35. Chapter 35

Thank you all for your reviews on the last chapter! I'm so glad you liked it how I structured the conversation.

Happy reading!

Chapter 35,

For Erin, April 15th dragged. At work, she spent the morning keeping herself as busy as possible, trying to distract herself from the magnitude of the day. But even throughout the five school visits she squeezed in, her mind kept drifting to Jay and Maddie. She wondered what they were doing, how they were doing.

That morning, when Jay had reminded Maddie that it was Allie's birthday, she seemed to handle it much better than Jay. She went on with her normal morning routine, and then spent breakfast talking to Grace about show and tell, Grace having finally come to a decision on what she wanted to bring. When she finally went to put her shoes on and began preparing to leave, she turned to Jay and casually asked if they were going to pick up yellow flowers on the way to the cemetery.

Evidently, yellow was Allie's favorite color.

Jay had spent the morning trying to put on a good front for the girls, and for her, but she saw right through it. He seemed to be struggling, no doubt missing his best friend.

When Erin finished up at the last elementary school, she noted it was almost noon. She sighed out at the principal's office, and then walked slowly to her car, trying to enjoy the weather and planning to type out two quick text messages.

The first was directed to Jay. She began to type:

Erin: Hope you're doing okay after this morning. Try to enjoy lunch with your daughter and remember that you have two more girls at home that love you. I'm here if you want to talk. Xo

She backspaced the whole message, realizing it wasn't the right thing to send. She hadn't even said those things in person yet. She certainly shouldn't be sending it over a text message.

Further, even if she really did have the best intentions, she couldn't help but feel like that message was bringing attention to her, when the day was supposed to be about Allie, Jay, and Maddie.

She tried again, typing more slowly this time.

Erin: I hope you're enjoying your spaghetti and meatballs for lunch. Thinking of you, xo.

She backspaced again. That sounded like she was making light of the situation. Of course he wasn't enjoying the spaghetti and meatballs. He was probably struggling to even take a bite, his appetite completely lost in his grief.

God. She had never in her life overthought a text message this much. And she never overthought what she said to Jay. The words usually just flowed out her mouth, conversation coming so naturally to them. Even through the hard stuff, she always found the words.

Resigned, she sighed and typed out one last message. This one short, sweet, and to the point.

Erin: I love you

She closed her eyes and clicked send before she could stop herself again.

At this point she had reached her car, and she fished around her large leather purse for her car keys. When she couldn't find them right away, she could feel herself growing irrationally frustrated, anger bubbling inside her.

Calm down, she thought. She took a deep, calming breath trying to soothe herself. It's just one day. It will be over soon.

She found her keys, and unlocked the door to her car. The weather was balmy, the complete opposite of her current mood. She decided to roll down the windows and open the sunroof, hoping the light and sunshine might seep it's way into her mood.

After another calming breath, she sent out another message. This was one quick and easy, and was to directed to Rachel.

Erin: Done with my school visits for the morning, picking up lunch at Chopped. Lunch date in 30? Send me your order :)

Rachel responded right away with her order, and told her she would start on the coffee in twenty minutes, so it would be ready by the time Erin arrived back at the office.

She really was the best.

Erin knew she couldn't really talk about all of this with Rachel. Even if Rachel knew the whole logistical backstory from Jay's foster application and background investigation, it wasn't her place to reveal how he felt about all of it. It was too intimate, too private.

Plus, did she even know how he felt about it? She was just speculating, trying to assign meaning to every little move or expression.

Either way, she knew she shouldn't say anything. But she also knew that sitting in the sunny yellow break room eating lunch with her friend would substantially improve her mood. And it was serve to distract her, even it was only for a few minutes.

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Lunch with Rachel had successfully improved her frame of mind, and afterwards, with a new attitude, she quickly filed the reports from the five school visits earlier than day. When she completed the final task on her to-do list for the day, she checked her phone.

She had a response from Jay.

Jay: I love you more.

She couldn't help the smile that grew on her face at his response, and her mood lifted even more. It was what he would have responded on any other day, and it was exactly what she needed to hear.

Checking the time, she saw that it was barely 2 pm.

Maybe I should try to distract myself more often, she thought. She never finished her work this early.

