Renée

the lesson to learn from this chapter: always value moments that you have with your loved ones.

5 years ago...

Renée was temporarily lost in thought & anticipation as she, her sister Anara and her mother were stood outside their grandparents' house, waiting. After a few moments, Nana's small frame was revealed as she opened the door for them and before she could process what was going on, Renée was pressed into a bone-crushing group hug.

"Merry Christmas Nana!" Anara squealed loudly.

Nana responded with kissing each of them on the forehead delicately. She ushered them inside and Renée was immediately enveloped with the warm atmosphere of her house which was a dramatic change from the cold. They stomped their shoes slightly and shook their jackets to remove the snow that had fallen on them. Renée removed her hat, revealing her messy curls and she made her way to the small yet cozy living room where her eyes landed on her grandfather who was reading a book by the slightly roaring fire with his dog, Bruce, relaxing beside his feet. She quietly made her way towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck before placing a small kiss on his cheek and then crouched down to stroke and kiss Bruce as well.

She could feel Pa watching her and when she looked into his eyes, she could see something shift in his eyes. She just couldn't put a finger on what exactly he was feeling.

"Merry Christmas, Pa." She smiled softly.

He returned the greeting and while she was busy playing and chatting with Bruce, she felt Pa's soft yet firm hand grasp her own and she squeezed as if to say that she loved him too.

"Is your father here?" Pa asked, directing his attention back to his book.

The question was simple but it made Renée feel slightly uneasy because she wished the answer was different.

"He's at home." She said regretfully but Pa simply nodded as if he already knew the answer. " I begged him to come but he refused. I tried, Pa." She explained and suddenly felt the urge to cry at that fact.

Her grandfather and father had always had a complicated relationship but it was clear for anyone to see that Pa loved his son. All he ever wanted was for them to be close like any other father and son but Renée's father wouldn't have it. Her father argued that they were too different and that Pa could never understand the demands of a businessman like him.

Pa had always lived a simple life & made the most of the little he had. Life hadn't been easy for Pa. He'd lived through and fought through a world war so he knew more than most the realities of life and death and lived by those facts. Pa didn't believe in money hoarding but rather that we should live for our fellow man and benefit society in the best way possible.

Renée's father had a different perspective on life. He believed that every man had the responsibility to look after themselves & their family. He didn't believe in living and looking after your fellow man- he lived for himself. And when her father's business became successful, his relationship with his father deteriorated even further because there was only one thing on his mind nowadays and that was money.

Renée & Anara hardly saw him every week but they'd become used to it over time. It didn't mean that it hurt any less that he hardly asked about them when he was away at work or on his annual business trips.

"I've ruined everything, haven't I?" Pa said under his breath so quietly that she almost wouldn't have heard it. She squeezed his hand once more and brought it to her mouth ever so gently, feeling his pain.

"The only one in the wrong is my father. He'll realize it eventually, Pa. Everything will be okay, I promise." She said comfortingly.

"Look at me blabbering like a baby when you're the child," Pa said, wiping away the tears that had threatened to drop. He gave Renée a small smile to show that it was okay.

She might have been young but Renée could see the guilt and pain eating away at this old man who hid his true emotions.

She just didn't know that she was looking at her future self.

The small moment that they had shared had been cut short when Anara & her mother entered the sitting room to catch up with Pa themselves. He kissed and chatted with them both but there was no point denying the pain in his eyes- he didn't want them here, he wanted his son. Despite their differences, he still loved his son.

After a few moments, Nana called them from the sitting room into the kitchen where she had beautifully displayed their Christmas dinner. Of course, the massive turkey sitting in the middle of the table was the main event with roasted potatoes, gravy, and a mix of steamed vegetables. They all took their seats at the table and pulled crackers with each other, laughing a little. The atmosphere was warm and comforting and they dug in heartily, enjoying every part of their meal whilst Nana cracked a few jokes with Pa until it ended up becoming a back and forth contest to see who could get the best laugh.

