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Cosmic Janitor

A man on a hospital bed was offered a job by a god. Said god introduced himself as a "god of amusement and entertainment." The man unhesitatingly accepted; what was the reason? He was bored. Having lived his life to the literal fullest—parachuting, skydiving, racing, boxing, and other adrenaline-pumping activities—left him exactly in his condition—a crippled, sick, BUT bored man in his middle thirties.  Join him in his wild adventures as he battles devils, zombies, and all sorts of crazy stuff you can dream up while lying in bed. Updates: It depends on my workload. Also, on my cat's mood. Suggestions: I've got some "worlds" planned, but feel free to suggest a game or anime world that needs some serious "cleaning." Disclaimer: The characters mentioned are not mine, except the OCs. Especially not the Book Cover.

ChrisTian3421 · Anime & Comics
Not enough ratings
80 Chs

Hysteria

(Katsuo POV)

Waking up to an alarm was annoying, but necessary. Feeling groggy, I glanced at the interface's clock—4:30 AM, an hour earlier than our call time. As I tried to get up, I noticed Tom still sleeping on my stomach. Carefully, I scooped him up and laid him on the bed, making sure not to wake him.

I got up and went through my morning rituals.

Now, looking at the mirror, donning my Stormweaver's Mantle and with Sanchomo slung on my waist, I looked like a samurai ready for battle. I opened the interface and browsed for a bit. I searched for a vambrace high in lightning and fire conductivity.

The first name I saw was Stormweaver's Vambrace. It seemed this "Stormweaver" was a three-piece set: a Vambrace, Mantle, and Greaves. I checked the prices—the Vambrace was 1,200,000 Points, my Mantle was 1,500,000 Points, and the Greaves were 1,000,000 Points. Deciding to complete my set piece by piece, I opted to buy the Vambrace first.

Confirming the purchase, I felt a slight vibration in my interface. Moments later, the Vambrace materialized before me, shimmering with energy. I strapped it on, feeling the familiar hum of elemental power coursing through it, syncing with my Mantle.

With my new gear in place, I felt more prepared for the upcoming mission. I left a small note for Tom, detailing my departure time, and headed out, ready to meet the team.

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I entered the portal room and was somewhat surprised to see that most of the team was already here, only missing Alaria's team and Hank's. As I glanced around, a beastman approached me. His imposing figure, coupled with his lion head, made me look up as he towered over me. My face remained stoic and confident.

As he stood before me, we stared at each other, neither wanting to back down.

A moment later, he grinned.

"Brutus," he said, extending his hand.

"Katsuo," I replied, meeting his handshake.

"I gotta say, you don't look as imposing as your previous exploits suggest," Brutus said.

I smirked slightly. "Appearances can be deceiving. It's the results that matter."

Brutus chuckled, his deep voice resonating in the room. "True enough. Heard you took down an Eldritch god and cleansed a planet full of orks. Impressive for someone your size."

I nodded, maintaining eye contact. "And I hear you're known for ripping apart hordes of enemies with your bare hands. Guess we both have our strengths."

"Indeed," Brutus agreed. "We'll see how well those strengths complement each other in this mission."

As we released the handshake, I noticed the others observing our interaction with interest. It was clear they were gauging our dynamic, understanding that cooperation between leaders was crucial for the upcoming assault.

Lisa walked in then, her presence commanding the room's attention. "Good to see you all here early," she said, her tone brisk. "We'll go over the final strategy once Alaria's team arrives."

Just then, the door opened, and Alaria's team stepped through, followed closely by Hank and his group. Alaria, her presence calm and authoritative, made her way toward Lisa.

"Alright, everyone," Lisa began once we were all assembled. "Katsuo has identified the source of the blight. Our mission is to neutralize it completely. Alaria will oversee the operation, and Katsuo will lead the front-line assault."

Alaria nodded, stepping forward. "Our main targets are the cocooned Blightguards. Katsuo's reconnaissance indicates there are approximately thirty smaller cocoons protecting a larger central one. We'll divide into teams to handle these simultaneously."

William chimed in, "Each team will have designated roles. Scouts will locate and confirm the positions of the cocoons. Barrier mages will isolate small groups of enemies, and heavy hitters will take down the major threats. Katsuo and Brutus' teams will engage the central Blightguard once the outer defenses are breached."

Hank, standing with his team, added, "We'll provide support where needed and ensure no threats slip through the cracks."

Alaria glanced at the assembled teams. "Remember, communication is key. We'll be using encrypted comms to maintain contact. If any team encounters unexpected resistance, call for backup immediately."

