CHAPTER 32 - A NEW ME

Alina POV:

I'm sure Romeo saw the letter and just never contacted me, I can't say it didn't hurt, but I guess he didn't want me anymore, I never said we were over just that I needed time. It's been five months since I left that night, I'm sure he's forgotten all about me. I regained most of my memories with the help of a psychiatrist doctor Vos, she's really good specialising in attacks and **** victims or attempted ****. I also had to have my brother Gio find me a good doctor due to the whole Mafia thing, so she's not going to go spilling secrets. I admit thinking back on how it all played out, it's a lot to take for anyone, but the one thing that got to me was that Romeo wouldn't want me like that anymore, yes he cares and held me when I cried, but would he look at me for the Alina he fell in love with or this victim. The other thing was that Angel resembled him, not entirely, but the similarities were there, they were close family after all, and the third thing was, I felt guilt for Romeo having to kill his own cousin for me.

Doctor Vos, helped me come to terms with killing my father, the attack and some of the feelings I had, and lots of the memories associated with Romeo and then Angel. I feel stronger but I need a change, a part of me wants to move far away and the other wants to stay close because after all even when I didn't have my memories I still loved and love Romeo.

I opened a dance studio called "Speranza For Dance" or Hope For Dance, in English. Dancing was my therapy, when I would feel low I would call on all my training, ballet, modern and classical and just dance till I felt better, so I opened the dance studio and have a wonderful woman by the name of Anna working with me, she's a trained dancer and instructor, she helped me so I can do some teaching myself.

It's a lovely small studio welcoming all sorts, beginners to advanced, we have a few more instructors about four which take shifts, it also has yoga for those wanting to slow down which is so relaxing. I have tried to stay away from the papers, but occasionally I see something about Romeo, I still own shares on R&L hotels so that has been through lawyers, so that means I have to attend the gala. Jake my old friend from the club is one of our instructors and very gay so he's agreed to be my date for tonight, he's such a handsome guy but so unlucky in love.

The gala is tonight, it's the first time I will be in the company of anyone else from that world other than Leo, my brother sent some of his men to keep me safe though which I am grateful for. I see Leo occasionally when I visit Mari, he has tried to tell me about Romeo a few times and he has told me Romeo is a completely different person since us. I heard he's even more ruthless and cold, I know he has an incredibly warm side to him but it's long gone apparently, a side only I know.

Jake is currently at my apartment a wonderful three bedroom spacious place I found, it's been home for a little while now. "Alina, we are going to be late, it starts at seven and it's six thirty, come on!" Jake moans.

"Ok, I'm done, how do I look?" I ask him nervously, I haven't had to dress up in a long time. I chose a silver form fitting dress, like a second skin, fine silk, strapless and has a thigh high slit, with Swarovski crystals scattered from mid thigh to the bottom clustering in little sparkling gems at the bottom, with a few on top. I chose a silver satin stiletto and just some diamond drop earrings and a diamond cuff with a simple silver chain with a solitary diamond. Ok I splurged on the outfit, being Versace and all. I'm wearing my hair up in the front and cascading in curls down my back. My makeup is simple with dramatic liner and a pink lip. I'm ready as I will ever be.

"You look absolutely stunning, you look so beautiful, you could turn me straight!" Jake says and I can't help but laugh, he looks handsome in his simple black tux, his hair slicked back, I thought he deserved Armani for tonight.

"Shall we?" He asks sticking his arm out, and I nod with a genuine smile. My nerves however has the better of me. We make it out to the black Mercedes parked outside, I hired a driver in case I need a speedy getaway. The whole way there I'm so nervous I could throw up, will Romeo be there, does he know I'm coming? He probably thinks I wouldn't. Oh hell what part of thought this was a good idea? Oh the charity angle that's what.

It's not long about twenty minutes and we pull up, Jake gets out and extends his hand to me. I slide out and the press are in full force, shouting questions out which I ignore, security are doing their job well keeping everyone away, Jake and I pose for a few pictures and we head inside. As usual it's beautifully done, Mari done an amazing job, that girl needs a raise.

I spot Mari and Leo, and she barrels over to me in a beautiful black dress her red hair in an elegant up do. "You came!" She shouts.

"Yes I do own half the hotel chain after all," I say shrugging. Romeo's instructions were, no matter what happens between us, the hotel will always be half mine.

We walk around a bit and we greet the business men and their wives, Jake is in his element totally loving all this, but I'm nervous as all hell. About an hour in, I feel him before I see him, and everyone turns as he heads in. I stand routed to the spot squeezing Jakes hand and he strokes my arm with his other hand, I grip my clutch, my knuckles going white. He saunters in looking every bit the God he is in an immaculate black tux, black hair styled, Rolex on his wrist and then I spot her, a beautiful woman in a tight red dress, tall and beautiful, her fawn hair loose and straight, red lips and draped in diamonds. She's perfect in every way, down to her beautiful green eyes. My heart drops as she holds his hand and leans over to Romeo whispering something in his ear as she kisses his cheek. He doesn't look at me, I know he saw me. "Jake.... air," is all I manage.

Jake in full on protective mode pulls me out to one of the balconies not occupied. I breathe in the air, my heart pounding so hard I can barely keep myself upright. Jake holds onto me. "Breathe honey, breathe, in and out," he says and I follow and after a few minutes my heart calms. "Are you feeling better?" Jake asks full of concern.

