19 Patrick

Lance 

I watch him roll the weed in a thin paper and curiosity is at the highest. I have never seen anyone roll a blunt before. He seems to be good at it and as he uses his spit to close it up I smile "Do you live in this building?" I ask. 

He nods and uses a lighter to light the roll "Yup. I've seen you around a couple of times." he takes a whiff of the blunt and he passes it to me You're the kiss in the rain guy," he says as I collect it from him. 

"Huh?" I ask as I inhale the smoke slowly. 

I let the first moment as I feel the smoke as it draws into my lings, it is a hot feeling, almost like fire but then as I digest the feeling and the smoke settles in, I relax. I know it won't take effect immediately, this is not the first time I have had it. "I saw you the other day, outside," he collects the blunt back from me. 

I furrow my brows "Outside?" 

He nods "You know kissing your boyfriend." 

I cough out the smoke at his unexpected revelation. Holy shit, I suddenly remember the night he is talking about. The night I felt like I was floating on cloud 9. the night that felt like a movie "I don't know what you are talking about," I try to deny it. 

He laughs "You know I don't care that you're gay. So, you don't have to hide it. I know what I saw." 

I manage a smile because he is basically telling me I don't have anything to worry about that he is not here to judge me. I like this feeling, being completely who I am. "So how come I have never seen you around?" 

"Kinda new here, been about a month since I moved. Seen you around a couple of times." 

"Really?" 

he nods. 

"You're in 5B." 

"Do you come out here a lot?" 

He nods "Mostly to smoke. so why do you look like you're pissed at the world right now?" 

He seems to be very observant. "Things are just going so wrong and it getting so frustrating. I just need a break from all this." my words are honest. Maybe it the weed but I feel like I can trust him. I don't even know who this person is. He is someone I just met but I want to talk to him, I want to talk to someone that would see things from another perspective. 

"Is it about rain boy?" 

He is talking about Ford. 

Yes, it is about Ford. My whole life is suddenly revolving around Ford and I don't know how to make it stop. "What would you do if the one person you enjoyed being with is someone you shouldn't be with?" I ask him waiting for his answer. 

He inhales the smoke and I watch it come out of his nose, he is doing this like a professional. It is already starting to kick in, I am being extra open and the euphoric feeling I have been waiting for is finding its way out. 

"Do you think you're not supposed to be with this person?" 

I look away from him as his question registers. I dont know what I think, the fact that I feel so much for Ford makes me want to say fuck it to the world, fuck it to my mother. I want him so badly that I want to throw all caution to the wind but things aren't that simple. I can't live my life not giving a fuck, especially when I know once he finds out, he wouldn't be as open as I am. He won't say fuck it to the world, he won't say fuck it to his father, he won't throw all caution to the wind. 

"I do, but other people won't." 

"Because he is a dude?" 

He thinks I am talking about coming out. He thinks this is a matter of being ashamed, terrified to be gay but I am so far from that. My sexuality is the one thing I am not scared of. I am proud of the person I have become; I am thankful to Ford for letting me find out. I will never be scared to be who I am. 

"No," I collect the blunt "It's a long story." I tell him. 

He nods "I have only one thing to say, you have to think about you. You came into this life to live it. There is no one but you and you alone. If you want to be with someone and he wants to be with you, then be with them. No matter the consequences." 

His words are simple and straightforward but they resonate so deep that I start to feel emotional. I have no idea that this person would become specail. That he will become someone I will never forget. 

"Shit, I realize I don't even know your name." 

"I don't know yours either," he laughs like it is no big deal. 

"I am Lance." 

He smiles and I watch him outstretch his hand "Patrick." 

                       **************** 

"I'm sorry." I look at my best friend and he has remoorse plastered all over his face. He regrets saying all those harsh but honest things but I am not upset with him. i am upset with the situation. 

I smile "You have nothing to be sorry for," I wrap my arms around his neck and he chuckles. 

"You sound weird," 

I am high. I am high and I have a date any minute from now maybe this will make telling Ford easier. Before I met Patrick, I was worried about the outcome fo this date. I was terrified but now I know what I am going to have to do. I have to tell Ford the truth. I have to convince him to fight with me. We have to be together. This thing we have is not regular and I don't want to let it go—fuck, I am not letting him go. 

"I met someone earlier," I blurt with my arms still around him. My body is limp next to him, my legs feel wobbly. 

"Who?" he raises a brow while trying to steady me in his arms. 

"He lives in our building. His name is Patrick, he is very handsome. Have you seen him around?" I am rambling and Jack seems to notice. 

"You're high." he points out. 

Moving my head in an up and down motion, I agree with him "We smoked weed." I smile from ear to ear feeling proud of myself. 

Jack laughs "You smoked with this Patrick?" 

I nod again "Yes, he is a very nice guy." 

"You have a date with Ford." he reminds me. 

I nod yet again "He is on his way." I remember the message he sent. 

"You're not even ready." 

I look at myself in the mirror and he is right. I look a mess right now, my eyes are so fucking red. What was I thinking? How could I get this high? I pace around the room in an attempt to clear my head but it not working "Drink water." Jack says reading my mind. 

I run out of my room and into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water, I gulp it down in one go. Jacks walks up to me with a smile of amusement. This must be really funny to him "Stop smiling," I warn him. 

He raises his hands in surrender "Sorry." 

We walk back to my room and he walks into my tiny closet. I watch him rummage through my clothes and then pull out a pair of jeans and one of my many plain black T-shirts. "Here," he throws the clothes to the bed "Have a shower, it'll help clear your head and then put these on. I really don't know what you were thinking but I won't scold you until you are in your right mind." 

I take slow steps into the bathroom, still in my daze. Once in the shower, the hot water hits me and all thoughts evaporate completely. I think about Patrick and his words. He said some profound things to me. he makes me want to fight to be with Ford. I am going to do my best, I will tell him the rtrrusth. I will make him see that this could work, without out parents approval, without anyone. As long as we have each other, we would be happy. 

It took meeting someone as weird as Patrick to make me see what I knew all along. I don't know the outcome of saying the truth but I will try my best to make things work. I dont want to lose one of the most important people to me. I need him in my life and I will fight to keep him there. 

I just have to get through this date.