She typed out a quick message to Sam, giving her the afternoon off and letting her know that she would pick up Grace at school today.

This would be the second time this week that Erin got off work early enough to pick the girls up from school. That never happened.

Maybe her day really was turning around.

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Fifteen minutes early for pickup, Erin stood in the hallway of the preschool, outside the closed classroom door. She was surprised by how many women were standing in a line outside the door, all chatting amongst themselves.

Maybe if you weren't always running late you would have met some of these women already, she thought looking around.

The group seemed split down the middle. Half of the women seemed to be stay at home moms of some sort, with only one or two moms dressed in professional clothing, clearly coming from work. Then the other half the women seemed like they were Sam's age, and Erin reasoned that they must be nannies.

She knew she should try to be social, but she wasn't really feeling it today. Instead, she lightly tossed her brown curls over her shoulder and out of her face, and then began staring down at her phone. She was scrolling through Facebook, smiling at one of Olivia's most recent posts, when she saw a woman approaching her out of the corner of her eye.

The woman had long, thin limbs; a yoga body, clad in a bright, form fitting yoga outfit. Her long, dirty blonde hair was pulled straight back in a long pony tail. She had tanned skin that couldn't actually be natural in Chicago in April, and her makeup was so perfectly done that there was no way she had actually come from the gym. She definitely fell firmly in the stay at home mom category.

"Hi," she said, her voice falsely cheerful. Erin couldn't help but think she would have fit in so well with the bitchy girls in the private girls school Hank sent her to for high school.

Be nice, she scolded herself. You don't even know this woman.

"Hi," Erin replied, trying to keep her voice friendly. She knew she was just being touchy after a long day.

"Are you Grace's mom?" She asked.

"Yeah," Erin answered without a moments hesitation. "I am."

"I've seen Jay Halstead here a couple of times picking her up when he gets Maddie." The way she purred Jay's name made Erin regret her previous thought. She did not feel like playing nice.

She took a sip from her water bottle to avoid the woman's gaze.

"He's a detective for the Chicago Police Department. And he is a fantastic father. But just so you know," She raised her eyebrows slightly and she leaned her body forward like she was preparing the reveal a secret. "He has a rule against dating moms from his daughter's class." Then she lowered her voice to a whisper when she added, "Not that I haven't tried."

Erin almost choked on her water.

She wasn't sure how to respond, but she certainly didn't owe this woman an explanation, so she just said, "Um... okay," And instead of drawing the word out to form a question, she said it quickly and dismissively, hoping the woman would leave her alone.

She didn't. "I'm just trying to help you, honey. Jay and I are friends, you know," she said, with a hint of edge to her voice. Erin hated when people called her honey. It was so fucking condescending. And it was even worse coming from this woman, this friend of Jay's. "And well, I just wanted to save you the embarrassment. He doesn't usually go for girls like you."

After the emotional roller coaster of a day she had already had, Erin wanted to smack this woman. Well, first smack her and then tell her that not only was she dating Jay Halstead and living with Jay Halstead, Jay Halstead was also in love with her.

Oh, and also, she got to see him naked. Ans they had unbelievable sex.

Lots and lots of sex.

But instead of being petty and stooping to this woman's level, she held her tongue. "Thanks for the warning," she said simply, before moving towards the classroom door.

Annie chose that exact moment to open the door. Thank God, Erin thought, as she immediately moved past her into the room.

That woman got off easy.

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Thirty minutes later, Erin pulled into the parking lot of the Chicago Zoo. She knew she couldn't keep Grace inside during this unseasonably gorgeous day, but she chose to avoid the park, knowing that if Grace ran into Maddie, she wouldn't want to leave. She hadn't stopped talking about Maddie the entire drive.

In the past few months, Erin and Jay did a lot to ensure the girls weren't too dependent on each other. And just like Jay's mom had done for him, he had wanted to make sure he was fostering their separate interests. While they took ice skating lessons together, they did other things separately. Maddie was signed up for ballet, while Grace participated in art lessons.

More than that just fostering their own interests outside of the home, they wanted to make sure they each had their own identity within their home. They took strides to ensure that Maddie didn't feel like she was getting lost in the new family, and similarly, they wanted Grace to feel welcome, important, and special on her own.

