Nine

Zazriel went into town the next day, spending some time with Jasmine and Gatrie. She hadn't had much time with either of them since they switched packs. They decided to eat lunch at a small restaurant owned by a couple just like them. As they sat around an outdoor table, Jasmine looked at Zazriel and said, "You seem to be doing well so far."

Zazriel shrugged. "I am fine."

Gatrie scoffed. "Z, you look better than ever! Any time I see you, you're relaxed and happy."

"I'm still working out the kinks," she said softly.

"Is he treating you right?" Jasmine asked.

"Mourgent is being nice," she said vaguely. "I think he could be less protective, but we're working on everything."

"But you're better than when you were alone," her guard said. "You don't look as stressed."

"I am only better because I'm bored." Zazriel lied, because she wasn't bored. She was actually busy, striving when she was with Mourgent's pack members. She was doing great.

A waitress came with their food and left. Jasmine leaned forward and gave Zazriel a small smile. "Whatever the reason, I'm happy for you."

Gatrie nodded his agreement. "Yeah, Z! You deserve to have a mate and be happy!"

"Thank you, boys!" She smiled and they ate their food with relatively less serious conversation.

When Zazriel returned to Mourgent's house, her eyes met five additional pairs. They were all the captains of patrol. Mourgent was pacing back and forth in his living room, looking frustrated. She slowed and looked about. "What's wrong?"

Eva scowled. "Nothing you are needed for!"

"Eva!" Zelda scolded.

Mourgent spun to see Zazriel and his eyes were anxious. Zazriel instantly felt dread. "What is wrong?"

Orion cursed several colorful words. Carlotta and Ansel looked worried. Zelda was devastated. But Mourgent looked much worse.

In a very raspy voice, he said, "Two of your pack mates have been found dead. First was Dario. Then it was Jecht."

Zazriel furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?" She shook her head. "How? Where? Can I see them?"

Mourgent nodded. Give me five minutes, Z. We will go see them after I wrap this up."

Zazriel nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. She wheeled into the kitchen and found water, unlabeled to eat a thing. Her pack mates were dead. Neither she knew closely, but she still cared for them. She still had been their alpha. Jecht was just a juvenile. He was stubborn and had issues, but he was a good kid. Dario was a strong male who were one of the of the few who was supportive of her being alpha. They didn't deserve to die.

She wheeled back into the living room and halted. Her eyes went wide with shock and betrayal.

"Eva!" Zelda cried.

Eva pulled away from Mourgent, pulled her mouth away from his, her body, her hands. She glared at Zelda. "What? It's not like he is claimed!"

"He has a mate!"

"Who hasn't claimed him!"

Zazriel didn't want or need to hear anymore. She slipped back into the kitchen and out to the backyard. Whistling, she called for Nyx. The falcon flew from the trees and swooped down to land on Zazriel's arm. "Hideine."

Squawking, Nyx flapped and flew off. With no regard to her clothes, Zazriel shifted into her wolf and hopped after her friend.

Her heart felt like it was breaking. It felt like she was stabbed, then had the knife twisted, making the wound worse. Her vision was blurry. Her legs unsteady, but she continued on, following Nyx with the need to be alone.

Mourgent was close to ripping Eva apart. He was ready to skin her alive, chop her limbs off, then gut her. Instead, he threw her as well as all the other captains out of his house. He took deep breaths and calmed himself before going to the bedroom where Zazriel stayed.

But when he walked into the room, she wasn't there. She wasn't in the attached bathroom either. Not worried yet, he went to the kitchen and saw the wheelchair outside. Sighing, he went out and sat down in a chair, willing to wait. She needed time. Her pack mates just died. She was a caring alpha and would find the loss hard. He would allow her some time to recover from the shock. He would let her come to him. He would not hover over her no matter how much he needed her to let him in.

It was midnight when he finally got frustrated. He had anyone out on patrol to keep an eye out for Zazriel, ordering to be told when or if she was seen. He didn't think she went far, but there was no telling. He had to trust her.

Zazriel didn't appear the next morning. She didn't show up at all in the afternoon. When it was time for dinner, Mourgent was both worried and angry. He shifted into his wolf and began to track her. However, that failed as Zazriel had managed to hide her scent, not wanting to be found. He howled, wanting her back. Wanting her in his arms so he could help.

Zazriel was gone two more days before finally appearing near the training yard. It was Orion who alerted Mourgent. The alpha bolted from the office to get to her.

Zazriel nudged Gatrie's leg, needing to talk to him. He knelt and held her face in his hands. "Z, everyone is worried about you! Where have you been?"

She looked away. And saw Mourgent. Her heart broke again. But she didn't run. She didn't flinch when he skidded to a halt in front of her and pulled her into his arms. She didn't let any pain show when he asked her to walk home with him so they could talk. She decided she would play nice, but wouldn't allow herself to get close again.

At his house, Mourgent allowed her to go to her room to dress then waited for her in the living room. She wheeled out with an emotionless face. Her eyes stayed forward. Her mouth stayed in a straight line. Her body stayed stiff in her chair. She had cut herself off from feeling anything. For anyone.

"Z, where did you go?" Mourgent asked, voice shaking.

"I needed to be alone. I don't take death lightly."

Mourgent sat on a couch and leaned towards her. "Why didn't you wait for me so we could go see them?"

