Ch.4 The Babyfication

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[So have you ever wanted to prank you sibling's and get away with it scott free. Well do I have the method for you. You see all you need is one simple thing, and that my friends is to be a baby.

Because no one suspect's the baby just ask Jimmy Newtron he'll tell you all about it, and if you're caught just act cute.

So as some of you may have noticed i'm doing great in my new pad, got a rocker all to myself, a face full of boob whenever I ask/cry, and someone even wipes my butt, I mean who could ask for more. At first I was all against being a baby, and having someone touch my no no square.

By week two I was tired of being tired so I gave in. I mean hello, i'm a fucking baby I can't even move all that well let alone push someone 10X my size away so I just stopped trying, and you know what i'm not ashamed, I fought a valiant battle of attrition... and lost. It's to bad my dignity was lost as well.

I cursed CC's name at least everytime I could spare a thought [and as a baby you have a lot of free time], I mean this was inhumane, and since I had a lot of "me" time it dawned on me that CC isn't human, it was like a bomb went off in my head and I just started swearing every possible insult I could at that motherless Curr.

After I cooled down I started to feel bad,. I mean the guy created an entire universe for me. I should show some respect right, so after that I remebered my System, ah good old system the greatest advantage a reincarnator has, and I tried accessing it. That's when I started cussing again. My god put a Fucking baby lock on it... a baby lock on my only piece of solace.

Can you guess what happened next that's right I started cussing him out again, and this time I didnt stop, sense I knew he was watching having a grand old time, I just went on and on until someone picked me up, apparently I was talking quite a for a lot for a newborn and my parent's were worried but even they couldn't stop the great cussing out of god.

I'm pretty sure I found out what my holy power was that day. for even hell trembeled before the mighty roar of my goo's and ga's, then I took a massive crap and everything was rosey again. Moral of the story, babie's have very little control over their emotional responses, and I can testify in court to that assessment. I must say the next year or so is going to be the most difficult part of my life.

Fortantly enough for me Mama's gonna let me exercise on my belly next week, I can't wait, the sooner I can crawl, the sooner I can walk, the sooner I can run away from Nan. [ps that boob I was talking about, yeah It's not mom's so food for thought ya dirty animal's] Oh this is gonna suck major ball's, where's that stupid brother of mine I want to go for a walk.]

-Several month's later-

[Soooo yeah, apparently the baby lock on my system is only until I learn how to talk. Which I already know how to do i've just been waiting on my vocal cord's to develop, and guess what, I was able to say my first words yesterday and you won't belive what they were, "Fuck you god."

After I said them I was stunned, I just cursed out an actual living god and there wasn't even a single sign of lightning. Luckily it was in the dead of night and no one heard me.

After that I started laughing my ass off which of course woke up dear old dad, he got up and then procedded to picked me up and we went towards the balcony in the back of the room (The Cousland's are one of the 2 Teyrn's left in Ferelden second only to the king, and i'll be damned if they don't have a wicked ass castle befitting there standing in society. Hell even Vigle's Keep is better then Highever)]

"What are you so happy about little one hm?" [So good old dad is already putting me in a hard spot, but I know just what to do, watch this.] "PA" *cute baby giggle* "Oh dear Andraste you. You just said PA hahaha, you just called me Pa, Eleanor wake up Zayn just said his first word,"

Eleanor having been woke up speak's in an frustrated manner " What are you talking about dear, he's only 7 month's old Bryce he shouldn't be abl-" "MA" *CUTE BABY GIGGLE'S* Eleanor spring's straight out of bed and rushes over to the two.

"Oh dear Maker Bryce he, he just called me Ma" "that's not all, Zayn who am I" "Ass-O" *CUTE BABY GIGGLE'S* "Bryce?" "Yes dear" "Did our seven month old child just call you an asshole" "I'm not entirerly su-" "Ass-O, Ass-O, Ass-O, PA MA ASS-O"

Eleanor and Bryce can't help but stare at each other with somewhat pale face's thinking about all the "deed's" done in front of Zayn. "Bryce." "Yes dear" "I think it time we stop doing certaint thing's infront of Zayn.

He's already starting to figure out word's next will be actions, but he certainly is a smart little fellow. only 7 month's old and already knowing how to speak, oh mama's so proud of you."

[Zayn finally able to achive some sort of peace laid in Eleanor's arm's, complementing himself on the perfect payback agaist his parent's, he happily went off to his own dreamworld, but not before dropping a deuce for his parent's to clean up.]

-5 month's later-

"""Happy birthday Zayn""" in the main hall of Highever a birthday party is being thrown for a mischievious 1 year old, who never seems to get tired of making other peoples life difficult. Seeing such a large amount of people show up to his birthday he could not help but think.

[Damn the books were right again, the game does no justice to the true scale of the world. Everything is like 100x the sized it was in the game, that both excites me, and makes me want to shit myself all at the same time. Let' just hope that i'll be able to handle everything that is going to get thrown at me. That is for Future Zayn to figure out. Now then it's time for...]

"Present's and cake!" an adorable little shout coming from the big table at the end of the hall which was stacked almost halfway to the ceiling with big and small boxes alike.

Bryce finnally noticing where his child ran off to, run's toward's Zayn at his fastest speed but unfortunately he arrives too late. "Zayn, where are you."

Zayn feeling the sudden urge to fuck with dad run's to where the cake is while yelling "SUGAR RUSH" "Damn it, gaurd's stop Zayn at all cost he must not be allowed to eat the cake. """SIR YES SIR""""

"Fergus keep an eye out for your brother if you spot him let me know immediatly" Fergus pale as a ghost simply nod's. Bryce, to caught up in trying to find Zayn, dosen't notice this pecular detail.

