first lesson (01)

Black pov

My learning journey goes in a hard way when I was 5 I heard my grandma shout at my father I didn't pay attention until I heard my name so I get close to the door and it was my first lesson

" I told you to get rid of him he was the one who get in your way you should focus on your work and find a decent woman not a slut like his mother "

" Don't talk about him this way he is my son and I love him I will never leave him until the day they put me underground, you are his grandmother you should love him I will never trust you to be with him "

" He is a bastard maybe I'm nice to him but I will never love him, I need real grandchildren to love them "

" Sorry to disappoint you but all you will have is black and even him I won't allow you to see him you don't deserve him "

" You can't do this John "

" I can and I will so you are not welcome here again mom and if you need anything you can call me "

" You will regret losing your life for him "

" He is all I need you are the one who will regret losing her grandson "

I ran to my room and a lot in my mind what is the meaning of a slut and why did my grandma treat me well if she hated me and why am I standing in the way of my father's happiness, first I should ask about my mother

I went to his office and entered without knocking

" Black, what did I teach you about asking before opening the door "

" But it is urgent "

" What, do you want to play? "

" No, Dad I want to know the meaning of slut "

" Black, where did you hear that word? "

" I heard you talking to my grandma, and I want to know where my mother went "

" Listen, Black, that word is bad, and your grandma shouldn't have said it

As for your mother, I will tell you the truth, because I have thought you to be honest and that lying destroys relationships your mother and I didn't love each other. We met once when I was with some friends at New Year's party and we talked and..... After two months, she came to me and told me she was pregnant. I told her that I would help her until she gave birth and I would do a test to make sure that you are my son, but she refused and told me she wanted Money but to get rid of the baby and assured me that you are my son."

He stop talking and wiped the tears from my eyes.

" I told her since he is my son I will not allow her to kill him, and I offered her to keep you and I will help her financially, but she refused, and I made an offer she couldn't refuse, I ask her to give birth to you for money but she has to sign her right and she was ok with that. When you were born and I saw you I forgot the whole world in front of your innocence I loved you with all my heart and I promised you that I would never let anyone hurt you ."

" What about my mother "

" she left without seeing you but after 5 months she comeback I was thinking she regret leaving you but she didn't talk about you but she said I'm a liar because I didn't tell her I am rich and she wants you, so I told her she can take you, but I won't give her money anymore and she needs to be responsible of you, so she refused, but I didn't mean it, son, I swear to you, it was an exam for her and she failed "

I can't resist anymore so I hug him with all my force

" Dad I love you so much I will take my bag and go I won't be in your way anymore I love you so much to do this "

" I was hoping that slut is the only word you heard from your grandma "

" I'm sorry dad I heard everything "

" Do you trust me, little man "

" You are the only one I trust "

" Then you will believe me when I tell you that you were never been in my way, you are the reason for my successive the last 5 years if you leave me I will be a broke and homeless man with no son do you want that"

" No dad I won't let you live without son I will be with you and help you in the company "

" Good job baby so to help me you need to study so take your butt and go to your room to do your homework in the meantime I will prepare the best mac&cheese "

" I love when you cook for me dad I like ms Daniel's food but you're is amazing "

" I know baby but let's not tell ms daniel "

" hahaha nobody will know it's our secret "

I kissed my dad check and go to my room to do my homework, after that day I made sure to never trust anyone except my father and I worked so hard to be the best of everything I do the best in school, the best in sports and the best on my father eyes.

I was so happy when my father found a great woman her name was Lisa, she was perfect she treats me like her own I respect her but it was too late my grandma's words make me chut my heart to everyone.

My grandma try to make me talk to her but I'm so stubborn to forget her words and even Lisa hate her after my father tell her everything that happens she scold her and even tell her it was her fault that I was lonely and she can't give me a brother.

according to mami Lisa, it's a curse because of my grandma's behavior that causes me trauma.

She always says " sorry black I didn't give you a brother or sister to help you love again "

she was convinced that if I have a sibling I was going to love them, sure I hope I have a brother or sister but honestly not for me, for Lisa and dad they deserve a happy child

even if they always say I'm the only child they want but I can't help myself and feel sorry for them.

I was a boy hard to deal with but I never disrespect them.

I wich they are honest and I make them happy because I know what means to be unhappy.

Like this and in the blink of an eye 20 years passed and the only thing that changes my trauma from depression to anxious y and dissociable and a lot of other things, I don't have friends I can't tolerate any touch except for Dad and Lisa, what is making me single in my 25 years I never feel for anyone and I'm sure I will die with 20 cats but the problem is I don't like animals the only pet I have was a goat and we didn't love each other I only give her food because Lisa asks me to take care of her she thinks a goat can help me when the therapists failed I remember when I open the gate and let her have her freedom and got back mine until now Lisa steel think that the goat jumped out of the gate maybe I should confess.