Chapter 13

MCKINLEY P.O.V

Nicole had officially moved in and was redecorating her room. She had been here for a few weeks and I think she was finally starting to feel normal about it.

"So, what's up with Ashton guy?" She questioned one night while we were watching t.v.

"What?"

"Is he seeing anyone?"

"I don't think so. I can set you guys up if you want me to." I looked over at her and she nodded her head looking eager.

"What's his story?"

"Nothing really. Grew up with no father figure in his life. He has two younger siblings back in New York. Left a girl behind in New York too so if he isn't into dating right now don't be offended."

"I won't be offended."

"Okay. I'll put the word in." Nicole and Ashton would make a cute couple. I wasn't going to run downstairs and tell Ashton right away that Nicole wanted to go on a date or something. I wasn't sure what Ashton wanted and I didn't want to force anything onto him.

The next day I went to see what everyone was doing. When I pushed the door open, Kristen and Luke were on the couch.

"Hey, is Ash here?"

"In his room." Luke commented as he flipped through the channels. I walked down the hall to Ashton's room and knocked.

"Hold on." I heard him mumble before hearing him fumble around and the door swung open. He rubbed his eyes trying to shield himself from the lights. "What's up?" He asked opening the door and crawling back into the bed. I went inside and closed the door behind me sitting on the bed.

"What do you think about Nicole?" I asked picking up his laundry and throwing it in the bin.

"She's nice. Why?" He asked trying to get me to stop cleaning.

"I think she has a crush on you."

"Okay."

"And if you're up for it, she would like to go on a date." I smiled. He didn't answer me at first.

"I don't know, Kin." He trailed off which made my smile drop. "I'm not really looking for anything right now."

"Wonderful." I groaned.

"You can't blame me."

"Did I blame you?" I had no idea why he wouldn't want to go on a date with her. She was nice, she was funny. She was pretty. I'm sure they would hit it off.

"Then why are you pushing it?" I looked over at him.

"Sorry I asked." I got off the bed and left closing the door behind me. I passed Calum in the hallway and walked out the front door. Nicole was in the living room when I got back home and I had no idea how I was going to tell her that Ashton wasn't interested. They hadn't really talked to each other so I'm assuming her little crush was just because he was attractive. "Hey." I commented sitting beside her.

"Hi. Where did you go?" She questioned.

"To talk to Ashton, he um." I sighed. "He wasn't interested." She frowned a little but nodded.

"I wasn't expecting much anyway. Not sure why I'm disappointed." She shrugged.

"I'm sorry." I sat with her for a while just talking. I started to feel bad about myself. I didn't want to freak her out but I was starting to feel like I was going to end up alone. Of course I wasn't sure about the whole marriage thing but I would love to spend my life with someone. I wasn't afraid of commitment, it was everything else that I was afraid of. "Are you ever afraid that you're gonna end up alone?" I asked.

"All the time. I've been starting to think it more lately." She was a year younger than me and even though we were both young and had plenty of time to meet someone, it seemed like it was never going to happen.

"I know you're here but I'm kinda lonely."

"It has to work out with someone."

"How are you so sure?" She didn't respond.

"It just has too." She answered a few minutes later. I didn't mean to bring her down with me but I needed to know that I wasn't the only one feeling like this.

"I love Luke." I said to her. "I have since the day I met him. You know when people say that love at first sight isn't a real thing? I think with him it was. I knew I wanted to be with him the second I met him.

"Really?" I nodded. "What happened?"

"We dated for a year. Moved in together. Then he got a job out in L.A. Here. He left me. He never called. He never texted. Then when I moved here I thought we would get back together and we didn't." I sighed. "In high school I just slept around. So when I met Luke I thought it was going to be the same. It was not the same. He's the love of my life. And he isn't mine."

*LUKE P.O.V*

Not being invited to Michael's wedding crushed me. It was starting to make me question a lot of things.

"What are you thinking about?" Ashton asked coming into the kitchen where I was standing looking off into space.

"Everything." I answered. "Mike not inviting us to his wedding. McKinley. Kristen. I don't know what I'm doing anymore man." I looked at him. I was lost. I was like a chicken running around with my head cut off. I had no idea what was going on. I had no idea what I was going to be doing with my life. "There has to be more to this life than just this."