By the time Renée had finished her meal, she had a sore stomach from laughing too much and a massive smile painted on her face. She watched her family all smiling and joking together; she wished they could be like this all the time. It warmed her heart a little that Pa and Nana seemed happy despite the absence of their only son.

Nana reprimanded Pa for feeding tidbits of his dinner to Bruce instead of eating it himself with false annoyance which brought another smile to her face.

After a gorgeous dessert of mince pies & chocolate fondue, they all made themselves comfortable in the sitting room with the fire crackling gently but instead of taking a seat with the others, Renée moved next to the tree and gave Nana a look as if to say: "Where're our presents?"

Her mother rolled her eyes at her knowingly and Nana nodded towards the pile of presents causing Anara to join her in unwrapping their gifts. Instinctively, Renée chose the largest one and shook it a little to imagine what was inside and heard a small rattle. She tore off the brightly colored wrapping paper and frowned slightly when a makeup set was revealed.

"That's for Anara." Nana justified, taking another sip of her chamomile tea.

Renée almost chucked the makeup set to Anara because makeup was the last thing on her mind. She'd never really been a girly girl and wasn't planning on changing any time soon.

Anara began gushing and squealing once more as her eyes landed on the pretty colors and she rushed from Nana to Pa to thank them and then sat beside Mum as they discussed different techniques and everything else relating to makeup which Renée couldn't be bothered to take an interest in.

Renée returned to fumbling in the pile of presents to find her present and found two small rectangular boxes with one larger than the other with her name attached to it.

She opened the smaller one to reveal a chain of some sort. It looked like it had been used before because it had darkened in color. It was a rectangular charm with a cross engraved in it with a figure of Jesus hung on the cross with his head down, looking all forlorn and humble.

She looked at Nana in question who responded with,

"Your grandfather got that for you. It's a special symbol that he wore whilst fighting in the war and his father wore it too. It's protected them so he thought that you were the best person to receive his token," Nana said warmly.

Renée's eyes were drawn to Pa who was sat in his armchair but he didn't say a word and simply looked at her with that similar loving look in his eyes. She kissed the token and tied the clasp of the necklace and felt something stir within her as she looked at it. She'd never forget this and she promised herself that she'd never let it out of sight.

"But, shouldn't Dad have this?" She questioned.

"I offered it to your father a long time ago, just before he married your mother but he refused. I've always understood that we have different beliefs when it comes to God but he wasn't willing to accept my blessing." Pa says, "Besides, you deserve it. I wouldn't have it any other way." Pa admitted.

Renée felt tears well in the corner of her eye at his kind words and she hugged him to her tightly, silently thanking him for this honor.

"Well, open my present now would you?" Nana said in a playful tone.

Renée grinned at her and tore the wrapping paper easily to find a rather thick photo book and she finds a series of pictures from when Nana and Pa's wedding and then pictures taking her through her father's childhood until she flicked through to find baby pictures of her and Anara and she felt memories flooding her mind by the time she had reached the end.

"I love it. Thank you so much, Nana." She said embracing her in a tight hug.

For the remainder of the evening, they chattered and played games with each other. Anara was eventually able to convince Renée into doing her makeup even though she found it difficult to stay still for so long and she always got lipstick on her teeth from biting her lip too much which was a habit she was yet to grow out of.

Anara had applied some weird wand of powder to her skin and it made her sneeze and she received an earful from Anara because she still couldn't stay still and she was ruining her hard work. This was one of the main reasons Renée disliked makeup. It was always so fiddly and she always messed it up. Anara began to carefully apply the lipstick to her lips but her efforts were soon ruined when the front door banged loudly causing her to jump in surprise and leaving Amelia with lipstick smeared across her chin.

Mum got up from her seat to answer the front door. Everyone waited silently in anticipation for a while, wondering who could be at the door at this time but all they could hear were a few mumbles and murmurs coming from the corridor.

