signs of falling in love.*

I was once fall in love and yet everything was new to me.

*You feel charged and euphoric when they're around. You feel unexplained happiness , giddiness , euphoria and nervous excitement.*

Nitong mga nakaraan , I felt nervous when Caden's around. Nako-conscious ako bigla. Nakakalimutan ko ang mga problema ko nang dahil sa kaniya. With him in my side , I felt like happiness is just around the corner.

*You can't wait to see them even after they had just left. You miss them a lot. You want to be in his side not for the whole day but forever.*

Naiisip ko kapag wala siya. But I'm not really sure about missing him dahil halos hindi naman kami nagkakalayo. Palaging siya ang kasama ko. He's been consuming my day ever since.

*Everything feels exciting and new.*

Definitely!

*You don't mind making sacrifices for them.*

Wala pa naman akong isinasakripisyo para sa kaniya. But him.. I don't know , he seem like someone motivated to let himself dead just to save me...or so I thought.

*You felt safe and warm when they're around.*

I do feel safe and comfortable around him.

*His/Her simple words makes you flutter.*

It could be.

*They're the first person you go to for sympathy.*

Definitely.

*You find their annoying little quirks endearing.*

Sometimes.

Kahit sa mga nabasa ko hindi parin ako sigurado sa nag-iisang tanong na mayroon ako ngayon. Am I in love with Caden? Nararamdaman ko ang ilang signs pero hindi talaga ako fan ng love at first sight. I believe that the two person need long time to know each other to fall in love. Kaya kahit sinasabi ng mga signs na mayroon akong nararamdaman sa kaniya. I still don't believe I am.

"Scar..." Napasulyap ako sa aking likuran. It's Daniel. I sigh and ignore his presence.

Tumabi ito sa akin at nanatiling tahimik.

"How are you?." Hindi ko siya sinagot.

Kung tinatanong niya ang kalagayan ko pagkatapos ng ginawa niya. I'm not sure. Tanggap ko na ang nangyari but forgiving them , I don't know. What they did will always scarred me. As long as I can , I want to forget it.

"Cassey.." bahagya akong napasilip sa kaniya nang magsalita ito. I bought he'll keep mum. "She's having a hard time with the baby.." Dagdag niya. "I'm scared."

"Why are you telling me that?."

Hindi niya ako sinagot at hindi rin tinitingnan. Nakadungaw lang ito sa baba ng gusali.

"I'm hoping you'll comfort me."

I look at him with disbelief.

"Nagpapatawa ka ba?." Mayroong mumunting tawa ba lumabas sa aking bibig habang siya ay tipid na ngumiti. Nanatili ang titig sa baba.

"Y-you're not going to jump , are you?." Nakuha ko ang kaniyang atensyon at napatingin siya sa akin.

Kitang kita mula sa kaniyang mukha ang bigat na dinadala.

"Have you ever given a responsibility you don't want to? But you have no choice but to be held responsible whether you like it or not and you're forever caged to that ."

"Are you referring to Cassey and your unborn child?." hindi siya agad nasagot.

I shake my head in disappointment.

"You we're given a choice , Daniel. We always are. At wag kang magdrama na hindi mo na kaya ang nangyayari dahil pinili mo to. You choose it and you are held responsible of your acts since the beginning. Don't make temptation an excuse. If you're a real man. You know what to do. What we had before was a mere memory now. We're over."

I give him a small smile. "I've move on. Ang totoo marami na akong problemang iniisip maliban sa nangyari. Malimit ko na nga lang naalala iyon. I think it's better that way. Cassey betrayed me but she will remain my sister. I don't give any care to what will be her life is because it was her choice to live it that way but when she become miserable because of you. I won't give you forgiveness."

"I wouldn't run."

"Mabuti."

Bumalik ako sa pagkakatitig sa kalangitan. It's quite a fulfillment that I could talk to him like this without having the hard feeling , misery and pain. A perfect sign that I've move on.

