Chapter 157

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" thank you Ariana. Thanks for ruining my life by not trusting me. Thanks for making me live with guilt for ten whole years. Thanks Ariana. Thanks for making me realize that my love for you means nothing" he said and Becks could hear the hurt in his voice and she was trying her very best to stop herself from crying. She knew he was going to find out about her one day but she didn't know that day would come so soon. She'd thought she'd be prepared both emotionally and mentally but sadly, she wasn't.

" Raymond I....." Before she could complete her statement, he cut her off.

" No. You don't need to say a word, you're right,  I'm not worthy of your love because you're Becks M, America's most successful actress and woman so how can I be worthy of your love? You now have a husband and two children so why should you care? I'm just trash to you right?" He sniffled and she realized that he was crying.

" I..."

" You don't need to explain yourself. You told me my girlfriend died ten years ago so I should just accept that I've been a fool for ten years by mourning someone who wasn't even dead. Thanks Ariana, thanks for everything" he said and left while she fell to the ground in tears.

She wasn't prepared for this. This wasn't how she'd planned for it to go. She'd wanted it to be planned and so it'd hurt him but it didn't seem that way because it appeared she only hurt herself.

She felt tears stream down her cheeks and she used the back of her palm to wipe them.

" So what are you gonna do now? " Leonard asked her.

" I don't know Leonard. For ten whole years I've been of the impression that he left me because I was gonna die but after hearing him today, I feel like I'm wrong. I feel like I made my worst decision ever ten years ago" she said in tears and guilt.

Leonard poured her a glass of water, " can I suggest something? " He asked.

" I'm listening"

" Why don't you go out on lunch with him and you can both talk things out" he suggested.

" I'm not sure" she said 

" Just try, I'm sure he'll listen" he insisted

She gulped the water, " I'll think about it" she said and left.

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RAYMOND'S POV....

I poured a glass of alcoholic wine for myself and gulped it in an entire go.

I felt like a fool. I'd been a shadow of myself for ten whole years just because of her and the guilt I felt having left ten years ago but I just realized that I'd felt guilty for nothing because the person who made me feel so guilty was still alive, she was even married with kids and here I was, ruining every relationship I had the opportunity to be in.

I felt like crying but I knew I needed to be a man and I gulped the entire bottle of alcoholic wine in a go.

" Why did you do this to me Ari? Why?" I asked myself in tears.

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration and I checked the bar but there wasn't any more alcohol so I headed to a club downtown.

I got there and I ordered for drinks. After i got the drinks, I finished them and no sooner did I begin to feel dizzy.

I held my head, trying hard to stop myself from passing out when I noticed a familiar face in the bar but I couldn't get who it was but one thing I knew, she was intoxicated.

" Hey" a woman who was provocatively dressed smiled sheepishly at me and it irked me.

" What do you want from me?" I asked in my drunken state.

" Just one night, you look very handsome and I bet you'll be very good to me" she said seductively and it irked me more.

" Just go away, you're disgusting" I said disgusted before taking a full bottle of alcohol in my mouth.

I guess the whore felt like I was super intoxicated and she pulled me up and dragged me to the elevator and I felt too weak to even protest.

" Hey, let go of him" the intoxicated woman I'd seen earlier said in a challenging tone.

" And what if I don't?" The provocatively dressed woman asked.

I looked closer at the intoxicated woman and even though I was drunk, I could tell who it was...... Ariana.

" You two should let go of me, I don't need any of you so just let me be" I said and walked into the elevator.

I heard the woman scoff before leaving and Ariana rushed into the elevator with me and that was all I could remember before I passed out.

.

I woke up the next morning and I felt a sharp pain in my head. Probably because I had a hangover. I wanted to get up when I felt someone on my chest.

" Holy crabs" I screamed when I realized I was unclad.

The woman on my chest got up in shock and screamed before covering herself with one of the blankets.