Brutus nodded in agreement. "We'll handle the big threats and keep them off your backs. Let's make sure this blight doesn't spread any further."

Lisa then looked at me. "Katsuo, you know the terrain better than anyone. Lead us to victory."

I felt the weight of their expectations but also their trust. "Understood," I replied firmly. "Let's move out."

With that, we stepped through the portal, prepared for the battle ahead. The air was thick with tension and determination as we emerged on the other side, ready to face the blight and whatever horrors it had in store.

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As we all stepped out of the portal, my instincts immediately blared, "Everyone, disperse!" Without hesitation, I zipped away from the portal, grabbing whoever was closest to me. Just then, a ray of elemental amalgamation struck the portal's location, causing a massive explosion.

"Is everyone okay?" I called out over the comms, my voice filled with worry. I glanced at the two I had grabbed—a young-looking man from William's team and an elf male carrying a greatsword, both clad in armor.

"Fine here!" Hank responded.

"Bit roughed up but otherwise fine," Brutus said, his voice steady.

"We're alright here too," Alaria confirmed.

"Thanks for the heads-up, man!" Michael added.

As the smoke and dust from the explosion began to settle, we regrouped, and I activated my thermoreception to scan the area. "Stay alert," I warned, "this was just the beginning."

We moved cautiously through the twisted landscape, the eerie silence only broken by the occasional rustling of corrupted flora. The once vibrant forest was now a nightmare of twisted trees and mutated plants, casting long, ominous shadows.

The sky above us was obscured by dark, swirling clouds, illuminated by occasional bursts of greenish lightning. The air was thick with the scent of decay and corruption, mingling with the faint, bioluminescent glow that permeated the forest.

Suddenly, a loud, bone-chilling roar echoed through the forest. The ground trembled beneath our feet, and the air grew heavy with a malevolent presence. We followed the sound to a clearing, and what we saw was maddening.

The ground beneath our feet began to tremble as the cocoon of the Blightguard—no, Blightlord—pulsed with increasing intensity. Thick, thorny vines writhed and twisted around its surface, as if struggling to contain the immense power within.

Suddenly, from the shadows of the surrounding forest, a group of Blightguards emerged, their twisted forms moving with an eerie grace. These corrupted guardians encircled the cocoon, their multiple heads snapping and hissing in anticipation.

As the cocoon continued to pulsate, the growls from within grew louder, joined by the guttural roars of the Blightguards. The cacophony reverberated through the forest, creating an atmosphere of primal chaos and impending doom.

With a deafening roar, the cocoon finally split open, revealing the monstrous form of the newly hatched Blightlord. Its nine heads emerged, each crowned with jagged horns and glowing with an otherworldly light. The Blightguards bowed before their master, their twisted forms pulsating with dark energy.

The sight of the Blightguards bowing before their monstrous master sent a chill down our spines, a stark reminder of the dire threat they posed to the world.

The Blightlord dwarfed the original Blightguard, standing over fifty-feet tall and a hundred-feet long. Its presence was an overwhelming sight. It possessed nine heads, each representing a different aspect of elemental corruption: Fire Head, Ice Head, Poison Head, Electric Head, Acid Head, Wind Head, Earth Head, Shadow Head, and Light Head.

Its body was covered in thick, armored scales that shimmered with a dark, iridescent hue, probably providing immense protection against both physical and magical attacks. Each head had eyes that glowed with a menacing, otherworldly light, capable of paralyzing or terrifying those who met their gaze.

Then without warning, the Fire and Light Heads breathed their respective elements.

"Disperse!" I shouted.

With seemingly practiced movements, we scattered just in time to avoid the devastating breaths.

"The fuck is that?!" Michael exclaimed, his voice filled with hysteria.

"Don't know, don't care. For now, dodge and weave," I said resolutely. "The plan still stands: kite out the smaller ones before fighting that thing."

Our plan was quite simple. Michael and two of his teammates took the left flank, Brutus and his teammates took the right, and Hank, Damysus, and I would take the central flank. The brunt of it all. The others would support the vanguard.

I glanced towards my sides and noticed Hank and Damysus, gripping their respective weapons tightly.

I took a breath, then cladded myself in quadra-elemental properties, a feat I had just recently learned. I summoned ethereal swords, coating them with the same quadra elements. Now twelve ethereal swords hovered by my side, ready for my commands.

"I'll say this again, if it's too much, don't hesitate to fall back," I said to the both of them, my voice filled with worry and firmness.

