I'm Damon(chapter 53)

Jennie didn't dare blink,she stared at Lucas her heart thumping hard against her ribcage, beating so loud that she could hear her heart beat in her ears,Lucas silently and patiently waited for her response "I..." But the words she wanted to utter didn't come out,she had never loved anyone in her life neither had she confessed to anyone,the task at hand was hard for her especially since she was still held by her past,someone who had never received love it was hard for them to reciprocate back, she wanted to embrace the love given to her by Lucas but she was finding it hard to accept his love,to her she didn't deserve his love.Not receiving a response Lucas felt a little dissapointed "it's okay no rush,take as much time as you want to figure things out" he said,he stood up to leave,he looked calm and collected like he understood her but the truth was that he felt sad,he felt dissapointed that his love wasn't strong enough to make her let go of her past,he had said alot and still he had alot to say but he didn't want to make things difficult for her,he decided to give her time,time to figure out what to do,time to choose what she wanted,time to understand her own feelings and time to start a fresh based on what she wanted,whatever she choose whether it would hurt him or not he would respect her choices,people always say if you like something you should go for it but in this case Lucas couldn't chase after Jennie or try to convince her to love him back,she was an adult she could make her choice and love can never be forced.

Seeing Lucas ready to leave, Jennie held his hand "stay" she said,she didn't want what had happened to repeat itself,she didn't want Lucas to leave without them having a proper talk also seeing Lucas leave made her scared "Lucas I don't know what to say....Lucas I'm scared" she admitted, Jennie didn't know how but she began narrating her miserable and ugly past to Lucas,whenever she recalled all the humiliation she had faced at the hands of her family,her chest would tighten and bitterness spread all over her body,she narrated about all the bullying,humiliations, conspiracies and abandonment she had faced,tears were in her eyes as she recalled and narrated all those bad memories,pain,heartache and betrayal all these emotions were plastered in her eyes making Lucas tighten his fist.It's not like he didn't know but hearing it from her increased his pain double fold,what she went through was terrible but Lucas couldn't do anything about it,he silently listened without interrupting her,he wanted to hug her,try to comfort her, promise her happiness and everything he knew he was capable of giving her but he held himself back,he wanted her to let out all that she had been holding in her heart,after she was done narrating Jennie felt a little better,she wiped her tears with a serviette,she had carried all that burden all her life and never had someone to listen to her,now that she had told Lucas about it she felt relieved,as the saying goes a problem shared is a problem half solved,her eyes were swollen and puffy,looking at her Lucas cleared his throat,he didn't know whether to act suprised or sympathise with her,Jennie not seeing any reaction from him stared at him nervous,what will he think of me now?maybe he thinks I'm a loser,that I can't stand for myself,that I'm weak,that I'm a terrible person who is hated by all she thought,feeling a chocking feeling in her throat.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" after thinking for a while he asked,her talking about her past was a good sign but he wanted to know the reason "I just want you to know I'm not suitable for you" she said fidgeting with her fingers,Lucas sighed he never imagined that Jennie's self esteem was so badly damaged,even after everything he had said Jennie wasn't convinced,she was still looking for excuses to prove she didn't deserve him,well to bad for her because the person loved her to bones it was true when he said no reason or excuse could make him stop loving her,unless Jennie said she wasn't in love with him Lucas wasn't going to let go."I'm sorry but to be honest with you....*gulp* ...I already know everything" he said looking at her, Jennie opened her mouth in shock,disbelief written all over her face,he already knew then why does he still love me,when and how did he know?did that lady tell him? she wondered, misunderstanding that she was angry because he looked into her background he quickly said "I didn't mean to look into your background,after the attempted assassination I tried looking for the culprit somehow I ended up finding about you" he said,Jennie said nothing she was still in shock "I'm sorry that I never told you, it's just that I never wanted to remind you of your past and since you never liked talking about it I never brought it up" he said hoping Jennie wasn't angry at him "so you already know?" she asked and Lucas nodded his head,Jennie sighed "it's okay,how did you find out?" she asked "some... someone I don't know her name..... Alice... I'm not sure if that's her real name, I found videos and messages about you" he said shaking his legs ,Jennie felt her heart skip a bit,anger and hatred flashed in her eyes shocking Lucas "she was one of the people who bullied and humiliated me,she was their leader" she said her voice cold,Lucas looked at her with caution "I'm sorry for all that you went through,I can't say I understand but Jennie don't let you past hold you back" he advised,Jennie smiled "thanks for everything you have done for me" she said grateful,Lucas wanted to ask why her family treated her horribly but he held his curiosity,there was no need to dig deeper into her wounds "Jennie I don't care what happened to you in the past all I want to know is....Jennie do you love me?" he asked his heart beating wildly,Jennie bit her lower lip "I don't know what love is,but all I know is that....I like spending time with you.... I'm happy when I'm with you...I care and worry about you..... you're the first person who really cares and loves me.... you're the first person to protect me and show me I'm worth something.... you're the person I want to be with." she said a tud bit of red appearing on her cheeks,Lucas smiled after hearing her confession,he felt warmth spread in his heart, this is all he wished to hear,but just like when one is extremely happy and suddenly he hears a tiny voice that sounds like the devil in you head that usually say,you won't be happy for long ,a tiny voice spoke in his head,she doesn't love you she is just grateful and feels indebted to you,Lucas' smile froze surprising Jennie "Lucas what's wrong?" she asked,did I say something wrong? she wondered.Lucas wanted to ask her if she said that because she felt in debited to him but he couldn't muster the courage to ask, "it's nothing" he said his mood seeming sour, looking at him Jennie could guess what he was thinking about to clear his doubts she hurriedly said "I'm not saying this because I feel indebted to you,what I said are my true feelings" Lucas smiled "what if I'm not who I you think I am?" he asked Jennie kept quite for a while making Lucas nervous "I believe in what I see,to me you're a good person no matter what" she replied shocking Lucas "what if I have a dark side?what if I have killed people and made people's life miserable?" he asked again,if he never judged me when I told him I was pregnant and didn't know the father why should I judge him Jennie thought, "I know you have your reasons" she said not at all bothered by what he had said,she stretched her hand and held Lucas' hand as if to show him she meant what she said,who said it's only women who had insecurities Lucas too had insecurities "what if...I am Damon?" He asked shocking Jennie,Jennie stared at him without saying a word she wanted to know whether he was serious or joking but Lucas seemed serious,he looked at her waiting for her response his heart in his mouth,Jennie could see how nervous Lucas was,she smiled and stood up and without saying a word she kissed him on his lips.