"I will be fine, I knew I would see him but, I didn't think he would be with someone already, oh hell Jake, look at him, of course he has someone already," I say trying to keep my breathing calm.

"We don't know who she is, it could mean nothing," I look at Jake and his eyes betray him and he hugs me, holding me close. "Come on, we can't hide out here all night, you are way to beautiful to be in hiding," Jake says sweetly and I nod. Walking back in I get a glass of champagne and put on my best smile, for the next hour and many speeches later, of which neither Romeo or myself partake in, I ignore Romeo, but I could have sworn he looked a few times.

"It's not your imagination," Jake says reading my thoughts, Mari shakes her head in agreement. "He's definitely checking you out," she adds. Romeo is dancing with the beautiful woman, and my heart breaks a little more, he smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes, he laughs at her jokes but he looks cold and animated. It's still hard to look at when she wraps her hands round his neck and kisses his cheek again.

"Let's dance, and enjoy ourselves, it's a party after all," Jake says and pulls me onto the dance floor, some swing music playing and we waltz and dance up a storm and I smile genuinely for the first time tonight. A few songs later I need some air.

"Jake I need some air, too much champagne and dancing, I'm going up to the rooftop garden," I say loudly.

"Want some company?" Jake asks.

"No thanks, I will be fine, the goons will keep me safe from a distance," I answer. I walk up to the rooftop garden area, and stand over looking the city, its beautiful. I stand in the slightly cool breeze, it is fall after all.

"Beautiful isn't it?" I hear that voice, and my heart drops to my ass it fell so far. It's him! Oh God. I turn to leave not looking at him and he grabs my arm and I stop. "Don't you think you owe me a conversation at the very least?" Romeo says and I spin around looking into his eyes, cold and distant, a wall up.

"And say what? Thank you for not giving a damn? Go enjoy your night with your girlfriend!" Fuck I went straight to it, and I turn again and his grip intensifies on my arm, "let go of me!" I scream at him.

"You left me remember! Don't pull that shit with me Alina!" Romeo says in a raised but calm deadly voice.

"I never left you for good, I needed space Romeo! You never so much as called me! I was left alone, I needed you to understand, not leave me and move on with your life!" I scream at him. Thank the lord, nobody is up here.

"I tried everything, I was there for you, I never left your side! I bought you a goddamn house so you would feel safe, I took time away from work to be with you, to make sure you were okay! I killed my cousin, I was fucked in the head, trying to deal with what he done and what I had to do because he hurt you, and I didn't know how to fix it or take the pain away!" Romeo starts shouting at me and I stand shocked.

"I couldn't look at you, you looked so similar, it was so messed up, I loved you even when I couldn't remember those months. How could you want me when I was damaged? How could you see me as anything else but a victim? There was so much issues, you weren't there, I called out for you till I was hoarse that night till I blacked out after he bashed my head on the ground! I called for you Romeo, while he was on top of me, I tried to fight, I tried so hard. You never came!" I shout.

" I tried Alina, I was frantic, I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what it was. I rushed in looking for you, and to see what he had done, do you have any idea how much I beat myself up because I couldn't get to you? I allowed that sick fuck in the house, I couldn't comprehend the monumental mistake I made.... I wasn't there, I couldn't stop it and by God how I wish I could go back in time and stop that moment from happening, that I showed up in time, that I could have prevented this. You don't know how that eats me up inside! God Alina I'm so fucking sorry!" Romeo says and his tears are running as are mine. "Tainted? Damaged? Not wanting you? Never in a million fucking years would I ever think such things, fucking hell Alina, you're a survivor, the strongest most beautiful person I know, I will always want you in every way!" Romeo finishes.

"Romeo," I say calmly, "It wasn't your fault, yes I might have been upset that you weren't there, it's something I had to work through. I don't blame you though, if he wanted to do it that night or another, he would have. None of us had control over what happened. Yes I was angry, but my last thoughts were of you that night, I just wanted you, you are my safe place, my whole heart and soul. It's not your fault and I'm so sorry you felt that way all this time. I broke you and I'm so sorry," I say tears streaming.

Romeo comes near, and wipes my tears. "Do you still love me?" Romeo asks, a broken man. I broke him.

I look into his broken dark soul this man has become, a husk of himself. "Yes," I answer barely a whisper looking down, "I never stopped not once," I say truthfully.

"So who is this guys you are with?" Romeo asks tilting my chin so he can see my eyes.

"It's just Jake, he's gay, a good friend of mine, from The Underground," I say shrugging. "Wait what about that girl?" I ask anger resurfacing.

"It's Julietta, an old flame from years gone by, I didn't want to show up alone, called her she agreed, she's no one," Romeo says and I nod. "I love you too Alina, never stopped, never will. Te Amo Bella," Romeo says and I wrap my arms around him holding onto me tight, Romeo leans in to kiss me when we are interrupted.

"Romeo there you are baby!" Julietta's annoying voice comes.

"Fuck off Julietta, I have had enough of you," Romeo says coldly.

"Who's this bitch?" She asks pointing at me.

I have had enough of this bitch all night, I walk up to her and punch her on the nose breaking it. "That's more like it, I'm Alina, the love of his life, fuck off or didn't you hear him the first time?" I say walking toward the door and Romeo follows leaving her there. Fake ass bitch, ruined the moment.

"Let's go home bella, I mean our home," Romeo says walking hand in hand with me.

Home...