I deleted the previous review, because my response to you exceeds the allowed number of characters, so I write this as a review. By the way, I give 5 stars, purely out of your sincerity and enthusiasm. Whatever the book is, it is better not to throw it in the middle because of unpopularity or haight. Even if the work is not successful, it gives you valuable experience that will help in the following books.
1. Who was the main character, before his death. The description of his story of life before death, you turned out to be a bit silly, to put it mildly. I advised you to reveal a little better the story of the main character's life before death and rebirth. Or just cut everything out and start with the fact that the main character woke up in the possession of God and realized that he does not remember his identity, he has different knowledge, but does not remember anything about his identity. Whether he had a family and all the other knowledge he simply does not have, that is, he has erased the knowledge of his identity.
This is a trick that will help you smooth out stupid and awkward moments with the main character. For he does not know how to behave, he only knows the general knowledge of how to behave. He has no personal experience in this, he will not behave like an Adult person in the body of a child, but just like a more intelligent child. Hence, his stupidities, tantrums, his failings, and so on, can be explained. After all, in fact, he is a child.
As for the new family of the main character, you should at least give a couple of chapters for the new MC family. Who they are, what their appearance is, How they relate to the main character and how the main character relates to them. Instead, you just wrote: Father - FirstName LastName his quirk ???, Mother - FirstName LastName her quirk??? and all. Then the role of the family is taken over by Ibaru, that is, you just forgot the parents of the main character and only Ibaru will be mentioned as a family.
I'm not telling you, you should write dozens of chapters about the parents of the main character, just pay them a little attention, so that the parents are not purely for formality and so that we understand what they do and how they react to the antics of the main character.
About moving to a new school. You have shown that the main character does not like strict measures in the old school. This he gave as a reason for moving to a new school, hiding the real reason and motives. For he wants to look at the main characters and wanted to make sure that Deku is not a villain and the canon is respected.
But at the same time, the main character personally changes the canon with his antics. This is such a dumb move in the plot, I understand you're trying to show that the existence of the main character changes the canon. But you chose a path that shows the main character as a fool, because he moved to a new school, only to make sure that the canon is observed. After all, he knows about the future, he remembers his past, and he had to take into account all the nuances, he had to know that his actions could affect the canon.
This is a foolishness, which in theory should not be committed, by a person who remembered his past life and the future of the world that he fell into. I therefore advised you to erase the past self of the main character, in this case, because of the lack of knowledge and experience of his failure, we could accept this fail of the main character, because despite the knowledge of the canon, he is still just a child with inherent curiosity and so on.
At the expense of the character of the characters there are no serious problems, yet the main characters are teenagers and the discrepancy of their character than in the canon is acceptable. And it would be better to add some emotions for the characters, so that they at least do not look like robots. I'm not telling you that you should write the characters ' thoughts or their monologues in 500 characters. Just add in between the dialogues, small thoughts of the characters. For example:
Character 1 thanked character 2.
- Thank you-Said character 1. - Yes, everything is fine-A little suspiciously took character 2 to the strange behavior of character 1.
Or something like that, of course, not in all the dialogue, but with significant characters it would be desirable.
At the expense of the main character. You paid very little attention about his growing up, about his feelings and emotions. Why does he not make friends, why does he seem to everyone as withdrawn. You should have at least translated an example for this behavior of the main character. Let's say a simple scene, the main character attends a junior school and almost goes crazy with children, for an ***** is on the body of a child. But you just wrote one line that why should the main character be friends with children and that's it. It is advisable not to do this, in such moments you reveal and develop the main character as a person. But out of laziness, you just missed these points and wrote one line. To some, this may turn out to be unnecessary information, but it is this unnecessary information that allows readers to understand the main character and create his image on their head.
Due to the undisclosed identity of the main character, I was at a loss when the main character, after entering the academy, thought about whether he wanted to be a hero. He had lived in the world of heroes for 15 years, how could he think about the Career of a hero and the consequences of becoming a hero, only after the exams? Don't you think that's stupid?!
How could he not know about the hero's Career and what they are risking 15 years of living in a world where these same heroes exist. He didn't live in a cave, or a lost island, to not understand such things. I will even keep silent that he is an ***** with knowledge about the future, because even from the anime it is clear that the world is not fluffy at all. And the subsequent nightmare associated with these events is very, very stupid.
If you wanted to show the gloom of the world and the doubt of the main character, you could add a scene before the academy. For example, he witnessed an innocent victim die in the street, at the hands of a villain, or because of the inability of heroes who did not care about the victim and only wanted to raise their popularity. For in their world, the more popular the hero, the richer he is. The exception to the rule is the Almighty, for which he can be respected, for he does it out of principle, not for glory.
In that vein, it would be understandable to have nightmares and doubts about the Heroes, but your move is honestly terrible.
In your fanfiction, the author's storylines are extremely necessary. You just copy the plot of the anime and change it a little. It's boring to read, because there are a lot of such fanfics, and it's very boring to read about the same thing every time. If your fan fiction was a comedy, you could turn a blind eye to it. Like, for example, a fan fiction where the main character chose the power of Saitama. It was fun to read how other people reacted to the antics of the Sites and its power. But in your case, when the main character is average in strength, interest is lost very quickly and it becomes boring to read.
Because of what I liked, there are not many of them in English, because I recently started reading here. Before that, I read only Russian fanfiction, so I can advise you, only a couple of fanfiction. On the Web novell, I have found only these serious works so far.
https://***.webnovel.com/book/my-hero-academia-killer-quirk!!_15441417005420005
https://***.webnovel.com/book/my-hero-academia-the-customizer_17411347305743105
