Broken

It's me current state of being. Luckily my body isn't also broken. It still works. Not properly, I have damaged my own body. Can't really be fixed. I can't be fixed. What people don't realize is the difference between damage and broken. Damaged is what everybody can become. Something bad happens to everybody. Not my problem.

Just about everything else is though. Life sucks am I right? Yes I am and if say I'm not thier lying. Broken is a state of being nobody can help me. You can't fix what is broken. Peices of me are missing and no one can put me back together. There's nothing left to fix. All I am is scares and pain. Memories that tear me to peices just at the thought of them. They're so powerful that they bring tears when trying to talk about them. Can't say what happened. Makes me cringe and many days all I think about is the pain. Without pain there is nothing left. What is left? Nothing, except a memory.

Heart is something I sadly have inside me. Though how much of one is there with no soul? We'll, a hell of a lot apparently. Sometimes it hurts to bad, you know with wanting to love and be loved. Suck right. Tell me about it. Almost anything is what you will do to make it stop. Even then you know it won't so the most you can hope for is for it to lessen. If not much just a tiny bit. Do anything to help distracted you from the pain you feel. Instead you get different kinds of pain. That can just add on top of what you deal with. As it is.

So much so that I want to just rip out my own heart. The thing is it won't change it. Plus I'll die from blood loss before I can reach my heart. On my mind is that along with a hell a lot of other things. I'm do fucked up it's not even funny. On top of this you would think how much of a miserable creature I am. With no hope and little believe in love or just about anything. Maybe that's right and why I cry myself to sleep.

Few things in this world make me happy. I honestly hate this world, universe, and planet. It's not those fault for what they are. People need to stop blaming those things. Humans are to blame for the universal problems. Why earth can go to hell and I won't give a damn. Infact that's a wonderful idea.

Animals were what I loved. Not anymore. All cause of humans. I wouldn't hate them as much if I wasn't around them. They could be out in nature not making me want to kill them. Brilliant creatures that can take care of themselves. Captivity doesn't suit them. Sure there are exceptions to certain animals. Not all of them are on most hated list for me. Actually no animal is on that list. Only humans on that list.

Friends that are my true family that love are those who can help me. Not fix me. Scares heal but still hurt cause of the memories that they hold. Secrets that are told to those who know who did this. Family that I disown cause they did it first. They did this to me. Along with everyone else. Making me and my past.

There is only one I let in to truly help and now it's my turn. We'll to at least try. At least I know someone cares for me. For when my own family can't and won't. I'm loved by them all I can do is remind them I love them. No matter cost. Unlike others and most.

I love you with all my heart. Thank you family. You are what matter and who have me. Don't try and fix me. Maxy is broken, but deeply loved. By a true family and it's true love. Not bull shit. And not the romantic shit.

I've survived this long without it. A little longer won't actually kill me. Other stuff can and will. Till then, I'll hang with those I love. Sorry beloved best friend and family. For I haven't spent time with you. Haven't told you that I love you as much as I should.

Love you. Laters and don't ever change.