Another Person

You sat in the room rubbing a cold rag over the little girls forehead. Her breathing grew uneven and stale by the minute it was hard not to notice in the quiet room. To fill the silence and hopefully put her more at ease you decided to sing a little song.

you: I wake up in a castle... In a blossoming garden...Feeling so lonely... I hung myself in this mess filled with thorns

Tell me what do they call you?... Where are you running off to?... Oh, could you tell me?... I found you kept away in this garden

And I know your warmth is...The closest to reality... The flowers that you picked for me... Reaching for your hand

But this is my fate... Don't smile on me... Light on me... No, I can never take another step to you... Don't have a name to call me by anymore

You know that I can't... Show you me... Give you me... The weaknesses that I hide you can never see... I wear a mask again so I could see you... But I still want you (want you, want you)

From this lonesome garden... Want to give you a flower... Reminding me of you... To give you all and take this foolish mask off

But I know that I can... Never give you more than that... Forever may not be for us...Hide the ugly now

And I'm so afraid... That in the end, you'll leave again... I know that it's pathetic, what was I to do?... I wear a mask again so I could see you

I'm crying, my soul... I'm all alone... The walls won't hold... The castle made of sand is falling from within... I'm taking off the mask to go and meet you... And I still want you... But I still want you... And I still want you... And I still want you... And I still want you (BTS- Truth Untold english version)

when you finsihed singing the room seemed to slip back into silence but her breathing was more steady which you were thankful for.

you: I first heard this song when I was younger living at an orphanage.

you started to tell her a bit of your story

you: It made me feel less lonely and afraid at night. Made me believe that there was hope out there for me. I hope it gives you hope as well that you will get better. Because I wont leave you behind I will stay with you as long as you are breathing no matter how agonal it may be. So dont give up because I hate giving up.

You squeezed her hand. While talking to her you hadn't noticed a person standing at the door. Time seemed to pass when there was a knock. when you turned it was jisoo

jisoo: how long have you been here

you didn't bother looking at her as you heard her come further into the room. you kept your focus on the little girl in front of you.

you: a while

jisoo: have you done rounds yet

she took a seat next to you

you: Yes I was just waiting for you.

jisoo: I am here what do you need

you could hear the excitement in her voice

you: i need ice

jisoo: ice

you: yeah and lots of it enough to fill a tub or a bog bucket

jisoo: for na haeun

you: yeah

jisoo: i dont think we have that much

you: get me as much as you can

jisoo: do you have that much points

you: chanyeol does take it out of his

you looked at her and she nodded and got up to leave the room. you turned your attention back to the girl in front of you.

you: i promise by the end of today you will be awake.

but is this a world for a little girl. isnt it better for her if she just slips off peaceful so she wont have to face monsters everyday without a family or anyone to look out for her. you looked at her sad. I would have wanted the same thing if I was an orphan during this. But that would be selfish she deserves better.

Jisoo: i got as much ice as i could

you: thanks put the buckets over there.

you pointed to the corner of the room

she placed multiple big buckets down

jisoo: what now

you: come on the other side of na heun and grab the corners of the sheets under her.

you moved off the blankets and put her drip bag on the sheet.

jisoo: are we moving her

you: yes on the ground now lift when i say

she got in place gripping the corners of the sheet. slowly we lifted her and moved her to the ground

jisoo: what now

you: wrap the first sheet around her and then we will place around her and on her then wrap the next sheet to keep it in place. its usually used for heat casualties to bring down their core tempteratures. Targeting the major hot spots arm pits, torso, upper legs, and her feet.

you began doing exactly that and when you finished she looked like a burrito

jisoo: how long will she stayed wrapped

you: we will check her temperature every 5 minutes no later than that and when it drops to 97º then we will take her out start to dry her off. But as she is in the ice sheets she need to continue to hydrate and take medicine

jisoo: what medicine

you: nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory. your basic ibuprofen or Advil along with antibiotics. I already put some in her Iv the next dose should be in about 3 hours

jisoo: you want me to do it

you: its really easy

jisoo: but

you: just remeber to check every 5 minutes when it hits 97 take her out of the sheets and dry her off and then place her back in the bed. when administering the medication put it in her Iv the needles are already in the cabinet at the correct dosage for her. I will be back after I finish Lisa.

