Ch 0.22 : Trial (3.5)

<3rd life>

How come someone treats someone so inhumanely? I'm deprived of my freedom. I hate slavery.

<4th life>

"I'm reborn as a blind and crippled. I've been begging for who knows how long," I ruminated silently within myself, the weight of circumstance bearing down on my thoughts.

Reflecting on my circumstances, I pondered, 'Well, at least I've been born into a wealthy household to give myself comfort. but as I predicted It was short-lived. 

My parents got killed and I lost all my wealth.

Why wasn't I killed? Maybe it's because I'd suffer the most when I'll be alive.

I found myself wrestling with relentless, tormenting thoughts that plagued my mind—Thoughts forcibly implanted by a Minor realm of suffering.

Frustration and anger surged within me which was surprising.

'Curse you!' 'Fuck you!' 'To hell with your petty fucking realm!' I shouted inwardly, My inner outcry overflowed with a surge of curses and resentment toward the confines of my situation.

<5th life>

My mother appears to be the epitome of goodness. You can say she is the best. She cooks good food, cleans the home, provides clean clothing, and reads stories to me before sleeping.

She purchased costly gifts for me and doesn't ever ask where I spend the money. She loves me, I guess? 

I wish my original mother was like this.

I didn't think this, This thought suddenly was put to my mind by this minor realm of suffering.

I wanted to know how could she earn so much money but every time I thought about it, time progressed.

Fuck c'mon

My mother engaged in Thirst traps secretly when I was young. She was abandoned by her boyfriend after news of her pregnancy, leaving her with no other means to earn money to raise me. 

I understood the struggles this woman was facing, and I empathized with her. She sacrificed her dignity for my well-being.

When my mother was sleeping, I Smashed her face with a small boulder. She died without being aware and her dead body got eaten by cute piggies I raised.

She should be glad, I didn't throw her to hungry pigs alive.

 It's clear that my Ego and Hatred got the better of me. The 2 of the 4 evils got the better of me.

<6th Life>

When I woke up, I was surrounded by vergers. They put human blood on me and hooked me up with a noose. The blood was also dropping from my foot as they cut it a bit and I was slowly, and very slowly put down to the ground where hungry pigs were waiting for me. Their cute oinks, huffs, puffs, and squeals were now horrifying. The moment they could reach me, I was attacked by several pigs. They pulled me without mercy, plundered me apart from my legs, and was eaten alive.

<7th life>

"I'm born as an ugly, and poor person, huh?" I thought silently to myself.

"Where is harshness in this?" I mused silently within the depths of my thoughts.

The cruel verdict of fate might had etched its black marks upon my existence, branding me as insignificant and impoverished. But where was the cruelty in this? 

I can just become Scary and Important enough, Can't I?

I tried everything, my plan was flawless but everything that could have gone wrong went wrong, Everything bad that could have happen happened.

The bitterness surged within me, a searing resentment toward a life that felt nothing short of scripted—a narrative that relentlessly stripped away every opportunity within my grasp. Every twist of fate conspired against me, ushering in every misfortune conceivable.

I still refused to play the role of a mere puppet dancing to Destiny's tune.

I wanted to reject the notion that my life is preordained. I strengthened my resolve to defy the script. 

Fuck you!

<12th life>

From my POV This life is simple. I'm letting every bad thing happen possibly take its course. I'm not blaming life for taking its course. I'm not opposing the harshness of the wind. 

"Hua, I'm pregnant with your child," she says nervously, her voice barely audible, her eyes fixed downward. It seems now the harshness starts. I'll see my child dying and possibly her too. 

"Thank God this trial can't be observed by outside parties," I thought to myself with a shaky pumping heart, a thread of relief woven through my thought as I remember Hui. 

"Why the somber look? This is wonderful news," I spoke gently, reaching for her hand and meeting her gaze with a warm, reassuring smile—perhaps the most tender expression I could possibly muster.

"Really?" she responded, her voice tinged with doubt, her eyes reflecting a mixture of emotions easy to decipher for me.

"Yes, really," I affirmed, emphasizing the sincerity in my tone, hoping to quell her uncertainty with my conviction. "Let's not waste any time. How about we head to that carnival you mentioned?"

"You remembered?" she exclaimed, surprised by my recollection which wasn't surprising given our relationship.

She wasn't my wife, merely an existence I encountered in my life, someone I met casually, I cared for her but had no attachment to her.

The carnival was a riot of colors and sounds. There were games and rides, food and drinks, music and laughter. I and Maria held hands as we walked around the grounds, enjoying the festivities together.

"You enjoyed na?" she inquired, breaking the festive reverie.

I didn't say much but just fixed my gaze on her as one horse-drawn carriage very gently collided with her and by some stroke of luck, she emerged dead along with her unborn child.

"Goodbye," I ruminated within. There was no room for attachment toward this impermanent existence, impermanent potential human baby, and this impermanent world. There was no room for resentment toward the driver. 

I'm not the one to oppose the nature course and Allah kabber will.

I was also never ignorant in this life for I took truth as truth and untruth as untruth. I let life take the course and not blame it upon a Higher power or destiny.

____________________________

I win

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[Author's Note: It has come to my attention that some readers might find this story not in line with their expectations. I want to clarify that this story is penned purely as a hobby and is meant to be read only for passing time not to immerse yourself. I've provided a disclaimer in the review section previously addressing this matter. Readers are welcome to continue, but I kindly ask them to keep in mind the disclaimer I've shared.]