But, all of that being said, school was something they always did together and Maddie's absence hadn't gone unnoticed by Grace.

The zoo would be a good distraction.

"Wake up, sleepy girl," Erin called to the backseat, as she turned off the car. Grace had dozed off in the last five minutes of the drive. "We're here!"

Grace's eyes opened immediately, and a smile graced her lips. "YAY!" She cried.

"Ready to see some elephants?"

Graced laughed easily as she unbuckled the top of her seat belt. "There are other animals too, mommy." Grace had been getting better at buckling herself in and out, but still struggled with the bottom snap.

Erin unbuckled the bottom buckle and then, trying to give her little girl some independence, waited patiently for Grace to step out of the seat herself. She was becoming so grown up. "I know that, silly," Erin replied as she lifted Grace from the car to the ground, because at least that she still couldn't do herself. "But the elephants are your favorite!" Erin said.

"I'm ready to see the monkeys, too." Grace said, because she knew the monkeys were her mommy's favorite.

Then she slipped her hand into her Erin's, and they began walking towards the members gate, ready to spend the day with the animals.

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An hour and a half later, they had already seen two monkey displays, the elephant area, the indoor penguin display, and the entire 'lion's, and tigers, and bears' section of the zoo. "Ready to go home, bug?" Grace was completely worn out from the walking, and was now in Erin's arm, her head resting on Erin's shoulder.

"Mhmmm," Grace nodded into Erin's shoulder, and Erin was pretty sure she was falling asleep again.

During the walk to the car, Erin felt her phone buzzing in her back pocket and she struggled to reach it with Grace's legs wrapped around her waist. She looked down, and a smile spread on her face when she saw a photo of her and Jay light up her screen.

"Hi, baby," she said quietly into the phone, not wanting to wake a now lightly snoring Grace.

"Hi, Er," he said, his voice was warm and calm through the phone and she could hear the smile that was on his lips. She couldn't help but feel a little torn by the obvious change in his tone. She was pleased that his mood had clearly improved on this difficult day, but she couldn't help feeling a little disappointed that she hadn't been the one responsible for it, even though she had tried last night and this morning. "Why are you whispering?" he asked.

She decided to shake off her disappointment and just be happy her man was happy. "Grace is asleep on my shoulder," she whispered. "I took her to the zoo. It seriously wore her out. I'm just getting to the parking lot now," she said, as she ascended the two flights of stairs to the third floor of the parking garage, her workout for the day.

"Man," he said. "I'm sorry I missed that." That had Erin smiling, because she knew he genuinely was. That bitchy woman at Grace's school was right. Jay really was a fantastic father.

"How's your day going?" She asked. As happy as she was to hear from him, she was curious to find out the actual reason behind his call.

"Um, it's been..." he took a deep breath, as if he was thinking about how to response. "It's been okay, actually." Even through the phone she could picture the way he must be raising his eyebrows and gently nodding his head, his voice full of surprise at the revelation. "I'm actually calling to tell you and Grace to meet us for dinner," he said.

But aren't you having dinner with the Corson's? Erin thought, and she almost said it, but then she stopped herself. "Oh?" She said, instead, letting him lead the conversation. She was seriously exhibiting a ton of self control today.

"Yeah," he said. "We're going to barbecue at the Corson's." Without any further explanation, he just added, "I'll text you the address. Just come straight from the zoo, we're already on our way." It was only then that she realized he had been using the bluetooth speaker phone during the call. She usually noticed right away when he was calling from the car, the fuzzy background noise always making his voice sound distant. But today, she had been so focused on the sound of his voice, she hadn't even noticed, unable to pay attention to anything else.

"Okay," she said tentatively, waiting for him to say more. Waiting to him to fill her in on what changed his mind. Or at least to prepare her for what she was going to walk into at dinner.

But he didn't. He didn't tell her anything. He didn't indicate whether they knew about their living situation, if they knew that their granddaughter called her mommy, or for that matter, if they even knew about her at all.

Instead he simply said, "Let me hang up so the address goes through. Bye, baby. I love you, see you soon."

And then, he was gone.

xoxo

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Stay tuned for the family dinner... :) :)