My Cat

His name was Nikolai Novikov. But only Shen Shu and his best friend Alek call him Niko. Shen Shu, Alek, and his adoptive parents are the only people who know about his past. To the rest of this city, he was Shen Chi.

Niko left Russia when he was ten years old and moved to a country he'd never been to before. He didn't know the language, the people, or the area. He was frightened but no more frightened than the hell he escaped from.

Mr. Shen took him to meet his family, where he saw his daughter for the first time.

When Niko first met Shen Shu, he'd never in my life seen anyone more beautiful than her. He took in her dark hair, her cat-like eyes, and her smile, and he swore he was in heaven. When he first saw her, the first thing that came to mind was moya koshka—my Cat.

He said it aloud. Shen Shu looked at him confused, and he did not know how to translate the word, so he said "Cat" in English. He saw her face brighten, and he was happy she understood what he said.

During their first dinner together, Niko dug through his meal with his bare hands. He never tasted anything this good in a long time, not since his mother, and he was impatient to eat. His mouth and hands were dirty, and he realized that he must have looked like a barbarian in front of Shen Shu. Embarrassment flashed through him, but then he watched as Shen Shu smiled at him and started eating with her hands, too.

His eyes widened, and a flush crept on his face.

Since then, Niko had been fixated on whatever Shen Shu did. Shen Shu had been there for him during his nightmares, calming him down, soothing and nursing his constant fevers. Mrs. Shen and Mrs. Tang had many attempts to take care of him, but Shen Shu also said she wanted to do it.

Shen Shu taught him how to read and speak in Mandarin. She learned Russian for him. She had been his constant companion, and during many nights, they were tangled together in their sleep. He once heard Mrs. Shen say, "Look at them. They are so cute. I think they'd make a fine brother and sister, don't you think?"

"You think we should keep the boy?" Mr. Shen responds.

Mrs. Shen nods. "Of course. He's like a son to me now, and our daughter would not bear to be without him."

Niko heard them walk away as he faced Shen Shu in the dark. He was going to be part of the family! He should have been delighted, but he did not know what that meant for Shen Shu and him, but as long as he got to be with Shen Shu, he'd have her in any way he could get.

When Mr. and Mrs. Shen announced they would adopt him during their special dinner, he smiled. He looked at Shen Shu, who appeared shocked, but her lips curved upward, and she said, "I'm so happy! I've always wanted a brother."

Since then, Niko vowed to be her big brother, protector, and hero.

But when Shen Shu turned thirteen, it became unbearable. She grew taller and fuller, and Niko couldn't help but stare at her lengthy hair, her smooth legs, her plush mouth.

He realized what these thoughts meant. To stop them, he distracted himself with schoolwork and hobbies. He joined the martial arts club, and Shen Shu joined the girls club.

Shen Shu followed in his footsteps, which made it harder for him. She worked hard and was good at everything. Every boy in their school wanted her, even him, but Niko could not have her.

So he started to ignore her, speak to her less.

It was easier for him, better for her.

If Niko ever crossed a line—they could never go back.

Everyone though they were not blood-related. They could never come forward with the truth.

Shen Shu deserved someone who'd love her freely and openly and not secretly in the dark.

She deserved better than him. Niko was a boy that came from nothing, and he did not want to be the one to break their family when they've given him everything.

He wouldn't cross the line. He wouldn't do that to Shen Shu or his parents. But he could preserve their relationship.

And Niko believes Shen Shu would not see him that way, anyway.

She sees him as the big brother she looks up to, so he will keep it that way for her.

But when Niko found out that he had to share the same apartment with Shen Shu, he felt like the universe was fucking with him and laughing.

When he was a child, he had a terrible hand, and then he was saved. Niko was given a proper family. He had a bed. School. Everything I wanted. Except for the girl he liked.

Niko loved Shen Shu, but he couldn't love her romantically.

So he bottled all those feelings and illicit thoughts he started to have, and he told himself he could do it. Niko could be a big brother to her—the brother she wanted.

…

It's been a week with Shen Shu in the same apartment, and all the control Niko fought hard for had begun to crumble.

Every day she tried to speak to him. She made him meals and made sure he went home with her. He remembered the other day when he found her in his bed. He thought he had been hallucinating until he brushed her cheek, she stirred. His eyes widened as he realized it was real. What is she doing here?

Niko couldn't sleep that night. He didn't. He threw himself in his work and distracted his mind. Each day became harder. Shen Shu was sociable and wild, and he knew she liked to go out, but he could not help but worry about her. But he'd never stop her from living her life.

She always wore something that looked best in her figure, and Niko couldn't help but stare.

Sometimes he'd catch her looking at him differently. In a way, she looked hungry, the same way he looked at her.

But Niko thinks it's all in his head.

And he thinks the world is cruel.