Zazriel looked down, feeling her eyes burn with the memory of seeing him kiss Eva. She had trusted Mourgent. She had given him her open heart, something no one had. Not even her father. She had given him her pack. She had given him herself when she could have closed herself off and ignored him. She could have walked away.

"Zazriel."

"As I said. I needed to be alone."

"For three days?"

She shrugged. "I need to go. I have something planned with Carlotta."

"Zazriel, what happened to letting me in?"

She looked up at him, seeing what looked like genuine concern. But she knew it was a lie. "Mourgent, I have let you in. But maybe I need to stop sharing."

"Why?"

She put her hands on her wheels. "So that boundaries aren't crossed."

With that, she wheeled out the door. Mourgent didn't stop her. He was confused. He was hurt. But most of all, he was worried. "Carlotta, keep a close eye on Zazriel. She isn't doing so good," he said through the pack bond.

"What do you mean?"

"Aren't you spending the day with her?"

"No?" she said, confused.

"She just said she has plans with you!" he growled.

"Alpha, I-" She cut off, seeming distracted for a moment. Then, "Never mind. I'll watch her."

Mourgent sighed in relief. He decided to go find out what he could about the killer and let Zazriel do her own thing with whoever she wanted.

For now…

Zazriel sat against a tree with Carlotta and picked at the grass, pulling up the stalks and ripping them into tiny pieces. Carlotta, she knew, was wondering why she had come, but Zazriel didn't know herself. She just knew she had to get away from Mourgent but stay within the pack borders. She still had three weeks. Until that time, she could be civil. She would be civil.

"Zazriel, are you okay?"

Zazriel shrugged. "Define okay."

Carlotta shrugged and sighed. "Is this about your pack mates?"

Again, Zazriel shrugged. She liked the patrol captain and didn't want to split her loyalties, nor anyone else's loyalties. Therefore, she wouldn't say what was truly wrong. "It's just hard."

"Do you mind if I speak freely?"

Zazriel nodded. "Sure."

"I have found that talking helps. If you don't want to do it with Mourgent, then you can always come to me or Zelda. If not us, then one of your other pack mates. But don't carry the guilt around."

"How do you know I have guilt?"

The other female gave Zazriel a sympathetic smile. "A few years ago, there was an attack. The wolf got in through my sector, sneaking past somehow without my knowing. Five of my pack mates died." Zazriel swallowed. "I know what guilt looks and feels like, Zazriel. Their death isn't your fault."

Zazriel gave Carlotta a smile. "You are much stronger than me, you know?"

"We all have our strengths."

Zazriel nodded. "Do you have access to the bodies?"

Ten minutes later, Carlotta and Zazriel entered where the dead were examined before being burned on a pyre. Matilda showed them to the room, saying to wear gloves and aprons, then left them to it. They put on the equipment and went up to one table, uncovering the body of Jecht. Zazriel instantly felt ashamed. He wasn't just ripped to shreds, but gutted too. His stomach was an empty husk. His eyes were gone. His skull, cracked open like an egg. There was nothing much she recognized of the male she led, of whom she protected.

Carlotta pushed aside a flap of skin and squinted, leaning down to get a better look. "Zazriel, your name is carved into the bones!"

Zazriel hurriedly wheeled to the trash and vomited. Then she began to cry.

Carlotta didn't know what to do. She hadn't gotten close to Zazriel like Zelda had, but she also wasn't the comforting type. Sure, she gave advice. But hugs? Nope! "Do you want me to get Mourgent?"

"No!" she answered vehemently. Carlotta was shocked. She had never heard the female say anything with such harshness. Not had she believed her alpha had argued with her. What was wrong?

Matilda appeared, saving Carlotta from doing anything awkward. She gave the healer a grateful nod and left. Outside, she breathed in fresh air and closed her eyes. "Alpha, I am leaving Zazriel with Matilda."

"Is she hurt?" His voice was full of worry.

"No, but she asked to see the bodies and broke down. Matilda is taking care of her."

"I'm coming!"

"No!" Carlotta cringed, but she would respect Zazriel's wishes to be left alone. "Leave her be, Mourgent. Right now, she needs a female's comfort, not a male's."

"But-"

"I know," she said, beginning to walk to her own house. "But she isn't like the rest of us. You know that."

Zazriel must have fallen asleep because she opened her eyes to a soft glow coming from a candle and herself in a bed. Immediately, she knew she wasn't at Mourgent's house. The bed was too small and uncomfortable. Not to mention, it had bed railings with emergency call buttons.

A knock on the door made her sit up. It was the healer. "I brought you some food and hot chocolate."

Zazriel looked away and put the window. It was night. "I'm not hungry."

"Honey, you cried on my shoulder for over an hour. I know you haven't ate anything since you returned from hiding. And Carlotta won't stop badgering me about your health." She paused. "Nor Will Mourgent."

She couldn't stop herself. "I'm sure it's a show he's putting on for my pack! He really wants that miserable she wolf."

The healer blinked. "I'm sorry. I don't understand. What do you mean?"

Zazriel shook her head. "Can I stay here? For a while?"

The healer nodded absently. "Of course. As long as you like. I don't mind. Just call me Matilda."

Zazriel finally looked at her. "Thank you."

Matilda nodded and left, confusion warring with anger, though she didn't know why.