jisoo: your gonna clean her lungs. wont you need help

you: no I got this. You focus on Na Heun take good care of her. and while you wait i left a note book next tpo her bed with things you should memorize. this is you task for today nurse

jisoo: nurse

you blinked a few times taking you out of your routine

you: sorry I am so use to giving orders and ending it with nurse it was a force of habit

jisoo: i dont mind I like it Nurse Jisoo

you smiled at her

you: well nurse jisoo i will check back in a relieve you when I am finished.

jisoo: okay

she was already looking through the notebook. You smiled leaving the room heading to lisa's room.

lisa: so we are gonna start on the cleaning

she looked a little worried which sent you into doctor mode

you: it is a very simple procedure nothing to be worried about. I have seen it done plenty of times

lisa: but you havent done it before

you shake your head

lisa: its okay I trust you. you would bring me back just to kill me. plus that would never win chanyeol

you: i dont want chanyeol

lisa: sure you dont so how does the procedure go

you: to flush the surfactant build-up from the lungs I will insert twin endotracheal tubes into your lungs while you are under anesthesia. Then stream saline into one while the other receives oxygen to keep you breathing. Then I will keep you under strict watch for 18 hours.

Lisa: that seems easy in theory and your sure you can do all of that

you: I can place the tubing and I can do the saline for sure

lisa: and the anesthesia

you: i have never done anesthesia before it is a whole separate profession from doctoring and takes even longer in medical school.

lisa: okay well whats the worse that can happen

you: 1 in every 100,000 people die when the anesthetist knows what they are doing but are just a little neglectful so it is possible that you could die, or lose blood fluid during surgery, which leads to a loss of blood flow to the brain. As a result suffer strokes to both side of the brain leading to irreversible brain damage, then there is the basic Nausea or vomiting. Respiratory distress. Hypothermia. Hallucinations.

her eyes were wide

you: but my time in captivity i read books on it and the formula of how to give it maximum allowable dose (mg/kg) x (weight in kg/10) x (1/concentration of local anesthetic) = mL lidocaine. Thus, if maximal dose is 7 mg/kg for lidocaine with epinephrine, using 1% lidocaine with epinephrine for a 60-kg patient: 7 x 6 x 1 = 42 mL lidocaine.

lisa: oh

you could tell she didnt understand

you: how much do you weight

lisa: its been forever since I have weighed myself

you: take a guess and I will round down from there to not overdose you

lisa: but if you use to little what will happen

you: you will wake up and i will give you more and you will go under again until i am done

she nodded her head

lisa: i would say 46 kg

you: if you weigh 46 kg then 4 mg/kg x 45 kg = 180 mg total can be used. As 1% Lidocaine contains 10 mg of Lidocaine per mL, this means that I can use a total of 18 mL of anesthesia the whole procedure. But since that is your rounding I will round down to 42 to be safe so 4 mg/kg x 42 kg = 168 mg total can be used. 1% Lidocaine contains means a total of 16.8 mL.

lisa: thats not a huge gap

you: it may not seem like it but you can trust the math. I have a notebook with the passage in it. I can go get it

you went to get up but she grabbed you

lisa: I said I trust you. its just a lot of math that I dont understand

you: i can show you later

lisa: please

she smiled

you: of course. to get started you need to be calm and rested. while I get everything ready lay down and rest a bit

lisa: okay

you left the room. across the hall was chanyeol

you: what are you doing here

chanyeol: i have the day off

you: you just got back I doubt you would take a day off

chanyeol: okay i wasnt given a day off so much as kicked out of the office

you laughed

you: what did you even do

chanyeol: nothing all I did was ask for your list and he got angry at me

you: did you get it

chanyeol: of course I did. I dropped it off at the desk

you: thank you

chanyeol: you dont have to thank me

you: well i got you in trouble with suho didnt I

chanyeol: you could never

you: he deosnt like me

chanyeol: he doesnt like what he cant control

you: deosnt explain why he like you then

chanyeol: he does not like me

you: if it was anyone else he would have fired them instead he set up a whole community with you. if that doesnt say he like you then nothing does

chanyeol: we are just friends

you laughed

you: i wasnt accusing you of dating i just meant that you were close that is all

chanyeol: right

you: so what do you plan on doing for the rest of the day

chanyeol: I was just gonna head out

you: wait head out where your not going back out again you cant go out

chanyeol: oh I cant why is that

he looked at you catching you off guard making you turn away

you: just that you just came back you should rest a few more days

chanyeol: i doubt you will let me go out even after that

you: what

chanyeol: nothing. and i wasnt going out I was just gonna do a sweep around the perimeter and check out the breach area see if there was anything that needed to be done.