Their answer was a nod of grim determination.

"Then try to keep up," I zipped towards the first Blightguard I saw.

With swift precision, I targeted the Blightguard's weak points, directing the ethereal swords to strike simultaneously. The Blightguard roared in pain, its multiple heads snapping in every direction. I then used Judgement Cut towards the base of its draconic head, its identified weak point. With a swift thrust, I pierced through its bark-like scales, and it fell lifelessly.

Scanning my surroundings, I noticed Hank and Damysus engaging another target.

Hank, with his arcane bow, released a barrage of energy arrows that pierced through the creature's defenses. Damysus, with his towering form and great strength, slammed his warhammer into the ground, sending shockwaves that destabilized the Blightguard's footing.

"Focus on its legs!" I shouted. "You guys need to bring it down!"

Hank and Damysus coordinated their attacks, each blow and strike weakening the Blightguard's stance. Hank's arrows struck with pinpoint accuracy, chipping away at the creature's joints. Finally, an energy-focused arrow pierced its legs, causing it to stumble. Damysus then quickly approached and swung his warhammer, smashing its torso to bits.

"One more down," Hank said, breathing heavily but with a triumphant glint in his eyes.

"Keep it up!" I urged. "We need to clear these out before we face the Blightlord."

Our efforts were paying off. The Blightguards were falling one by one, their corrupted forms disintegrating into dark mist. Thankfully none of the Blightguard did their suicidal move.

As we regrouped, the ground trembled again, this time more violently. The Blightlord, now fully emerged from its cocoon, roared with all nine heads. With a guttural, otherworldly roar, the earth began to crack and split.

From the fissures, numerous corrupted creatures emerged, each more terrifying than the last. These creatures, twisted by the blight, were an unholy fusion of flora and fauna, their bodies warped into grotesque forms.

Mutated Behemoths, gigantic beasts with thick, bark-like skin and glowing eyes, their limbs adorned with sharp thorns and vines, lumbered forward with destructive intent.

Winged Abominations, horrific bat-like creatures with wings made of tattered, bioluminescent membranes, swooped and screeched as they took to the sky, casting eerie shadows over the battlefield.

Venomous Serpents, enormous snakes with scales that shimmered with a toxic sheen, slithered with lethal grace, their fangs dripping with corrosive venom.

Lumbering Golems, colossal constructs of stone and corrupted wood, animated by the blight's dark magic, moved with slow but unstoppable force, each step shaking the ground.

At the heart of the scene, the Blightlord stood tall, its nine heads rearing and roaring in unison. Each head glowed with a different elemental energy: flames flickered, lightning crackled, ice glistened, and dark shadows swirled. The creature's massive, iridescent scales shimmered with an otherworldly light, reflecting the twisted beauty of the blight.

"Focus up, everyone!" I shouted, my voice cutting through the cacophony of roars and screeches. "We need to take these creatures down first before we can face the Blightlord!"

Our teams split into their assigned roles. Michael and his teammates took the left flank, engaging the Mutated Behemoths with a combination of agility and precise strikes. Brutus and his team tackled the right flank, their brute strength clashing with the relentless force of the Lumbering Golems. Hank, Damysus, and I faced the central flank, where the Winged Abominations and Venomous Serpents posed a deadly threat.

Hank's arcane bow sang as he released arrow after arrow, each one finding its mark in the eyes and wings of the Winged Abominations, bringing them crashing to the ground. Damysus wielded his warhammer with devastating power, smashing through the scales of the Venomous Serpents and the thick hides of the Mutated Behemoths.

I used Rapid Slash, turning multiple targets into minced meat. The fight was grueling, as the Blightlord joined in the fray. Its Fire and Ice heads each spewed torrents of flame and ice spikes toward us, forcing us to dodge and counterattack swiftly. The Poison and Lightning heads coordinated their attacks; the former breathed a green, gas-like fog, while the latter's lightning breath caused massive explosions upon contact with the poisonous mist. The Acid and Wind heads posed another problem—the Acid head's corrosive bile acted as a healing mechanism for the grotesque creatures, while the Wind head spread this acid far and wide, complicating our battlefield.

The Shadow and Light heads were a nightmare of their own. The Shadow head created illusions and sapped our strength, making every movement feel like wading through tar, while the Light head emitted blinding flashes and focused beams that burned through anything in their path. The Earth head, with each roar, caused seismic tremors, destabilizing the ground beneath us and hurling massive boulders our way.

