Chapter 44: Powerless & Inadequate

Third Person POV- Akeno: 

Akeno knew where he was, and his condition, but she still felt herself shiver at the thought of him far more injured than he actually was. It was a terrifying feeling- one she knew that didn't belong in her mind especially when she lectured the other girls about Ryu being fine. It wasn't fair of her to be the level-headed one when she now lays there in the training area in tears. A few moments of these tears will be left before someone discovers her state, but frankly, she can't drum up the energy to care. Her mom hugs her and tells her it's fine, but it's hard to acknowledge when she said the exact words when her papa left. Her heart clenches at the thought, still not yet ready to see him even if she knows her momma texts him to view a third party from time to time. She stops thinking about it before it forms into more tears. 

Ryu was, is, and quite frankly will always be her hero. Her faith in him is unshakable, and yet the thought of him not coming back sent waves of terror through her. Her heart ached, her head throbbed, and her hands clam up. She didn't want to live a life where he wasn't there.

It felt as if she was back in her house shaking together with her mother as the Himejima clan tore down the door and started attacking them. She threw away that train of thought. The fear was still fresh, and yet she knew she had to get it together. Ryu made it better and now that she knew that he could get injured it terrified her. 

"Please... come home...soon Ryu-kun..." she breathed out. 

She was training just fine a few days ago, but now the spirit of it hasn't come back yet, the others threw themselves into training, already thinking up ideas of how to make Ryu take them on his secret adventures. A far cry from what she's doing. It was a bitter feeling, she felt powerless and didn't think she had the right to stand at his side if all she could do was cry. 

Her mana and demonic energy refused to obey, it sputtered out if she much as sniffled. She thought she could use this emotion as a way to force it to manifest, and yet she fell short. The others were using their anger or pure unadulterated joy at the thought of using magic to produce it. And yet here she was, lying on the ground like some pitiful damsel in distress. 

"I'm still that sniffling girl you saved, Ryu-kun... I'm sorry..." she whispered and though she said it quietly to herself, she flinched when heard a response back. 

"Akeno! What are you doing looking so pathetic? Is this how you expect to greet Ryu when he gets back?! I heard from the others that you were the one who got them to dive right into training, so what's the big idea?! Where's the spunk I saw when we met for the first time and you challenged me for his attention!?" Rias' angry voice returned her to reality. And then in a much softer tone said, "You are my queen, please, let's get stronger together for him..." 

She felt Rias' hand brush her hair out of her face and rub away the tears clinging to her cheeks. A pitiful cry escaped her mouth, she forced it back and responded. "I can't just magically throw away my feelings, I'm not brave like Ryu-kun, confident like you, or insightful like Sona-san! I was just a girl who was born to two parents who were always scared about when the clan would attack! They always thought I didn't hear them, but I did! I did this to them, it was me who destroyed it, Ryu-kun saved me, but am I really wort-" 

Rias slapped her hands over Akeno's cheeks, powerful enough to cut her off, but not so powerful that they hurt, they only stung her cheeks. She looked up and saw her King crying, genuine tears, but before she could say something, anything, she was pulled into a hug. 

"Don't you dare say that! Did Ryu ever lament the fact that he saved you?! Did he ever just toss you away and not think about you?! I hate that I can't feel what you're feeling, there's no way I know what you're going through, how hurt you are, but don't you ever blame yourself for being born! You're just like me, a kid who is stuck in a world where adult politics affect us and it's hard, I know it is, but you mean so much to me..." Her voice cracked but she pressed on. "You didn't care about my status, you didn't care about the consequences of being reborn as a devil to be my queen, you thought of Ryu and how you could be strong not just for him, but for yourself. I knew that look, it was the same one I had when I asked Grayfia-nee-chan for help. You're every bit as strong, brave, and confident as all of us. Remember, you don't hide your wings as much as before, you already mastered Spiritual Flames and are already in the process of creating attacks... I admire you so much, just like a dear sister... please, don't such sad things about yourself... I'm sorry you had to do this alone..."

The tears poured out, but she didn't feel them. Akeno was in a daze for what felt like hours and her throat was raw, perhaps it was the wails that escaped her mouth. She stayed on the ground, grasping Rias for dear life until the tears stopped blurring her vision. She didn't know how many times she thanked her, or how many times she told her she loved her dearly for encouraging her every time she couldn't control her flames. 

By the time she finished crying, everyone was lying there next to her, sniffling or hugging her from behind. She felt her mother's soft humming from behind, the lullaby she sang her to sleep with. It made her tears come back, but she dried them away until she let go of Rias. 

Akeno knew she might not have looked her best, but she smiled, a smile so heartfelt she felt her cheeks ache. She thanked Rias, Shuri, Sona, Tsubaki, Kaori, Grayfia, and Serafall. She even sent a silent thank you to Jibril, who she was sure had ruffled her hair in apparent concern. 

She is thankful for everyone. 

She hasn't gotten over it, and she wasn't even sure if she ever would, but Rias gave her a push forward, and dammit she was gonna use it to leap. 

"Thank you... everyone.." She sniffled. "I'm okay now... let's continue..."

"Are you sure, honey? We can always take a break.. you don't have to push yourself so hard after letting everything out," Shuri asked, but the determination sparkling within Akeno's eyes caused her to sigh. She then smiled and said. "Well, we can always work on that flame dragon you wanted to impress Ryu-kun with..."

"MOM!" Akeno shouted in embarrassment as her cheeks burned. 

"Oh? So you got the idea from Sona and I huh, well, now we gotta see it! Come on Akeno! Show us!" Rias practically exploded in excitement. 

"I must say, I am rather curious about how far you have progressed. Seems to me that you were busy after Rias and I last fought," Sona said holding back a smile but spectacularly failing. 

"Right!? Or maybe she had it in secret and perfected it! She did get to meet Ryu better after all."

Tsubaki patted her shoulder. "If you don't mind, I would love to spar and see it in action."

AKeno audibly groaned at her words, but a smile tugged at her lips as everyone bombarded her with questions and unrepressed excitement at her progress. If she was surrounded by this many people who cared, then she felt it was going to be okay. She doesn't know what the future holds, or if she'd ever be okay with everything that's happened, but given time she knows she'll learn to hold it in her heart and carry it with her. 

"Alright, alright! I will show you guys just how powerful this technique is! I can't wait to see the look on Ryu-kun's face, it'll be priceless!" Akeno said joyously.