Current time

2.06.2021

in the present days i already have a boyfriend life is going smooth . i even have the worlds best friends . lifes going really good . but suddenly i noticed my first crush had decided to leave school . i might have had a boyfriend ,i might have had really good friends . i might have felt like thw whole world was near me but still i always felt empty .(well this doesnt mean i dont love my boy friend, i actually love him all my life . he has being my greatest supporter and the best person i know ) but still even if i had him . i noticed i always had a space for my first crush ,the person who took my heart for the first time .

i always thought about why i even liked him but i never got a proper reason (well he was handsome and cute indeed) yet i had no reason and thats when i made up saying

"love doesnt actually need a reason " .

it all just matters wheather you love that person or not and wheather that person loves you back too . but ive always thought then why does all these couples pull up fights (just like me and my boyfriend) and made love seem so difficult when its simply about wheahter they love each other or not . well but these all doesnt matter when we talk about crushes but still . having a crush is kinda way of fighting with your self . in 2011 when i had my first crush i was always being nervous whenever he was with me . (isnt it normal that all of us feel shy when our crushes were all around ) well but i also always felt shy and would always like to be the best infront of his eyes . (even though i always fail 😅) . seeing him every morning has become one of the most task when i go to school . even though i was really young back then i couldnt stop falling in love with his cute yet manly look in him . his stupid yet warm acts soothes my heart so much that i cud just get close to hin and tell him the love i have for him , but all at once it comes to my mind that ive never told him my feelings i just go silent . just hoping for that day to come where i get all that courage to confess my feelings and freely know his thoughts too . but i also am afraid of confessing thinking wheather he will agree or wheahter he ll cut me off my life . soemtimes the memories ive had with him makes me want to go back to 2011 . but thn probably im not sure how it might end up by now thn . will we be togehter ? will i have a boyfriend by now ? will my crush cut me off my life or accept me ? .....