Then, out of nowhere, Brutus leaped and got close to the Light head, slicing it clean off. The severed head turned into black mist, but to our horror, the problem lay in its neck: where one head had been, two more replaced it. Brutus, noticing this, stopped in his tracks, his face filled with horror.

"Brutus, move!" I shouted as both new Light heads charged concentrated light beams towards him. Gritting my teeth, I zipped towards him, managing to save him in the nick of time.

I slapped him in the face. "Snap out of it! And get back to your team," I said, tossing him towards his teammates while slicing off a leg of a Lumbering Golem with a swift motion.

"Alright, guys, the heads are a no-go for now," I said resolutely. "Focus on the mobs first and incapacitating or disabling its heads."

Hank, Damysus, and I moved in sync, our strikes precise and powerful. Hank's arrows found their mark, piercing through the wings of the Winged Abominations and bringing them down. Damysus smashed his warhammer into the Venomous Serpents, their toxic fangs shattering under the force.

I focused on damage control, with my Summoned Swords hovering around me. I zipped around the battlefield, slicing and dicing Abominations, Serpents, and Beasts alike without stopping. Rapid Slash turned beasts to pieces, Judgement Cut one-shotted a Golem, and Earth Manipulation created pillars as barriers against the vile Blightlord's breaths. I created a whirlwind of death, utilizing my Fire, Air, and Lightning Manipulation as I Shunpo'ed around the breaths. My Pyrobolts acted like annoying flies, disrupting the Blightlord's charged attacks.

Alaria, long past noticing my activity, said her voice crackling over the comms. "We've got the Acid head immobilized. Katsuo, assist Michael and finish off the remaining beasts!"

Acknowledging her command, I zipped over to where Michael and his team were engaged in a fierce battle. They were holding their ground but were clearly struggling with the sheer number of enemies.

"Hang on, Michael!" I shouted, joining the fray. My Summoned Swords darted through the air, targeting weak points with pinpoint accuracy.

Michael glanced over, relief washing over his face. "Good timing, Katsuo! We could use the help."

Together, we made quick work of the remaining beasts. My blades cut through their defenses, and Michael's team followed up with coordinated strikes. The battlefield slowly began to clear as the last of the corrupted creatures fell.

"Regroup!" I called out. "We've thinned their numbers. Now let's focus on the Blightlord!"

Our teams came together, forming a tight unit. The Blightlord, now deprived of its minions, roared in fury, its elemental heads thrashing wildly.

"Focus on disabling the heads," I instructed. "Target the necks and immobilize them one by one."

With a concerted effort, we launched our assault on the Blightlord. Alaria's team continued to suppress the Acid head while Brutus and his team tackled the Wind head. Hank's arrows provided support, disrupting the Blightlord's attempts to retaliate.

"Any updates on its weak point, John?" I asked through the comms, dodging an ice spike that came hurtling my way.

"Two minutes more! No, one minute, please!" John replied, his voice panicked and hysterical.

I chuckled lightly. "Take your time; this dude can wait."

"Fuck you!" John snapped back.

Despite the chaos around us, John's reaction brought a momentary sense of levity. It was a reminder that even in the direst situations, our camaraderie kept us grounded. I continued to zip around the battlefield, providing support wherever it was needed. My Summoned Swords darted through the air, striking at the Blightlord's limbs and joints, seeking to slow it down.

Brutus' team was struggling with the Wind head, its acidic breath creating a noxious barrier that hindered their movements. "Brutus, fall back and regroup!" I ordered. "We'll take over here."

I leaped into the fray, using Earth Manipulation to create a protective barrier against the acidic wind. "Alaria, how's the Acid head looking?" I called out.

"We've got it pinned down, but it's regenerating quickly," she replied. "We need to find a way to stop its healing."

"Noted," I responded, slicing through a Venomous Serpent that lunged at me. "John, we need that weak point ASAP!"

"I'm almost there, hold on!" John's voice was frantic but focused.

Suddenly, the Blightlord's Shadow head unleashed a wave of dark energy, casting the battlefield into an illusionary nightmare. Creatures emerged from the shadows, their twisted forms attacking indiscriminately.

"Stay focused!" I shouted. "The illusions are just that—illusions!"

Using my Fire Manipulation, I created a ring of flames to dispel the shadows around us. My team fought with renewed vigor, cutting through the illusions to reach the real threats. Hank's arrows pierced through the darkness, and Damysus's warhammer shattered the twisted forms.