Even though she had tendrils of hair stuck to her face, she still looked beautiful and I could tell who it was..... Ariana.

" What are you doing here?" I asked as I quickly got dressed.

" I don't know. I should be asking you that" she protested.

 I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration.

" D... Did.. did we get intimate?" I asked, even though I knew the answer, I didn't want to believe it.

" We did" she said and I could notice tears stream down her cheeks.

" Shit" I muttered in regret. First she stayed away from me because she thought I abandoned her and now, I was sure she was gonna leave because she thought I took advantage of her.

" I didn't take advantage of your drunken state" I said with a heavy head.

" I know, you could never do something so despicable" she said, her head bowed.

" Thanks for trusting me" I said and left.

As I left, I stared at the clock in the reception and realized it was almost six a.m. No wonder i was having a hangover. I quickly boarded a cab and headed home.

She trusted me enough to know I wouldn't take advantage of her but she didn't trust me enough to wait till I got back ten years ago before making a life changing decision for us.

I got to my house and with a heavy head, I walked into the bathroom and showered. I just got intimate for the first time and I didn't feel it and it was all thanks to the pain and anger I was feeling and worse still, to top it all, I felt guilty because I'd now become an adulterer by been intimate with a married woman.

I freshened up before heading to the office. It was barely six thirty but I was still going to the office and all because I needed to clear my head.

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BECKS' POV.....

After he left, it felt like my whole world crumbled. The first time I'd met him, the feelings I thought were dead rekindled and I knew it'd spell doom for me and today, he had to find out and I wasn't even prepared for it and seeing tears well up in his eyes made me feel so sad.

After he left, I fell to the ground in tears, I still loved him and I couldn't lie to myself. Even after going through so much because he left me, I still couldn't deny the fact that I was still madly in love with him 

" Why don't you go out on lunch with him and you can both talk things out?" Leonard suggested

" I'll think about it" I said and left for Trish's room where I found her asleep with Liv by her side. It was probably one of those days when they'd decide to sleep in a room.

I kissed both their foreheads and my heart melted. They were my life and I couldn't see myself living a life without them and even though I'd managed to stay without Raymond for ten whole years, I alone knew how difficult it was for me.

I sighed and walked to the bar in the house before taking a shot of alcohol. I wasn't the type to drink but seeing myself as the cause of Raymond's pain brought immense sorrow to my heart and I needed to clear my head.

I took my car keys and headed straight to a club and I drank to my heart's content and my heart's content got me intoxicated.

I got up and made to leave for home when i saw Raymond walking towards the elevator with one of the strippers in the club and I felt jealous so I walked over to them and tried separating them.

" You two should let go of me, I don't need any of you so just let me be" he said and the woman scoffed before leaving and I was happy.

He walked into the elevator and I followed him, I needed to talk things out and just as I was about to start talking, he passed out.

I couldn't take him home because I wasn't even in a good state myself so I took him to one of the rooms and just as I was about to leave, he pulled me back.

" Don't leave me Ariana, I need you" he muttered and my heart shattered.

I began to feel dizzy and I couldn't tell if it was as a result of the alcohol or my illness and before I could move one more step, I passed out.

.

The first thing I heard when I woke was " holy crabs" and I quickly got up.

I quickly pulled the duvet to cover myself after realizing I was naked.

What happened? Telling from the way Raymond quickly got dressed, I could tell one thing..... We got intimate and I cursed inwardly.

" What are you doing here?" He asked and I could sense anger in his voice.

" I don't know. I should be asking you that" I protested as I took a look at myself

" D.... Did.. did we get intimate?" He asked.

" We did" I said and tears streamed down my cheeks

" I didn't take advantage of your drunken state" he said

" I know, you could never do something so despicable" I said. Even though I was upset, I couldn't blame him. I knew he could never do something so despicable.

" Thanks" he muttered and left.

Immediately he left, I burst into tears.

He'd taken my virginity and we weren't even married!!!!

.

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