You big drunk!

Closing my eyes I settled into the seat, Natasha was getting yelled at in her ear piece about stark hacking the files so she will have to deduce what he's gleamed from their systems. I say systems because he lacks the personal skills to get that info from an agent. Loki began jostling in his seat so I began sensing my surroundings in my big boi form. Oh? Divine energy pumping around the area and it's lightning flavoured but not the type I'm used to.

Tony noticed Loki so removed the bag "scared of a little thunder?" He glared at me but I was playing galaga on my phone like a real avenger. "I'm not overly fond of what follows" which followed a cinematically timed *krakoom* followed by a thump. "Oh shit Santa's on the roof" I said making Natasha look at me again judging whether I'm kidding or not. It has been a strange day for her so I couldn't blame her.

Stark and steve were arguing until Thor popped into the room and hit the other two before taking a free fall with Loki. "Look romanoff they don't have parachutes~" I said before the billionaire thought it would be fun to fight a god.

Cap was putting on his parechute so black widow warned him "you know cap these guys are gods" "there's only one god mam" "and she's a weeb from what I can tell~" then the plane rocked after I said that which somehow through me out of the plane. Ok don't insult the goddess but to be fair in my last life I would have killed for an otaku girl friend.

I sniffed as I was falling so angled myself to fall in that direction. I 'missed' the target and hit Ironman so he was plastered into the forest. Thor stopped and looked intrigued at my entrance. "Stop in the name of the law!" He froze before replying "hold fast midgardian I'm capturing loki on the orders of the all father." "I only take orders from my woman and customers. You ain't paying so you ain't getting. Now put the hammer down and tone down the sparks".

His eyebrow twitched at the mention of sparks, he began swinging his hammer in a spin generating electricity. "Sparks? I'll show you sparks" and then fired a lighting bolt at me. It's time to show off my birthday present~ I popped my claws and aimed at the thunderbolt which made my claws glow thanks to some nifty runes carved onto them. Thor went slack jawed as his thunder was absorbed into my claws and watched as my stripes under the armour and my claws glowed blue. I let out a tiger roar before jumping and delivering a hammer slam into him pushing the enhanced shockwaves into him.

With a boom a crater formed, Thor stood up with his shoulders shaking from the pain. He looked at me in fear "how can you absorb a gods energy?!?" Loki was also watching wide eyed from atop the hill. "Let me tell you something you alcoholic Himbo! your not the only "god" around so I have a bit of experience "wrestling" your kind."

He then got confused at the name I called him "what is a himbo?" "It means god in the current language." Thor then puffed his chest "then I am a mighty himbo! Prepare yourself orange lion to face my mighty hammer!"

"That the hammer that made you dress up as a woman and attend a wedding as a bride to get?" He stumbled and looked at me in shock "how do you know that?!?! Loki!!!!" Loki began shivering as he recalled the threat thor had left during that adventure should he reveal his actions to anyone. "Shut it! Calm down and let's go speak with the leaders. Coulson wants to speak with you, the man in the suit will buy you beer. He can afford an oceans worth for you like the giants."

Thor then became happy "son of Cole? Ah you also know the tale of my drinking endeavours. Very well brave cat lets us go" and then we walked towards Loki like nothing happened. Iron man lay there in the mud contemplating how he was beat by a transsexual himbo god.

Captain America and Widow landed the jet so we boarded. "Cap and widow this is Thor odinson and he's here to apprehend the prisoner. However Thor Loki stole some of their technology and bewitched their people so they wish to learn of their location before he's taken back to Asgard." Thor then pondered "this is a reasonable request, my cat friend tells me you work with son of Cole?" Natasha was just processing "yes we work together in shield. He said he'd missed your company." Thor then laughed and boarded the jet, I bagged Loki so we took to the air quickly.

Stark was still impaled in the forest floor but he probably has an app for that. The ride back was much more entertaining when cap began conversing with Thor. "So Thor is it true that your a god?" He proudly replied "yes I'm a proud Himbo captain Rodgers" "a himbo?" So I chimed in "its slang for god or deity nowadays" so he nodded in understanding before asking more questions about Thor's background. They then began telling war stories while widow stared at me blankly "why must you corrupt them" so I adorned a Cheshire grin "in flight entertainment~. Hey Thor want to take a selfie~".

"What is this selfie Nathan" so I took quite a few photos with the two aryans. Widow just mumbled "he's a monster" as she turned back to continue piloting. I could tell she was still listening so I decided to lay it on "hey boys wanna know a cool alien technique that improves throwing power and efficiency?" The two snapped towards me instantly. They are both warriors so they would appreciate a method of improving.

Natasha just looked back and narrowed her eyes at me trying to understand what I'm about to say. "Whenever you throw your weapon scream the word YahYeet! Or Yeet! Those words strain the vocal chords which tighten the muscles mid throw resulting in a more powerful and accurate shot" they both then begin discussing how far medical science has evolved.

I went back to my seat and Natasha said "I'm going to arrest you for crimes against humanity" "you can't~ I'm not a human hahahaha" which made her grumble something about PETA and animal rights which only made my flight more enjoyable. Loki was not having a good time in his seat as he we pondering over how thor swore to castrate him and let his two goats have his way with him. The horse was bad enough last time.

Back in the German forest stark finally pulled himself out and received a message from Jarvis "sir it would appear that Mr apothos is correct in his assessment of your colognes ingredients. Also mrs Potts has been trying contact you". And then right on cue the call connected to pepper Potts "Tony what's this I hear about the perfume you bought me for my birthday being mostly deer urine". Tony is deeply regretting his music choices today.