Chapter 49: Monster

Another voice, Chase's voice, rang through my mind and ongoing mental quarrel with my wolf, "How long?", he asked. Before I asked what he meant he already asked again, "How long were you chained?". I instantly froze and my blood ran cold. At dinner... he saw... he saw the chains... he knows what they did to me. How much did he actually see?

I pushed away from him. Pain obvious on his face at my reaction. The barriers in my mind I had created before locked in place. Tears threatened but I refused to shed them. Chase walked towards me and I stepped back. He stopped and crouched down as if beckoning a small dog. Why did he have to go and ruin our perfect moment? Why? "Please, don't run from me", I only want to help you. Help me... there is no helping me... I'm a monster and I needed to stop lying to myself. They made me this monster... My pack did this to me.

My hands went to my wrists, rubbing at them. The shackles weighed heavy on my skin. Get a grip I told myself, I'm okay. The shackled aren't real, not anymore. I closed my eyes but all I saw was blood and immediately opened them again. Chase inched closer.

Calm feelings began to brush at my mind. He was just trying to help. He was telling me the truth. I wasn't ready to open up my barriers just yet though. "I won't hurt you, Little Wolf. I only wanted to help you to understand your actions today". Understand my actions... I'm out of control. There is no understanding that... no understanding for a monster like me. He inched closer again.

I was about to change and run when he spoke again, "Don't run, just listen for a moment. You weren't allowed to express emotions for so long. You had to hide all your thoughts and feelings inside before. Am I right?". He paused for a moment waiting for my response. I nodded ever so slightly and he continued, "Now your free and you are unsure of how to act. Little Wolf, you just need an outlet for all your pent up emotions. Keeping all your feelings inside is breaking you down mentally. We can help you find an outlet. We can help you gain back that control in your mind and in your life. You can't keep running from your past".

I ran from my past to stay safe, to keep others safe, if not from me then from my family. Chase's words made sense, but it opened an already festering wound in my mind. Should I stay or should I go? Should I let my mind go there and open up to Chase? Would they shun me?