Finally, John's voice came through the comms, clearer and more composed. "Got it! The weak point is at the base of its central neck, where all the heads converge. There's a core there—hit it with everything you've got!"

"Copy that," Alaria replied. "All teams, focus fire on the central neck! Aim for the core!"

With this new information, we rallied. Alaria's team redirected their efforts, using their barriers to isolate the heads. Brutus and his team provided covering fire, keeping the Blightlord's elemental attacks at bay.

"Now!" I commanded. "Everyone, hit the core!"

We unleashed a coordinated assault. Hank's arrows, Damysus's hammer strikes, Brutus's brute strength, Alaria's magic, and my ethereal swords—all converged on the Blightlord's weak point. The ground shook as our combined might hammered into the core.

But like its predecessor, all nine heads looked up and began charging a final, catastrophic attack. Aspects from different elements merged into an amalgamation of pure, foul, and corrupted energy. The ball of energy grew larger and larger, pulsating with raw power. The look in the Blightlord's eyes was menacing, as if it was saying, "I'll take you to hell with me."

"Everyone, fall back!" Alaria shouted.

Panic surged through the team as we began to retreat, the colossal ball of energy expanding rapidly. I could see the fear in everyone's eyes, knowing that if that attack went off, we wouldn't survive it. I made a quick decision.

"Keep moving back! I'll buy us some time!" I yelled over the comms, zipping towards the Blightlord.

"Katsuo, no!" Hank shouted, but I ignored him.

I summoned every ounce of my power, focusing on the ethereal swords hovering around me. Channeling the quadra-elemental energy into them, I propelled myself toward the Blightlord. The amalgamated energy sphere was almost complete, its chaotic surface crackling with destructive force.

"Just a bit more," I muttered, closing the distance. With a final push, I hurled all twelve ethereal swords at the core of the energy ball. The impact caused a momentary disruption, the energy fluctuating wildly.

The Blightlord roared in fury, its concentration breaking. The energy sphere began to destabilize, its surface rippling uncontrollably. I used this brief window to create a massive earthen barrier around the Blightlord, attempting to contain the imminent explosion.

"Everyone, get as far away as you can!" I shouted through the comms. "This is going to blow!"

The team didn't need to be told twice. They sprinted away from the epicenter, their movements frantic. I continued to reinforce the barrier, pouring every last bit of my elemental control into it.

Then, with a deafening roar, the Blightlord's final attack detonated. The ground shook violently, and the earthen barrier shattered under the force of the explosion. A wave of corrupted energy surged outward, consuming everything in its path.

The shockwave hit me like a freight train, sending me flying through the air. I was propelled like a jet plane conquering the sound barrier. The sheer force of the blast blurred my vision, and the world around me became a whirlwind of chaos and destruction.

I crashed into the ground with a bone-jarring impact, skidding to a halt amidst the debris. Pain shot through my body, every nerve ending on fire. For a moment, everything was silent, the world seemingly holding its breath.

I struggled to my feet, my vision swimming. The battlefield was a scene of utter devastation, the once formidable Blightlord now a smoldering ruin. The corrupted creatures lay lifeless, their twisted forms disintegrating into ash.

"Is... everyone... okay?" I croaked through the comms, my voice barely audible over the ringing in my ears.

One by one, responses came in. "We're here," Hank said, his voice strained. "Damysus and I are okay."

"Brutus team intact," Brutus added, sounding winded. "What about Alaria?"

"We're... alive," Alaria's voice came through, filled with relief. "Thanks to you, Katsuo."

I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of exhaustion settle in. "Good... We did it."

My vision blurred and my legs buckled, but I remained standing, even as my consciousness slipped away.

I just watched Alice in Wonderland, and at first, it was all about nostalgia. I wanted to revisit those whimsical scenes and quirky characters from my childhood. But then, it got me thinking.

The more I watched, the more I realized how much deeper the story is than I remembered. It's not just a series of random, bizarre events; it's a journey through a world that defies logic and embraces the absurd. Each character and scene seems to have a layer of meaning that I never fully appreciated before. The Cheshire Cat with his cryptic wisdom, the Mad Hatter with his chaotic tea party, and even Alice herself, trying to make sense of it all—it's like a metaphor for navigating life's unpredictability.

The whole experience made me reflect on how we try to impose order on a world that's inherently unpredictable. In a way, Alice's adventures remind us to embrace the chaos and find our own path through it. Watching it now, Alice in Wonderland feels less like a simple children's tale and more like a philosophical exploration of curiosity, identity, and the human experience.

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