"As if there's someone waiting for me if I ran away."

Bumalik sa kaniya ang mga mata ko. May lungkot sa kaniyang mga mata.

"Daniel.."

"I know. We're over." Sunod sunod na lunok ang ginawa ko nang magtagpo ang mga mata naming dalawa. "I know."

"Your eyes doesn't look at me like the way it used to. It changed. It was blank. I know. I can't blame. I'm at fault and I'm sorry."

"Daniel. We're over and that's over too. Ayoko ng pag-usapan. Babalik na ako sa loob."

Hinayaan niya lang akong lumakad pero nagsalita ito bago pa akp makalayo sa kaniya.

"Trust me." I stop my steps but remain facing back at him. "The way you look at him was more than what you look at me before. Those emotions." I turn back to him and found.

"Who are you talking about?."

"Caden." I arched my eyebrows at him.

"What him?."

"You never cry that hard because you're worried of me."

Taka ko siyang pinakinggan.

"Anong gusto mong ipahiwatig?."

"Our own misery brought us to the chance of having an extraordinary happiness. A new life. A better one. Lucky you."

"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo? Hindi kita maintindihan."

"Go. He's waiting for you."

Naiiling akong iniwan ito roon. Bakit ba ang weird ang ng mga lalaki ngayon?

Pagkababa ko ng hagdan mula sa rooftop ay naroon si Caden nakasandal sa dingding habang nakapamulsa.

"Why are you here?."

Sinulyapan lang niya ako.

"Kung makapaglakwatsa ka parang hindi ka nabaril." pangaral ko.

He sarcastically chuckles.

"And you talk to him like he didn't broke your heart."

"So , you saw us."

"Nagtatanong ka ba?." Iling ang naging sagot ko sa kaniya.

Ilang segundo akong nakatitig sa kaniya at pinag-aralan ito. Ganoon din ang ginawa niya.

"Nagseselos ka ba?." He didn't falter at my question.

"Pa'no kung sabihin kong oo?."

Nagulat ako sa sinabi nito pero pinilit kong itago iyon sa kaniya. It affects me a so much that I felt my knees trembling but I fight the urge to weakened just because of that.

Sa susunod na kurap ko ay nasa harap ko na siya. Isang hakbang na lang ang layo namin sa isa't isa. Nakatungo siya sa akin. Blanko at malamig ang kaniyang mga mata.

"I'm jealous , Avery. What will you going to do about it?." nanghahamon niyang tanong.

Yumuko ako dahil hindi ko makayanan ang kaniyang mga titig. They're piercing through my soul reaping me out of the comfort zone I am in.

"I don't know. Would you want to make any suggestions?."

Kinain nito ang natitirang distansya sa pagitan naming dalawa. I could almost touch him bare. My heart are thumping hard against my chest. It's like a bird wanting badly to get freed from being caged.

"A hard one. Stay away from him. Don't talk to him ever again."

Lumunok ako.

"An easy one." saglit siyang tumigil sa pagsasalita. Napapikit ako ng maramdaman ang kaniyang mainit na hininga sa aking noo.

"Sign the annulment."

Napatingin ako rito. "Ano?."

"I bet you'll choose the second one. An easy one."

*You are in love when you feel an unbreakable attachment to them. More than anything about lust , flirt or friendship. It's deeper attraction.*

"Ibigay mo sa akin ang papeles kapag napirmahan mo na. I have it left it at your room."

Tinalikuran niya ako. Napatigil naman siya sa akmang pag-alis nang hawakan ko ang kaniyang braso.

"You're wrong."

He tilted his head to take a small glance at me. Nakakakunot ang kaniyang noo.

From his arm , my hands snake to his nape.

"The first one is actually the easiest one."

Nanatiling nakakunot ang kaniyang noo. Kinagat ko ang aking labi at humilig sa kaniyang  dibdib.

"I like you , Caden."