"Ok bother you get me near cake, I give you truthiness back deal" Fergus knowing better than to turn around complies with a "yes" "Move out, sugar rush wait's for no baby" Zayn blackmail's his brother into moving him closer to the 5ft tall cake.

[This is it the day i've been training for my entire life. I'm going to crash so hard after this!] After telling the gaurds that he has this area he let's Zayn come out from behind him "Kay you got me here, truthiness is tucked behind Papa's frame. Rat me out and truthiness will return from wence it came" Fergus knowing what's about to happen runs away as fast as he can to get away from his evil little brother. Who knew cuteness could be used for such act's of evil.

Zayn not wasting any time start's digging into the cake as fast as his tiny hand's can allow him until he in completely submerged in a huge world filled with nothing but white yummy fluff.

Zayn enjoyed himself immensely until all of the sudden he felt a familiar pair of hand's wrap around him pulling him out. Zayn didn't care for he had already won and was enjoying the last of his spoil's.

Eleanor couldn't believe what she saw, her little boy digging his way into the cake after using his big brother as a shield. Even though she knew Zayn was smart it was as if he had to take it up a notch everytime he knew he'd be caught. The proplem however was that most of the time they couldn't catch the little bugger, and he got off scott free.

After she had picked him up, Zayn was still holding onto huge peices of cake in both his fist happily eating away. Not knowing what would come next she couldn't help but kiss the top of his head, which was covered in icing, asking herself why now of all day's.

Unbeknownst to her Zayn finally spotted his prey "Howe", and likewise Zayn was spotted by Howe, at least that's what he thought in his baby head. In reality Howe noticed Eleanor holding a child that was completely covered from head to toe in cake, and couldn't resist heading over.

Just like the phrase curiosity killed the cat. Just as Howe was walking by the cake, it lost it's support and fell directly on top of the man, the entire hall turned quite except for a child laughing as if there was no tommorow.

Howe being the manipulator he is, didn't appear mad he said "Oh my what a waste of a perfectly good Ferelden cake" He take's a finger and wipe's a bit of icing off himself and tastes it. "Mmm Strawberry my favorite"

After the incident, Howe was led off somewhere were he could clean himself and obtain a change of clothes. The same also happened to Zayn but he was happy about it he didn't mind being covered in cake as step 1 of his take down plan was initiated, Ruin Howe's image.

After all was said and done, both "men" appeared back on the scene as if nothing happened, Zayn couldn't help but laugh everytime he saw Howe, imagining him covered in cake. It was such a "sweet" victory.

As the party drew on Zayn started to feel tired. It was safe to say his "sugar rush" had ran out.

"Alright everybody I think the man of the hour is ready for his nap thank you all for coming, but I must excuse myself.

I have to make sure the little one is put down"

Bryce carried an already sleeping Zayn to his room where he laid him. Without realizing it he's smiling at his child wondering where his luck came from, and pondering if it'll grow even stronger with his age.

"Goodnight my Sweet prince, next time i'll have them make cookie's instead of cake so that way you can't burrow your way into it, hahahaha."

As Bryce leave's the room Zayn sit's right up saying "Come on CC I know your there, I did your challenge now give me my perk." As usual CC appears out of thin air "Dude you have to teach me that"

CC look's at Zayn and says "Bro i'll be honest I can't teach you that. I mean i'm literally making myself out of thin air."

"Oh that's a bummer, anywho what's my perk what do I get."

CC waved his hand and made a roulette appear's jestering to it. It begin's to Spin and all that was on it were number's Zayn looked at CC saying " Are we gambling or something?" "No I just don't want you to know what i've in store for you yet."

Zane looking at his god, shakes his head. "That's low man, but whatever I'll take whatever I can get from you."

And they wait for the roultte to stop spinning, A few minute's later Zayn's questions "CC did you make a perpetual motion device in shape of a roulette just so I couldn't win anything "

CC looking surprised "When did you become so smart." Zayn looking defeated "God damn it, I knew you'd pull some shit like this"

"Ok, ok stop looking so pathetic you can have the roulette board as a birthday present, now then onto your perk. I call it Food Mastery"

Zayn glad he's finally getting what's owed. "Ok so what does it do." CC looking thrilled "I'm glad you asked Young Padawan. It's as it sound's, anything you make and consider food your able to bring the best out of it. Come on bro I just made you the most awesome chef ever and think it'll make you popular with the ladies.

Ok look Ferelden food sucks ass, the only thing they have are cookies, I just don't want my Champion to die from not being able to stomach food. Also you can't poision yourself, and you have a high toxicity limit so the only poison that can kill you is made by me."

Zayn facepalm's "Hey idiot, everything was made by you remember." CC finally understanding his blunder, "Right so let's just give you toxicity immunity instead easy fix." As Zayn finally get his perk settled out CC has one last thing to offer, "right so kid I know that you know that you can't explain away a roulette board away so imma help you out on this one as well.

Do you remember the white space we first met in well i've turned it into your very own dimensional pocket. You can enter there by using your mind at anytime you'll get the hang of it. Because we all know that reincarnator's need two thing's that is their system<Check> and a dimensional pocket<Also Check>. See everyone I'm a great god."

Zayn feeling even more weary, "What's the catch" CC looking nonchalant "Oh that I'll be gone for a couple years and I won't be able to help you."

"Oh... Okay see ya later then CC"

CC turned away from Zayn, "..... I'm so proud, what i'm not crying I simply have a black hole in my eye. Shut up dork, no one was speaking to you anyway."