"This?"

"Having a girl and working."

"You could travel."

"Need money to travel." I needed a break from this life and I didn't know how I was going to get there.

And of course I had Kristen breathing down my neck about where our relationship was going. It was difficult because I didn't know. I did not have the same feelings for her as I did for McKinley. It's think she's a filler girl in this part of my life while I wait for the time that I'm ready to marry McKinley.

"What else is bothering you?"

"I think Kristen wants more from me and I have no idea what she wants or how to give it to her and I'm really stressed out." I blabbered on and on. When I got nervous or overwhelmed I talked and couldn't stop myself.

"You haven't been together for that long. What could she want?"

"Don't do anything stupid." I sighed.

"I don't love her the way she wants me to love her." I admitted. "She's just... She's great. She is. But she's not-"

"She's not McKinley." I stayed silent. "Does she know?"

"No." I wasn't sure if he was talking about Kinley or Kristen but neither one of them knew how I felt. "It doesn't matter." I stood up.

"Yes it does, Luke. You have to tell both of them how you feel. It isn't fair to either of them." He answered. "McKinley is still in love with you."

"What? No she's not."

"Are you blind?" He asked. "Luke, she looks at you like you created the Earth! Of course she's still in love with you!" He shouted. "You really are blind." I couldn't do this right now. It was getting harder to breathe. "Talk to her Luke."

"I can't do this." I commented. "I'm with Kristen now."

"You're settling for Kristen."

"I'm not settling for anything." He sighed. "I like Kristen." I commented. I wasn't sure how true it was. I knew I didn't have the same feelings for her that she had for me. "I don't know what the fuck to do!" I shouted sitting at the bar and resting my head in my hands.

"You'll figure it out."

"Yeah, when it's too late." I commented.

"Then figure it out faster."

"Oh yeah thanks for the advise, Ash."

"I'm here all week." He laughed grabbing his drink and leaving the room. I seriously had no idea what I was going to do.

*****

I sighed before knocking on the door. I heard movement behind the door before it swung open.

"Luke?"

"Is she here?" I asked shoving my hands in my pockets.

"Yeah. She's in her room. Want me to get her or do you wanna go in there?"

"I'll go to her." I commented heading down the hall, knocking on her door.

"Luke?" She asked when the door opened. She had clearly been crying from the redness of her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I still love you. I know you love me too." I commented. She seemed shocked. "But-" She looked defeated by the but. "I can't be with you right now."

"I know this." She commented. I stepped into her room so that we could have this talk in private. I closed the door behind me. "If you would just stay away from me, maybe I could move on."

"I don't want to stay away from you."

"Well what the fuck, Luke?!" She shouted. "I don't know what you want from me! One minute you wanna be friends, one minute you're telling me you still love me! I'm so confused. What do you want?" I sighed.

"I don't know what I want. I'm just lost and confused." She sighed sitting on the bed. "I feel like I have been since I lost you."

"You didn't lose me. You left me." It was my turn to sigh. I knew that she was always going to throw that back in my face no matter what I did or said. "You have no idea what it was like to live without you. You made it look so easy. Moving to a new city. Making new friends." She shook her head tears flowing from her eyes. "You are the only man I have ever loved."

"I know."

"No! You don't know!" She shouted. "I grew up with a father who cheated on my mother. Who was a drunk and a drug addict. He didn't love me. That's why I slept around. I had major daddy issues. And then you came along and proved that not all men were like that. And I fell for it. I fell for you."

"I never cheated on you." She rolled her eyes.

"Not what I meant. When you left, it was like you took my entire life with you when you left. Everything I had went with you. You were the first man to show me that love back." She commented.

"That love never left."

"Yes it did." She looked up at me. Her bright blue eyes stared into my soul but I couldn't look away from her. I wanted nothing more than in this moment to kiss her but I knew it wasn't going to help anything. I breathed in, looking at her.

"I will always love you."

"Tell me something." She said.

"Anything."

"Are you happy?" She had asked me before and I didn't answer.

"No."