you: so you could have just dropped off the paper and left without being noticed why were you waiting out here

chanyeol: oh I uh

he looked around nerviously

chanyeol: i was gonna talked to lisa

you: so you stopped outside the door

chanyeol: i caught part of your conversation and it seemed very serious I didnt want to interrupt anything

you: just prepping her for her procedure

chanyeol: yeah I got that part

you: you can go in and talk to her before i start just nothing to serious that will anger her or raise her blood pressure

chanyeol: then i most definitely should go int there and talk to her

you nod your head

chanyeol: I still have time until I planned to leave

you: jisoo is also busy if you were gonna go talk to her. she is watching na heun and studying on top of her own patients she is caring for. I dont think she will be any better

he nodded his head

chanyeol: anyone else

you: few kids you can play with I guess if your that bored

he sighed

chanyeol: what are you doing

you: me

chanyeol: yes you

you: getting supplies for the procedure, setting that up, doing the procedure, watching lisa as she wraps back around, conduct more rounds, check on na heun, and start with the list. so i will be busy all day

he nodded his head saddly

chanyeol: anything i can help with then

you: you just said you were going out

chanyeol: I dont have to neccisarily go out it was just something to fill the time. But if you need help that would be a better use of my time

you: even though you hate medical

you raised your eyebrow

chanyeol: as long as i am not get poke prodded or stuck i am good. so what do you need help with

you: if you really want to help you can help me get the supplies and set up, conduct a few rounds while I do the procedure if you want, and thats about it

chanyeol: you wont need help for the procedure

you bite your lip

chanyeol: whats wrong

he gets closer to you

you: i havent done this before and if something goes wrong...

chanyeol: hey nothing is gonna go wrong

you: but some many things can

chanyeol: i heard you list them. But i also heard how much lisa trusted you

you: she doesnt even know me enough to trust me. thats probably how this whople thing started. A person trusted their doctor and ended up dying and coming back to life killing millions.

chanyeol: that is wow

he was speechless

you: its a possibility

chanyeol: how this all happened has nothing to do with you. but what does is that patient in there waiting for her doctor to come and help her the best she can. I know your a fantastic doctor there is no doubt about that so you will help her and there wont be anything going wrong

you: how can you be so sure. you heard my whole monologue about it. this is why people sign wavers that if they die under its not the doctors fault. but I cant do that cause if she does it will be my fault. because i could just leave it alone and hope she clears out on her own but no i decide to do this procedure in which i have only seen be done and administer medication in which if you give the wrong dose can lead to brain damage and death

you were panting he just sat there nodding

you: do you finally understand how much pressure that is

chanyeol: You suggested the procedure cause your a doctor that wants what is best for their patient. You reasearched everything you are about to do so do it exactly the way you plan to do it, dont worry about the medication cause you math was perfectly correct i went over it while you were in there talking and it is correct. so you got this your gonna help lisa and everything will be fine.

you: those are nice words but

chanyeol: but nothing. this is what is happening and i will be with you every step of the way

you: you are

he smiled at you re-instilling you with confidence.

you: then lets go get everything

you went and got everything ready and started on the procedure. after administering the anesthesia you sat there waiting for it to take effect

lisa: how do i know when it is working

you: start by countng backwards from 10

lisa: really

you: just do it

lisa: 10...9...8

her eyes started to get heavy

lisa:7....6....5....

she shut her eyes without opening them up again

chanyeol: does this mean she is out

you: yeah lets get started

chanyeol: what is the first step

you looked around at all of your supplies

you: the tubing will go in her throat and all the way down into her lungs

chanyeol: and you can do that

you: yes just hold her head back and I can start with the tubing

you reviewed each step in your memory before doing it. since you were unsure things went slower than you want them to but you kept a steady hand a good pace. when you used all the saline and everything was done you pulled out the tubing and turned off the anesthesia

you: chanyeol i finished

you looked back to see a sleeping chanyeol.

you: its only been 8 hours and your asleep really i have been in longer surgeries there was one that lasted so long we had to switch out surgeons cause it was so long.

you sighed and began cleaning the room. when you put the last tube up you walked past chanyeol to leave. but he grabbed your wrist

you: chanyeol

he just stared at you

you: are you okay

he didn't say anything

you: chanyeol

he then fell out of the chair