Chapter 6

Jin entered the healer's hut and ducked through the curtain to check on his mother. He found her awake, propped up on some cushions, and having her wounds cleaned by the healer. Jin dropped the box of Feng on a bench next to the bed and rushed to his mother's side, taking her hand. The healer opened the box to unpack the herbs and brought them over to a nearby table where he had the tools to ground them up and make them into a thick ointment. After the ointment was finished, the healer carefully applied the ointment to Sagaki's cuts and bruises; she began to relax as the pain began to fade.

Then the healer closed the box and turned to Jin. "So, Jin, tell me, how did this happen? These injuries are quite serious."

Jin opened his mouth to talk, but Sagaki interjected. "It was silly, really. I was making supper, and I just slipped, fell, and hit my head on the corner of the table."

"Really," the healer raised his eyebrows, "and all the bruising?"

"Well, that was—" Sagaki started, but Jin spoke over her.

"It was Father; he did this. He beat her."

"Jin, don't say that," Sagaki had grown even paler, "Don't speak ill of your father. He's a good man, he's—"

"Is he? He beats us both. Do you think our healer can't tell knuckles from tables? It might be bad to speak ill of one's father, but lying is also wrong."

"I'm just clumsy, and you're just upset."

"I am upset, because you're hurt when we should be tucked in bed with full bellies. He beat you, mother, and not for the first time."

Sagaki stared at her boy, then her puffy bottom lip began to tremble, her face twisted, and tears trickled from her eyes. "He's—he's right. Goichi beat me for cooking a dinner he didn't like. He didn't tell me what he wanted for dinner and when I asked, he just ignored me. I couldn't ; I couldn't…." She trailed off. "He's just so different now, he used to be kind, really, but when Jin was born, he just changed. He said Jin was a burden and called him a curse on our lives; he wanted me to abandon him, but I wouldn't, which made Goichi more violent. He told me he was thinking of leaving. That we're not worth his time, that, that…." She buried her face in her trembling hands and began to weep.

The healer moved forward and rubbed her back, "Hush now, you're safe here, you need rest and tea, and we have plenty of both."

Jin stood frozen; he felt numb. He walked out of the healer's hut, his fists clenched, his mind grappling with awful knowledge. 'How could Father say that? Why does he hate me? I need to know why; I need to know the truth. Jin began walking home; maybe his father had gotten back by now, or he was out drinking at the tavern. Halfway home, he spied a spark of orange light off in the forest; he followed it, pushing aside black branches and stumbling in the dark. The light resolved into a fire on a low hill. Jin climbed the slope and entered a small clearing. His father sat before a fire, glowing like a demon in the dancing light of the flames. Jin stopped, staring at him, then cried out. "Father, is it true? Do you think I'm the family curse? That I'm a burden? Don't I work hard and put up with my punishments? What have I done? What did I do?"

Goichi took a swig from his large waterskin, swaying with inebriation.

"Nothing? Answer me! Do you hate me?" Jin's voice cracked as tears began trickling down his face. "Just tell me how you feel about me, mom, and us."

Goichi lifted his eyes and stared at him, and the fire reflected in them. "You piece of shit, you ruined our lives. You ruined your mother's body and made us waste our money on things for you. You're a burden, a coward, a wretch, nothing more than a worthless stray dog!"

Jin stood staring at the man before him; he felt weak. He took several steps back as the weight of his father's words bore down on him and then turned and stumbled down the hill towards the river, where he collapsed on the bank and looked out over the water. The moon was out; silver light filled the nighttime wood and sparkled on the water. Jin hung his head; his father's awful words were gnawing at his brain. Was he a worthless dog?

Jin's mind was full of his father's words replaying over and over; no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about what just happened and what was said. His thoughts began to race, flooding every corner of his mind. Jin felt dizzy and his vision blurred, his stomach turning.as the thoughts were growing louder and louder. His breathing grew quicker and shallower with every passing second, his skin turned a dangerous shade of pale. A cold sweat formed on his brow and his body trembled uncontrollably as if he were straining to not be crushed by his father's tormenting words. His mouth dried up from the quick, short breaths and his throat burned as each breath scraped by. 

His voice was hoarse, unable to utter any words except the repetition of heavily stuttered "No". The whirlwind of his father's words grew into a thunderous roar, pounding against Jin's head causing him intense pain. It was all too much for Jin to handle, he let out an anguished cry of despair into the empty forest. He let out all of his bottled up rage, sorrow, and pain, but his voice began to fail him once again as the cry began to silence. Eventually, he was mute and his body lost any strength to hold him up and went limp. His comatose figure sank to the riverbank ground and his world began to fade as his body laid still except for an occasional involuntary twitch. Silence had claimed the night time forest once again.