Suddenly, the voices got louder and there was shouting followed by a crash and Renée identified the voice to belong to her father.

Renée, Anara & Nana all jumped up from their seats whilst Pa's attention was now directed to all the commotion that was taking place.

Nana rushed over to Mum and Dad who were arguing with each other and she placed herself in between them.

" What are you doing here, Mark?" Nana confronted.

"Well, what a lovely welcome this is, Mother." He snarled, " I came to wish Father a Merry Christmas didn't I?" He justified, pushing her easily out of the way and making his way into the living room.

His tone seemed uninterested and Renée felt so confused as to why her father was speaking to Nana like that. Why did he hate them so?

It wasn't making any sense.

Renée watched as her mother broke down in the arms of her grandmother. Nana began whispering soothing words in her hair, reassuring her mother that she wasn't alone.

Renée decided to give them some privacy and moved into the living room where voices began raising. She was especially surprised to see that Pa was the one raising his voice. He wasn't the type to get angry easily; she would've expected that behavior from her father who had a short temper.

Pa eventually ran out of energy to reprimand his one and only son and melted into his armchair where he began sobbing slightly, turning his face away from his son.

Renée was finally able to look at her father properly in the eyes. As she stared at him, she realized that his hair was a mess and his eyes were rimmed red from crying and over-drinking. His eyes felt so cold as he stared at her like he was blaming her for what was going on. It felt like he was jealous that Pa couldn't show the same tenderness towards him that she received from him.

Couldn't he see that Pa loved him more than anyone else?

"Well, we've said our greetings now so I'm going to take my family home," Dad announced, getting up from the sofa and wiping his clothes down. He grabbed Anara's hand and reached for Renée's and was taken aback when she recoiled away from his touch.

As she looked into his eyes, she could see the fury in his eyes but for once, she didn't care.

She wasn't scared.

" Renée, we're going home." He said, "Now." He said tersely.

" No, Dad. I'm not moving until you realize that Pa loves you more all of us put together. All he wants is for you to have a good relationship like a proper father and son. Can't you see that you're hurting him and Nana? That you're hurting us?" She spits.

In a split second, she regrets her words when Pa's necklace was ripped from her neck and the beloved pendant dropped to the ground. Renée scrambled to the ground to pick it up and she could see that there was an obvious crack on it that had been caused by her father's jealousy.

"You even gave her that?" Dad raged in disbelief, pointing at his father accusingly.

Renée was shocked by his reaction. He looked like she had deliberately stolen something from him.

" Renée is more like my child than you ever were," Pa states truthfully.

The statement throws both Renée& her dad off.

Various emotions spread across his face and after a few moments, he simply scoffed at his father before roughly tugging Renée and pulling her out of the room while she protested and pleaded.

"Faye, get your ass out of there. " He demanded.

Mum stared at him incredulously and refused which only seemed to infuriate Dad even more.

"But it's Christmas for pity's sake! We haven't been here in ages and the moment you come along, we suddenly have to leave just because you want to? I won't have this Mar-"

" I won't say it again!" He roars, causing her to flinch away at the sound of his voice.

Mum apologizes quietly to Nana and rushes out of the house as if it was on fire before hopping in the car beside Dad who drove away quickly, clearly not wanting to spend another second around his parents.

The ride back home was quiet. No one had the guts to start a conversation, especially when Dad was in such a sour mood.

Renée felt that what had happened was partly her fault. Maybe if she hadn't tried to convince Dad to come then he wouldn't have reacted so horribly.

But she knew that all Pa wanted was one Christmas with his son. Just one.

She knew that she clearly didn't fully understand the conflict between her grandfather and father; maybe she never would.

But she knew that she couldn't keep doing this. The two men whom she loved the most were at war with each other.

She stared out of the window, tears slowly rolling down her face as she brought up Pa's precious pendant to her lips.

She clutched onto it as if to numb the pain she felt in her heart.